TRANSGENDER–ME? AN UNEXPECTEDLY CONSTANT ISSUE FOR ME ON THE STREET

Ivy League X-Streetwalker in Honolulu

Transgender–Me? Part I

Inquiring Minds Want to Know

Trans-What?

When I was young, I don’t remember knowing the word transgender. Now the word is a part of public life. Transgender is a word that has become a part of my personal life, and I couldn’t be more surprised.

I Have Always Been Female and I never had to say so on the mainland United States

A former associate named Ross said he knows somebody who knew Caroleena in California when she was a man,” a gossip said to his girlfriend– right in front of me–just yesterday, March 30, 2019. He watched for my reaction. I did not give him a reaction. Disappointed, he went back to muttering to himself and ignoring his girlfriend while she regaled me with a list of complaints about him. I listened to her with half an ear but my mind was preoccupied by speculation about this man’s motive for repeating this gossip about me in front of me. In Hawaii, if you ask someone if she is really a man it’s possible that you are voicing a legit question, not trying to offend. It is not unusual for men to become mahus and in the drug addict “community” I would say one out of five women is really a man. When I worked the streets downtown I was asked at least one hundred times by potential dates if I was a girl or a boy as soon as I get it into the vehicle that had pulled over for me. I was confident I had the right answer, but many times the driver’s expression changed from expectant to disappointed. “Nevermind, that’s ok I’ll pull over so you can get out. Oh! Here’s $20 for your time,” the kinder drivers would say before we had gone two blocks. I was glad to get the money for nothing but rejection was embarrassing even if no one was watching me climb out of the car before the driver took the usual, ”mauka” (towards the mountains) turn that signalled the new, temporary couple was heading for a rendezvous spot in the vehicle or at his residence.

Two, No Three, Reasons for the question

The Honolulu street level sex worker scene is known for being heavily “staffed” with the unconventionally gendered, so to speak. But there were reasons I, personally was singled out and asked if I had been s lifelong female. I had devoted myself to exercise. This practice has left me with the physique commonly seen in workout videos. Ok, I am flattering myself. I wish I looked like I might’ve starred in a Beachbody video. Not quite. I am not all that, but it’s unheard of for a female addict to have great muscle tone.. Hawaii is not an exercise Mecca. Obesity is normal and pretty much ok. Island locals have regularly mocked me for being unfeminine and ocd. But educated east coast women like me would find me quite normal.

I’m not just fit. There are those who would say, I’m pretty. A double whammy.“The mahus look better than the women downtown,” I heard many times. Years of using drugs can take its toll physically and spiritually. Women “out there” give up on being pretty. I’ve seen it–women’s complete reliance on proferring what’s between the legs to earn money for the next high. Make up, styled hair. Who cared? Women on the street were watching their looks fade, especially the ice smokers with their rotting teeth. Mahus were just coming into their looks. They cared about their looks, and I cared about mine, especially my teeth. In my youth, and even in my more mature years “out there,” men considered me pretty. If I did not get one compliment every day, I felt distressed, bc I hadn’t gotten my second fix. I exercised st public parks and used public bathrooms for doing drugs AND brushing my teeth.“You’re not like the other women down here. You take care of yourself. That’s why I wasn’t sure about you” one client had said as an apology for asking if I was a “real” woman. I basked in what I perceived as praise. I never expected that the traits I valued were the same characteristics that made people question me. Those are two reasons people are asked. I believe I know about a third reason.

I never expected that the traits I valued were the same characteristics that made people question me. Those are two reasons people are asked. I believe I know about a third reason.

SURPRISE!

Men asked then, and continue to ask this day, if I am a man or a woman not just because they think I might really be a man. They HOPE I am a man. They are voicing a desire not a doubt.

If only out had d*** to go with that pretty face. You’d be perfect.”

–wistful words of a disappointed man before asking me to exit his vehicle

I will share my theories. Stay tuned for more in Part II of “Transgender–Me?” Find out more about what men hoped for and the complex reasons why they wished I was really a man.

Love, Caroleena, May 2, 2019

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What is the difference between mahus in Honolulu and transgender women in the mainland United States? *Again, my unsupported opinion with lots of generalizations

When I was on the street I stayed in Downtown Honolulu, on Kukui Street. Men knew that was the place to go to find women and mahus who did sex work for cheaper rates than Waikiki women. Mahus aren’t simply men dressed as women. (I will find out if the term mahu has been replaced. I mean no offense.) They self identify as women and everyone else uses “she” and “her” when referring to them.

MAINLAND UNITED STATES “TRANSVESTITES”

Transvestites on the mainland, from what I understand, crossdress secret part of their lives. They are usually heterosexual and the crossdressing is a secret and separate part of their lives. On the mainland, public transvestites are exclusively sex workers in some capacity. They often dress in very sexually provocative ways, which makes sense to me bc heterosexual men would like women who put their sexuality out there for all to view. Yes, I know, a big generalization. Transgender people want to become the other gender, in fact they believe their brain is actually wired to be a gender their body doesn’t manifest. They don’t necessarily want to be in the sex trade and don’t push their sexuality on the public. They just want to be like everyone else in their chosen gender.

WHAT TO EXPECT IN HAWAII

In my humble opinion, mahus totally want to stand out. They are very aggressively hypersexual, almost charicatures of women. This aggression strikes me as very masculine. It would not be unusual to see one on Kukui Street wearing a bikini with a blond wig, a fake feather boa around her neck and a parasol (a mini umbrella) in hand. Publicly, over the top. At any time of day or night. They hang out downtown in small groups when they’re not working. Like every other working girl, they put like 30 feet of distance between themselves and the next female so cars can pull over for the specifically desired girl. They may or may not be pursuing sex reassignment surgery and they date men, either as tricks but also in real relationships. I’ve never heard a man who’s girlfriend was a mahu call himself gay or call the significant other anything other than “my girlfriend.” That’s not to say all mahus are sex workers. I have seen bus drivers, cashier’s, bank tellers. But from what I have seen, a mahu isn’t a man trying to pass as a woman. Mahus are in their own category. And it’s a public life choice, not a secret.

POSSIBLE EXPLANATIONS FOR HAWAII’S OPEN ACCEPTANCE

Now that I think of it, I don’t see a lot of white mahus. They’re predominantly Samoan but they can be any race. There’s a story, maybe urban legend, that in Samoan families, if the last born is a boy he is raised as a girl, dressed as a girl and assigned traditionally female housekeeping tasks. Someone once said that when Hawaiians went to war against each other, before whites came, warriors killed all the males in a conquered village but not mahus. I have no idea if this is true but I do know it’s far more accepted in Hawaii, even in high schools and middle schools where mainland kids suffer if classmates think they are gay.

TABOOS AND MAHUS

It’s not taboo to be a mahu but it is taboo for a straight guy to admit interest in mahus. From what I observed on Downtown Honolulu streets, there are many straight men with secret desires they want to secretly indulge. These men come downtown and say:

I like dick but I’m not gay.

I know what was said because men often said it to me, a woman through and through. Interestingly, my commitment to physical fitness put me right in the middle of men seeking men.

NEXT: HOW THE ACCEPTANCE OF MAHUS IN HAWAIIAN STREET SEX WORK IMPACTED ME (A WOMAN).

Hookers who deny having sex with the practice of “trick f*****g”

It’s very common for sex workers to deny having sex with tricks. They are aware of the social stigma associated with hooking, of course. Many say they usually “just talk,” when asked what they do with guys. A lot of women in jail asked me what i did with the guys and it was easier to claim conversation. I always detected disdain in the question. Of course Iwanted to save face. Once, in jail, I heard a working girl acknowledge that it is quicker and easier to simply have sex with the guy then to take the time to try and avoid having sex with him by stringing him along until he has to depart. But her honesty was rare. Most working girls, myself included, say “oh no not me I don’t actually have sex with the guys.” Consider the following text I received a couple of months ago from a Honolulu based working girl I will call Skye.

You know I hardly ever have sex with Bryce and he gives me a grip of money every day. At least $300. I bet you couldn’t say that anybody gives you anything.

–“Sky,” self described Honolulu based “Ho” in a 2018 text to this author

I won’t use this space to discuss her speculation about me. However, her text is a useful, word for word quotation from her that shows how one provider attempted to insult a former provider for doing the very thing she herself does. “Hardly ever” is not a denial, but it is a way to distance herself from shame.

Ever heard of “trick f*****g”?

“Trick f*****g” is the practice of somehow using enough lubricant on one’s cleverly positioned hand to make the trick think that he has actually penetrated the provider when in fact she is holding his member in her hand. I have heard many providers claim to do it and do it so well they have repeat customers who do not know they have never had sex with the provider.

That’s why they are called ‘tricks.’

A provider who claimed to avoid intercourse altogether in a 2010 discussion.

No one wants to be on the losing team. Everyone wants to be a winner. So it is natural for providers to say they are not like the rest of the providers who don’t know enough to avoid sex. I guess that’s why i have heard one provider call another a name she could call herself. I suppose it is normal to hear one provider call another provider “whore” with every ounce of derision that she can muster. Why? Providers do not self identity has hookers, even if they flippantly use the word “Ho” the way “Skye” does. There is very little unity among providers. Maybe because no one wants to admit she is a member of a group, even if she is.

The money is good but there is a lot of sneakiness involved–for one, providers often hide that they aren’t really doing what they claim to do.

Identity Theft Precautions Clearly Show America’s Sexual Standards For Female Virginity

Eye catching title? I hope so. I hope many people are intrigued to find out how i connect identity theft and sexual customs. First, what is identity theft? The financial system is set up to keep us in debt. We must borrow money and pay it back slowly over a period of time. If we have no debt we have either no credit, or our credit score drops. If we have no debt creditors won’t take a chance on our unproven fiduciary about our fiduciary trustworthiness. If we pay the debt off quickly, our credit age, which is length of time we have had a debt account, is reduced. We do not prove we will repay our debts over an extended time. To my way of thinking avoiding debt or repaying loans quickly is a good sign of trustworthiness, but then again I am not someone who profits off of the interest that is charged to people who owe money.

We must acquire debt if we ever want a loan for a significant amount of money. Many people do this by applying for credit cards using identifying information on the application. Certain identifiers are not unique, such as date of birth, but the combination of this birthday with that name and social security number should be unique to one person. Every American has a date of birth, a gender, a name, a social security number, and a residence, for example. You must guard this information because in the digital age anyone can go online and use someone else’s information to apply for a credit card. There is no one looking to notice the gender or age. No one would see, for example, that I am not a 23 year old male. My identity would be hidden, unattached to the procedure. Therefore if I were inclined to be an identity thief and had acquired someone else’s personal information, I could use his information as if I were him to obtain a credit card “in his name,” as the saying goes. The items would go to anonymous me, the debt to the victim.

Everyone is eligible to apply for credit with the same personal information we all possess. There is never piece of personal information that we are all assumed to possess that interests me. Mother’s maiden name. The maiden, or virginal/unmarried name, is your mother’s surname before she married and took your father’s name. There is a universal sexual standard for women. First, a woman will marry, replace her original surname with her husband’s name, and only then have a child. Surely everyone’s mother has a maiden name just as everyone has a date of birth. I have never seen the request for mother’s maiden name followed by the words, “if applicable.” A woman is a mother therefore she must be married because no way is she screwing around “out of wedlock” and she certainly would not present an “illegitimate” child to the world by giving the nfant her maiden name as his surname. In the United States sexual sins of the mother are passed to the children. Hence an innocent fetus is given the lifelong stigmatizing label “illegitimate” or even “bastard.”

One might argue that this model is no longer universal. Customs have changed, terminology just has to catch up. My answer to that claim is: the emphasis on knowing and protecting your personal information is recent because the widespread use of the internet is only a 21st century phenomenon. This standard as been reaffirmed, like, the other day.

Do you think there’s a secret committee that runs everything? They might have said “let’s formalize sexually acceptable behavior for women in an unexpectedly subtle way.”

Maybe.

Hooker Hacks #2

You can charge the most for a good or service when the perceived value of the product is highest. That is one of several reasons to get the money first. People never want to pay for a service after they’ve had an experience because they do not get anything after handing over their money. Without the dopamine rush of anticipatory pleasure,img_20181108_023405822874227794291028.jpg clients feel disappointed or even hustled in spite of the fact that you are merely following the terms of your agreement.  Recall the feeling of paying a credit card bill for bygone fun. You don’t want that credit card feeling to be his last impression of you.