HOW ADDICTION EASES LONELINESS

Pursuing Your Addiction is a Surefire Way to Meet People

I thought I was lonely and friendless bc of some internal flaw. Maybe. But maybe not. My research shows that in today’s world we spend our time in meaningless sub-social (my word) interactions mediated by a screen. Texting instead of calling. Facebooking people we will never see again or never meet in the first place, instead of putting in face to face time with a reach-out-and-touch human. Time wasted in meaningless chatter bc our souls feel lonely without constant contact with someone or someones. You can have a close relationship if you talk on the phone, and don’t see the person, but that is the maximum distance between two people if they are to be considered in a relationship. Take the voice out of an interaction that is not face to face and what we have is a bunch of pen pals.

Addiction’s Plus Side
If you want to get high you have to interact with people. If you are not independently wealthy you will need a hustle. Theft. Prostitution. Drug dealing. There are sub categories. You could be a shoplifter (colloquially called “booster”). Or an identity thief. Under prostitution you could work the streets or make it your mission to be the dealer’s girlfriend. Drug dealing could be as big time as you see in the movies or as small time as running the $10 baggie to the new customer so if it’s really an undercover cop the low level person will catch the 10 year case for actually handing the stuff to the officer.

Once your financing is in order, you either have to go to the dealer or find the person who knows the person. From what I have seen from my personal level heroin use in Hawaii, the bigger the dealer, the less likely he is to use the drug himself (though he might pull temporary sex partners from the drug using population.) All the books on making friends suggest shared hobbies as a springboard into relationships. Up the ante to shared obsession, and you’ve got instant companionship and association. Not friendship, of course, bc addiction brings out the cold hearted snake within the soul of every human. That primal, limbic brain is activated and addicts will do whatever is necessary, making it is best not to let the necessary occur.

But hey, we’ve got each other–ain’t we got fun? This fun is something I seldom hear spoken about when there’s talk about sobriety. What will I do with my time if I’m sober and who will I do it with. If people can’t get drugs or sex out of me, will anyone want me at all? Will I want anyone if interactions aren’t about using others? I get using and being used. That’s safe as a known phenomenon. Relationships based on…whatever they’re based on between people who love each other, I’ve never had that and wouldn’t know how to begin. I’m lonely and don’t know how to fix it bc my caustic wit isn’t reeling ’em in. I don’t know how to conclude this piece. I’ll just stop writing now

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I TOTALLY EMBARRASSED MYSELF TRYING TO SHOW A DATE I WAS AN EDUCATED HOOKER

THE ART OF SALES

Well over a decade ago, I worked for a prominent local car dealership for six days. The sixth day there was a drug test, and that was the end if my employment there. The six days were wonderfully educational. I learned so much about sales! Some lessons were intuitive, meaning, I could have guessed in my own. But other lessons were eye opening. For example, I knew I had to establish a bond with the potential buyer in order to make a sale, but I did not know that there were so many ways to establish this connection. I thought the only way to establish a bond was to show how much I had in common with the person. And that’s what I would endeavor to do whenever I got together with a potential trick. I would try to show what we had in common during the brief time between the pick up and the main event.

I MIGHT LOOK HISPANIC BUT I DON’T THINK I AM

I once met a potential client who was Puerto Rican. He said he thought I also was Puerto Rican because I looked Puerto Rican, in his opinion. I had heard that before because my birth mother wass white. I never met my birth father, and my birth mother was not sure who he was, not exactly. So when I spoke about my heritage I made an educated guess that I was part black. I was concerned that I would lose the date if I could not show that I had something in common with the Spanish speaking man, so I decided to demonstrate my knowledge of the Spanish language.

HOW HUMILIATING

I explained what I knew about my ethnic background to the potential date and I said confidently, proud of my knowledge of Spanish, “I am a mulatta.” I will never forget the look of pity in his face as he regarded me sympathetically.

Don’t ever call yourself that. Mulatto is a mule, an animal. It is a total insult. Almost as bad as the N word.”

Morena

I can still feel my face burning as I blushed a dusky red while he further explained that the word I was looking for was the word my suburban junior high school Spanish education had taught for “brunette.”
Morena. It means brunette, yes, but it’s also used for mixed race, curly hair, light brown skin. Morena. Never mulatta.

I HAVE ONE MORE STORY

I wish I could say that I had learned my lesson about trying to prove my proficiency in another language other than English. Unfortunately I have one more embarrassing story to share with you. I will share this story about how I tried to prove I wasn’t just an ordinary hooker very soon.

Adult Services Provider Tells How She Put Ads Online and the Results

I will continue the story I began in the previous post. In 2013, i was at a low point in my financial life and due to incarceration circumstances I did not know how pervasive the internet had become in life. A client I met while working the streets of downtown Honolulu referred me to a nation wide site for “hobbyists/mongers” and “providers.” I could invent a user name (what I called my stage name), post non-identifying yet sexy pictures, an email address and guys would get in touch. He assured me that if I continued to exercise and maintain my “all-star” body I’d be beating ’em off with a stick. I was sure to be as successful as I was in the late 1990’s and early 2000’s when, according to my wristwatch, one or more drivers bearing cash pulled over for me in less than a minute after I hit the street. The online sex market had largely replaced the open air sex market on the street.

Later I found out that the same person who praised my figure and guided me along the way was working with several different user names. One of them was my advocate, but one of them hated me. The persona who hated me did not have complimentary things to say about my body at all, and did all he could to sabotage me by saying I was unattractive, unskilled, late, boring, crazy, you name it. The one guy who always made sure my contact information was current online did not have a positive voice about me that was anywhere near as adamant as the voice of hatred.

Why would someone play games like this? I figured it out when I recognized phrases he had said to me in our sessions written under the hateful screen name and the nice screen name. He demanded to know why I thought it was him, but he did not demand the same honesty of himself. When I posted a blog about what he did, he created a new screen name that had never appeared before and wrote about me in the “Rip Off section of the adult web site, as if being with me was such a bad experience it was akin to a rip off. Someone wrote and thanked him for his feedback and assured him that I would not see that person either. Now that I think of it maybe everyone who had opinions, maybe all the heated debates about providers, maybe all the interest–was just one or two people with nothing to do but create an imaginary world that was all about discussing providers

Or–maybe there were just that many people who had things to say about me. Sure this guy invented a few names but maybe everyone else was really out there. Mercilessly evaluating every step and misstep I took. I learned from reviews that if a guy says “that’s ok” he often doesn’t mean it and the thing that he reassured me about would be the very thing he blasted me for. Oh well. Comes with the territory.

I could say at least they are talking about me. However, I do not believe that all publicity is good publicity when it comes to internet customer reviews. Anyone have a different experience? As for my question about why someone would be an internet friend and also an internet troll–I never got an answer and I doubt someone like him can ever admit to lying. I don’t think I will ever know they reason why.

What is the difference between mahus in Honolulu and transgender women in the mainland United States? *Again, my unsupported opinion with lots of generalizations

When I was on the street I stayed in Downtown Honolulu, on Kukui Street. Men knew that was the place to go to find women and mahus who did sex work for cheaper rates than Waikiki women. Mahus aren’t simply men dressed as women. (I will find out if the term mahu has been replaced. I mean no offense.) They self identify as women and everyone else uses “she” and “her” when referring to them.

MAINLAND UNITED STATES “TRANSVESTITES”

Transvestites on the mainland, from what I understand, crossdress secret part of their lives. They are usually heterosexual and the crossdressing is a secret and separate part of their lives. On the mainland, public transvestites are exclusively sex workers in some capacity. They often dress in very sexually provocative ways, which makes sense to me bc heterosexual men would like women who put their sexuality out there for all to view. Yes, I know, a big generalization. Transgender people want to become the other gender, in fact they believe their brain is actually wired to be a gender their body doesn’t manifest. They don’t necessarily want to be in the sex trade and don’t push their sexuality on the public. They just want to be like everyone else in their chosen gender.

WHAT TO EXPECT IN HAWAII

In my humble opinion, mahus totally want to stand out. They are very aggressively hypersexual, almost charicatures of women. This aggression strikes me as very masculine. It would not be unusual to see one on Kukui Street wearing a bikini with a blond wig, a fake feather boa around her neck and a parasol (a mini umbrella) in hand. Publicly, over the top. At any time of day or night. They hang out downtown in small groups when they’re not working. Like every other working girl, they put like 30 feet of distance between themselves and the next female so cars can pull over for the specifically desired girl. They may or may not be pursuing sex reassignment surgery and they date men, either as tricks but also in real relationships. I’ve never heard a man who’s girlfriend was a mahu call himself gay or call the significant other anything other than “my girlfriend.” That’s not to say all mahus are sex workers. I have seen bus drivers, cashier’s, bank tellers. But from what I have seen, a mahu isn’t a man trying to pass as a woman. Mahus are in their own category. And it’s a public life choice, not a secret.

POSSIBLE EXPLANATIONS FOR HAWAII’S OPEN ACCEPTANCE

Now that I think of it, I don’t see a lot of white mahus. They’re predominantly Samoan but they can be any race. There’s a story, maybe urban legend, that in Samoan families, if the last born is a boy he is raised as a girl, dressed as a girl and assigned traditionally female housekeeping tasks. Someone once said that when Hawaiians went to war against each other, before whites came, warriors killed all the males in a conquered village but not mahus. I have no idea if this is true but I do know it’s far more accepted in Hawaii, even in high schools and middle schools where mainland kids suffer if classmates think they are gay.

TABOOS AND MAHUS

It’s not taboo to be a mahu but it is taboo for a straight guy to admit interest in mahus. From what I observed on Downtown Honolulu streets, there are many straight men with secret desires they want to secretly indulge. These men come downtown and say:

I like dick but I’m not gay.

I know what was said because men often said it to me, a woman through and through. Interestingly, my commitment to physical fitness put me right in the middle of men seeking men.

NEXT: HOW THE ACCEPTANCE OF MAHUS IN HAWAIIAN STREET SEX WORK IMPACTED ME (A WOMAN).

The Details of Sex Work: How do providers set up appointments with clients?

DISCLAIMER

*NOTE: This post is the combination of interviews with three different Honolulu providers told in the voice of one person. Any resemblance to actual people or events is unintentional. The story is based on actual events or is a total lie. FYI

MEETING GUYS ON THE STREET, FROM PHONE BOOK ADS, AND ONLINE

Eve had been a provider in Honolulu since the early 2000’s. She started working the streets to feed a drug habit. When she got off drugs in 2003 she found she could demand more money, because she was punctual, reliable and not in a rush to get out of there to get high. In those days, using the internet was not a way of life. People still looked for services and providers by using the phone book. Eve contacted some ads under Escorts in the yellow pages and started taking referrals from the owner of the escort service featured in the Yellow Page ads. She made $300 an hour but she owed half upfront to the service so her take home was $150, minus $40 for the driver, so $110 an hour. Very frustrating to part with more than 50% of the money once she held the bills in her hands and smelled that money smell. But it’s not like she paid taxes! A long term client she had first met during her days as a Kukui Street hooker told her about the new world of online advertising. She could post ads, offering her time, or looking for film or print opportunities. All legal. Never did she offer sex or hint that she could be persuaded. She would be paid for her time and what she chose to do with that time was up to her.  Sex was not forbidden but she was not obligated. This is the same line she ran to guys who picked her up on the street. Experienced guys knew that it was the verbal agreement to exchange something of perceived value for sex that was illegal, and not the exchange of money. Old timers didn’t ask questions like “what are we going to do?” or “what is on the menu” because that’s what cops said to bait women into saying something incriminating so they make arrests. On the street she wanted to get into a car that pulled over for her and just make small talk until they got to a spot she suggested if he didn’t have a place or a preference. When guys answered her online ads she wanted to limit the topic of emails/calls/texts to appointment setting. If they asked questions she would have to cut their line because she could not risk getting arrested. And the $300 was all hers when she ran her own gig online. That’s a brief overview of the process of meeting clients. Let’s get more specific.

The picture shows a site —this site–about providers and is not actually a dating site, but you get the idea that people use their phones to go online and contact providers.

When advertising online, it is vital to mix sexiness with propriety while maintaining anonymity if you want to get clients and stay out of jail.

Readers might say, “Don’t be coy with us! Tell the truth, if you really value your readers and want to keep them? When the provider makes contact with the potential customer how is the arrangement arranged when the act of arranging can get a person arrested? It is illegal to trade sex for money. The next logical question: Is the statement “I offer my time” code for “You know you are really going to get sex. It’s just forbidden for me to say that, so don’t put me in an awkward position by asking me to give details. Just show up at the appointed time, silently place your envelope in a conspicuous location, and trust the process.

Can Men Expect Providers to Post Identifiable Pictures?

Some Providers Lie

Providers have to hide their faces in online ads.

Please don't identify me
Hidden identity

They don’t get in trouble with the law or shamed by society. Some providers use the need to be anonymous as a chance to post pix that are totally not real. Who can be sure, right? Wrong.

Unmask her!
Once she is unmasked, he will still go for it, whatever her appearance.

MEN WANT SEX NOW

If you can get a guy in the door with the promise of guaranteed sex, he will more likely than not go through with the interaction. Men know they were tricked but lose the power to go against the sex drive. That’s thinking with the little head.

MEN ARE ANGRY LATER. SO?

When the little head goes to sleep, and the big head resumes the thinking responsibilities, the men are angry about the deception. They vow never to return. They post bad reviews. So what? That’s what the provider thinks. Better one and done–than none.