I ADMIT THAT I VERY OFTEN HAVE THE WRONG IDEAS
Every time I start to tell you about some truth I learned, about how foolish I used to be, I pause and wonder if I will look back at today and shake my head at my stupidity. I just want to let you know I am not holding myself out as an infallible expert but representing what seems right to me at this time. Anyway, when it came to rape and prostitution, I thought the males who engaged in such acts were desperate sorts. My ideas were formed by statements made by men denying their involvement because:
I don’t have to rape anyone. I can get whoever I want.Rape myth
I learned this statement was not true. Men who rape are not people who would rather get consenting partners but are stuck forcing themselves on women because no one will have them. I found out for myself this was a myth when I defended myself from rapists. I was inspired by the phrase “you can’t rape the willing,” which is closely related to the misogynistic statement “when rape is inevitable lay back and enjoy it.” I took the words in a different way. What if I were to get willing. Suppose I went into what I call full crazy mode and agreed happily, eagerly, demandingly. Would he be able to go through with it. No. Men who rape quite literally cannot rape the willing. I learned in foster care that if someone wants to hurt me, never show pain or they will keep hurting me because my pain rewards them. They will keep at it like experimental rats pressing the cocaine distribution button until they collapse. If you show no pain and no fear, you are just no fun.
I don’t need to pay women for sex. I can get anyone I want.Prostitution myth
In my experience the #1 reason men want a hooker is they want sex and they don’t want to go through any changes to get it, nor do they want to have any obligations as a consequence of having it. Prostitution is like the fast food of sex, and I mean going through the drive-thru not taking the time to go in. Fine dining is wonderful, but there is waiting involved, talking, listening, getting through the meal so you can do what you really want to do. “Men don’t pay women for sex. We pay women to leave after sex,” said one male reader. I used to be amazed at how little men want to listen to women, and how often they actually ignore women. “I don’t really listen. I just give five “yes-es” and a “no” and she is happy I answered,” said a guy who actually listened to me more than he would have cared to admit. But he didn’t have to listen for all that long and challenge his endurance. He was free to leave as soon as the deed was done. What might surprise some is that I was as glad to see him go as he was to be gone. It was all about let’s get to it and through it.