I owe you, my beloved readers, an apology and an amends, amend as in mending or fixing what I am sorry about. It’s ok to be wrong. To refuse to admit a mistake is like saying Jesus ✝️ is my closest peer, what with both of us being perfect. Yeah, right. Here goes.
It’s June 24, 2019 and I am sorry that I failed to keep my word. I was looking over all of my posts, passing on the ones with the most views. There had been a lot of interest in my invitation to you all, to join me remotely in my Honolulu🌺 prostitution👠 retrospective. I promised to give more of myself in 2019. I said I’d do videos, take you guys around Honolulu’s 🏪round the clock sex trade sites with my 📱phone camera. I planned one minute editorials, like Andy Rooney on “60 Minutes.”🎬
The year📅 is half over ⏳ and I have done nothing I promised. Why not? I chickened out. I worried about the condition of my skin. My skin, my nemesis for 30 years. Would my make up look clownish? Would my camera phone action come off as stupidly amateurish instead of simply genuine? Etcetera, ad nauseum. I feared mockery. Fear, my lifelong companion. Ridiculous bc I’m afraid of the non existent, but fear does not yield to logic. Fear laughs in logic’s face.
I’m going to cut myself some slack and ease into presenting myself to the world for mankind’s eternal record. I’m going to audiotape myself reading my posts to accompany the written work. (As I wrote that, the plan seemed a little redundant.) You can read my post and click on an icon to hear me read it? Yes, that’s the plan. It’s time to do something, anything, however silly is better than paralysis. It’s time to gather my strength and take the plunge. Yes! In my next post. Promise. Cross my heart and hope to die, stick a needle in my eye. Next time.🔜
I will continue the story I began in the previous post. In 2013, i was at a low point in my financial life and due to incarceration circumstances I did not know how pervasive the internet had become in life. A client I met while working the streets of downtown Honolulu referred me to a nation wide site for “hobbyists/mongers” and “providers.” I could invent a user name (what I called my stage name), post non-identifying yet sexy pictures, an email address and guys would get in touch. He assured me that if I continued to exercise and maintain my “all-star” body I’d be beating ’em off with a stick. I was sure to be as successful as I was in the late 1990’s and early 2000’s when, according to my wristwatch, one or more drivers bearing cash pulled over for me in less than a minute after I hit the street. The online sex market had largely replaced the open air sex market on the street.
Later I found out that the same person who praised my figure and guided me along the way was working with several different user names. One of them was my advocate, but one of them hated me. The persona who hated me did not have complimentary things to say about my body at all, and did all he could to sabotage me by saying I was unattractive, unskilled, late, boring, crazy, you name it. The one guy who always made sure my contact information was current online did not have a positive voice about me that was anywhere near as adamant as the voice of hatred.
Why would someone play games like this? I figured it out when I recognized phrases he had said to me in our sessions written under the hateful screen name and the nice screen name. He demanded to know why I thought it was him, but he did not demand the same honesty of himself. When I posted a blog about what he did, he created a new screen name that had never appeared before and wrote about me in the “Rip Off section of the adult web site, as if being with me was such a bad experience it was akin to a rip off. Someone wrote and thanked him for his feedback and assured him that I would not see that person either. Now that I think of it maybe everyone who had opinions, maybe all the heated debates about providers, maybe all the interest–was just one or two people with nothing to do but create an imaginary world that was all about discussing providers
Or–maybe there were just that many people who had things to say about me. Sure this guy invented a few names but maybe everyone else was really out there. Mercilessly evaluating every step and misstep I took. I learned from reviews that if a guy says “that’s ok” he often doesn’t mean it and the thing that he reassured me about would be the very thing he blasted me for. Oh well. Comes with the territory.
I could say at least they are talking about me. However, I do not believe that all publicity is good publicity when it comes to internet customer reviews. Anyone have a different experience? As for my question about why someone would be an internet friend and also an internet troll–I never got an answer and I doubt someone like him can ever admit to lying. I don’t think I will ever know they reason why.
When I see math problems I automatically think of my work in the sex industry. I had a client who was a psychologist living a double life. He catered to addicts because he was one himself. Usually people with troubled backgrounds say they want to help others follow in their overcoming footsteps Not him. He wanted clients who could get him dope, inject him (seriously, true story), turn tricks with him, or serve as debt collectors. Every client had to participate in his game, help him get that next high. The threat of him causing a patient to return to prison due to a bad report to a probation officer from him was real but unspoken. I was not a person prone to being intimidated by others, but even I felt vulnerable. I understood why there are rules against people in power forming relationships with subordinates.
HE HAD A HIGH OPINION OF ME, FOR A HOOKER
He knew I was smart and complimented me when he said I was nearly intelligent enough to comprehend his writing. He got off on showing me reports that he wrote to parole officers about his patients–for his amusement. He would write, “patient relapsed today,” but wouldn’t say the person relapsed with him. Those reports were like trophies he kept to relive the victimization with some tangible reminder. I know about psychopaths and their souvenirs from watching Forensic Files.
THE SHOW I GAVE HIM
He find my perceived intelligence appealing in his tole as a trick. I saw him once a week and each time he had something new for me. He liked to watch me and whisper encouragement in my ear while I sat at his computer…and took I.Q. tests. A different type each week to measure different abilities. He wanted to see if I maintained my scores through my using.A sample question is
A is to 1
C is to 3
E is to ?
When I chose the correct answer and marked the proper multiple choice selection, he loved it. “Five! Yes! The answer is five!” he would cry in delight as his hand worked below his belt. After he always whispered,
You are so…so… smart. And cheap, too. I’m a lucky guy.
I liked the visits. I always enjoyed praise, even in the form of backhanded compliments. I also liked getting high during the date rather than waiting til after. I never told guys I was a user if they didn’t know. Drug use freaked out normal people. And the guys paid less for goods even more damaged than they thought.
WHATEVER HAPPENED TO HIM?
He is dead now. Suicide by hanging I heard. I also heard overdose. Who knows? Revenge killing perhaps. Maybe he sent the wrong person back to prison by getting high with him then ratting him out.
My beloved, late friend was a retired army medic who did two or three tours in Vietnam. I originally met him in a professional way, you now what mean, but the relationship evolved into something more, as all relationships do with extended contact. In this case the something more was real friendship. He was very accepting of me, I see that now, and of people in general. He didn’t judge people and their idiosyncrasies. Here is an example. He often spoke of Bill Clinton and Monica Lewinsky:
The whole world laughed at our country for making s big deal out of that. If the president of the greatest country in the world can’t get no p**** in the Oval Office , there’s no hope for the rest of us.
My friend’s view was that men are dogs and there’s nothing that can be done to change nature. I’m sure he would have the same opinion of the latest so-called scandal involving the owner of this year’s Superbowl winner. Why in the world would anyone put prostitution on the same list as murder as we see in above cartoon? So the man wanted p****? After all, if he couldn’t get it there isn’t much hope for the rest of them, as my friend would have said.
They don’t get in trouble with the law or shamed by society. Some providers use the need to be anonymous as a chance to post pix that are totally not real. Who can be sure, right? Wrong.
MEN WANT SEX NOW
If you can get a guy in the door with the promise of guaranteed sex, he will more likely than not go through with the interaction. Men know they were tricked but lose the power to go against the sex drive. That’s thinking with the little head.
MEN ARE ANGRY LATER. SO?
When the little head goes to sleep, and the big head resumes the thinking responsibilities, the men are angry about the deception. They vow never to return. They post bad reviews. So what? That’s what the provider thinks. Better one and done–than none.
Are you reading this for an exclusive look into a secret world only a participant can offer?
Genuine Provider Review posted in the year 2000-something on internet forum for men around the United States to discuss providers. Reposted anonymously and verbatim (word or word without editing) with provider’s permission.
I don’t usually type reviews on here as much but I will say this provider is by far my all time favorite. I have to say she just clicks with you especially the positive vibe she gives off. 1). She easy to talk to and spiritual. 2). She has an amazing Body (Gurl can give your best version of Hallie Barry in her prime form or Jazmine Guy when she was in the 90’s in a Different World day’s) “cough” cough” I’m old school LOL. Anyways her session differs really but if you want full detail PM, But if you want a great causal, quiet, great sense of humor, very spiritual, understanding, amazing body, great choice in music picking gorgeous lady. Then she is DEFINITELY the provider you want to call.