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As kids we are taught that being first was the best possible outcome. We were never taught that helping others was just as or even more important. Don’t believe me? What’s the name of the person who graduated first in his high school class? Valedictorian. What’s the name of the kid who helped people in the graduating class? We have no honorary title for the kind, the helpful. I wanted to be the best. To obtain honors, do meaningful work. But I gave up when I found out success did not cure lonliness and I had no people in my life to help me. I would never have talked to a hooker, certainly never thought I would become one. Funny thing, I get more companionship, secretly of course, out of hooking than I ever did out of success. Did I make the wrong choice? Of course. But given my difficulty relating to people what else could I have done that I would not have to hide?