It used to amaze me when I watched people, older men, allow themselves to be “used.” I have seen men put up with working girls who stole from them, without even trying to hide their actions. Or maybe they lived with the older man but could not resist the call of downtown Honolulu (locals call the are “town”). There is something addictive about entering and returning to drug hotspots. Merely approaching the area can cause butterflies in the stomach, almost like a nervous feeling. I’ve watched older men drive around the area where the girls go to “catch a date,” because they know the woman they took off the street will be there or will return to get more money.once a man stopped me to ask if I had seen his girlfriend. I had not. Would I have told him if I had? Some people think there should be a code of silence and others do not care and hope to get a financial reward. My thinking was maybe I could get him interested in me. I wouldn’t run off with his money, I lied to myself. But no, he was interested in her. His regret was that try as he might, he couldn’t keep up with her habit. Why did he want to fund her habit? Because she was the only person who sought him out. It’s a powerful motivator–isolation, that is–and people will go to great lengths to matter to someone for any reason. He was ok with being “used” bc they used each other, needed each other, mattered to each other. There are many people who would love to be rudely interrupted when they talk just to feel like someone wants them to listen. I never knew how common loneliness is–even for married men. In my opinion, loneliness is a close second to sex drive as a motivating factor to participate in prostitution as a “trick.”
It’s nice to have done good news. Every time I hear about a social problem, I don’t know…low educational achievement or whatever…black women always seem to be having the hardest time. Rates of disease, teen pregnancy, property ownership, anything you can imagine. Imagine my surprise to discover that out of everyone measured (no I don’t know who did the research) Black women have the lowest suicide rates. Less than 1%. Black women almost never commit suicide. This number must be true since I heard it on the show Forensic Files. I feel a sense of pride. One of the things I like to tell people is if they had to go through the racism I fight, my challenges would annihilate them. I guess I was right. You’ve got to be behind strong to take the kind of treatment I have taken with the race based disadvantages unknown to others (like being rejected as a newborn by the white side of my biological family and ending up in foster care.) Yes, of course I know I’ve been very fortunate too. This blog is premised on the idea that the combination of privilege and paucity had given me a unique perspective. Please don’t think I’m indulging in self pity. Quite the opposite. I feel like high giving someone right now. Am I weird?(Redundant question, lol!)
Do you want to know what guys are thinking about when they are hunting for sex or want to brag about there conquests? I like seeing how the other half lives. I found discussion sites that are divided into regions so that local men can talk about their hometown experiences with sex workers. As a woman peering into the secret world of men’s thoughts, I felt like I was in a foreign land on a safari into a wilderness like no other. I was able to read what men say to other men when they are under the impression that it’s just the boys. The most in depth discussions I have found are on usasexguide.nl. Notice the nl bc you can’t get there without tacking on those last letters.
This site is more than just reviews of providers. It also includes heated discussions that might’ve ended in fisticuffs had the guys been face to face. Totally awesome reading. Lest you think this is an ad for that site, I want to tell you that I have actually been banned for life. I thought what I always think–I have something to say that others are lucky to hear. Lol! I started contributing posts without hiding my gender. Guys began adjusting their posts either to my liking or to spite me. The admin emailed me and let me know that as a woman, I have a mouth that should be put to better use than talking. He accused me of ruining the Zeitgeist of the boys will be boys, all male atmosphere and after taking note of my ip address told me I was banned for life. I don’t know how he knows it is me trying to register for free from another device but be always does. In the end I agreed with him and started my own platform to talk about Everything Red Light Hawaii. I am grateful to him for giving me that push. I want you to know about that site bc I’m certain you’ll find it fascinating and you might read about people you know if you live in the United States and look up your region’s section.
The premise of the site is, in my own words, “Brothers, let’s help each other get laid!” Guys give info about providers using the names the providers give them but no other identifying info.
The info limits are: no addresses, videos, no obscene pictures, no pictures with a name and a face (I think) no last names, no allegations about drug use, no speculation about HIV/disease status, no racism although it’s ok to name the provider’s race or the guy’s preference, no bragging about/threats of violence. Maybe I missed an item that’s off limits. What’s not off limits are graphic descriptions of encounters that are even gross. Taboos include insults, name calling, profanity, meanness. In fact, I got kicked off the site when I said there was no need to name call. A guy could’ve said this very same thing. Maybe a bunch of guys might’ve disagreed but that’s it. But a woman criticizing a man on male turf? Unacceptable. The admin also wrote in his final email to me that this site was a place where a guy could call a woman a big fat f*****g cow w/o hearing a b***h yapping in his ear about it. Racism–no, misogyny, yes! Hey, I was the one who wanted to know true inner thoughts.
Naturally I am not reading the true inner thoughts of a randomly selected group of men, but men who see prostitutes and are willing to write about it. A far larger group of men simply read and never post for fear they can be traced. I do not know who would care but very many guys don’t want to anonymously record their misdeeds (by society’s standard). I say all of this to say maybe most men are not carbon copies if the site participants, who call themselves mongers.
If you are seeking someone and you want a certain age, race, location, someone who uses real pix, a certain personality, someone who’s not a thief, someone who advertises online or walks the ho stroll, this site is for you. Warning–you have to give info about a provider before asking any question, no matter how innocuous. If you join the site with a taker mentality, the guys will jump all over you. So I guess that leaves out the newest of newbies. But, if you can share as little as “I saw so and so, she was cool. Great attitude, no rush,” then you’ve got enough to get a foot in the door and join your brother mongers. Don’t make the mistake of inviting your female friends to write anything without hiding their identities. That’s a mistake that will result in a painful scolding if you’re like me and have no sense of the expectations in a social situation, even am online remote social situation. If she is not as inept as I am at socializing maybe she can fit in. Fitting in on a permanent basis is something I’ve never been able to do but do not let my bloopers stop you from…using the internet to get the sex you want!
There is one thing about sexual Safety every woman needs to know and here it is so take notes:
If you are the only woman among a group of guys who are drinking alcohol GET OUT NOW!
Whenever I hear stories about a young woman hanging out with the football team, or at a fraternity and she gets raped I feel sad and angry. My strong emotional feelings don’t come from the knowledge of how heinous rape is but from my knowledge of something else: I am pretty sure that no one ever told her what I just shared with you my beloved Readers. She has no idea that people she may know individually change when a group forms and something called mob mentality takes over. People will do things when spurred on by a crowd that they’d never do alone. Add alcohol to a mob, add testosterone to group peer pressure along with one isolated female whose words just don’t matter up against all that opposition…well, there’s going to be trouble. One seemingly weak “no” against a group shouting “yes”…and not just any group but a each of the guys wants to belong to, and the likelihood of rape skyrockets.
Not that anyone will really believe her. People forget, or never really knew to begin with that a young woman does not know that just by hanging out with a group of guys people assume she must want to have sex with one or more. Why else would she be in a group of guys? (On the opposite side a boy hanging out with a group of young women is assumed to be gay; it is not assumed he wants sex with all of the women. Interesting. I will ponder this point in later posts.) The lone woman, who has quietly been branded a “slut” cannot be believed if she says she was raped bc she’s only trying to save her already tattered reputation. I doubt there are very many women who singly take on a group of guys willingly, for fun, and from an ex-provider’s astonished point of view, for free. I have heard of women who say “it was rape” to avoid shame if they are caught in an illicit affair and maybe feel afraid of what their fathers will do to them. However, I would give the benefit of the doubt to the woman. Society will not do this for a woman.
Readers, learn this lesson and share with your beloved young women venturing into the social world for the first time without adult supervision. If you are the only woman in a group of men drinking alcohol, GET OUT ASAP.
Suggestion: watch the movie The Accused, with Jodie Foster. It was controversial in its day and that day is not that long ago.
The common perception about prostitution is that men pay women they find attractive for sex, possibly because these men are such losers the only way women will have sex with them is with a financial incentive. A less common, but still persistent belief is that the women are so incredible anyone would have to sweeten the offer by adding money to his proposition. My research indicates that these perceptions are not the usual reasons men pay. Men pay women to avoid wasting time on courting when he wants simply sex–right now. No strings. Men pay women bc these women won’t get attached and ruin his steady relationship by demanding more. Brief participation in the hidden and forbidden side of life always titillates. Let’s not forget, at least in Hawaii, men’s common, uber-secret, desire to be with men dresses as women who do not pass for women. In other words, prostitution is not necessarily about a woman’s beauty.
However, people believe a person must be sufficiently attractive to get a man to pay. At the very least, a would-be provider must have enough self-confidence to hit the local “ho stroll” or promote herself on one or more of the internet sites. To me the internet has become a place the Bible warns about–where people can be lovers of themselves. It’s one thing to say “look at me” but a whole other level to say “choose me over the others and pay me.”
From The Ivy League to Honolulu’s Streets: Stories+Pix of The Red Light Life
Men Who Take Pleasure In A Dead Woman Walking
By Caroleena, the author with a point of view like no other
Saturday, January 16, 2021, 17:42 hours
“Dead man walking!” is a phrase I learned in several movies. If the movies were accurate these are the words prison guards call out when escorting a condemned inmate, especially, but not limited to, the criminal’s last walk to the site of his execution. Colloquially, the expression is used to describe people who are not dead yet but are marking time until they die because after they are struck by enough of the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune, they are dead inside. Like the convicted criminal, they know what nothingness lies ahead and what isolation they must slog through to arrive…no where.Do they deserve their existence? Who knows, who cares–hint, hint: the answer is the same for both questions. One other question arises when you learn about these people. Does someone “Up There” dislike them?
Some Are Aroused, Amused
Not every sex workers is a broken person. Some are shrewd business women. Some are thrill seekers. Some are addicts. There are those who are broken enough to be dead women walking. People can tell. Men– clients–they know these women, know their stories or they can guess at their backgrounds with a high accuracy rate. There are clients who find these women fascinating in that can’t- look- away fatal car wreck. These men enjoy rotting with these women, very much like a cat with a mouse. Is the cat keeping the mouse alive to practice its skills or to torture it? Cats are probably not as cruel as these men.
Why did you become a wh•••e?
Do you feel free being all alone?
Who will claim your body when you die?
Do you care about being buried in an anonymous grave in Potter’s Field?
When They Cannot Perform
When a client disappoints himself sexually, it is not unusual for him to pick up a line of questioning like the one above . For the woman who just wants the money she is merely waiting him out and has no judgement about his performance in bed other than to notice how much it hard her out of her mental cocoon. But he imagines she’s judging his perceived failure as he judges himself and he longs to up the degradation ante. In truth, he enters the session with the unspoken (to himself) plan to find a reason to get angry with her so he can launch his fiery darts of venomous words. He looks forward to the encounter, without articulating to himself his real motive. I believe.
My reasoning is speculative because no matter who I asked or how I asked it, no man affirmed the answer to the question, “are you emotionally sadistic towards sex workers?” I hardly need to add that “dates” like these are bleak affairs for the broken woman his victimizer radar detected. Not a good way to spend a Saturday night.
I hear this all the time: the one non negotiable for me in a relationship is honesty. But why? Am I a court of law? Do I have such status that there’s a penalty for lying to me? Am I so insecure that I need people to be honest? Whatever that means. Now I say: who am I to try to bend someone to my will? People will be who they are no matter what I demand or expect. If someone wants to lie I cannot change that. But the really revolutionary idea is this: who says I have to be mad about someone lying to me. It’s completely possible to shrug it off. “That’s just how he is. I will never know where he went. Oh well.” You’re not giving someone permission to lie. The deeper truth is people lie without your permission already and there’s nothing you can do. Don’t get mad. Show the other person you’re like, “oh well.” Stand back while you watch them be blown away and your relationship change. As long as you honestly do not care about their lying, your new way of dealing with the liar you love will work. Would I prefer the truth? Sure. If I don’t get it, no biggie. Imagine a heretofore unobtainable internal peace if you’ve known the frustration of loving an unrepentant liar. You can change your life, all by yourself. And my guess is, your significant other will be beside himself that you no longer trip out bc you do not know what’s impossible for you to know anyway. Someone, write and tell me how this strategy works!
One of my beloved forensics shows played a segment about infamous serial killer Ted Bundy and his participation, to an extent, in normal life. Bundy was once head of the Republican Party’s Seattle branch (forgive me if I get the exact wording of the organization titles wrong). At first I thought Republicans would not like to be associated with Bundy but after an article I read about how Republicans must embrace Donald Trump publicly because if they criticize him even slightly, other Republicans will shun them and they lose key power positions within the party. And this is post-insurrection at the Capitol. Perhaps I am taking liberties when I say that some hard-core Trump loyalists do not have the same standards that people like me think are important for public figures and people in authority. If Ted Bundy supports Trump who knows how far he can figuratively speaking, rise through the ranks of Republicans, albeit from a prison cell. Maybe I need to evaluate my own standards. I do not believe having a criminal record automatically disqualifies a person from full participation in life. Maybe I need to be the open minded one and embrace those who champion violence and intolerance, if I want to live according to the standards I have set for myself. Am I intolerant if I do not support intolerance? I began this article somewhat sarcastically but maybe there truly is an issue for me to examine. Am I a bigot if I do not support racists…?
“Abducted in Plain Site” is a documentary on Netflix that just blew my mind. I never thought of the complex and long term plan of a child molester seeking unimpeded access to a child. I know about grooming, which to my understanding, is forming a relationship of trust with the child so that the child wants to please the molester, and will keep his confidences while the child struggles with the conflicting feelings of shame and burgeoning sexual pleasure all mixed up with the thrill of having a secret and feeling special. The child feels this way, not because she is loved but because she is being made into a victim to be used, abused, hurt physically, and ultimately rejected when the abuse is discovered and he has to portray the victim as a liar, or when he moves on the the next victim. The victim feels so torn between feeling rescued and feeling bereft of the company of the person she so loves and trusts and is familiar to her and only to her. She will feel betrayed, like he is cheating on her, when she discovers she was not the only 7 year old (for example) in the abuser’s life. Fortunately, for me, I never experienced the love of a 40 year old towards my 4 year old self (for example of an age). I never had to struggle through the murkiness of lies and even literal drugs to get to the truth of sexual abuse but here is what I want to share with you about this video: the sexual seduction of both parents. Unbeknownst to either parent, this guy was seducing them in order to tear them apart as a couple and to distract them with this exciting, forbidden affair that they had never experienced. I was like, wow! And a horrified wow, at that. I never saw such a story.
In this video the child is 12 in the 1970’s when this neighbor and fellow church member abducted the child and took her to Mexico where the legal age for an adult to marry a child is 12. (Hey, right here, in the 21st century United States, an adult can marry a 13 year old in some states, so cloaking rape in the sanctity of marriage vows and it is all good as far as some people are concerned). Now, I want to be clear that the family in the video is Mormon and although I think that made them more susceptible to accepting a grown man with a girl, I think that the primary focus of the con game was not the religion but of using the family and destroying the family to get to the girl. I have never seen such obedience to a predator in my life. To be fair, these days were before talk shows depicting everyone who had a story to tell about sexual abuse. It is realistic to think that these sheltered people knew nothing of pedophilia. After all, had I not seen the talk shows in the 1980’s I would have no knowledge of adults who look to children for sex, and what’s more, I would know nothing about adults who seem to interpret the child’s actions as a warped consent.
I want you to see this video because I want you to be aware of something I knew nothing about and believe me I thought I had seen it all. I never knew this kind of con game existed and I want you, my dear readers, to know what you need to know to protect the people you love, and maybe, steer someone going the wrong way away from children (if that is even possible).
This video is worth your while, but as for me, I cannot bear seeing it all at once because it is that upsetting. The mother, the father, and the daughter were all preoccupied with the forbidden sexual relations with this person who knew what he was doing every step of the way. My God, I never knew people could be so evil and I am humbled to understand, at last, that I do not even begin to know it all. Sorry for my arrogance. I won’t make that mistake again, especially not with you my dear Readers. Join me in this lesson so we may learn together about this cancer disguised as a human being.