Sex costs – Cash, drugs or anything of value to me


Let’s assume that prostitution is legal and no one need worry about publicly associating themselves with a crime. There are common misperceptions associated with prostitution that keep people from embracing their interest in sex workers. I have heard many men say, “I don’t have to pay for sex.” These men assume that men who pay a woman for her time are so unattractive you women that the only way a woman will spend time is if she is paid to do so. The fact of the matter is sex is never free. Everyone pays for sex, though not necessarily with money. A man must put in time with a woman to win her over. He must be kind to her in a way that is meaningful to her. And even then the outcome may not be to his liking. There are men who pay for convenience of guilt free pleasure. He can get what he wants exactly the way he wants it by paying money instead of emotions. He does not have to give anything of himself. Paying for a woman’s time with emotion could be costlier than money. A person can always replace money. But the time spent walking down a road that is not a path to pleasure but a dead end in nothingness, that is time one can never get back. And perhaps most expensive of all, once the emotions are “paid out” a man cannot always take back his heart if she breaks it. Or he cannot mend his pride if she rejects him. As I write, I learn. I began this post making the point that men are paying for guarantees and convenience. I must add to this observation that men choose to spend money for emotional safety. It’s not that they could not get a woman without giving her money. For some, they dare not get a woman any other way. The price could be too high

How To Get What YOU want From a Sex Worker 💋By Doing This One Simple Thing


YMMV? This translates to your mileage may vary. If you read discussion sites that are written by men who want to compare notes about seeing different providers, you will often see ymmv. In other words, what a provider will happily do with one guy, she may or may not do with anyone else. But why is that? Isn’t she there to make money? Shouldn’t she always give her best if she wants to be successful? Let me explain why providers have different attitudes towards different guys. The short answer is different guys have varying attitudes towards providers.

Imagine that you have come to spend time with a provider. Both of you know that the expectation is she is going to spend time with you. There’s no confusion. However, she does not enter the room until you ask her to. Of course after you asked her to come into the room she does. But she does not step toward you until you initiate the invitation. compare this imaginary provider with a different imaginary provider. Imagine that the second woman is happily in the room with you from the get-go, ready and waiting to begin the interaction. In both cases you ultimately get the interaction you wanted, but would you find the experience the same? Probably not. You would probably go with the provider who did not have to be asked the obvious. at the end of the day, upon further reflection, it’s likely that you will feel a lingering sense of annoyance at the first provider for making you ask.

No doubt you are reading and thinking, “I know all of this already why is she saying this?” I say this because you would be amazed, absolutely amazed, at how many guys do not pay until the provider asks. Once the provider asks, there are a number of different responses. The tiny minority of guys will look with wide-eyed innocence and ask “you wanted something? I didn’t know that.” And then they’d look at you with the same look of wide-eyed innocence, hoping you’ll say “that’s alright forget about it.” Those guys are pretty rare. 

Usually, guys have a standard response after you say, gently, “so… maybe you have something for me…?” These guys also affect a look of wide-eyed innocence. But they spring into action. They make a show of looking for that pesky wallet, now where did it go…? They pat themselves down. they look in the shirt they might have removed. They come up with the wallet and remove some bills. They look at you and say “where do you want me to put this?” kind of holding it up in the air as if this is sort of a strange thing that you want and they are not sure of how to proceed.

Let’s say, for the sake of argument that the recommended donation is somewhere in the hundreds of dollars. I have always been a curious sort who experiments with different scenarios. So there were many times that I would not ask for anything upfront and wait until the end just to see what there was to see. Guys who had previously shorted me gave me the proper amount as dictated by the market without promoting, if I asked up front. Ah ha! I had figured as much!They knew what they were supposed to pay! All the previous times they were hustling me. I also noticed they always paid with one or two large bills, like a hundred dollar bill or fifties, the rest in fives or tens. I hypothesized they came prepared, if and only if, I insisted they come correct. But if I was too trusting, they had the small bills in order to seize the moment and short me. Carpe diem, I guess. They think they are getting over by playing games but the joke is on them.

I said before I was such a woman as a provider. I unsuccessfully attempted to adopt male indifference towards the opposite sex when wearing my provider hat (so to speak). Yet, I couldn’t help getting my feelings hurt when guys who had built trust with me shorted me the first time I didn’t ask for the money beforehand.

Caroleena, overly emotional provider


What difference does it make if the provider gets the money after all? Just as a guy would prefer a provider who didn’t play games, providers want the same thing. No matter what the guy’s opinion of providers, the fact remains that they, like everyone else, want respect. Providers don’t want to feel like they are being mistreated. And if you get a guy who comes in and straight away does what he’s supposed to do, you feel he understands what you need. This is a person you want to hang on to. This is a person you want to make the best effort with. This is a person you could like. As opposed to someone you don’t really care if you see again or not, except for the fact that you can squeeze a little money out of him. It’s ironic–a guy coming correct with the money is one of the surest ways to get a provider to see said guy as something more than a dollar sign. Because he shows that he sees the provider as more than a p**** surrounded by flesh.

#1 Complaint Guys Have About Threesomes?

#1 reason guys give for the failure of a threesome❓

One guy➕his girl ➕her friend➡Trouble. Why, in his opinion❔

If you have a heterosexual couple and add a woman to the bed, what’s the main reason for the epic failure, from the guy’s point of view?

Female jealousy.

Picture the scene, as if from a film…

He knew better than to suggest the idea himself. He let his woman do it. He went along, out of respect for her wishes, you understand. He was fine with the way things were but if she wanted it…He aimed to please. Arrangements were made. Drinks, a smoke, and then–It was HER idea! But the festivities were only just beginning when his significant other got an attitude. He knew her mood had gone bad in the set of her shoulders the way she cut her eyes at the other woman–HER friend! Her pretty friend. What was the woman there for? Was the other woman supposed to watch how he rudely ignored her in favor of his girlfriend? That was probably his woman’s true expectation. The other woman was their guest. There was such a thing as making a guest feel welcome. It’s Biblical. His woman would fault him for being courteous? Not that he had planned to devote himself to this chick. He had had a better plan of action in mind, which he had visualized the way top athletes do before championships. He imagined them both working together, simultaneously, as a team, to do what one woman could not for the good of the venerable team captain. Instead of team captain, he was the unwilling referee, trying to pay attention to them both. He could not forget everyone else, lay back and enjoy. Far from it. He had to be super-aware that he doled out strokes in equal portions. Every time his woman gave that familiar, angry sigh he had to completely turn in her direction. If not, he knew he’d hear about it later, how they (meaning HIM) forgot all about her. Secretly, honestly, he was glad when his woman stormed out of the bedroom in disgust. Of course, he had been concerned about her. He went after her. Just… not quite immediately.

I Paid Unseen Strangers Thousands of Dollars to Find My Birth Mother and It was NOT a Scam!##!!!!!!

I found my birth mother when I was 18 years old. I had completed my first year at Harvard. Dean’s list. I felt misled. I had done everything I was supposed w/ better results than I imagined. Why did I still feel so empty? The answer must be that I needed to find my birth mother. Who would not feel lost if she had no family, and no where to go on break from school? I was taken in by a black family who wanted to help a black student who was doing really well and had no support. I commuted to the job I had won through a scholarship at a major New York newspaper. Someone called the paper and got me on the phone because my job was to answer the phone. She thought maybe the paper would want to do an Oprah type story on her, about how she had found her birth mother using a searcher. The paper did not care. But I called her back not representing the paper, but as my 18 year old self, and I asked her how she did it. She referred me to people she called searchers. She gave me a phone number. I wasted no time, I didn’t even put down the receiver just click the hang up button before I was dialing their number. I spoke to a woman in California. She told me there were two types of searches. One, you knew your mother’s name, you just didn’t know where she was. That type of search cost $900. Cash. But if you were like most adoptees, and your name has been changed at Birth, and your real records sealed, and your were issued false papers to make it look like your adopted parents had given birth to you, well, you had no clue who you were or where your people were. If that was the case, and she suspected it would be, then that type of search would cost me $2,500. But before we can get to all of that I would need to send her $300 in cash. The caller had not targeted me when she directed me to this searcher. She had no way of knowing she had obtained the heart’s desire of the young woman who took her call. I did not believe I was being scammed when she detailed, breathlessly, how amazing it was to meet people who looked like her. I wanted that too! I decided I would do what she did, no matter the cost. It would be fine.

Amazingly I was right! I used my earnings from my summer job and sent $300 in cash. I waited for the next thing. And there was a next thing. No scam, unless you count the cosmic joke if my situation. No that’s the cynical me. I want you to know that if it sounds too good to be true it usually is, and the most important word in that sentence is usually.

The link to a story about the experiment ordering people to deliver electric shocks: Rethinking One of Psychology’s Most Infamous Experiments – The Atlantic


A fancy way of saying people pretty much follow the crowd, good or bad. Character is more determined by what’s going on around us than what’s going on within us. I believe that is mostly true. But less true for people like me who struggle to connect to the group. People like me do our own thing. Depending on the circumstances that’s called principled, overbearing, oblivious, or brave. I think a person who can plug into the crowd has an easier life. No wonder I could defy convention and engage in the most vilified behavior. By the time I hit the streets I was already separate from humanity. Never fitting , never having friends, never engaging in the rituals that mark life’s milestones. Birthday parties, prom, weddings. None of that has been a part of my life. Yet what’s defined as the dormant capacity for evil just waiting to be directed to the surface isn’t within me. And I’m pretty certain I would not have shocked the people bc I had been told to do it. I know because I have stopped people from abusing other people. I have done what I know to be right and maybe now I understand why lone bravery doesn’t win friends. It might have been better for me if I could shock them.

Of Course Hatred Has Solved Problems! Allow Me to Defend Negativity without Irony

Yes, Hatred Has. Place

I believe in balance, yin and yang. It is more than hatred showing us what love is in comparison. We ask why does a good God allow suffering? Perhaps what hurts us does not qualify as suffering. Our tiny minds are too weak and too limited by time to know the long term effects of the suffering we condemn. We don’t know that the victim will become a martyr who inspires a movement that changes the world. But if we limit our discussion to the small human mind and the attendant weakness of spirit, we must observe that nothing unites people more than a common enemy. Not someone to love. Someone to hate.

I believe that properly directed anger is at the heart of overcoming those who would be our victimizers. But that’s me.

Continuing down the road of human foibles, I have personally found myself lifted out of depression and motivated by spite to fight. Anger can be a saving force when things are extraordinarily bleak, like when I returned to prison after a relapse on drugs and a couple of hundred people loved seeing the Harvard Grad brought down. Oh, how the mighty have fallen! They were so happy. I don’t know how I would have made it without my hatred and defiance. Don’t say love bc believe me, I was not there. I am not saying hate, always and forever, just that it has a role and like everything else, can be put to good use.

I Thought I Would Get One Other Reader Besides Me and Now Look!

This is a big deal for me. A lot of successful sites get that in a day. But when I put this achievement in the context if a lifetime, I have never received 500 compliments before. It really can be a while new life, slowly but surely!

How does a trick explain the secret to the longevity of his marriage to his long term hooker?

If you are at the point of having a private eye follow your spouse things are messed up already. It’s pointless to monitor people. If you have to ask the question You already know the answer. You don’t see me asking my wife where she goes and she doesn’t ask me. But the main thing is, I don’t push it. I’m home when I say I’m going to be. I set expectations I can meet, and then I meet them. Would I like it if my wife were doing the same thing that I am? In the back of my mind, probably not. I compartmentalize. Thoughts here, actions there. They don’t mix. I don’t over think what I do. I just do it. And get home on time.

I don’t over think what I do , i just do it. And get home on time.

A hobbyist, since the 1980’s

You’ve never heard addiction explained in this Revolutionary way

Why do they do it?

Why do they keep using or start using again when they know it will ruin everything? Because what the addict knows has little to do with reality. The addict makes a choice but not with the same information the non addict has. Let me explain.

Let us closely examine the elements of choice. We have choices but that does not make us all powerful. Our choices are limited to what we know. Ever heard “if you can see it you can be it?” We are limited to what we know. Addiction lies to the addict

Revolutionary idea about addiction. It’s nothing to do with will power. It’s a thought disorder akin to schizophrenia. Why would an addict make the choice to use again after a period of sobriety? We make choices based upon what we think we know. The Schizophrenic doesn’t make the choice to talk to a voice he knows isn’t there. He chooses to talk to a voice he believes is there. Addicts don’t choose to ruin their lives. The addiction talks to them, distorts what they know. This time it’ll be different. I am not like other people. Schizophrenia involves delusions of persecution, often, addiction involves delusions of grandeur. I can stop anytime unlike these other people. Sober support is important bc it keeps you sane. We identify lying with immorality when it’s really a thought disorder. The addict believes he is right when he says I will stop in time to make it to work. Others know how it’ll play out. It’s only a mystery to the addict who believes the story of his using can end differently. I once told a counselor that using was an adventure. The counselor said it wasn’t bc it was the same old story. Only sobriety is unpredictable. The predictable course of events, with individual variation is what qualifies addiction as a disease.

My YouTube Video Has Been popular Unbeknownst to me: Watch “Jealous Neighbors Get Crazier, Part I” on YouTube

I saw this video I had forgotten about from last year (2019) got some views so I’ll share it with you. I was doing Cleavage diaries then.

I Found a Journal Entry from 2017 when I was trying to figure out who would want to hear from a whore and why The Harvard X-hooker in Honolulu, Hawaii Tellall

Simply the worst advice for “good” white people I’ve ever read is in this link: 5 ways to support your black colleagues right now via TODAYshow –

Can I rant?

First of all I have never seen such a blatant message that the audience is assumed to be white. The title made me feel so excluded that, defiant as I am, I could not resist seeing the “wisdom” offered by the article. This article embodies what is wrong in America. It shouldn’t be “your black colleagues” but “your colleagues” and we will never get there if we are encouraged to separate ourselves by race

Black people are portrayed as people who cannot handle

I am inserting myself into the conversation with this white author in spite of the fact that I am told that whites need to keep in mind that I am exhausted and traumatized by recent events on top of a lifetime of abuse. I might very well be exhausted and traumatized. A lifetime of enduring racism…well, it can change person. It may not kill you. It might make you stronger. But there are a lot of strong but extremely bitter people. There are also many survivors who revel in thwarting those who would destroy her. But you, good white person that you say you are, would never know that bc you have reinforced the wall that some want built. I just read, in your good white person’s article, that I will be offended if white people express outrage over a crime against a black person. It’s not their tragedy, it’s mine, all mine and they can’t have it! I recall Daffy Duck saying this same thing to Bugs Bunny, albeit on a different subject.

Remember, white people, that I am intimidated by attending meetings in a mostly white work environment, and people who look like me, hard core survivor types like me, have never adjusted to a white environment. I find that hard to believe. The good white author says that on top of everything else I have to handle in society I can’t be expected to overcome the intimidation factor and perform my best on the job. (I believe there’s an implication that my best was never as good as my white colleagues anyway, but I might be making assumptions about the wretched article).

Finally, If good white people want to know best how to support me, a person they see almost every day, I will not want them to ask me, the way they would communicate with, you know, a person. No, good white people should consult various books on race and discuss the issue with other whites, and their (presumably) white therapist.

Am I not to be distressed at the anniversary of Tiannman Square? Am I wrong to feel inspired by the lone man facing the line of tanks because he is not my race or gender? Except in my mind he is my race, the human race. And I will always relate to that man even though I don’t look like him. Moreover, I feel free to express my feelings to anyone in spite of what appear to be differences. Race and gender aren’t the only ways we can separate ourselves. Dog lovers vs. cat lovers. Imagine there was an issue of cruelty to animals and you read that cat lovers can take no more abuse and dog lovers need to understandably keep their insufficient support of cats to themselves and only speak among dog lovers about their support for the other–cats and those who love them. That’s patently absurd. Yet substitute cat and dog with black and white and you can write for a national audience.

No wonder the author has a therapist. Fire that therapist for keeping you a prisoner inside your mind!

Racism is the external manifestation of the walls we build in our minds that keep us locked in, locked away from “them.,” missing the chance to be part if a “we.”

That’s what I’d say to the author who advises whites not to talk to me, a black woman about race and racism against black people. I used to feel this way, I used to affirm the us vs. them, oppressor vs. victim narrative. I remember reading something about Chinese history and thinking about “their” long story. Then, Eureka, the epiphany hit me! Chinese history is human history. All human history is our history, my history. I reject the idea of Black History month. My people marched on Washington, invented gun powder, my people came to the New World on the Mayflower, my people invaded Poland under Hitler. My people were slaves and slave masters.

I* can post this blog as soon as I look up the correct spelling of T. Square and I’m sure many people will relate to spelling struggles no matter their race.

One Weird Sex Request You’ll Never Guess!

  • Follow the link
  • Believe me,
  • It is NOT what you think
  • You’ll be surprised to see,
  • This desire is actually funny
There’s a lid for every pot and there’s even a place for a nerd in the sensual world.

When it comes to sex I bet you think you’ve heard it all. A working girl received a request that will shock you!

The Craziest Thing I had to do as a working girl

I had a client who used to pay me to let him watch while I went on the computer and…took IQ tests‼ He didn’t help me, he only watched. He was in charge of taking care of himself. I focussed on the questions. A sample question is:

A is to 1, as B is to 3, as C is to ? The multiple choice answer key🔠➡

A. 1 B. 3 C. 4 D. 5

I’d choose the answer while stood behind me, bent at the waist so he could watch my fingers on the keyboard💻. When I got the answer right, as I often did, he would whisper, “you are so very smart.” 💯 After I completed the test he’d score it. Each week he had a different test for me. He was a psychologist, a Ph.D., and he had many tests and answer keys at his disposal in his exceptionally well appointed office with the kelly green and burgundy color scheme. I argued with him when he said the tests were not culturally biased and he also took pleasure in good repartee. He enjoyed hearing my contention that the idea of doing a test that relates to no real world situations was in itself culturally specific to academia🤓. He told me he wanted to see if my lack of sobriety affected my score over time. Apparently it did not. I believed he padded my score when he said I consistently scored 142. Previously I never scored above 137, usually closer to 130. An hour goes by quickly when you’re having fun and I enjoyed myself immensely🆒. I offered to do other written work like spelling tests, book reports, that sort of thing. He declined. The IQ test was his big turn on. That was a nice way to make $100/hour💲. I offered other guys the same service but there were no takers. Out of the entire story only the previous sentence was unsurprising, yes? Just when you think you’ve heard it all you find out there’s a world of strangeness you are not privy to. By the way, the answer to the question is 5. But you knew that!

A is to 1 as B is to 3 as C is to 5

Prostitution can be a form of self-art

The beauty of prostitution is that it gives both participants the chance to paint themselves however they want. In this moment you can truly reinvent yourself and in subsequent moments you can try out different personas. It is almost artistic. Provided, of course, that the provider is doing the work independently and is not in any way coerced. Yes, this can happen.

I Found a Journal Entry from 2017 when I was trying to figure out who would want to hear from a whore and why


Define x- Hooker Life Hacks–the newest wisdom from the oldest profession for regular people in everyday life. Short and sweet and translated from off-track life for use in life that is on the rails.

Question: Should I take life lessons from an x-streetwalker, this Caroleena?

Answer: Yes

Reason: You should seek advice from an x-streetwalker for a number of reasons. I will name a few of my own, but you will have ideas of your own. She knows how to survive, and to survive well. She has been homeless, incarcerated, living the transient lifestyle of her mentally ill mother but now she is a world-famous blogger. That might not be a big deal in the whole scheme of professions but given the starting point that achievement is pretty major. It’s like winning a high jump contest starting from a pit in the ground while everyone else is on ground level or is starting from a step ladder. She has been in situations, and met a diversity of characters such that most people don’t ordinarily experience in one life time. She was a top graduate from her ivy league college, earning Magna cum Laude (with high honors) acclaim. From the top of the top, to the bottom of the bottom. Our Expert Escort the lowest status person in the Hawaii women’s prison were inmates and guards did not like her perceived arrogance and after fighting, she ended up in solitary confinement, officially known as administrative segregation or lock down. To go anywhere in the facility, like the medical unit, she was shackled to the next woman by a belly chain and she had handcuffs around her wrists and ankles. She has been around. She is willing and able to tell you everything—and with a smile. You don’t have to feel judged, no matter what you have done. And in spite of the shame associated with her former profession she takes the risk of being recognized out of a sense of duty to use her education for the benefit of society. Any advice given is for the purpose of leading you into the light. Where you go from there is up to you!

Xhooker Life Hacks–the combination of angel and devil produces new wisdom from the world’s oldest profession other side of the tracks and this wisdom is shared with the world for the good of everyday people in ordinary life

Two Insider Youtube videos: racist incident and Honolulu’s D day Black Lives Matter Protest

The video above shows the racism that happens every day in Honolulu.

The link to the protests shows what the good people if Honolulu are doing in response to racism in paradise and nationwide

Sex Standard: No Animal Involvement. People try to mingle with animals in a myriad of ways that I learned to forbid

One non negotiable sex standard that is experience based is my requirement that partners be human. But humans only is a it more complex. That also means I don’t want to see the video of the dog having its anal glands expressed. That was a terrible surprise ending. The guy knew I would not like it and that is why he did not give me the details. Unbelievably oh, but maybe not, he wanted me to watch it again. I had to firmly put my foot down. That is a hard no. I refuse to hear the story about the woman and the pony in Mexico. Oh theres a video? Not watching. I do not want to meet your female friend who likes to have sex with dogs bc of the way the male dogs swell up so they stay attached and no ther male can have the female for up to an hour after the deed is done. I learned about that in college. You say your friend made that happy discovery and enjoys her time with her dog so much more. I do not care to hear how she found this out and for sure I am not including her in any group sex bc I know who she will want to bring. People, some of them, are very good to their animals. I do not want to follow anyone’s suggestion about petting their dog in a different way that he really likes. He doesn’t bark as much when he is content. No, I won’t make that adjustment for the beloved dog. I am an animal lover but not that way . I do not intend to hear, again, how men like female sheep bc they feel like human females and a guy can get rougher with them than with women. Women tend to object to sexual battery. How annoying!Men get female sheep to stand motionlessly no matter what, by putting the animal at the edge of a cliff, facing the drop. Sheep are too scared to move forward and too dumb to back up. So I have been told. I end up hearing stories like this once but I remember the words. When a guy begins to talk about a distasteful subject I know how to cut him off before he gets in too deep. (Usually, but not always, it’s a guy telling the story.)

No live animals, no animal videos, no pix, no stories. I find every form of bestiality unacceptable. Sure, the animals don’t seem to mind. I suppose it is not rape, but there’s no way to be sure the animal is truly okay with what’s happening. Besides on some fundamental gut level that’s something I just cannot have in any form. I don’t think very many men or women will publicly admit to involvement with live animals, but they will acknowledge interest in watching videos on the subject. Everything’s available to see online and it’s not like a person would have to admit to going out of his or her way to obtain such a video. A person could claim to have just stumbled upon the video and not even know what it was then end up watching it. Watching a video does not necessarily indicate prurient interest, and I think that sometimes people hide behind that–which is another reason why I do not allow bestiality videos. In addition to my disgust, allowing the video to play in my presence, even if I am not watching, appears to open a door I have slammed shut. I do not want to give people the wrong idea of what I find acceptable. Sexually disappointed people can be very unpleasant. The incidents I have shared are true stories. People are so creative that it forces the mind to think expansively about new and strange topics. I am totally fine with saying “no” to all of the above.

Watch “Honolulu Black Lives Matter March 06/06/20” on YouTube. I was there for history

It was great to see the diverse crowd. As you will see in the video many marchers are chatting as they March, which I never imagined. And the weather is typical year round here.

How does it FEEL to go on Hooker Yelp?One guy shares the experience of a form of sex addiction

One “monger’s” words

When you make the decision to go on the site and read what’s going on with people you’ve seen or that you could meet, it is exciting. From the moment the decision is made your stomach is twisting. You’re going through through the motions of pulling up the site, logging in, you are almost nervous. Let us say you posted something. Anytime you post something you’re going to hear it from the other guys. If you are not someone with senior member status bc you wrote 100 posts you cannot say whatever without being challenged. So, you are working your way to your post and you are worried that guys will say you are a shill trying to promote your fave’s career. Or they might accuse you of making money off of her yourself. They might say you made up the screen name just for her. Lots of guys do this. The weird thing is, they never think any of the provider ‘s might pose as guys. They say they would know if a woman was writing but that cannot be confirmed. Anyway, there are guys who will publicly challenge. There are guys who come to your defense or argue with to other posters. You get all caught up in the drama. You start going back and forth. That’s not even including the private messages. Guys pm you to say you did not really have ya good time, admit it. Hours have gone by when you look up. I only stop when staring at the screen makes me nauseated. I say to myself, next time i will do this differently. But then…

IImagine how incomprehensibly scary it would have been had we seen a sneak peek of June 5, 2029 headlines!

Watching George Floyd’s funeral broadcast simultaneously on the major networks gave me a unique optimism…

There is no way to imagine the specifics of life. Can you picture crowds chanting your name as a battle cry full of meaning? I cannot. But what I can hope for is a life change so profound I literally cannot imagine it. This is how the sight of this funeral gives me hope.

A month ago he was an ordinary citizen. Never imagining his funeral was right around the corner. And even if he imagined he could die, in that vague distant way we imagine our deaths, he could never have conceived his funeral would be broadcast live, and I am sure, internationally. It is likely that the majority of the world’s population with access to international news saw his murder. There’s no way he could have seen that coming. Somehow this unpredictability inspires me. I want so much to have a…deeper existence than I have now. I finally understand that it is alright if I can’t formulate an exact plan to make this happen.

Recent Events Prove How Broad “anything” can be when we say anything can happen

Can you imagine your name as a mantra? How would they chant Caroleena? An emphasis on a certain syllable, CaroLEENa or sing song, Ca-ro-LEE-na. Our minds are too small to picture what’s in store for us and we can never fathom the possibilities. Dear if the unknown future is a main cause if anxiety. For me, the fact that the future could be incomprehensibly different from the present is what keeps me going. What would we do without the unknown? If we knew the ending of every movie. If we caught a sneak peek at today’s headlines on January 1st of this year we wouldn’t even understand them. A mere hint with no explanation would’ve been scary. It’s best we not know and revel in it

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