A Strange Reaction to a threat puts “victim” in control
I care about you my beloved reader. I want to share safety strategies that have worked for me. I want to put my pain to good use as a benefit to YOU.. Here’s an example of a lesson I have learned. Approach does NOT determine response. Approach might influence response, if respondent allows herself to be influenced, but the real truth is, we own ourselves. We choose our responses, even if the choice is so quick and automatic we do not realize we are making a choice. Someone cannot “do” anything to you. Victimizers, predators, con artists, these people want to control their targets by pushing for a certain response. Two important points: 1. If someone gets you to respond , that person owns your mind and, 2. Victimizers take pleasure in producing a response
If you show someone you are vulnerable, you become a fixed target for abuse. It would be as difficult to stop abusing you as it would be to quit drugs. Your pain is an abuser’s cocaine.
Plain Language About Victimizers
A childhood in foster care with people who were not on my side taught me that if people discover something hurts you, scared you, they will keep going for that response the way a rat in a lab experiment will keep pushing the cocaine button until the rat collapses. It feels good, they’ll keep at it until they literally cannot do it anymore. Similarly, if someone wants to hurt you and you show fear, they won’t stop doing whatever hurts you. Your pain is their pleasure. When you are confronted with someone who wants to scare you remember, you own yourself. No matter how convincingly menacing they are with, for example, gun in hand, you can absolutely control yourself and, at the sight of the gun, smile and say something like, “Finally! Let’s get this party started!”
Dear Reader, Do You Feel Surprise?
If this strategy shocks you, the reader, it will be that much more shocking to the predator. You have one opportunity to surprise someone and throw the person off script. They do not know what to do in the next moment because threatening a woman by placing a knife to her throat (for example) has always had a predictable outcome. But this?
No Pleasure is a No Go
At this point the attacker is bewildered and they did not get the rush of pleasure that provides the adrenaline to physically continue an attack. They did not get the endorphins that activate the inner addict inside of us all (endorphin means the morphine within). If you don’t show fear you might find that indeed, the willing cannot be raped. Respond with, “where have you been all my life?” and the intense strangeness of the situation can keep you safe.
Do I make guarantees?
I make no guarantees. I only share what has worked for me. More than once. By the way, a bored reaction can be equally off putting. “You’re going to do what to me? Whateve’s…hand me my book so I can read while you’re busy doing that.”
Xhookr Life Hack #19: Never show fear if someone wants to scare you, don’t show pain if someone tries to hurt you. Take the fun out of abusing you, or else they are likely to carry on. Agree with the person, offer happy excitement, or show boredom. You own your reactions. You can do it!
Tags: #rape, #strategy, #selfcontrol, #painaspleasure, #surprise