I don’t have sex. All I ever do is talk.A common half truth told by working girls. The whole truths are related to the statement.
1. I was surprised to learn that there is quite a bit of talking on the job. But it’s not “instead of” sexual favors, more like, “in addition to”sexual favors.” There were guys who demanded I share my opinions on current events. My intellect fascinated them. Now I know I should’ve charged for what could take as long as an hour!
2. I was surprised to discover that many women in the game did not find relationships easy. They didn’t like most people, didn’t want to spend time, certainly didn’t want to have sex. Prostitution is set apart from relationships that require time and intimacy so women who stumble upon this unlikely way to isolate themselves will stay in the job. Who’d have thought that a task so connected with others would appeal to women who have trouble relating to people on a deep level? But it’s true.
3. Working girls draw the line between touching guys and being touched. The women usually don’t want to be touched. For some it’s a way to stay in control. Others don’t like the feel of a stranger groping inexpertly. Or maybe being touched brings back trauma. Some women make no touching a condition of contact even if they aren’t playing dominant and submissive.
4. In spite of everyone’s intentions to stay distant, bonds form if you see someone over time. Most women develop friendships with one or more guys. A small percentage marry. Quite a few end up with a boyfriend, myself included. Almost everyone has someone to call on for favors. Diapers for the baby. Rides to visit a dying friend in a care home on the windward side of the island. A notary stamp on important paperwork. Visits when she is in jail. Taking her shark cage diving on Oahu’s North Shore. Moving her, her girlfriend, and their four dogs into his family’s home after his mom dies. A birthday gift of a concert ticket for a famous pop star’s performance at the Blaisdell. I’ve seen these favors. I’ve never seen a Richard Gere type, in terms of wealth and good looks, but the premise of the movie Pretty Woman is completely valid. It happens. But don’t count on it, not when you’re an addict.
5. Most amazing? You can actually enjoy being with the guy, and you look forward to seeing him. The same guy you once endured until he was done. We are women, so that relationship takes time and is not based upon sex, but on the interactions apart from sex, especially him paying her properly, respecting her “no.” And, yes, helping her out.