ALL MEN ARE GAY–REVISITED
“Mandee, said ‘all men are gay?'” asked Jane, a woman who was back to heroin and back on the street after 14 years of sobriety. Granted, there was a stretch in prison that kept her off dope but she had been clean on her own for several years. “I can’t stand Mandee. She thinks she is better bc she doesn’t have to work on the street bc she lives with that trick. I hate that she is the one who said it, bc it’s true. Especially if they do ice. Every one of their latent tendencies come out. When they come downtown that’s what they’re looking for.” I jumped in with a question. “You understand why people are wrong when they tell me to get a dark dildo.” I asked, and we both laughed. We knew that when men slipped out of their normal lives and dipped into downtown to enjoy the company of other men, these (often) married men wanted the feel of a man on their tongues. Not a dildo. It was nice for me to talk to someone who understood that so many men have that desire. As Jane continued her story it was clear to me she understood something else. “Guys used to say they thought I was a guy too. Total BS. I’m a beautiful intelligent white woman and it scares them. You’re a beautiful strong and intelligent black woman and they’re intimidated. It’s too hard to admit a woman scares them so they make us into men. It’s the only way they can live with themselves bc they can’t live with the thought of a woman being better than them in any way.”
I thought about the men who spread rumors about me and wouldn’t you know, they were all men who had needed my help–they borrowed money from me, or asked to stay with me, Finally I understood why my generosity was repaid with acrimony and lies about my gender. Asking a woman for help was, to them, a low point they never thought they’d reach.
Men ask if I am a man out of wishful thinking. And they prefer to think of me as a man rather than consider a woman smarter, stronger, or in any way more successful. No way could a woman be amazing. They are either wrong about women or that’s not a woman. Wrong? No way. That’s too good to be a woman