Adult Services Provider Reviews By Hobbyists-how it feels when hobbyists have split on screen personalities.

Whenever I go to an adult site I know features reviews about my performance as an adult services provider my heart is in my mouth. I’m totally nervous, almost scared. I didn’t think I would feel this way. I told myself I spend time with these people for the money. I do my best to look good and make people happy. What else is there? I have nothing to worry about. I guess my words to myself fell on my own deaf ears because worry is exactly what I do. When they say good things about me they are usually talking about my body, my intelligence, and my skills. When they say bad things about me they have two main areas they attack: my personality, because I can grow to become warm but it is difficult for me to fake affection. I do try, since obviously I am supposed to be happy to see the person. Truth be told, I am more than willing to get to know a person, and while I am happy to work, I have a hard time lying–Even if I’m lying about strangers to strangers. The other area that I get negative comments are in the things that are invented. Why I was shocked and yes, hurt, to discover that there are people who have more than one screen name and submit conflicting reviews just to stir the pot. I knew someone over ten years. He said he would never review me since I knew where he lived and he wanted to keep his real life separate from the on screen fantasy world. In fact, he was the one who introduced me to the site so I could advertise and read about current trends. From time to time he would call me to tell me a review had been posted. Two people often commented on me, “Little Blue,” my staunch supporter, and “Astro Youth,” who disliked me. One day I read a review that praised me for something new I had started. Only one person could have known about the new practice–Little Blue! Little Blue and my long term client were one in the same. But even more shocking, by then I had figured out (details later) that Little Blue and Astro Youth were the same person. I had no idea how personally I took these interactions by the sense of betrayal I felt. This person presented himself as a helper to me when really my life was a play thing he could attempt to impact by saying wonderful/hateful things. A client told me that after he had posted a good review about me, Astro Youth private messaged him to convince him he was wrong to think highly of me. Wow, that is deep, I had thought at tbe time. But you know what is more concerning? My own level of involvement with what people think of me and my inability to keep from taking these opinions personally. I guess it is hard to maintain a tough outer shell whenever interacting with people no matter how much you tell yourself that these interactions “don’t count” or these men “don’t matter.” The truth is everyone matters, to me anyway, unfriendly though I may appear. Yes, I want the right to pursue any career I want without the state telling me, a mature woman, what to do with my time and body Infantalizing me by taking away my power to make my own choices. Nevertheless, i would be lying if I said this way of life doesn’t impact me, doesn’t cost me. I would not recommend this career as a first choice to a soft hearted person. You can get hurt in body, and soul. I do like the praise though@

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