In American culture it is acceptable to write women off as emotional and illogical. Men who would never, ever admit to racism, cheerfully acknowledge they believe women are inferior–maybe not to all men, but for sure, they are more intelligent than the majority of females. Therefore it is not such a bad thing to ignore a woman’s words and there’s nothing wrong with persuading women to change what they say.
No means no is a popular phrase but it’s not specific enough. I have a revision for “No means no.” I propose something like “One statement of “no” means “no until I say otherwise.” Or “It only takes one utterance of no to mean no.” Ok, we can punch up the writing. The point is, men will say no once and that’s the end of the discussion on any subject. But men don’t take women’s words seriously. If a woman says no, to sex, that’s just temporary. He will keep putting his hand over there, or he will continue to attempt to nudge legs apart with his knee, or…or…he will just keep doing what he wants to and if resistance flags, if the volume of protests goes down, he feels encouraged. Weaker refusal is interpreted as yes, or getting there. Men, think about it honestly. Has she ever seemed to object strenuously but then stopped fighting and you thought “oh, I guess she’s ok with this after all.” You’re no rapist! Are you sure? Men can you imagine being weaker than a full half of the world’s population? Imagine one of those much stronger persons has you in a position that makes you question which way to go to keep yourself safe so you give up trying out of fear of being hurt worse. I’ve never been raped but I have been pressured and it INFURIATED me. Consensual never begins with no. What if she is teasing? Err on the side of caution. Do without.