Old Fashioned Manners—Lie
When I was growing up I was taught that you never ask a woman her age. It was also considered standard for a woman to lie about her age and make herself younger. Certainly she was never going to claim an age over the age of 29, and even 29 was getting up there. But I learned the hard way that lying about my age was not a good thing. First of all when the person met me he immediately thought I looked really bad for my age. I simply was not 29 anymore. And the other issue was that age is often a dealbreaker for people when they are looking to meet someone. No point in making arrangements with someone adamant about only meeting someone under 30. Time to get honest with self: No I cannot pass for 29!
Serenity Prayer in Action
To take it one step further, I won’t stay young and I won’t live forever. At the root of aging frustration is mortality horror. If I cannot accept the reality of my life how can I expect someone else to accept the real me? How accepting am I likely to be of another person’s imperfections ? Not very! Lying about my age shows I am embracing insecurity and intolerance rather than trying to grow. I also show I lack the wisdom to “accept the things I cannot change,” as the Serenity Prayer says. To be blunt, it’s a red flag that “this lady has issues” and I am anything but serene.
P.S. to avoid that look of unhappy surprise the guy from the dating site tries to hide when he gets his first glimpse of you, beware boudoir pix. It’s fun to post them and technically, it’s honestly representative of a moment in your life. You know the flattering professional photo with you in lingerie, holding your breath so your stomach looks flat, your face tilted up to disguise a faint double chin? That picture with a ton of make make up to give you the natural look, skillfully lit and totally filtered—it is not doing you any favors! If the guy doesn’t care overly much about looks, it won’t matter. But if Beauty is a deal breaker he will communicate his disappointment, often with his feet as he turns around and heads back out the door. Ask me how I know.
Elaborate photo filters are fun. I certainly enjoy seeing the beauty I would be if I actually looked like the woman in the pictures. But if I am honest with myself, there are enough differences between the filtered image and the real me to make the real me lose out in a side by side comparison of the filtered pic vs. me in the flesh. Guys noticed the difference when we met. Some commented on the difference and I did not enjoy those discussions one bit. Of course, those conversations were with the guys willing to meet me in spite of less than above board advertising. I have been told by men that many guys are wary when a woman posts pictures that are recognizably filtered They think: “she must have ‘a great personality.’” Those guys never call in the first place.
Summary: the fallacy of false advertising on dating sites.
Filtered pictures of a mythical you deter shallow guys, disappoint guys who came to check you out, and don’t matter to guys who aren’t hung up on looks in the first place. Don’t bother minimizing your age and maximizing the way you wished you look. The illusion dies hard.