No recent posts? Why not? I haven’t posted bc i delayed replacing my stolen phone. Someone who called himself my friend took it. I figured as much yet I fruitlessly searched my small apartment. I didn’t want to think that I had lost the phone and apparently lost any semblance of security on my phone bc the voicemail was accessed. It was preferable to believe the phone was hidden beneath some clutter as ND I suddenly couldn’t access my account online bc I had forgotten the password. NOT bc domeonshad chsnged that password using skills I lack. Finslly, after tearing yhe place apart, ii Iiihad to admit IIhad been outdmarted, for one thing, and had my lonliness and hope that lonliness can be fixed, used against me.
I open the door to uninvited guests. No, lets say it, intruders. I want totthink I sm contributing to dociety by helping people who need a shower. I used to have this need, but I never showed up empty handed like the people at my door with only a towel in hand. They don’t see me as a helper or s friend but as a target. I’m merely opening myself up to be victimized which will no doubt reinforce the sociopathic delight in getting over on someone clueless. I should’ve had a clue. After all, I used to be so low class I stole from people who let me into their homes. No biggie. They could afford it. When I have people over to my place I need to assemble my phone, keys, money, wallet and secure them in a fanny pack on my waist. I must wear the zipper side against my stomach in case I fall asleep and don’t feel stealthy hands. Then, after I attach my belongings to my person inside my own home, I need to stop lying to myself.
I don’t invite friends. People in need of a shower hitchhike, or “tailgate,” by following residents into my building. They show up unannounced, at times I’m usually out. Jalousie windows are removable in two minutes. The truth is, “friends” climb in. So do the neighbors. They divide the spoils. What spoils do I have to offer? It’s a modest life, my existence, but waaaay better than nothing. I know nothing so I consider myself qualified to make this judgment. The intruders, take friends and neighbors, take food–human & cat, hygiene items, batteries, spare, change, and the info from my prepaid cards. That’s why I had to challenge unauthorized charges for games made to my PayPal account through the linked card– at a time when I had the card. That’s why my hostile, overtly racist next door neighbor watches me from the 10th floor railing ’til I’m off the property. That’s why my neighbor four doors down has a smirk whenever I catch her in my clothes. Today, she looked ridiculous wearing one of my sundresses awkwardly teamed with my jeans & shirt. I know thieves, not friends. Maybe I will continue to let them in so I don’t get to weird from having only a cat. But at least I will tell myself the truth.