If You Ask God to Be[X] With You, You Will Go To Hell


You’re Waiting for Heaven’s Admission Committee to Decide on Fellow Applicants When…

Saint Peter, Heaven Committee Chair during this segment of eternity, exits heaven proper to talk to the nervous newly applicants lined up outside of the gates to see which of them will be allowed to shed their newly dead bodies and pick up their spirit forms that include an understanding of the unknowable mysteries. Or so went the rumor. Rumors were started by those who had been waitlisted when they initially arrived at the ante-chamber and were waiting with the first timers, regular applicants and those hoping for early admission. Saint Peter’s arrival was not seen, nor heard but was nevertheless completely attention getting. Contradictions mesh seamlessly here, another apparent contradiction that was not oxymoronic. And in a place that seems so beyond a person’s power to control, the option of choice is, well, an option.

Saint Peter Offers A Choice

Eternity is long, entertainment possibilities endless. For fun, applicants were now offered their personal strengths as the basis for their judgment. Funny people were judged humorously, for example. God, who held veto power could be in your image or you could trust God’s pre-existing standards.

Humans Are All A Bit Narcissistic

They can’t help it, it is their nature. Most people wanted to be judged by the embodiment of their best characteristics, rather than trusting God. “I want a God, with a sense of humor,” or “I’ve always been laid back, island style,” said a former resident of Hawaii. “No worries. If can, can. If no can, no can,” And sure enough, the funny guy got in, the laid back guy was admitted, as was the mellow guy.

Respected in life, rejected in death

But it was not to be for the once and former criminal court judge. The well respected judge was known far and wide who was all that a judge could and should be. Fair, without bias, meting out justice even handedly.

I’m a fair person. I want God to be absolutely fair with me, to give me what I deserve.

The last request of a newly deceased soul before being jettisoned to hell with a quickness.

Do you want God to be fair with you?

The next spirit in line had watched the goings on and thought he finally understood Jesus. Jesus was not about fairness. The applicant was admitted to heaven with these words.

I don’t want God to be fair. No way do I want what I deserve. I want mercy. Please and thank you.

The embodiment of Christianity and the only way any human could be acceptable to God. Jesus is not fair. He is biased in our favor.

Human righteousness at it’s most honored best is like “filthy rags” which translates to used maxi pads, according to my former pastor. Everyone falls short of the glory of God. If each human tried to jump across the Grand Canyon, some would get farther than others, but no one would make it. Similarly, human goodness can never reach Divine levels. Not Mother Theresa, or Gandhi, or Martin Luther King Jr. Jesus commands us to apply the same sort of mercy to each other, undeserved and unreciprocated though that forgiveness may be. Don’t give people what they’ve earned and what they unquestionably deserve. Don’t do to them what they’d do to you. Don’t be fair. Have mercy.

Published by Respectably Witty Harvard X-Hooker Advisor

Caroleena, ivy league educated X-Hooker in Honolulu, respectfully presents social commentary/wisdom based on experiences with humor for everyday people

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