The thoughts about using drugs won’t stop. I have no control of an outside force that somehow works against me inside my traitorous brain. There’s no effective distraction, no way to turn it off. Ceaselessly, I am pilloried with thoughts and I want to make them stop, please, God. But God offers nothing as I expectantly wait for the miracle of deliverance religious enthusiasts promised if only believed. Maybe I don’tont believe enough bc my belief burned up in the obsession flames. I imagine my thoughts colliding into each other after the enemy launches each one as a flaming arrow. When the fiery darts hit the target of my mind they unite into a massive explosion. My mind is completely engulfed in the devouring inferno of blazing drug thoughts. Inevitably, there’s flashover, the time during a fire when the temperature is so high everything combusts. After the mental flashover, there is nothing but fire. The only thing inside my head is the inferno that’s the combined energy of drug thoughts. There is no “me.” My “self” has burned away and what’s left bears no resemblance to the person that was.