Someone I know spearheaded the search for a woman to add to her long term relationship. The guy said ,”Sure, whatever you want.” No surprise there. I got involve with them for my own motives. You see, my friend, the one who was more gay than straight, he had a crush on the guy. The guy prostested (perhaps too much) that he did not want anything to do with another man in the bedroom. I wanted to pique my friend’s interest in me, because his interest waxed and waned. I wanted to keep his interest in me steady, so I joined that couple, with the intention of telling my friend about the guy. He always said he would love to hear the details. And, I had never been with a woman before, maybe this would be a good introduction and I could share details of this exploration with my friend. But guess what? Something that promised to be full of intrigue and excitement wasn’t really enjoyable. The reason is pretty obvious when I think about it now. I wasn’t in the threesome because I was interested in those people. If I am going to be brutally honest with myself, I was just using them to get someone else’s attention. And as far as me interacting with the other female–it never happened. Why not? She had no interest in the threesome either. She just wanted to control her man’s access to other women. Her rule was he had to include her in all in his interactions with other women. So she could watch. Like a hawk. Nothing participatory about it. A total let down, in the moment. And how about my plan to share the details with my friend so he could live vicariously. There I was paying close attention to everything that happened, blow by blow, so I could tell a good story, only to discover that he was more jealous of me than he was willing to admit so he refused to hear the stories, they bothered him. Say what?
The problem was we all had large goals that we tried to reach with this interaction by using other people to get what we wanted. We didn’t care about these other people or what they wanted and that’s why none of the plans came to fruition because we all pretended we were into it but we weren’t:
Josie–she was using me to present a woman to her man who was in love with someone else and therefore not after him. She did not want to have anything to do with me, in fact, she secretly resented me. She never looked my way during the whole interaction. That was time she spent watching her man like a hawk.
Jonathan–was using me under the pretense of giving his old lady (the phrase they use in Hawaii for girlfriend or wife) what she wanted. He simply wanted someone new. And like the typical guy (yes I said it), he wanted to break rules. The only rule he was supposed to follow was to include Josie so of course he pursued me relentlessly, sneaking around Josie, and irritating me because my mind was elsewhere
Caroleena–I was using the two of them, especially Jonathan because I wanted to pique Ken’s interest only to find that he was a habitual liar about his feelings. He didn’t even know the truth of what he felt and I bet he was as surprised as I was to feel distressed when I tried to tell him the story of sex that didn’t include him but that he had claimed would make a great story.
Ken–was using me to pass the time until he could find the man of his dreams. He died before he found that man of his dreams. He didn’t expect to be attached to me, especially since I was introduced to him as a hooker. I didn’t expect to be attached to him because I realized he was gay within an hour after meeting him and gay men were irrelevant to my life, and I admit, I looked down on gay men at that time. I just didn’t know gay had so much wiggle room. It was within this wiggle room that we got attached to each other, while defiantly and unsuccessfully trying to show each other that we could pursue other people–so there!
The threesome, in a nutshell, was two twosomes, as each of us took turns with the guy all the while she watched her boyfriend to make sure she got more attention, and I watched her boyfriend to make sure I had details to take back to Ken. Both of us did what women have done since forever, waited for it to be over so we could get back to doing what we really wanted to do.