Adult Services Provider Reviews By Hobbyists-how it feels when hobbyists have split on screen personalities.

Whenever I go to an adult site I know features reviews about my performance as an adult services provider my heart is in my mouth. I’m totally nervous, almost scared. I didn’t think I would feel this way. I told myself I spend time with these people for the money. I do my best to look good and make people happy. What else is there? I have nothing to worry about. I guess my words to myself fell on my own deaf ears because worry is exactly what I do. When they say good things about me they are usually talking about my body, my intelligence, and my skills. When they say bad things about me they have two main areas they attack: my personality, because I can grow to become warm but it is difficult for me to fake affection. I do try, since obviously I am supposed to be happy to see the person. Truth be told, I am more than willing to get to know a person, and while I am happy to work, I have a hard time lying–Even if I’m lying about strangers to strangers. The other area that I get negative comments are in the things that are invented. Why I was shocked and yes, hurt, to discover that there are people who have more than one screen name and submit conflicting reviews just to stir the pot. I knew someone over ten years. He said he would never review me since I knew where he lived and he wanted to keep his real life separate from the on screen fantasy world. In fact, he was the one who introduced me to the site so I could advertise and read about current trends. From time to time he would call me to tell me a review had been posted. Two people often commented on me, “Little Blue,” my staunch supporter, and “Astro Youth,” who disliked me. One day I read a review that praised me for something new I had started. Only one person could have known about the new practice–Little Blue! Little Blue and my long term client were one in the same. But even more shocking, by then I had figured out (details later) that Little Blue and Astro Youth were the same person. I had no idea how personally I took these interactions by the sense of betrayal I felt. This person presented himself as a helper to me when really my life was a play thing he could attempt to impact by saying wonderful/hateful things. A client told me that after he had posted a good review about me, Astro Youth private messaged him to convince him he was wrong to think highly of me. Wow, that is deep, I had thought at tbe time. But you know what is more concerning? My own level of involvement with what people think of me and my inability to keep from taking these opinions personally. I guess it is hard to maintain a tough outer shell whenever interacting with people no matter how much you tell yourself that these interactions “don’t count” or these men “don’t matter.” The truth is everyone matters, to me anyway, unfriendly though I may appear. Yes, I want the right to pursue any career I want without the state telling me, a mature woman, what to do with my time and body Infantalizing me by taking away my power to make my own choices. Nevertheless, i would be lying if I said this way of life doesn’t impact me, doesn’t cost me. I would not recommend this career as a first choice to a soft hearted person. You can get hurt in body, and soul. I do like the praise though@


Published by X-Streetwalker Turned Sex Talker

Caroleena used to be a drug addicted hooker on streets of downtown Honolulu in the early years of the 21st century. She was not the only learned streetwalker among the sex worker addicts. This group would have been a liberal college admissions officer's dream of diversity seeing as how they represented such a wide range of ages, races, family types, locations of origin, education levels, and gender identities. The two constants were trauma and dependency. Everyone out there had experienced life altering trauma which spurred them to seek refuge in drugs. Addiction was the unexpected phenomenon that kept them stuck in the dope. This downtown area was different from other drug saturated areas of America in one important way. The U.S. is the most violent country in the world, but in this corner of the nation there were no street gangs, no gun violence. You wouldn't get shot but you were probably going to be beaten up and robbed at some point. Interpersonal violence between intimate partners, friends, and family members was viewed as a natural part of being close to people. "Domestics" was something an individual brought upon herself or himself by causing problems in an interpersonal relationship. Caroleena, the perennial pariah even among society's rejects, had no intimate associates who might harm her. Prostitution was not as risky on Oahu as it was most everywhere else because the island was just too small. Everyone was somehow connected to everyone else with only something like two degrees of separation. You commit a crime, someone will know who you are and someone else will know how to find you. Hookers rarely got killed. Honolulu's relative safety allowed Caroleena over 10 years of street longevity until the scene ended when authorities started arresting men for allegedly soliciting undercover police for sex and posting their pictures on the evening news. tells Caroleena's adventures during her decade of addiction and its consequences--homelessness, prostitution, drug dealing, incarceration, family destruction, the list goes on. Every story relates events Caroleena experienced, witnessed, or imagined. The tale of this outcast is skillfully and paradoxically told in the language of the elite. The wording of the posts is itself a testimony to the wide grip that addiction has on all levels of society, even impacting the privileged who were previously thought to be immune to the troubles of the lower class. During these days of opiate addiction maybe she can answer some questions and present applicable solutions. If not, you are still in for a hell of a good read.

Leave a comment

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

%d bloggers like this: