HOW ADDICTION EASES LONELINESS

Pursuing Your Addiction is a Surefire Way to Meet People

I thought I was lonely and friendless bc of some internal flaw. Maybe. But maybe not. My research shows that in today’s world we spend our time in meaningless sub-social (my word) interactions mediated by a screen. Texting instead of calling. Facebooking people we will never see again or never meet in the first place, instead of putting in face to face time with a reach-out-and-touch human. Time wasted in meaningless chatter bc our souls feel lonely without constant contact with someone or someones. You can have a close relationship if you talk on the phone, and don’t see the person, but that is the maximum distance between two people if they are to be considered in a relationship. Take the voice out of an interaction that is not face to face and what we have is a bunch of pen pals.

Addiction’s Plus Side
If you want to get high you have to interact with people. If you are not independently wealthy you will need a hustle. Theft. Prostitution. Drug dealing. There are sub categories. You could be a shoplifter (colloquially called “booster”). Or an identity thief. Under prostitution you could work the streets or make it your mission to be the dealer’s girlfriend. Drug dealing could be as big time as you see in the movies or as small time as running the $10 baggie to the new customer so if it’s really an undercover cop the low level person will catch the 10 year case for actually handing the stuff to the officer.

Once your financing is in order, you either have to go to the dealer or find the person who knows the person. From what I have seen from my personal level heroin use in Hawaii, the bigger the dealer, the less likely he is to use the drug himself (though he might pull temporary sex partners from the drug using population.) All the books on making friends suggest shared hobbies as a springboard into relationships. Up the ante to shared obsession, and you’ve got instant companionship and association. Not friendship, of course, bc addiction brings out the cold hearted snake within the soul of every human. That primal, limbic brain is activated and addicts will do whatever is necessary, making it is best not to let the necessary occur.

But hey, we’ve got each other–ain’t we got fun? This fun is something I seldom hear spoken about when there’s talk about sobriety. What will I do with my time if I’m sober and who will I do it with. If people can’t get drugs or sex out of me, will anyone want me at all? Will I want anyone if interactions aren’t about using others? I get using and being used. That’s safe as a known phenomenon. Relationships based on…whatever they’re based on between people who love each other, I’ve never had that and wouldn’t know how to begin. I’m lonely and don’t know how to fix it bc my caustic wit isn’t reeling ’em in. I don’t know how to conclude this piece. I’ll just stop writing now

Advertisements

What is the difference between mahus in Honolulu and transgender women in the mainland United States? *Again, my unsupported opinion with lots of generalizations

When I was on the street I stayed in Downtown Honolulu, on Kukui Street. Men knew that was the place to go to find women and mahus who did sex work for cheaper rates than Waikiki women. Mahus aren’t simply men dressed as women. (I will find out if the term mahu has been replaced. I mean no offense.) They self identify as women and everyone else uses “she” and “her” when referring to them.

MAINLAND UNITED STATES “TRANSVESTITES”

Transvestites on the mainland, from what I understand, crossdress secret part of their lives. They are usually heterosexual and the crossdressing is a secret and separate part of their lives. On the mainland, public transvestites are exclusively sex workers in some capacity. They often dress in very sexually provocative ways, which makes sense to me bc heterosexual men would like women who put their sexuality out there for all to view. Yes, I know, a big generalization. Transgender people want to become the other gender, in fact they believe their brain is actually wired to be a gender their body doesn’t manifest. They don’t necessarily want to be in the sex trade and don’t push their sexuality on the public. They just want to be like everyone else in their chosen gender.

WHAT TO EXPECT IN HAWAII

In my humble opinion, mahus totally want to stand out. They are very aggressively hypersexual, almost charicatures of women. This aggression strikes me as very masculine. It would not be unusual to see one on Kukui Street wearing a bikini with a blond wig, a fake feather boa around her neck and a parasol (a mini umbrella) in hand. Publicly, over the top. At any time of day or night. They hang out downtown in small groups when they’re not working. Like every other working girl, they put like 30 feet of distance between themselves and the next female so cars can pull over for the specifically desired girl. They may or may not be pursuing sex reassignment surgery and they date men, either as tricks but also in real relationships. I’ve never heard a man who’s girlfriend was a mahu call himself gay or call the significant other anything other than “my girlfriend.” That’s not to say all mahus are sex workers. I have seen bus drivers, cashier’s, bank tellers. But from what I have seen, a mahu isn’t a man trying to pass as a woman. Mahus are in their own category. And it’s a public life choice, not a secret.

POSSIBLE EXPLANATIONS FOR HAWAII’S OPEN ACCEPTANCE

Now that I think of it, I don’t see a lot of white mahus. They’re predominantly Samoan but they can be any race. There’s a story, maybe urban legend, that in Samoan families, if the last born is a boy he is raised as a girl, dressed as a girl and assigned traditionally female housekeeping tasks. Someone once said that when Hawaiians went to war against each other, before whites came, warriors killed all the males in a conquered village but not mahus. I have no idea if this is true but I do know it’s far more accepted in Hawaii, even in high schools and middle schools where mainland kids suffer if classmates think they are gay.

TABOOS AND MAHUS

It’s not taboo to be a mahu but it is taboo for a straight guy to admit interest in mahus. From what I observed on Downtown Honolulu streets, there are many straight men with secret desires they want to secretly indulge. These men come downtown and say:

I like dick but I’m not gay.

I know what was said because men often said it to me, a woman through and through. Interestingly, my commitment to physical fitness put me right in the middle of men seeking men.

NEXT: HOW THE ACCEPTANCE OF MAHUS IN HAWAIIAN STREET SEX WORK IMPACTED ME (A WOMAN).

Hookers who deny having sex with the practice of “trick f*****g”

It’s very common for sex workers to deny having sex with tricks. They are aware of the social stigma associated with hooking, of course. Many say they usually “just talk,” when asked what they do with guys. A lot of women in jail asked me what i did with the guys and it was easier to claim conversation. I always detected disdain in the question. Of course Iwanted to save face. Once, in jail, I heard a working girl acknowledge that it is quicker and easier to simply have sex with the guy then to take the time to try and avoid having sex with him by stringing him along until he has to depart. But her honesty was rare. Most working girls, myself included, say “oh no not me I don’t actually have sex with the guys.” Consider the following text I received a couple of months ago from a Honolulu based working girl I will call Skye.

You know I hardly ever have sex with Bryce and he gives me a grip of money every day. At least $300. I bet you couldn’t say that anybody gives you anything.

–“Sky,” self described Honolulu based “Ho” in a 2018 text to this author

I won’t use this space to discuss her speculation about me. However, her text is a useful, word for word quotation from her that shows how one provider attempted to insult a former provider for doing the very thing she herself does. “Hardly ever” is not a denial, but it is a way to distance herself from shame.

Ever heard of “trick f*****g”?

“Trick f*****g” is the practice of somehow using enough lubricant on one’s cleverly positioned hand to make the trick think that he has actually penetrated the provider when in fact she is holding his member in her hand. I have heard many providers claim to do it and do it so well they have repeat customers who do not know they have never had sex with the provider.

That’s why they are called ‘tricks.’

A provider who claimed to avoid intercourse altogether in a 2010 discussion.

No one wants to be on the losing team. Everyone wants to be a winner. So it is natural for providers to say they are not like the rest of the providers who don’t know enough to avoid sex. I guess that’s why i have heard one provider call another a name she could call herself. I suppose it is normal to hear one provider call another provider “whore” with every ounce of derision that she can muster. Why? Providers do not self identity has hookers, even if they flippantly use the word “Ho” the way “Skye” does. There is very little unity among providers. Maybe because no one wants to admit she is a member of a group, even if she is.

The money is good but there is a lot of sneakiness involved–for one, providers often hide that they aren’t really doing what they claim to do.

Identity Theft Precautions Clearly Show America’s Sexual Standards For Female Virginity

Eye catching title? I hope so. I hope many people are intrigued to find out how i connect identity theft and sexual customs. First, what is identity theft? The financial system is set up to keep us in debt. We must borrow money and pay it back slowly over a period of time. If we have no debt we have either no credit, or our credit score drops. If we have no debt creditors won’t take a chance on our unproven fiduciary about our fiduciary trustworthiness. If we pay the debt off quickly, our credit age, which is length of time we have had a debt account, is reduced. We do not prove we will repay our debts over an extended time. To my way of thinking avoiding debt or repaying loans quickly is a good sign of trustworthiness, but then again I am not someone who profits off of the interest that is charged to people who owe money.

We must acquire debt if we ever want a loan for a significant amount of money. Many people do this by applying for credit cards using identifying information on the application. Certain identifiers are not unique, such as date of birth, but the combination of this birthday with that name and social security number should be unique to one person. Every American has a date of birth, a gender, a name, a social security number, and a residence, for example. You must guard this information because in the digital age anyone can go online and use someone else’s information to apply for a credit card. There is no one looking to notice the gender or age. No one would see, for example, that I am not a 23 year old male. My identity would be hidden, unattached to the procedure. Therefore if I were inclined to be an identity thief and had acquired someone else’s personal information, I could use his information as if I were him to obtain a credit card “in his name,” as the saying goes. The items would go to anonymous me, the debt to the victim.

Everyone is eligible to apply for credit with the same personal information we all possess. There is never piece of personal information that we are all assumed to possess that interests me. Mother’s maiden name. The maiden, or virginal/unmarried name, is your mother’s surname before she married and took your father’s name. There is a universal sexual standard for women. First, a woman will marry, replace her original surname with her husband’s name, and only then have a child. Surely everyone’s mother has a maiden name just as everyone has a date of birth. I have never seen the request for mother’s maiden name followed by the words, “if applicable.” A woman is a mother therefore she must be married because no way is she screwing around “out of wedlock” and she certainly would not present an “illegitimate” child to the world by giving the nfant her maiden name as his surname. In the United States sexual sins of the mother are passed to the children. Hence an innocent fetus is given the lifelong stigmatizing label “illegitimate” or even “bastard.”

One might argue that this model is no longer universal. Customs have changed, terminology just has to catch up. My answer to that claim is: the emphasis on knowing and protecting your personal information is recent because the widespread use of the internet is only a 21st century phenomenon. This standard as been reaffirmed, like, the other day.

Do you think there’s a secret committee that runs everything? They might have said “let’s formalize sexually acceptable behavior for women in an unexpectedly subtle way.”

Maybe.

Are Men Who Pay For Sex Sad Sacks or Sickos?

Before I got involved with prostitution I had preconceived ideas about the type of men who paid for sex. I possessed no actual facts and so complete was my ignorance that I did not know I knew nothing. Secure in my rightness, I thought there were only two types of people who hired sex workers. The “losers” who were utterly lacking in appeal for any number if reasons and needed to provide financial incentives to obtain companionship. The losers were used and abused by women who only wanted money, but mistreatment was better than isolation. No money, no honey. When I saw media coverage of a 90 year old man who drew up a new will that cut out his kids and left everything to his favorite sex worker, I thought him pitiful and deluded.

What type of men played with fire.?

The second category of my imaginary client population was the “sicko.” These depraved sexual sadists hired sex workers to victimize them. They took advantage of the perceived police indifference to the lives of hookers to do as much damage to as many disadvantaged people as possible until finally society couldn’t turn a blind eye to the discarded bodies of murder victims. He considered himself a hero for ridding society of these problems. One client told me this joke: Question: What do you call a black woman who has an abortion? Answer: A crime fighter. When a story about some guy cutting off a prostitute’s head and throwing her mutilated remains in a Waikiki dumpster made news I thought that behavior was to be expected from any man who paid for sex. Something was wrong with these guys, right?

Sadists & Suckers

My desire for drugs, crack cocaine in the early years on the street overcame my fear. Apprehensively, I jumped into cars with strange men. but I got out of the same cars thoughtfully. These guys were nothing like I imagined! Facts can sure screw with a world view. Dear Readers, Introducing:

NOT SICKOS OR SAD SACKS-OBSERVATIONS ABOUT MEN WHO HIRED STREETWALKERS.

Wow! Took me over a year of hardcore self involvement to even think to write about someone other than myself, but I have finally arrived. Look for posts on the topic of client motivation. We welcome input from any guy who’d like to share his motives in the comments section.

What type of men played with fire.?