Harvard Hooker, July 8, 2018
I did not expect to become the lowest person in everyone’s opinion. Sure, I knew that people who lived conventional lifestyles would certainly look askance at my way of life. But I did not expect people who lived beyond the pale of normal society to look down at me. Im talking about thieves, extortionists, ne’er-do-wells of various types. I always held myself above people who had to cheat to make a living. After all, people choose to give me their money. And they do not ever want it back! Not the way I went about doing my job.
Stealing Represented Desperate Measure of the Unattractive, To Me
If I had to resort to stealing it would have to mean my looks and/or skills had fallen below my own acceptable standards. I worked out enough to stay in shape and I always acquired continuing education credits in sensual arts. I researched the tantra. I read online discussion sites like UsaSexGuide where I could read men talking among themselves about what they liked in providers. I was self satisfied when I was young and beautiful and imagined I was on a brief break from my true professional life while I dabbled in street life. I imagine many self satisfied people think others share our view of ourselves. I see me the way you see me, right? And how I saw myself was as someone who was engaged in criminality, but not really.
Others Saw Me in Less Than Flattering Ways
I discovered a definite difference of opinion among a small group I recently spent some time with, for companionship. When you are “out there” for a while, the only people you know are criminals and if you’re going to talk to anyone it would have to be conversations with people you don’t think you have anything in common with. To be blunt, you’re hanging out with people you think are beneath you and you think anyone looking at you with these people would see from a distance that you really didn’t belong. You’d stand out like an Anthropologist joining a group of Yanomami in the South America. The people I was observing were gamblers and spent enormous amounts of time in “game rooms”!around Honolulu. Game rooms are secret, dingy spots where people put thousands of dollars in electronic video type machines. These video games have the visual sophistication of 1980’s Atari. I did not gamble because too many people get in trouble with it not to believe it’s potentially addictive. I understood that I was not addicted to gambling however I was vulnerable. I did not participate in feeding the machines stacks of $20’s or even $100’s. But I was a willing audience for real life dramas of huge riches lost and small sums clawed back. I made note of the stories to share with future readers like You!
I Did Not Know My Associates Had Given Me a Nickname
Over the course of hanging out with the game room people someone let it slip that I had a nickname. Unbeknownst to me they called me the “🎓Harvard Hooker👠in Hawaii🌴.”
How it felt to find out what was said behind my back
I wasn’t offended by the name since it was an amusing spin on a sometimes grim reality. I wad upset that the way they used the title was not in good fun. I was not in on the joke. It was said behind my back and I only found out when one of that group got mad and wanted to get back at the guy who had come up with the name. She told me out of revenge. It was only revenge if she expected me to get angry with him. The tattler did not disagree with the appellation or the sentiment behind it. She had shared in the joke at my expense with the group and it’s creative leader. These people looked down on me. Me!They not only didn’t respect me but they actively participated in badmouthing me and casting me aside as an unworthy other. I was never on the inside, never considered a friend. All of that was fine with me when I was doing the rejecting. But this turn about did not seem like fair play to me at all—although it was.
Dashing my Delusions of Grandeur
What does it mean when the people you think you are settling for, reject you? It’s time to rethink my perceived status because in truth no one confers any status upon me whatsoever.Caroleena Renee