The age of the oldest living man, Chitetsu Watanabe, who just died in Japan. He said the secret to living a long life was “not to get angry and keep a smile on your face.”
At one point in my life, if I had a smile on my face I was probably mocking someone. I am nicer now, after I committed to using my powers for the force of good. I was worried God would punish me for misunderstanding my gift with words by taking away my ability to speak, professionally known as speech aphasia. However I do still get angry, and easily. I promised you, Valued Readers to offer nothing less than cringing, even unflattering honesty. Without my snarky humor I struggle with what to do with my anger. My pastor was right when she said anger cannot be managed but must be extricated. I want to keep telling you my stories til I’m so old people remark about my age and I’m cool with it. After all, I’m unique bc while many have lived off track lives hardly anyone has the point of view of the lifelong pariah+elite+educated+willing to share the story.
Remember how I cautioned women to avoud yelling and lengthy diatribes? Here are alternatives to traditional arguing. I call it The Porn Partnership. If you can’t beat ’em you really will have to join ’em. Is he going to stop watching? I have yet to meet a man who wants to give up pornography. Not even the guy told me:
She’s totally hot. She’s right there. I want to do her, but I can’t get off of the video
Former client explaining how watching porn made him feel conflicted
Strategies for forming a porn partnership. For the woman who loves a man who loves porn
Watch with him and watch the way he watches. Comment on what he remarks about, find videos in his favorite porn genre. Generally emulate him.
Take it seriously. My friend told me I had ruined many movies for him by pointing out the absurdity of the storyline, the poor lighting, or how a position was obviously fake given the angles of the bodies. Don’t be a critic unless he enjoys critiques. Suspend disbelief.
Initiate. Find porn that you like and introduce something new to the situation.
Reenact the plots. Get creative. Don the heels and other costumes. Reenact the scenes without the video. Or do the scenes side by side with the video. See who can finish first.
Make your own porn. Note: make masks a part of the storyline. (Neverbeidentifiable in a video unless you’re cool with the world seeing it. Devices get hacked. People get angry and post things they shouldn’t. Anything can happen, no matter how much secure privacy you believe you have.)
Two women with one guy has always been two women servicing the guy. Makes sense if he is paying. Rarely, it’s been too guys. I’ve asked around about this to supplement my experience. If the guys are paying it’s still about servicing them. According to my former friend, all men are gay or will engage in gay sex but absolutely keep that activity hidden from women. Never in a threesome with just one woman do the guys appear to interact with each other, although you might find out later they were secretly watching each other. The woman has to service them and that’s when make rivalry emerged. Inevitably one guy is irritated bc he thinks he was underserved.
Threesomes with two guys always have this topic
You guessed it–penis size. This preoccupation is male. Another form of competition. The smaller guy always says something about his superior skill or the fact (truly) that women often do not like large guys.
I haven’t gotten any complaints from women
Real life example of defensive statement by the guy with the smaller penis in a two guy one woman threesome.
Women trying to control men’s desire for new women by keeping his activities under her watch. Or, if there’s watching, the guys are watching each other while pretending not to, or they’re competing for her attention.
China has a lot of control over the world. Way more than ordinary people like me know. In a nutshell, the entire global economy will be affected by losing access to raw materials from China. Somehow I am reminded of how profoundly a drug epidemic affects the world. We addicts take power out of our own hands and our lack of participation in the work force means, for one thing, we have no political power. Laws are made about us, things happen to us, and we don’t even know it until we stumble into the consequences. Then once we are people with records, society has a system of further divesting us of power by banning our participation in jobs, housing programs, boting–it varies by state. But in every state people are permitted to condemn us bc we deserve it.
The Terminator Movies Had it Right
It is true that the death of a woman can change the future of the world if she never have the chance to give birth to the leader of the revolution. The ripple effect of each person’s decisions can be huge, and when people unconnected to each other act as if they are guided by the most effective conspiracy leader, like all of the people on heroin now, there’s no telling what’s happening, only that something is. I always feel so isolated, not having any family and very few friends, but now I wonder, are my actions meaningful outside of my life? I only wish I knew how. Kind of a random post. Thanks for reading.
Working girls have relationships that started as transactions. Things change. Frequent prolonged encounters cause relationships to evolve, strengthen. I’ve said that all working girls end up with at least one real friend out of her tricks. And the affection is usually mutual though seldom matching in strength–one always cares more, but that’s a different article. That’s one of my often repeated truisms. Here’s another truism that I will say again because it’s a valuable lesson:
Alltime spent with another person is quality time. What makes time “quality” is not the amazingly special activity but the fact if being with the other person (and not distracted by your phone, for example).
Caroleena’s realization after contemplating a lifetime of memories
I could Google my ideas, get some facts as the internet presents them, but I want to give you my memories bc this blog is what I’ve learned through my unique experience and you can only get that from my writing. Anyway, as I recall, the term “quality time” entered the country’s general usage when parents started spending time away from their kids. Women wanted out if the homemaker role and into the workforce. Lucky they did, bc divorce wasn’t such a taboo in the 1980’s and 1999’s and many men discovered other women, younger women, second families with new babies. Teenage kids were more on their own and parents felt guilty. I wonder if this sociological fact influenced the opioid epidemic, but I digress.
Don’t Worry! The important thing about time isn’t quantity, it’s quality!
That’s what was said in talk shows, in magazines, what we now call traditional as opposed to “social” media. People busy doing stuff they preferred to spending time with their adolescents were told to make every other weekend visitation as decreed in the divorce settlement special and it’s just as good as constant contact. Women who had to put their 6 week old newborn in daycare bc they had no choice since ain’t nothing going on but the rent felt tremendous pressure to “have it all.” Yes, you can have it all, you just can’t spend a lot of time with every component of the “it.” Well, that’s ok, figure out amazing binding activities and day Care is no biggie.
They were wrong and either knowingly lied or just misspoke
It doesn’t matter if the purpose was to deceive or inform. The fact remains that the info was bogus. Of course awesome activities are awesome but more so bc undivided attention is awesome rather than, say, skydiving. Think back in your good memories and you’ll be amazed at how humdrum the activities are in your mind movie if The Best Times.
⬆️ Amount of time➡️ ⬆️ Quality of Time
Caroleena, the Expert Escort
That’s why there are rules forbidding relationships that seem impossible. What guard wants to get with an inmate? Or a teacher with a student? Or a trick with a hooker? Well there’s no official rule against the last example but it’s generally understood as a rule within the secret sex subculture. Time spent together is what creates those unlikely bonds. Anyone you spend prolongedperiods of time with could become a love interest. And here’s a thought! Maybe sexual preference isn’t about gay, straight or anything within us, but is all a function of who we are around.
The closest most Hawaii residents will get to becoming landowners is possession of the plot where we’re buried. If you purchase in advance is it possible to repurpose that bit of ground? I wonder if anyone has ever done that, bought a plot and then tried to erect, I don’t know, maybe a taco stand. Maybe there are zoning restrictions that limit its use to burial. Honolulu is so prohibitively pricey (half million dollars might allow you to purchase a modest studio apartment, no front/back yard), it takes thinking like this to make a go of it as a landowner on Oahu. Forget out of the box ideas and embrace off the wall creativity.
Unequal Wealth Distribution
It’s funny, I’ve lived in some of the world’s most exclusive places. Not only here but the Upper West Side of Manhattan, The Village, also in Manhattan. College, now that was elite. I’ve never been an owner, but I’ve never been shut out. I’ve been able to experience a bit, so that I can see and know how the other half (or should more accurately say top quarter of a million households that possess most of the wealth in the U.S.). So frustrating. I found a site, inequality.org, that said Ted Turner, #3 top landowners, in world or U.S. I don’t recall, by himself, owns more land than the entire black population of this country. Wow. And we are like 13% of the whole population.
Maybe if success, as defined by wealth acquisition, were more possible it’s be more tempting for the have nots to forgo bad habits. Give up illegal activities so you can work a low paying job and throw away the bulk of your income on rent–but you’ll feel really noble. Ok, I could lunch up the sales pitch but I’d have to not rely overly much in the truth to make sobriety in inequality truly tempting.
I don’t often learn something new and that’s why I want to share this lesson with you, my dear Readers. When it comes to making positive life changes, rely on the changes you make to your environment to last, rather than your behavior.. Makes sense but I never thought about that. I’ve got a few more for you so stay tuned!
An enthusiastic 3some participate and long time faithful blog fan corrected an assumption I was unaware I had made. You see, I thought threesomes only worked if everyone was engaged with everyone else, simultaneously. It never crossed my mind that taking turns is a perfectly legit strategy to utilize for a satisfying experience.
I guess I identify taking turns with having to wait against my will . My truest self wants what she wants right away, without delay
Taking turns does not have toesn idly or impatiently sitting around. That’s my own bias against having to share my time. I stead, taking turns means being alternately engaged. After all, who is going to hold the camera? Better to have a photographer who is a part of the action because it’s uncomfortable to have an outsider on the scene, an outsider whose curiosity and judgement can have a stultifying effect on the participants.
Threesomes are supposed to be fun. That’s how porn and XXX portray group sex. But I have never been a fan of threesomes, even when I did them regularly with “the threesome couple.” I find threesomes trick because I feel awkward and uncomfortable, which is normal for me in any group setting!. It seems like someone is always waiting for his or her turn. The person who is waiting tries not to look that way but it’s clear that threesomes are about taking turns, unless you’re well coordinated enough for two people to smoothly and simultaneously handle different parts of one person.
I think the issue is anatomical. We are only able to face one person at a time and that’s where true intimacy can be found–looking into each other’s eyes. Maybe that’s why people don’t kiss when they’re having sex with strangers, because out of everything you can do with another person, there’s nothing more intimate than being up close and personal, face to face. There’s really no way to do this effectively in a threesome
Hi I’m Caroleena, the ivy league educated former Honolulu, addiction driven, street sex worker. I went to prison for a “crime” the state of Hawaii is now willing to expunge post conviction, just to give you an idea about what $3 of an opiate in my possession motivated the state to do and undo. People with my education rarely experience incarceration unless they are quite seriously mentally ill. My schooling and experiences have uniquely prepared me to tell the world what I know if the drug world and its branches. Like prison. If you want to find a group of victims who never had a fair chance to even see someone else get a fair chance, you can stop by the Women’s Community Correctional Center on Oahu, just outside of downtown Honolulu. I made it a point to interview every newcomer to see what could be learned from her arrest. In Hawaii, meth or “ice” is still the epidemic. Maybe bc it can be processed locally and we needn’t pay high prices for mainland items like heroin. Ice brings property crime and fraud. You wouldn’t believe how often the boyfriend sends his girlfriend into the bank with a stolen check, for example, after explaining he is needed behind the wheel of the running car. First timers didn’t know that I’d you go into an establishment with some fraudulent something, and there’s a delay due to unrelated circumstances, the staff is lying while they stall you for the cops who are en route. The boyfriend sees the cops pull in before she does and no woman, while being led away in cuffs ever saw the guy still in the parking lot. That guy won’t visit or put money “on her books” or in her inmate commissary account. Most women receive no visitors, and of the ones who get visitors, significant others are the exception not the rule. Bus loads of women visit me every weekend all over the mainland and, I’m told, at the men’s prison on Oahu. One guy could carry the men going to see their women in an institution that holds 300. Now that I think of it, there were more visitors who started out as clients paying for sexual favors who later became friends and support than there were traditional husbands and boyfriend’s. Not that there were a huge group of former tricks. If the kids are going to see Mom in prison, it’s the grandmother who will bring them because if we further divide the visiting men into subgroups, the tiniest group is men who are in a current relationship with the woman who are also willing to provide childcare and transportation. By the way, a similar phenomenon occurs when one spouse gets terminally ill. Women care for their husbands. Men are likely to get out of there.
These posts are the snapshots of experience lived by Caroleena, addicted street sex worker in Honolulu, circa 2000, and Harvard grad, magna cum laude. Now that’s a unique amalgamation of characteristics that produce an author capable of surprising, amusing, titillating, horrifying. Don’t miss this blog but click on provided link!
Get a Date, Get Paid, Get Dope, Find a Safe place indoors to use the dope, Repeat these steps from the beginning when I ran out. It won’t surprise you to know I had concerns about what I had to do, concerns I addressed with the following prayer and apology. This is what I said every time I walked to my usual spot on Kukui Street where I could read a book while I tried to catch the eye of slowly moving drivers:
God, if You Are There
If You are there
If You Care
Please don’t let me get arrested
Please let me make enough for a nice amount of dope,
And please don’t let me get hurt.
Oh yeah, please forgive me bc yes, that list is arranged from most to least important to me.
Big E. Smalls Was right when he said no One Thought rap would take it this far. Who could have imagines a worldwide audience from its inception til now? The whole world could have Heard about black Women revered as Queens. Instead We we’re universally downgraded With vulgar names, seen as Only temporarily useful For sexual favors, and suspected of Seeking child support For our own purposes. The Kings of rap nerd To recabt. I shouldn’t wall by a group of men in a car to Hear then blasting “Bitches ain’t nothin BUT tricks and ho’s–over and over while they pointed and laughed at me.
Rap Royalty, can You come up With lunes that uplift Women, words that honor men Who honor women?
Black men have had more publicly degrading things To Say about black Women Than any other group. I WANT the retraction We would demand If white people said those same things about us.
When I met my birth mother, Ruth, my sophomore year at an ivy league college it was…I don’t have one word that summarizes the experience other than trippy. In truth, the entire process of finding my mother was otherworldly and would have been impossible without the iccure come of never repeated events.
When I went to college I left the contentious dwelling of the people who regretted adopting me. I still believed there was a mother for me in spite of being pretty much orphaned, again at 17, after 14 years with those people. I put all of my metaphorical eggs representing hope for a birth family to rescue me from my orphan status, into the metaphorical basket of “The Search.”
The Search was my first criminal offense. I had to hire a professional to break into records that would have required a court order to legally view. I thought I was so cool. Hiring people! Federal crimes! I paid the man I knew only as The Searcher” $2800. The first $300 in was just to get them to look at my case. If I knew my birth mothers name but not her location, they could find her for $900 more. But in my case, with no knowledge of my original name or my birth mother’s name, they’d have to start with the name the adoptive parents gave me. My name was dead end for me. But the person with knowledge, connections, and access could use my altered name as a starting point down a path that would end at the confidential and sealed adoption record that showed my birth name and adopted name on the same piece of paper.
Why not ask the state for my adoption records?
No, the government would not help me. Adoption laws vary by state. To this day the state of my birth, Virginia, has adoptee records sealed and inaccessible. When a child gets adopted, a new birth certificate, a legally falsified government document, is issued with the adoptive parents listed as mother and father and the child’s race matched to the mother’s race. The name is whatever the second mother and father choose and the original info is “sealed” or untouchable, like medical records or juvenile records. I knew I had been with the people who adopted me for 14 years because the only birth certificate I had was issued three years after my birth.
Secrets and Lies–SOP
The people who adopted me maintained the standard operating procedure back in the day of “don’t ask don’t tell” about anything. Including adoption. Unless people adopted babies from Asia, adoptions were secrets kept from, even the adopted child. I knew bc my adopted brother told me. My brother and sister were 7 and 8 years older than me. They remembered us all being adopted at the same time when I was little, but the lady told them if they ever revealed my adopted status she would make their lives miserable. She made them miserable anyway so I was told. I had figured out the truth myself by the time I was their age. I looked more like them than my “parents” who I resembled not at all, not physically or personality wise. No common ground there.
My First Federal Offense Seemed so Justified and Was so Successful I became more open-minded to Crime
Sealed records are off limits to everyone, well almost everyone, except skilled criminals and those who can afford them. Between my first and sophomore years I had a summer job working for New York Newsday as a part of a scholarship I had won after I wrote of my interest in journalism. That’s how I had the $2800 cash as an 18 year old college student who depended on the kindness of strangers for a place to stay when school was out. I had to find my family because I was alone in the world. Had you asked me if I thought life was fair I would have honestly answered “no.” But it wasn’t fair! Everyone else…But I don’t have..Why should they…when I..? No I would not settle for no family while others my age, though less successful than I was, enjoyed belonging to a group.
Status Meant the World
In those days status could be earned and demonstrated was more important than everything. My experience in the American school system taught me that I needed to show off how much better I was than others. Single achievements were honored, cooperation never considered so I know how I got that way. If I deserved Harvard, and my grades demonstrated that I did, I was obviously worthy of all good things and shouldn’t suffer alone. That was my thinking. Obviously, I never imagined becoming the Harvard X-Hooker. I can assure you that if I had heard of such a person like the person I am now, I would have had a bottomless supply of contempt. I had to become everything I looked down on to find the relative peace I now have within.
A con artist is successful by winning the confidence of people. They know human weaknesses and prey upon them. People want to believe the person speaking cares about them and is a friend. People are naturally predisposed to being fooled. Add greed and laziness to the mix and you can see how con men get over. They offer the lure if something for nothing, the chance to easily make money k coupled with the desire to fit in.
Never say someone doesn’t seem like the type of person who’s steal from you. No one ever seems like the type. The best time to look honest is when you’re lying.
And once again I’m finding myself checking into detox/rehab once again come Monday.. I just turned 28 a few months ago and since the age of 18 that’s all my life consist of….my soul is tired and I y off my mind. 😔
An addict posting feelings of terminal hopelessness
Caroleena, The ExpertEscort, Responds
Addicts start over from nothing all the time. It doesn’t become easy, I’m not being dismissive of your valid wish to let this time in detox be the last. My idea, conceived of right now, is to use a different metric when measuring the success of your life rather than how many times you start over. Starting over isn’t just something you have to do, it’s a privilege you get to do. It’s really true that it ain’t over til it’s over. I’ve seen over in Jan 2017, in the form of the dead body of the only person who loved me, in my kitchen. Over, for real, has an unquestionable look, feel. I know over and it’s more than a cliche to say that as long as you’re still breathing you’ve got a chance. Fundamental fact of life that living is the chance. It’s one thing to feel your life is over or should be over, but a genuine end is not a feeling, it’s a fact. A fact as unchanging and as immutable as a dead body on your kitchen floor.
Remember: A new beginning is not a burden and never a guarantee. It’s definitely hard work often unknown to people who progress in life on a relatively straight path. Moreover the look and feel of hope, even an almost imperceptible modicum of hope, is quite unlike death. If your life was truly over you’d know it and you wouldn’t give voice to the wish that this be your last rehab stint. You wouldn’t give voice to anything at all.
Fotos / videos sexys e historias sobre la vida de los hermosos jóvenes académicos en las calles de Honolulu.
Drugs, gambling, prostitution, theft, full time panhandling, con artists…this was the underground criminal world the young Ivy league college grad knew nothing about, but she learned when she turned away from the straight life bc achievement did not heal her loneliness.
Drogas, juegos de azar, prostitución, robo, mendicidad a tiempo completo, estafadores … este era el mundo criminal clandestino del que la joven graduada de la Ivy League no sabía nada, pero aprendió cuando cumplió.
I counted the list of countries and saw I had six, out of the 50+ countries where people read my blog. Six? What kind of number was that to use? The number three is significant around the world–the Trinity, Olympic medals. Five and multiples of five, sure. I was about to rework the list when I caught myself. This absurd busy-nothingness takes up too much of my time. Unbelievably, I’m often late doing tasks like forming groups of items into the proper number composition. Look how much time I just spent. My mental issues certainly are layered and interesting, to put the most positive spin on my thought process!
I know that there are signs that a man wants an open, public relationship with a woman. But men have thoughts about women that they don’t share with us and we women have no idea that men are thinking certain things about almost every woman almost all of the time. I did not know the hidden truths for which there are no signs. Most men look at most woman and filter the view through a sexual lense. Even if only for one hundredth of a second, men look and think “yes, no, want her, don’t want her, too old, too young, could have her if I want, wish I could have her,” etc., etc. These thoughts occur consciously or so quickly they are unconscious.
Caroleena, writing about her recent, surprising discovery that most men evaluate mqost women sexually most of the time
I always wonder whether this is true for every man, or just some men. I know that I am guilty as charged when it comes to looking at women. I wonder what their breasts look like, what their pussies look like, and whether they would be a fun person to fuck assuming they would like to fuck. I suppose that probably puts me in the “sicko” category, but I don’t know.
A loyal blog fan writing from somewhere in the world about the thoughts stirred by Caroleena’s writing
What an honor to know that my words have an impact. I’m so grateful for all of the aloha shown by my readers. I’m totally stoked to write “my readers!”