Inside an Addict’s Head



Everything Red Light Hawaii

[ | by Caroleena,

An inside look at addiction and recovery

This blog began as a discussion of addiction as it manifests itself in Honolulu, Hawaii, United States. Addiction is a process that puts a name to the changes in the brain that make people think they must have something in order to live in spite of catastrophic consequences that end when the thing needed for life ends up being the thing that ends life. Addiction, no matter the object of the obsession, causes certain personality traits such as 1. denial, 2. self-centered entitlement, 3. Risk taking, 4. Shifting standards so that once unacceptable behavior is embraced, 5. Inability to empathize and 6.unwillingness and inability to change mentality due to the mistaken belief in the perfection of one’s mindset regardless of all evidence to the contrary. These thinking errors become habitual just as obtaining and ingesting the object of the addiction becomes a habit which is why people can have “addict behavior” while practicing abstinence. Recovery is giving up the obsession AND the thoughts and behaviors created anor reinforced by addiction. The thoughts and behaviors are summed up in more casual language like this: addicts think only if themselves and elevate their desires to the level of necessity. Addicts are their own gods and they matter to themselves but they do not show caring for others. Addicts believe they are right and quite often think they are superior to others. They believe they should have everything and people should give it to them, or at least not be upset when they steal. The problems they experience are attributed to other people or circumstances and they resist the notion that their problems are of their own making. “I’m right, everyone else is wrong.” Or “all for me and none for anyone else.” Or, “everyone is picking on me, I don’t do anything wrong.” Or “I’m the smartest person out of everyone I know and possibly in the whole world.” Or “I will do anything to get what I want. Finally , “It’s not my fault.” Addicts operate under one or all of these guiding principles with individual variability of course. This mentality is at odds with other people which is why addicts become outsiders rejected by a society that has rules they cannot or will not obey. I understand addict thinking and therefore can predict behavior.

Anyone with questions about addiction, especially as it applies to someone they love can contact me and I, Caroleena, as a person who has been down that road and who has seen many addicts, can provide advice. One goal of this evolving blog is to make it a how-to deal with your beloved addict.


Thanks for sharing this part of your life with me,



A real letter from victim to victimizer

A genuine letter fr
This is a letter from a 24 year old homeless woman to the man who, as he put it, “took here off the streets.” When he saw her pushing her possessions in a baby stroller, with her midriff baring halter top, he immediately approached her. He told her he had a place. She could hang out (meaning get high). Shower. All he asked was that she be nice to him. He never said how often she would have to be nice and how very long each session of niceness would last. He would end up being displeased bc inevitably she wants to stay for free. She can never pay off the rent. Don’t romanticize her. The entire time she’s stealing all she can and trying to snag his keys. Her letter is how she feels, what she ponders during the constant switching of victim and victimizer roles.

Illegal Gambling Establishments in Honolulu Require This in 2021

IRONY   In Hawaii there are gambling Establishments behind storefronts. They are easily accessible to the public. A visitor approached the door like it is an apartment front door, rings a buzzer, and the occupants ring the person in, the same way it’s done in apartment buildings. People can tell a game room by the constant traffic of people in and out at all hours. If you want to know where a game room is, you can always go out walking during the wee hours of the day. Anyone out on foot at 3:00a.m. in urban Honolulu is probably a gambler and/or looking for drugs. I have not questioned everyone inside of a game room but as far as I know gamblers do methamphetamine or “ice.” Ice is a drug that does not produce an immediate feeling of intense pleasure. Some people smoke it and wonder why they don’t feel anything at all, only to find that they do not sleep at all that night and they feel compelled to engage in a repetitive and simple physical activity for hours (literally). They take things apart and (try to) put things together. They clean. They feed dollars into a gambling machine with graphics similar to Atari. Ice smokers are perfect clients for game room operators. You can always find someone selling ice in a game room. There are always people lurking about partly due to the local custom of handing money to whoever is nearby when someone wins and “cashes out,” but also bc people are always looking for a chance to steal from winners, other gamblers, whoever.

With all the illegal activity you would think the whole place would be lawless. Not at all. Large men, often Samoan, are employed as security to stop thefts and maintain the game room’s reputation as a safe place to hand over all your money while you wait for fortune to smile on you and your strategic button pressing (I am being sarcastic). Naturally, they do not want to “draw heat” or attract attention form outsiders. Yelling, fights, any sort of hubbub is avoided to keep the knowledgable neighbors from complaining to law enforcement. All of these efforts to maintain a peaceful public image could be expected. But you know what surprised me?

The insistence on wearing masks. Yes, we all know the need. It surprises me that people who are not exactly committed to their personal health and community welfare would maintain this standard. Maybe they are concerned about the ever present snitches telling the police about mask violations and fingering the game room as a potential source of a future outbreak hotspot.  I’m speculating about this motivation. I just find it so funny when people you’ll down their masks to smoke ice from a glass pipe and then promptly replace it. Anyone else find this amusing?




Virginity auctioned to highest bidder–Link to 2018 popular post

Virginity For Sale


How much would a guy pay to bed a virgin? The answer won’t surprise you.

Harem Anime–Is There Happiness in Group Intimacy, Like Threesome’s?

There could be happiness in group Intimacy if certain conditions are met

I have had a chance to see non-monogamius arrangements. I have also had a chance to talk to other people who have also seen intimate arrangements that involve more than one intimate partner with another intimate partner. One thing is needed to keep these arrangements happy: indifference. Yes, indifference. Not fairness, or respect or rules or any of the things people think are so important. In order to have peace about your partner being intimate with others you have to not care about what people ordinarily care about. One of the easiest ways to not care is to deliberately turn a blind eye and not know things.

Women with multiple men

For example, when guys have girlfriends or wives who engage in sex work the guys do not ask their women about the dates. When you see this arrangement in downtown Honolulu, most of the time the women are working to get money for dope for the both of them. The focus is on the mission, which is always about drugs. The guys know the women cannot wait to get away with as much as possible in order for them to get high. He understands that she does not care about the trick. When she shared the money the sex work becomes a joint endeavor that expresses her loyalty to her significant other. The boyfriend is not a traditional pimp in that she is not expected to turn over 100% of her earnings. The boyfriend, as an addict, would love all the money and dope but he knows she is also an addict and will spend on drugs for herself. He’s happy when she comes back.

Secret Insider’s View

The drugs of choice in downtown Honolulu are crack cocaine, locally called ma’a (which I have heard means “rock” in Samoan), chrystal methamphetamine or “ice,” and black tar heroin or “boy.” Some people also drink. Few people do only one drug. Most do two, a small number will do both ice and ma’a along with boy but it’s usually ice or ma’a and boy.   One of the main forces driving the drug economy is street prostitution. Many of these sex workers have significant others who make it a point not to know the specifics of those private encounters, nor do they attach any significance to what she does because it’s all for the dope.

Now that I think of it, if an addict is willing to give up money that could be used to get high, that really is a powerful expression of loyalty.

Fascinating inside view–Follow links to see banners on adult sites

<a href=”; title=”Escorts” border=”0″><img src=”; alt=”AdultLook”></a>

<a href=”; title=”Escorts” border=”0″><img src=”; alt=”AdultLook”></a>


These links can be added to a provider’s advertising site–i think the links have to become part of the banner on the provider’s site. Then she gets a discount on the price of posting ads on this host adult site. Interesting, yes?



Fake Pix for sex sites–why?

Why would a sex workers post fake Pix? If a guy goes online, sees the pic, and contacts the woman on the strength of her pic, what happens when he arrives at the rendezvous point? Won’t he leave when he gets there and sees the true woman? No! He will proceed no matter what the looks like. Going online to hook up with strangers for sex, maybe in exchange for money is addictive. When I say addictive what I mean is that something is activated in the brain that flips the brain’s activity switch to the “on” position. The activities become ritualized, automatic. You do this, then you do that, then you move on to the other. The sequence of actions is the same. When you take one step you’re triggered to take the next without conscious thought–like turning the ignition key in the car. Turn the key 🗝️ and next move the right hand to the wheel. When was the last time you pondered what to do after turning the key in the ignition? Never, not once driving became ingrained. You’re going to move your hand to the wheel unless you make a deliberate effort not to. Don’t believe me? Try breaking your driving sequence and see how often you keep yourself from taking the next step. You fail all the time as soon as your attention slips. You’ll be on the road before you remember you weren’t supposed to move your right hand to the wheel. Before you know it you’re doing it. Let’s imagine you’re turning the key to ignite a sexual encounter…how difficult would it be to wrench yourself out of that sequence of actions without taking the next step. He is going to go ahead with the encounter once he has arrived after turning on the ignition. One guy said once he makes the decision that he is going to arrange a date later in the day that’s all he can think about. He would have to be terribly motivated to get off that track. It’s not just automatic thoughts, but it’s habit backed up by the anticipatory pleasure of guaranteed sex without having to talk before or cuddle after. So what if he arrives and she is not as young, as thin, as pretty. Yes, he is a bit jarred, but is that disappointment enough for him to say no to guaranteed sex without conversation, cuddling or commitment? That’d have to be an awfully big disappointment. That’s why women put in fake Pix. Get him in the door and he will spend money, quite often on unexpected extras if there are other available people milling about or unexpected services to choose. Walmart works the same way. Get the customers in the door and they’ll spend more than they planned. I’m sure I’m not the only person to buy the sponge on a stick (for reaching inside of drinking glasses). I didn’t plan to buy the sponge on a stick but as long as I was there… Yes fake Pix work.

Bloopers using online dating sites

I always considered myself street smart, although my detractors would readily retort that I have no common sense. Alright, I admit that I am not up on slang. I need the urban dictionary to navigate my way through conversations with people who are more informed than I am. I am just grateful that at least I know this now. I was not always aware of my lack of awareness, which makes for embarrassing situations. For example, I was on a dating site and the person messaged me about looking for h.e.  I promptly wrote back that I was sorry but I was a female. After a bit of a delay after laughing long and hard at my expense, the person responded that h.e. stood for happy ending. It was not a reference to someone who looks like a woman but is really a man. Oh. Well, how was I supposed to know? Transgenderism is so common in Hawaii that it’s both publicly accepted by the locals and often secretly sought after by married men looking for same sex nookie on the extreme download. I was used to guys asking if I was a man or a woman after assuring me that this question was a compliment since the men were usually prettier than the women because they try harder. I learned something that day. After I used the urban dictionary to look up “happy ending” I learned even more! Lol.



Why would a blog about the red light side of Hawaii life deal with COVID? That’s a question easily answered. Anything that impacts or is thought to impact those who are or were part of the underclass are embraced here in this blog. For them–us–this blog rolls out the red carpet for everyone rejected everywhere else.

The United States has about 5% of the world’s population. Interestingly, 20% of the world’s incarcerated population resides here in America. The United States accounts for 20% of the COVID-19 deaths. Is there a relationship between the two? Why is there so much badness going on here? I am worried

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