SHOULD I BE MORE COLD BLOODED?
I have never before been accused of being too nice, but that changed when long ago I shared some musings with a seasoned pro. I was contemplating providing companionship that really uplifted people, something outside of the usual impersonal encounters. I wanted to be a supportive person in that one hour we spend together so a client could feel encouraged. There were times I felt I should do more to bring positivity, maybe by offering more of my real self. A 28 year old “relaxation” worker corrected me:
You are not there to be nice. The guys are not thinking about how to be nicer to you. They are not worried about encouraging you. They already think you’re getting over on them if you get a little bit of money from them. So give them what they want. The only thing you have to do in that hour is figure out how to waste most of the time without doing too much to him. Give him a shower. Massage his shoulders. You can waste a lot of time on the stiff neck. I make at least $1000 a day. That’s not even having sex. I just give massages. Well, I don’t say “Massage” bc I don’t have a license. I just say “I’m an aspiring masseuse” and I give back rubs.” For a lot of guys I don’t even have to do that. They give me thousands of dollars just to listen to them. They have a lot going on and they don’t have anyone to talk to.I can see why some of them want to take a shotgun and blow people easy. But that is not my problem as long as he doesn’t come at me with a gun. I try to figure out everything about him. What was he attracted to about the website? Then why did he pick me out of everyone on the site? I talk to him about making the session’s time something he can count as a tax write off. Then I can figure out his tax bracket and where I fit into that bracket. Maybe his job has given him a certain amount of money to spend and I want to make sure I get all of it. When I want to get some kind of business license or physical therapy license or whatever I’ll just buy it like everyone else does. No one really studies for those licensing exams. The point is this: get as much ad you can and give up as little ad you can. Its never about helping people. Its only about getting the money. Those same people you want to help by caring about what they say or making sure they get their money’s worth, or being fair to them…those are the same people who will throw you over for pennies. If you think about being nice you’ll be too hurt when you find out the not nice things they think about you.
Do I need to kill human kindness to work with people in this companionship way, I wondered when I first began Given what society thinks of my profession I discovered that all the condemnation I received from the guys and from all the people who found out where I have been, all that judgement naturally kills any inclination to be overly nice. I settled on being fair, not robbing people. I was never as consciously conniving as the woman I interviewed but mostly bc I couldn’t be bothered and not bc I didn’t want to be like her.