No one would guess a woman can be treated better than ever in her life within a transactional relationship


A sex worker shares about asking for help

People get through tough times by relying on others, dependence, interdependence. Whatever the arrangement, the key to making it is other people. When the tables are turned you’re that other person for people in need.

What if one of the reasons a woman becomes a sex worker is that she is unable to maintain long term relationships. She is not even sure why she fails to achieve the thing she most wants. Without analyzing why, she is left with the reality. She is alone. Her family of origin did not want a baby that was the “wrong” color. The only man who ever asked to marry her loved her youth and beauty and when those faded…Divorced, no kids, no extended family and no friends. Unless…a long term client can be counted as a relationship. Why not? Doesn’t she do the work not bc she needs the money but bc she would utterly lack companionship without it? It stands to reason someone who has sought her out for Fifteen (wow!) years could be a friend. One day she was in a desperate bind. She left her wallet in the car in the airport long-term parking lot. She had no money to get back to Honolulu from Anchorage. Anchorage was a trip she took on a whim and evidence, said her therapist, that she is still prone to manic episodes. But again, leaving aside why she was there, she knew she had to get back. Apparently the entire Alaska summer is spent anticipating winter and all around were messages that she could not make it with the clothes on her back and a willingness to hustle. Winter was coming and she needed help. She could not afford to make a mistake. Seriously, who could she call who would care, who could care. For the first time she asked for help and guess what?

The unlikeliest of friends turned out to be a better friend than she had ever had. In her words:

“He was definitely there and he gave without hedging or guilt tripping. Technically, I suppose he would still be there. But better not to ask and assume the answer would be yes. Like the cat in a box with a vial of poison. As long as you do not open the box to limit yourself to the knowledge of what is, you can always believe the cat is alive though you know it could be dead. In some cases it is best not to know what is while you enjoy the possibility of what could be. That’s what it is like depending on relationships when such dependence is scary bc you have mostly been ineligible (apparently) for commitment. Tenuous hope best maintained by not pushing it. While being grateful you have even that much.

Maybe I sound like a determined pessimist. But you have to understand that this is the guy who said he liked me now that he was over his desire for young gorgeous women. I am super grateful but trying not to overdo the gratitude. The main thing is to not get overly attached. God I long for someone to whom I could attach! Especially what with me not being young and gorgeous like the good old days. These stories of unlikely relationships are never straight forward.”

NOTE:. I AM NOT DOWNPLAYING THE UGLY REALITIES OF HUMAN TRAFFICKING, MODERN DAY SLAVERY, SEXUAL ABUSE, EXPLOITATION, VIOLENCE AGAINST WOMEN. THIS IS ONE STORY INVOLVING MATURE ADULTS WHO HAVE FREE CHOICE. THIS TRUE STORY IS REMARKABLE PRECISELY BC IT EXISTS AS A TINY POSSIBILITY AGAINST THE ODDS.

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