I Get Too Mad Too Much


I get too mad too much

One of the most important things I learned in life is that we choose our thoughts. I always believed I perceived the truth, as it really was and there was no other way to think, no alternative reaction, no way to feel any differently until the mood passed. I know the opposite is true but I am having the hardest time putting what I know into action. I got turned away at the DMV. They did not even let me take the test. I heard them talking amongst each other, the clerks at Ko’olau. I kept hearing the word “medical.” Back in 2015 I could not drive for a year unless it was seizure-free. I did fine, physically. I thought they’d mention it when I went for the learner’s permit but nothing was said. The year was up, I thought. But when I heard “medical” in hushed tones I thought “I know what they’re talking about.” I also knew that what had been ok at the other office would not be ok here. Now this is the second time I was turned away at one location for missing documents, only to go somewhere else and the clerks helped me. I waited 3 months to get a state id renewal appointment, which the computer scheduled at Ko’olau. Nope, needed a social security card. I pointed out I could not get a card without current Id. The clerk had already walked away. The next day , frustrated to tears by the COVID delays, I went to the downtown office and got the id–my records are on the record. They could have helped me the day before. But–no. And then…

WAIT–I CANNOT CONTINUE DIATRIBE

I was going to go through the rest of the DMV event but the thought exhausted and bored me. Did I really have to confront one if the clerks and share my views on customer service? Did I really need to rehash for the uninterested? Petty, boring, repetitive. I have been saying the same things to myself in the same way And I am tired of my own negativity. Imagine how others feel.

If I am tired of hearing myself complain imagine how other people feel?

Right in the middle of the post I am going to put my epiphany (see just above) into action by putting an absolute stop to talking about how I have been mistreated. Note: it does not matter if I have valid grievances. I am going to use the chance to write words people are reading (yes, you!) to advocate for someone else.

If I slip into lifelong patterns of misery speech you will let me know, yes? Please! I need all the help I can get to change my life in a way far deeper than getting off the street.

The goal

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