The meanest words directed at me came as a total surprise. I have explained before that relationships change when people spend time together. People forget the tiles they are supposed to have and start relati g in a way that’s comfortable. That’s why there are rules against forming relationships that seem highly unlikely but are quite common. Student-teacher. Prison guard-inmate. Provider-client. I have always been fascinated by the evolution of a person’s role in my life. I have enjoyed saying to myself, “I may actually have a friend! What a surprise.”
Imagine how my surprise grew when the person turned abusive. Some of the meanest things ever said to me came from someone almost immediately after I thanked him for doing something nice for me. I don’t know why, buy I believe the person wanted to remind me and himself that this is not a friendship. Don’t get it twisted. Shall I give you an example to illustrate the point? I can do that for you.
A while back my residence changed the pet policy. Without warning I had until the end of the week to produce notarized copies of a contract with someone agreeing to provide emergency care in case I was in the hospital or somewhere that required me to be away from home and my animal for over 24 hours. The person promised to be available in the event of emergency. Lacking the pet custodian was a death sentence for your pet. Once management heard of your absence they’d summon representatives of the Humane Society who would put the animal in pet jail, where it would be put to death in a few days if it didn’t get adopted.
I would either lose my cat or my lease wouldn’t get renewed. The notarized letter presented a big challenge because I needed someone to agree to take time out and go with me to my bank. Everyone I know was busy hunting for dope or getting high. No one had time for someone else’s beloved furry friend.
I was venting to a long term regular, with no expectation of help when, like a knight in shining armor he took the documents and “the girls in the office”at his workplace handled everything. I turned in the requirements ahead of schedule, securing my home for myself and my furry friend. Naturally I thanked him, but he shrugged it off as unnecessary.
[you will not believe what just happened! I was going through my journals, because I am a lifelong journaler and unbelievably I stumbled upon the actual entry that I wrote at the time of the incident I’m about to right on. How fortuitous is that. Obviously you dear readers were meant to hear what my regular–not my friend–said to me in response to my thanks for the extraordinary help he gave me.]
“I’m over looking for young gorgeous women. I like hanging out with old women like you. I can come, get a massage play around when I like, talk, whatever. I remember this one stripper name Pepsi she was so amazingly gorgeous… But I don’t need that beauty thing anymore. Not every girl can be Pepsi. Girls like you are ok. So are some of the mamasans at the massage parlors. I don’t always go to see the popular girls. I know The Mamas and I go in the back and they’ll take care of me to for like, half the price. I can see old women because I’m old. I’m not looking to get married, I’m already married. I enjoy coming here.”
Yep, that’s the journal entry. Hurts me to write it. But, while I’m sharing what I’ve been willing to accept… Let’s not forget the time he spoke of a story in the news about young guys in housing projects who set garbage on fire. “When I want to play with garbage I come see you.” I ever saw that remark coming.
The last cruelty was in response to my pleasant surprise that he recalled a minor detail from a story I had told. ” I pay attention. Doesn’t mean I care, because I don’t. I listen bc it’s a good way to score points.”
Needless to say I stopped saying thank you and giving compliments, lest he think I needed reminding we weren’t friends. But some company is better than no company. I was afraid that after too much isolation I would start talking to the cat more and even worse hearing the cat talk back. Worst of all, complete isolation might make me hear the cat get angry with me and start saying mean things like this. So I kept seeing him. You get used to things.