“You Brought it on Yourself”
People tell us this tired phrase when we have issues. We tell ourselves the same thing. “I have no one to blame but myself,” is another version of the same idea. These words are common “go-to’s” when we seek advice, consolation, another way to look at a situation that disturbs us. Why? If we think we could have done something different will that empower us in the future? I guess..but I am here to tell you there is no comfort in repetitive self-recrimination.
“You’ve got a lot going on.”
A couple of people told me this when I let it be known I was desperately upset over my car not being returned. Ok, it was stolen. I gave the keys to the thieves. The robbers had spent months tricking me by disguising themselves as my friends who also had professional car repair skills. What do you call that..? Mechanics? See how little I know. They might be skilled but they were not friends. People offered not to disturb me since I was obviously busy. In truth the problem was that I did NOT have a lot going on. Except empty hours of analysis while holding my silent phone. Here is what I journaled and texted to myself for use in this here post:
I’m in a crisis right now and I will tell you that the thing people always say, as if to offer consolation, is no help. “You brought it on yourself. No help. Yes, I loaned the car. Yes, I promised myself never again. Yes, I know the kind of people I know are not generally considered trustworthy. Yes, I did it anyway. No, they won’t answer the phone. I know I brought this on myself. Not helpful. I’m still enraged. My only hope of getting the car back is to pretend I am fine. Don’t even think of saying that phrase to me!
Long term readers know that my circumstances of getting addicted and then incarcerated motivated me to write for the simple reason that I want to present myself in a way that shatters stereotypes, like the preconceived notions I myself had about addicts, felons, street people, homeless people, streetwalkers, thieves. Once I had a chance to wear all of these hats I was like, “oh, those are real people, and amazing ones at that.” True. But I must warn you and myself that there are people who spent their lives behind bars bc they belong there. While I am not going to automatically exclude someone from my life bc of a prison background, I need to consider it. And not hand over my keys.
The car is supposed to be returned to me tomorrow, August 22, 2021. I am not holding my breath.
Do not throw out your common sense while discarding stereotypes you once used to judge others. Stereotypes had a basis in truth.Caroleena, just a bit more jaded after this crushing blow inflicted by someone she did not want to label as “bad.” He is bad.