Why don’t you women want to be more giving?
People do not have to care what I think. Society dismisses me once they learn of my past. There’s no such thing as “I was a hooker long ago.” People look at me as if what ever negative I was, is. People do not feel the need to be nice to me if they’d rather not. They don’t try to impress me. They do not worry I might share their secrets because a.people are unlikely to believe me and b. no one cares what I say anyway. The unexpected benefit:
People feel totally free to be fearlessly genuine in front of someone who can inflict no judgment.Caroleena, The Expert Escort
Continue reading “Why we should welcome vulgar remarks, according to the expert–me”
Providers, be wary of going forward with a new client if he is sexually vulgar or even just graphic from the get-go. You must wonder why a working girl should be concerned about sexual remarks. Isn’t sex the objective?
Counterintuitive as it may seem: If a woman is going to get with a guy for sex and he makes a sexual remark when they are working out the details, either by phone or in person, it is trouble. But why? If the encounter is going to be for sex? Men, if you will allow me to generalize without proof, pretty much always hope an encounter will lead to sex. Unless he is really distracted by life altering events, he has half a mind on sex. But the only time he will reveal the crude notions in his mind to a woman he does not know is if he does not respect her.
Men believe they are doing women a favor by lying to them about their true sexual natures. If they do not put on a polite front, then she is not worth lying to and that man is trouble for a woman, including a hooker who is going with a man to turn a date.
If I received a text from a guy that’s crude, I know one or more of the following things are true:
- He will stand me up
- He will try to withhold payment
- He will attempt to set me up to get me in trouble, whatever trouble looks like for me
- He will take back the money
Check out below ⤵️the text I received yesterday from a blog follower. This message is a great example of someone who is not really planning to see me, or if we met, I would totally regret it. If you are wondering why I am not used to this sort of vulgarity given my past, I must point out that the vast majority of men do not text me in such a fashion no matter what they wanted. Surprising, isn’t it?
Scammers are everywhere and they want you and me!
I don’t know how these people got my name and number but they seem to know me. For months I have received calls purportedly from the U.S. government warning me that if I did not do something about the illegal use of my social security number I could face a long prison term. I have asked around and I found that many other people have received this same call. None of the people I talk to are gullible enough to stay on the line to receive the solution from the caller so I cannot say they asked for money, but I am certain they would if I let them.
We are on the lookout for people who barge into our lives and try to get something for nothing, or worse, something at our expense. We expect this treatment from strangers because it is a cruel world. But what about the people we invite into our space? What do we do about the provider or the client who wants to take as much as possible and give as little as possible as a standard way of doing business? The extra treat for these people is to totally rip us off. I meet many people who show me their absolute worst selves. I think I have an insider’s view into the basest of humanity’s nature due to being identified as a sex worker. I belong to a class of people that society views as, at best, unimportant, most often, as expendable, and unfortunately, as low hanging fruit to be plucked, peeled, gutted, and then, once we are stripped down to almost nothing, tossed away. When something happens to a prostitute, the person viewing the news story (assuming a crime against a hooker is newsworthy) usually says “well, what did she expect?” and promptly forgets. I have learned from my forensic television educational programs that predators target people like me because they correctly assume law enforcement won’t care at all or won’t care as much as if we were real people. They get caught only when they accumulate numbers and there are just too many dead bodies left in public already. It is my unverifiable observation that when a man is caught for killing just one hooker that sex worker is always white. I can’t prove it but I believe I am right. [An interesting aside about my own biases, it would take proof for me to let go of a belief for which I lack proof. Hmmm, but enough about my confirmation bias.] Let’s focus on what I know: I know con artists, the up close and personal ones.
Interested in what a provider will do to rip you off? Are you a provider who wants to know the warning signs that a trick will turn ugly? I am going to share my observations. I have been called paranoid in the online discussion forum about providers for putting my screening methods in place to try to weed out the crazies after the phone call but before they reach me. Yet if something bad happened to me, people would say, “those are the only precautions she took before meeting up with strangers who want sex? That’s nuts.” Everyone’s a critic so when it comes to safety I do what I think is best, and I am well aware that by living in Oahu I am safe because this place is too damn small for anyone to get away with anything. On the mainland, i doubt I would still be here. Once I decided to ignore all my warning signs and meet up with guys who did not pass my test. The one meeting I had with a guy I would ordinarily have passed over ended with him wrenching his money out of my hands and daring me to do something about it. A more scientific study would have required me to ignore warning signs on multiple occasions for comparison purposes but I did not.
You are going to be privy to what I have learned about the people who will rob us through hard knocks, by deliberate experimentation, and from stories shared with me by self-congratulatory people who always assumed they were the smartest people in every room. I once heard if you are the smartest person in the room, you are in the wrong room. I like to think I have a different mindset than the thieves and can see them objectively. Of course we know that is not true. If you think I know something about the criminals you get naked with, stay tuned for the first installment of that very series:
THE CRIMINALS YOU GET NAKED WITH–WARNING SIGNS YOUR TRICK/PROVIDER IS ABOUT TO DO YOU IN
I had no idea I had been brainwashed to accept the idea that it’s OK to offer up little girls’ bodies
She knows your name
Contrary to what I have read on an internet discussion blog, providers do not call men “Honey” because the word rhymes with money. They call every guy Honey because they do not learn the guys’ names. There really is no point in learning a guy’s name because she may never see him again. Or if she does see him again, it won’t be that often. Also she is well aware of how he speaks about her online, hiding behind one or more screen names. She is sure he is unlikely to speak highly of her when he hooks up with his friends in person. what’s most common is that he doesn’t speak of her at all, but she knows what he thinks of her, what society in general thinks of her. So she doesn’t put herself out there. But if she actually calls you by your name, whatever you wanted to be called, she has taken the unusual step of getting to know you as a person, and she actually remembers something you told her about yourself. She is letting her natural femininity peek through, instead of trying for the detached male approach to sex that demands anonymity. So if she calls you by your actual name– you’re in there!
Cleavage interests men. The suggestion of a possibility of cleavage is enough to turn a man’s head. I think we women need to be realistic about what we can expect from men. No, a woman is never asking to be raped. Revealing clothes does not guarantee a consent to sex or even imply consent is possible. However, revealing clothes will draw attention. It is unfair of women to get angry, or say they are angry, when men look at their bodies. People always act like attention seeking is such a terrible sin. It’s alright to seek attention, everyone needs acknowledgment. Let’s be honest with ourselves when we are seeking attention. Let’s stop getting indignant over comments from strangers, because let us face it, men are going to say things and we can’t always expect a high standard of behavior from men when our breasts are highlighted. If our breasts are showcased, if the skirt is short, yes, we are asking for it—attention, that is. Not rape.
JUNIOR MISS BEAUTY PAGEANTS
Instead beauty pageants that require little girls to parade one by one in bikinis and makeup (as if to appeal to hetero men), let’s take little boys and dress them in speedos (as if to appeal to homosexual men).
Are you shocked? Me too. We have been brainwashed.
The idea of little boys presenting their bodies to adult gay men appalled me but the idea of little girls presenting their bodies to adult straight men merely irked me. Why don’t I have the same gut response to little girls presenting themselves? I know we all remember the high profile murder of the child beauty queen in Colorado, so we have all been exposed to pictures of little beauty queens. I used to feel simple disapproval of pix of her dressed as a Vegas showgirl, for one example. But I wasn’t horrified. But a little boy dressed as a Chippendale dancer–no, the very thought is awful, unnatural. Is it because I have seen adult women presenting themselves like that all of my life? Sure! No harm in women looking sexy. Not only did I accept women as one part sex object, I very much wanted to be objectified. Not all the time, not by everyone, but yes, I wanted to have moments when I was nothing but desirable. If I, a pretty intelligent woman, could embrace objectifying women or myself when I choose, how can I cry “foul” as men choose to leer? We have all been taught that’s one appropriate way to look at a female.
My point is that sometimes women have a double standard. We expect men to reject that which we women don’t really find offensive, if we are truly honest. I don’t cut men slack about rape, no way. But expecting them not to look at what’s been on display all of our lives, that’s unreasonable. The only enlightened people would be those as horrified by little girls in bikinis as little boys in speedos. I doubt there are many people in that camp after a lifetime in American culture.
From the most successful month in blog history, Nov 2018
I listen to people counsel victims of rape. And the one thing the counselors want to make clear above all else is that the victims have no reason to be ashamed. They have no reason to be ashamed because it was not their fault; they did not do anything to bring that tragedy upon themselves and therefore the shame is not upon them but upon the victimizer.
As a child I followed current events, being the lifelong nerd that I am, and I remember the ideological campaign to take the phrase “she asked for it,” out of the minds and mouths of people when thinking or speaking of rape. I remember change in courts of law after judges stopped allowing defense attorneys to enter into evidence the rape victim’s sexual history or manner of dress to prove she “only got what she deserved,” and thus she was not…
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Part II Secret Street Sex–Kaka’ako Park, Honolulu, island of Oahu, Hawaii
The above YouTube Link shows addiction, prostitution, gambling, top dollar tourist attractions, and natural paradise if you know what you’re looking at. Caroleena narrates brief YouTube clip full of apparent contradicting elements: a feral chicken colony descended from fighting cocks turned wild that were raised then released by gamblers, luxury accomodations and eateries, a parking lot great for working girls to turn tricks in the same vehicles that picked them up (“car dating”), great environmental beauty in a beach popular with surfers and photographers, and one of Honolulu’s ever-present homeless encampments.
SECRET STREET SEX IN HI
Please accept my apologies for the delay. I thought the YouTube videos I watched were simply selfies. They aren’t. It’s going to take a bit of time to learn the editing skills. But with the demand for an insider’s view so vocal, I figured, if they don’t want to see amateur selfies, they don’t have to watch. Right now, people are ok with the amateur selfies I’m taking. It’s only temporary. I am learning. I am so grateful you are bearing with me. What I don’t know about filming I more than make up for in knowledge. You get to be the first to know what I know.
In this clip, you will see a popular Honolulu spot we girls used to take dates to spend 10, 15 minutes. You might find it hard to believe such a beautiful place could also be the site of such seediness.
I was with a friend and noticed the fast food take out bags that he had at his place. I remembered us speaking about his plans to stop to get something quick to eat.
you didn’t go to jack in the box, you went to mcdonald’s. why would you lie about something like that?the confusion of a person who acts for the mutual benefit of participants
the artist must practice his craft.the narcissism of someone who uses people as tools for his exclusive amusement
I came to understand the difference between people who lie and people who, at the core of their beings, are liars.
In the above YouTube clip you will find the accompanying clip. My goal is to have something to say face to face to go along with my written words. Day 1. Hey, if I don’t practice how can I improve?
Be Aware–or if you are dealing with an unkind person, Beware–if you have someone in your life who lies as regularly as he breathes, the depth of the dishonesty will astound you. Let me illustrate my point with this little story:
I lived with a boyfriend who sold a product very much in demand by his circle of associates. People were always calling and demanding he appear, product in hand, five minutes ago. In order to appease the demands of the unreasonable he would say anything to get them off his back. I can’t tell you how many times we were laying in bed together and while he told the upset person on the other end of the line
“Dammit, I didn’t make the light. No matter what I do I always end up stuck at the red light here. That’s because there’s a left turn signal at this intersection….Look at this woman in front of me, why isn’t she turning..? There’s nothing I hate more than sitting twice through a light…Looks like there’s some kind of accident up ahead and all the rubberneckers have to slow down to get a look at nothing…You should go back upstairs. I will call you as soon as I turn onto your street. No point in waiting in the heat.”dodging obligations while maintaining the peace often requires dishonest answers to honest questions
I thought I was special. It never occurred to me that he would lie to me. Lying was something for other people, not for US. I thought I was part of a “WE” but there was really only just “ME.” I found out he viewed me as part of the rest of the world when I discovered bags from McDonald’s. I was shocked, and yes, hurt.
You told me you went to Jack in the Box. You didn’t go to Jack in the Box you went to McDonald’s. Why would you lie to me about that?Caroleena, on the verge of understanding her liar
Without missing a beat my boyfriend, soon to be my ex, but I didn’t know it then, responded:
The artist must practice his craft.the liar
He was almost out the door of our relationship so he did not honor me with the peacekeeping lie. The ultimate truth about him was there was no truth in him. So when you deal with someone who lies to other people all the time,be aware that you should not believe anything he says for reasons that make no sense to you– until you understand that what he will do to other people, he will do to you. Liars are solitary people who sacrifice everyone for “me” and reject the possibility of forming a “WE.” do not embrace the notion of “we” but clearly understand “them.”
GUYS HAVE SPOKEN PLAINLY ABOUT WHAT THEY WANT FROM PROVIDERS. I GUESS THERE ARE PLENTY OF SITES THAT FEATURE LIVELY REAL TIME DEBATES BETWEEN MEMBERS WHO SHARE A PASSIONATE INTEREST IN A TOPIC. THE SITE THAT I COMFORTABLY CALL “THE USA SITE” HOLDS DISCUSSION FORUMS FOR GUYS WHO SEE ADULT SEX WORKERS AND WANT TO TALK AMONG THEMSELVES ABOUT THE EXPERIENCES. MANY GUYS DON’T WANT THE PROVIDERS TO KNOW ABOUT THE SITE LEST THEY TAKE THE INFORMATION AND USE IT TO THEIR ADVANTAGE SOMEHOW. I HAVE SEEN A POST THAT SAID THE SITE HAD THE SAME RULE AS FIGHT CLUB–THE FIRST RULE ABOUT FIGHT CLUB (THE SITE) IS THERE IS NO TALKING ABOUT FIGHT CLUB (THE SITE). THERE IS A SMALL SPACE FOR WOMEN TO PUT ADS BUT THE SITE IS NOT A PLACE FOR ADVERTISING. THE MISSION IS FOR GUYS TO SHARE INFORMATION ABOUT PROVIDERS WITH OTHER GUYS SO PEOPLE CAN MAKE INFORMED DECISIONS, AVOID RIP OFFS, THE USUAL PURPOSES FOR REVIEWS. WHAT MAKES THE SITE DIFFERENT THAN SOMETHING LIKE YELP IS THAT THE GUYS HAVE ONGOING RELATIONSHIPS WITH EACH OTHER, OUTSIDE OF TALKING ABOUT A CERTAIN PROVIDER OR TOPIC. THEY RELATE TO ONE ANOTHER IN SUCH A WAY THAT THEY FORM AN ALL MALE COMMUNITY OF SO-CALLED “MONGERS” OR “HOBBYISTS,” OR MOST RECENTLY “ADMIRERS.’ I ONCE HEARD A RUMOR THAT THE GUYS MEET UP TO DECIDE WHOSE CAREER TO PROMOTE, ETC., BUT I ONLY HEARD THAT RUMOR ONCE. FOR THE MOST PART THE MEMBERS DON’T MEET IN PERSON.
THE COMMUNITY IS STRUCTURED. AT THE TOP YOU HAVE THE ADMINISTRATOR “A2′ WHO INTERJECTS HIS OWN BRIEF POSTS WITH SARCASTIC HUMOR. A2 ALWAYS SOUNDS FAINTLY CONTEMPTUOUS OF THE PEOPLE HE OVERSEES AND OVERTLY CONTEMPTUOUS OF THE WOMEN. TO HIS CREDIT HE DOES A GOOD JOB OF KEEPING RACIST COMMENTARY OUT, AND HE DOES NOT ALLOW THE LOCATIONS AND OTHER IDENTIFYING INFO OF PROVIDERS TO GET OUT, ALTHOUGH HE DOES NOT SCREEN FOR INSULTS TOWARD WOMEN. IN HIS ANGRY WORDS TO ME THE DAY HE KICKED ME OFF THE SITE FOREVER, HIS SITE IS “A PLACE WHERE A GUY CAN CALL A WOMAN A BIG FAT F*****G PIG IF HE FEELS LIKE IT WITHOUT A B***H (ME) MAKING HER PRESENCE KNOWN THROUGH CRITICISM AND MAKING GUYS FEEL THEY CAN’T BE THEMSELVES WITHOUT A FEMALE HAVING SOMETHING TO SAY ABOUT IT.” HARSH YES, BUT NOT UNTRUE. MY PRESENCE NO MATTER HOW INTERESTING AND INSIGHTFUL I FANCIED I WAS, DID CHANGE TO TENOR OF THE SITE. THE ADMINISTRATOR GENUINELY WANTED TO ERASE MY PRESENCE AND HE SUCCESSFULLY BLOCKED MY IP ADDRESS AND SOMEHOW UNCOVERED ALL OF MY ATTEMPTS TO USE A DIFFERENT DEVICE WITH A NEW SCREEN NAME. I FIGURED ME TRYING TO POST MY THOUGHTS ON AN ALL MALE SITE WOULD BE LIKE ME TAKING THE KKK TO COURT TO DEMAND THEY ADMIT ME. IT WAS MORE APPROPRIATE TO GET MY OWN CORNER OF THE INTERNET. AND WHILE I DON’T HAVE SUCCESS COMPARED TO HIM I DO GET TO SPEAK MY MIND AND THERE’S NO ONE TO TELL ME THAT A WOMEN ARE DIFFERENT FROM CHILDREN BECAUSE CHILDREN SHOULD BE SEEN AND NOT HEARD AND WOMEN SHOULD NEITHER BE SEEN NOR HEARD.
THE SENIOR MEMBERS ARE NEXT IN THE SOCIAL HIERARCHY UNDER THE ADMINISTRATOR. I BELIEVE THE NUMBER IS 100 BUT I COULD BE WRONG. A GUY NEEDS 100 POSTS TO BE CONSIDERED A SENIOR MEMBER. THE SITE HAS BEEN AROUND SINCE THE LATE 1990’S AND THERE ARE A FEW GUYS WHO HAVE BEEN THERE FROM THE BEGINNING. IF A GUY HAS A LONG TENURE PEOPLE GIVE HIS POSTS MORE CREDIT THAN A GUY WITH JUST A FEW POSTS. BUT THE QUALITY OF HIS POSTS IS JUST AS IMPORTANT AS THE QUANTITY. A MONGER EARNS THE RESPECT OF HIS SITE PEERS IF THEY KNOW HIM FOR GIVING REALISTIC INFORMATION ABOUT PROVIDERS THAT IS MORE OF AN ATTEMPT TO INFORM THAN TO BIAS THE OTHERS. A GUY WHO CAN TELL THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A WOMAN WHO IS TRYING TO GET SOMETHING FOR NOTHING BECAUSE SHE IS A RIP OFF, VS. A WOMAN HE DOESN’T CLICK WITH DUE TO A PERSONALITY CONFLICT–THAT IS A GUY THE OTHERS WILL LISTEN TO AND THEY WILL FREELY SHARE THEIR RESPECT. IN THIS IMPERSONAL WORLD WHERE PEOPLE DON’T TELL EACH OTHER HOW THEY FEEL I WOULD NOT BE SURPRISED IF THE PRAISE FROM FACELESS FELLOW MONGERS WAS THE MOST ENCOURAGEMENT A GUY EVER GETS.
AFTER THE SENIOR MEMBERS COME THE REGULAR MEMBERS. THE REGULAR MEMBERS HAVE TOO FEW POSTS TO HAVE THEIR OPINIONS TAKEN COMPLETELY AT FACE VALUE BUT THEY ARE NOT IGNORED. ONE BIG NO-NO IS FOR A GUY TO ASK FOR INFO ABOUT A PROVIDER BEFORE HE EVER SHARES ABOUT ONE OF HIS EXPERIENCES. FOR EXAMPLE, IF A GUY IS LOOKING FOR A PROVIDER THAT DOESN’T RUSH HIM OUT THE DOOR, OR WHO CAN CARRY ON A GOOD CONVERSATION, OR WHO DOESN’T WANT TO USE A CONDOM, HE HAD BETTER POST ABOUT HIS TIME WITH SOMEONE AND POINT OUT THAT THE EXPERIENCE WAS OR WAS NOT WHAT HE WANTS AGAIN. CAN ANYONE SUGGEST SOMEONE? IF HE VIOLATES THAT RULE HE WILL BE PUBLICLY SHAMED. ITS WEIRD BUT THE SHAMING DIRECTED FROM THE SCREEN NAME OF STRANGERS TO YOUR OWN SCREEN NAME IS VERY HURTFUL AND EFFECTIVE.
FOR THE MOST PART, JUST LIKE EVERYWHERE ELSE ONLINE, THERE ARE WAAAAY MORE PEOPLE WHO READ THE SITE THAN POST AND STRIVE TO BECOME SENIOR MEMBERS. THESE GUYS ARE CALLED “LURKERS.” THEY MIGHT NOT POST, BUT THEY MIGHT CHOOSE A SCREEN NAME BECAUSE THAT IS THE ONLY WAY TO SEND A PRIVATE MESSAGE TO A MEMBER. MOST GUYS DO NOT WANT TO SHARE INTIMATE TALES AND A GOOD NUMBER OF THEM HAVE PRIVACY CONCERNS AND WORRY THAT IF THEY POST SOMETHING SOMEHOW IT WILL COME BACK TO BITE THEM IN A PUBLIC WAY.
OTHER GUYS ARE PRETTY GRAPHIC ABOUT THEIR ENCOUNTERS. I AM TRYING TO MENTALLY WORK OUT THE STANDARDS OF THE ADMINISTRATOR IN ORDER TO CONVEY THEM TO YOU BEFORE YOU LOOK FOR YOURSELF. HMMM…OK, I’VE NEVER SEEN POSTS THAT WERE HUMILIATING FOR NO APPARENT REASON. IF A GUY IS GOING TO BE INSULTING IT HAS TO BE FOR THE PURPOSES OF SHARING INFORMATION–OTHER GUYS PROBABLY WANT TO KNOW THAT WHEN SHE OPENED HER LEGS THE ROOM FILLED WITH THE SMELL OF DEAD FISH. I THINK THE ADMINISTRATOR LETS THE SITE MEMBERS REGULATE THEMSELVES. IF A GUY IS CONSTANTLY PUTTING DOWN A PARTICULAR PROVIDER THE OTHERS WILL SPECULATE THAT HE HAS PERSONAL ISSUES SUCH AS FEELINGS OF REJECTION OR A DESIRE TO SCARE PEOPLE AWAY FROM HIS FAVORITE SO SHE WILL HAVE MORE TIME FOR HIM AND BE MORE IN NEED OF HIS MONEY.
ONE THING I FIND INTERESTING IS THAT GUYS DON’T WORRY THAT REVIEWERS COULD BE ANYONE, LIKE A GIRL’S GRANDMOTHER WHO GIVES HER A POOR REVIEW TO GET HER OUT OF THE LIFE. GUYS ARE NOT REALLY WORRIED ABOUT THE UNLIMITED POSSIBLE IDENTITIES OF REVIEWERS. INSTEAD THEY HAVE ONE SPECIFIC CONCERN WHEN IT COMES TO THE IDENTITY OF THE PERSON WITH INFO ABOUT SEX WITH A CERTAIN WOMAN. THE MONGERS ARE MOST CONCERNED WITH FIRST OF ALL BEING DECEIVED AND SECOND OF ALL, WASTING MONEY. IT’S ALL ABOUT THE SHILLS. “SHILLS” ARE GUYS WHO HAVE PERSONAL REASONS FOR GIVING OVER THE TOP FAKE POSITIVE REVIEWS. GUYS WORRY THAT THE SHILL IS GETTING FINANCIALLY COMPENSATED BY PROMOTING CERTAIN WOMEN. GUYS ARE CONCERNED THAT MEMBERS WILL INVENT TEN, TWENTY SCREEN NAMES IN ORDER TO INFLUENCE THE BUSINESS PROSPECTS OF WOMEN FOR WHOM THE AGGRIEVED HAVE STRONG FEELINGS. THE MONGERS READING THE POSTS ARE NOT CONCERNED WITH THE WOMAN’S WELFARE AS MUCH AS THEIR OWN SEXUAL EXPERIENCES.
I ONCE HAD A GUY WHO REALLY HATED ME (HE COMMENTED IN A POST ABOUT MY SCAR FROM AN EMERGENCY LIFE SAVING APPENDECTOMY WITH “BARF! DID YOU SEE HER STOMACH?”) I ALSO HAD A GUY WHO REALLY LIKED ME AND MADE SURE TO KEEP MEMBERS CURRENT ON ANY CHANGES IN MY CONTACT INFO, LOCATION. I SOUGHT ADVICE FROM MY LONG TERM REGULAR WHO HAD INTRODUCED ME TO THE SITE. HE TOLD ME THAT THE IDEAL FOR A WOMAN IS TO GET A GUY WHO OBVIOUSLY HAS SOME SORT OF PROBLEM WITH HER BC THAT SHOWS SHE HAS ENOUGH POWER TO BE DISLIKED. WHEN THAT GUY WRITES HIS OVERLY EMOTIONAL REVIEWS ABOUT HOW MUCH HE HATES HER, IT IS VERY MUCH IN THE WOMAN’S FAVOR FOR OTHER MEMBERS TO JUMP TO HER DEFENSE. AN OLD TIMER ON THE SITE WILL CONCLUDE THAT THIS WOMAN IS SPECIAL AND SHE WILL GET THE MOST BUSINESS AS THE CENTER OF A CONTROVERSY THAT COMES OUT IN HER FAVOR. AS IT TURNED OUT, THE GUY I CONFIDED IN HAD A REVEAL IN STORE FOR ME. MY MENTOR, THE GUY I MET IN MY EARLY DAYS AS A WORKING GIRL WITHOUT A BREAST AUGMENTATION AS I STROLLED ALONG DRUG INFESTED KUKUI STREET IN DOWNTOWN HONOLULU, THE VERY PERSON WHO CALLED ME WITH SUGGESTIONS ABOUT NEW MEMBERS WHO MIGHT WANT A SMART WOMAN TO PRIVATE MESSAGE THEM, THIS HELPFUL GUY WAS THE SAME GUY WHO HATED ME AND HE WAS THE SAME GUY WHO DEFENDED ME
HERE IS YOUR LINK TO THE SECRET ONLINE SOCIETY
Rape Victims Everywhere
Remember my felony charge I have always considered ridiculous–the possession of $10 of an opiate? I ended up doing months on end spread out over several years during the first years of this century. When I went to The Women’s Community Correctional Center, the prison for women in Hawaii, I discovered that I did not fit in with my peers any better there than elsewhere. However, at WCCC the women respected me. I don’t quite remember how the idea got around that I was smart but it was generally agreed that I was intelligent. People did not want to hang out with me as a friend. But when I expressed genuine interest in their lives women spoke to me freely. I’m talking about topics that are still taboo–history of abortions, details of their crimes, past molestation and rape. You name it. The intense one time only conversations are some of my best memories of interactions with other people. Yours truly here knew no boundaries and I am guessing that women who never had a chance to enjoy someone else’s interest in their lives warmed to my probing questions. Now that I think of it, I have been the most common topic of my conversations and writing long before this blog–resumes, applications for jobs and scholarships. interviews, sharing my story at conferences for adoptees who had found their birth mothers as I had at age 18, etc…I was used to talking about myself and took for granted others would want to know about me. Hence the idea of this blog. But other women have not enjoyed this privilege. The women at Women’s (as we call it here in Hawaii) mostly didn’t have the chance to think of themselves as a people of interest. I don’t want to get into characteristics of the population in this post. What I want to note is that every woman I spoke with told me she had been molested by a family member. I met two women who had children by their own fathers. Let’s assume not everyone was honest. Many people get off on playing the victim. Still that’s a lot of women victimized. Yet–
I HAVE NEVER MET AN ADMITTED MOLESTER OR RAPIST
Where are the guys who have done these deeds? I have asked a few men if men talk about rape among themselves when women aren’t around and I was told no way, absolutely not. I must be surrounded by sex offenders. Ok, maybe not surrounded, or maybe so, but for sure I have met men who are rapists and molesters. I am very curious to know if men know who is who among them. I met one man who tried to rape me, and failed due to my use of rape avoidance strategies I have shared. Yes I will tell the story. I have met one man who said he had rape fantasies and that was the extent of the conversation. I met one transgender person who was an inmate at Women’s who said she was afraid of doing to her son what had been done to her. But that is the extent of my knowledge. Are there secret societies, personal conversations among close male friends? I decided to ask you all.
My involvement is limited to : Consenting, Conscious, Adult, Homo Sapiens (humans). Anyone in this group is potentially suitable.
Significant others of friends
No Real or Simulated Violence or Humiliation.
No Bodily Waste.
These standards apply to what I will and will not do with other people, who I will or will not watch or allow to observe me, and what I will and will not watch/listen to in the form of live performances, recorded amateur/professional pornography, audiotapes, stories about past experiences and/or fantasies
I have had to define my standards as situations developed in life. I suppose everyone goes through a process of figuring out their own personal moral code in the fullness of time. Every one of these standards emerged as a result of a choice I had to make when someone presented me with something he wanted to do–with me. I have truly had to take the following positions:
No, I cannot find you a five year old child for your amusement. No I don’t want to watch the video of the dog having it’s anal glands expressed again, and yes, I am highly annoyed at you for springing that on me. No, I don’t want to hear about the lady and the horse you saw on your vacation in Mexico. No, I will not “hang out” with you if your girlfriend is not there. No, I do not want to see how Japanese porn degrades to women. No, you cannot go with me into the bathroom. No, do not share your fantasies about your sister with me. No, I will not install secret cameras without the consent of people who enter my space for your secret voyeuristic pleasure.
Caroleena’s real life statements to would-be violaters of her moral code
Consenting and conscious adult, unrelated humans is a pretty broad standard. I’m no prude. I don’t believe I need government intervention in any form. I might add to my restrictions but I won’t remove any item from the list. Opinions?
HOW GAY RELATED IS HIV?
As a responsible adult I have always taken HIV tests every six months, regardless of my perception of personal risk. I have always feared AIDS, well maybe not in the early days when AIDS had nothing whatsoever to do with me, or so I was told. As a precocious child I remember reading about “gay cancer” and “GRID–gay related immunodeficiency” as AIDS was presented to the public in the early 1980’s. News about AIDS was the vehicle that taught me about the existence of homosexuality. I did not know anyone who self identified as gay. Gay was a word used as an accusation and an insult. What did male homosexuality have to do with me? I imagined a sharp dividing line between straight people (us) and gay people (them). I felt sorry for gay men, so outnumbered by “normal” people. Society taught us kids early…
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I took an HIV test yesterday like every responsible citizen should. No matter how much I complained about my life, I knew that if the HIV test I took had been positive, this time of life that is so troubling to me, would seem like the good old days when everything was alright. My life would have been divided into before and after. I think there is no more positive use for the word “negative” than when it is juxtaposed with those powerful three letters. HIVNEGATIVE–Yes!! Now let’s make something of this life.
I took an HIV test yesterday like every responsible citizen should. No matter how much I complained about my life, I knew that if the HIV test I took had been positive, this time of life that is so troubling to me, would seem like the good old days when everything was alright. My life would have been divided into before and after. I think there is no more positive use for the word “negative” than when it is juxtaposed with those powerful three letters. HIV NEGATIVE–Yes!! Now let’s make something of this life.
“This body is for you”
That’s the message a man gets when he sees a woman in revealing clothes. A variation on what a man hears with his groin is often:
“This body could be for you”
Another statement his groin makes to the man’s brain is:
“This body is up for grabs.”
The next step is to take action. He sees something he likes and the next step is where men and women diverge. That’s when the trouble begins. He sees what he likes and he takes action to try to obtain the use of the body for his pleasure. He does not end his assessment with a view and a thought, a man does something about a woman in skimpy clothes and he believes that her style of dress indicates that she wants him to make a move. I for one, had no idea I was making an offer I was in no way prepared to back up.
I remember being a young girl, like say 13, and enjoying the thrill of receiving obvious male attention for the first time that I ever noticed. Looks. Comments. Crude remarks I pretended not to like. He thinks I’m cute, I believed, and I was right. I did not know that for the man, the interaction wasn’t necessarily over for him when it was over for me. Yes he thought I was cute, but having established that fact, he was past considering my appearance and on to the next logical male decision:
A man sees bare skin and he automatically wants to have it. For at least a slice of a second, the reptilian brain rules
That’s what a man hears and that is what he tries to do to the utmost.
Thirteen year old girls often feel adults are being ridiculous when they scold the girls for wearing skimpy clothing. That is because young girls do not understand what adults know. No grown up ever explains that the sight of a breast causes the man to, perhaps, picture the girl on her knees for an uncomfortably painful period of time, servicing him in a way she did not know people truly practiced. No one tells her the bald truth of the message they are unwittingly putting out there for all to see.
I never fully understood why women were accused of “asking for it” based upon how they were dressed if they became rape victims. Then I figured it out. Women accused of “asking for it” were in fact being scolded for breaking a promise they freely made. Once a woman says yes or is perceived to have said yes, it is almost impossible for her to withdraw that consent without repercussions. The least of these repercussions is criticism from society. But the repercussions could be as serious as having their change of heart disregarded and worse still, physical punishment for “teasing. ”
Ironically, many women never explain to an adolescent the inferred promise of bare skin and the danger that all too often follows. Yet, these women angrily expect other females to know what they didn’t even know at that age. Older women are sometimes certain adolescent girls are offering their bodies when really all the girl wants is attention and a new titillating sort of acclaim. I have known grown women blaming daughters for their husband’s, her step father’s, sexual advances. All too often women side with their husbands against their daughters in a step father triangulation, as if it’s three people on equal footing. More on this sad fact later.
Isn’t it unbelievably presumptuous to ask, no demand, a stranger give credit? A few guys felt entitled to have a woman NOW. They’d get seriously angry when I declined. I used to say, “How about this? Why don’t you give me the money now and I’ll give my solemn word to see you next week.” Can you believe no one ever took me up on that offer?
No one wanted to pay me in advance but men without money, or without money they wanted to spend would insist they were trustworthy.