Why did I choose street life over Ivy League success? Believe it or not, Addict thinking blocked access to the truth.

Why did I stop pursuing traditional success and choose by choosing an off track lifestyle? Bc I fell into the trap of addiction that NO ONE predicts. We never think we are making a permanent decision. Ok, we will use substances right now, but tomorrow, or shortly thereafter we are going to stop and get serious. We never think we will have problems quitting. We think as soon as we decide, this is over, the obsession will lift, or at least become manageable. The reason it appears that we choose drugs and alcohol over our careers or our families or anything else that is normal is because we have no idea that we are actually making a choice. We believe that this obsession is just a right now, only for today sort of thing. We lose all track of time on a daily basis, and on an annual basis. We have no idea that the day slip by. We have no idea that the year slip by. We only think this is a short temporary indulgence and we think right now means in the moment and we do not see that the moment stretches on and on. Years go by while we think we are just about to get back to “real life.”

Real life is what’s happening while we think it has yet to resume.

Caroleena, on the delusions of addiction

And when we do contemplate that eventual time that is never specified, the time that we will quit, we are quite certain that we will be able to do so. Because we tell ourselves this lie when we don’t even know we are lying, and what is the lie? The lie is: l”I can quit anytime I want to. I simply do not want to.” Two of the main delusions we have in addiction are: 1. We use bc we want to and not bc we are incapable of mastering the obsession the mss as he’s getting MORE appear to be a matter of life or death snd 2. What we are doing is only temporary, only right now. We are not losing any time. No matter how far away we move from, for Example, Harvard, we can step right back into the regular persons life anytime we want because we have barely been absent. We did not know that days months and then years have gone by. Yes we are aware of the time passing but somehow that we’re in this doesn’t told us in our heart and soul we still feel like we only just started this lifestyle and we can stop anytime we want to without having missed a beat. We have no idea there will be gaps in our resumes when we did not work for stretches of time. “Me, not work? When did I not work?” This is the kind of thought we would truly have if someone suggested we had no legitimate income for a long time. We know, on one level but then again we don’t. It’s like knowing the temperature is below zero but not feeling the frostbite.

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