When I was “out there” I was in the apartment of one if the guys who traded access to his space for drugs. No matter what you gave him or paid him he made relentless demands for sex. If a woman wanted to come in and she had no drugs or money then, yes, sex demands were fair. But to pressure her without ceasing after she had paid…that was just wrong. It was not only me that this guy treated unfairly. I was able to compare experiences with other women and they had the same story to tell. Why go over there? Sometimes you needed indoorsy things you could not provide for yourself like a shower, or sleeping with only one guy going through your belongings rather than every passer by. Standards were pretty low when you were caught up in the dope..
One day I went up to his place and found another woman there. I was glad that there was someone else to bear the brunt of his demands. When he ran to the store we were able to talk and that’s when I found out our stories were not identical.
“Does what’s-his-name ever hit you? Or, like, make threats?” she asked me.
I was honestly taken aback. How much interpersonal violence goes on in Hawaii. “No,” I answered honestly. “Does what’s his name threaten you?” I asked.
“Once when he was getting into bed he kind of kicked me in the head. He said it was an accident but there are times he leans in really close like he is going to hit me.”
“I think that doesn’t happen to me bc people are convinced I could be dangerous. I’m not sure why. Maybe bc I am not that friendly. Whatever it is it works for me”
Just then what’s his name returned and I asked him if people thought I had the potential to be dangerous.
“You? There’s no telling what you’ll do. I wouldn’t mess with you.”
I have never been able to get along with people. I never knew there was an up side to unpopularity. I never found out what was so off putting about me, but whatever it was it kept guys from hitting me so I guess I am grateful for the loneliness.