I know no one would tell about a real llife abandonment on Tik Tok or anywhere else people would see their face. Ask me how I know. I know because it is humiliating to admit you don’t have anyone to show up for you, even when you host, even when you offer to pay for the good time. When you cannot find people to bribe to be your companion that is too humiliating to confess to the world. It is too painful to confess to yourself.
I had a birthday, not too far in the distant past, though not necessarily this year. The birthday I have in mind was preceded by a birthday that was very special for me. Four people got me gifts. Four! I had never in life received that many gifts from people. Ok, yes, the people did not know each other. The people would not want me to acknowledge them in public. The people only gave me something because no one who mattered in their lives would ever find out. These are things I chose not to think about. I focussed on the positive and was amazaed at the number. I wondered how many of these people would be left the next year.
I bet you are thinking none of them were around for the birthday that is on my mind. Well, you would be wrong. I had two people around. That is half and for me that is really pretty good. I know, I know, the downside is quite obvious. I have to agree with the person who said that hate is not the opposite of love, it is indifference. True. One of the two people I lost I had had the kind of friendship I described earlier, the type that requires never being seen with me. I had had this friendship for years. Then, for no apparent (to me) reason, the nothingness creeps in. No birthday wish as in past years, no birthday gift, as in past years, and then, no Thanksgiving wish by text when no one he was with was looking. You long term readers will remember this person. Years ago he had told me he liked me because he was over his desire for young gorgeous women, and I was perfect. At the time I thought this statement was an indication of lack of interest, but I was wrong. No statements whatsoever, now that is an indication of lack of interest. And I will admit a harsh truth to you but only because no one I know reads this blog. Since there are very few people I know I am doubly insulated from the consequences of confessing my true feelings. Here goes–I am hurt and I am sad. I always knew that old and ugly would only go so far.
I also knew that as my lawsuit draws to a close, people in my life who also know my opposition might drift away because there is no more information to take to the opposing side. Yes, there was a little bit of spying going on. To test my theory that interest in me was predicated upon getting material facts for the other side, I put a complete end to sharing anything about my lawsuit. Radio silence on the subject. Then I waited to see the response.
I had suspected three people were, perhaps, sharing what I told them. I listened carfully to their conversations, something easier to do now that I was not talking for twenty minute stretches about strategy and recent court events. The people asked questions they had never had to ask before since I always volunteered information. I maintained that there was nothing going on and in fact the whole thing was for all intents and purposes over and there was nothing more to tell. A few more meetings with the person inquiring about the case, and then, that was the last I heard from them. This includes the former birthday gift giver.
Let me tell you as someone who could not find anyone to go shark cage diving with her for her birthday, even if she paid, that is not something you would post on Tik Tok. I am only telling you because I will never see anyone who has read these words. My conclusion, the Tik Tok video about getting stood up on Thanksgiving is a publicity seeking stunt. Besides, it had a happy ending with the boyfriend filling the void. In real life, there is no significant other to fill the void and people don’t want to watch that kind of story, not even for three minutes.
There, I have been cringingly honest like I promised myself I would. Cringing honesty really does suck. Lol. Not.