This “chick.” A chick is a baby bird or colloquially it is term for a sexy lady. Many say the term dehumanizes women, likening them to animals, reducing them to sex objects. Not everyone is that deep in their use of the language. A woman whose name someone does not know might be called a “chick.” A guy might refer to a woman as a “chick” if her presence in his life is only temporary or unimportant and it’s not worth the effort to familiarize his friends with her name. It is not really a term of endearment, in my opinion. Maybe I am wrong. Follow the link to original article.
I was sitting in a car with a guy who had pulled over to take a phone call. This guy might become a friend. Why do I say “might” become a friend? I am not sure yet if I am more than useful to him. I have tried to come up with what I would consider a working definition of a friend. For me, specifically, I would consider someone a friend if the person initiates contact me and is not responding to me. The reason he initiates contact is to spend time with me and not bc he needs to go through me to access what he really wants. That does not mean friends cannot ask for help but it does mean a friend would stay in touch with me even if I cannot or will not share. In other words he does not immediately terminate contact if I say “no” and he keeps in touch even though he won’t have anything more than he did before he called. There are ways people hope I can enrich them. Typical requests, in my world, include but are not limited to:
- Use of my apartment for rest, storage, shelter from inclement weather, etc.
- Assistance with paperwork: help with applications, interpretations of official correspondence, resume writing
- Advice about dealing with discrimination, usually in housing
- Asking if I want to hire them for odd jobs (I pay $20/hr. for cleaning)
- Asking to borrow money as long as they have an item to serve as collateral. I expect $25 returned for every $20 cash. The internet calls this practice peer to peer lending.
As you know by now, my faithful long-term readers, people don’t get too attached to me. I know it but I do not know why they forget about me. Not that they dislike me. People do not feel anything for me, good or bad. I seldom hear from anyone unless they need my mind, body or possessions.
Why, then, was I surprised by the way my would-be friend spoke of me to someone who called him? when an associate who was giving me a ride received a call from his friend/mechanic and he asked the mechanic if he knew of any cars for sale because “this chick” he knows is looking for a car. He meant me. (My car search will prove endlessly entertaining for you in the next few posts.)
The Significance of “This Chick”
“This chick”? That’s how he referred to me? It’s not like I expected him to have spoken about me, thus enabling him to refer to me by name since people would be familiar with the reference. I did not think the name Caroleena was often mentioned in his conversations with his people. But still…He could have said “a friend.” But “this chick” sounds so dismissive. As if I am someone he met but did not anticipate having in his life long enough to refer to me by name because I will never be an important person his friends will one day meet. “This chick” indicates he does not plan to be public about his association with me. Did he call me “this chick” within my earshot because he was comfortable enough with me to be himself? Did he slip and reveal his true feelings or lack of feelings? Or was he deliberately insulting me? Maybe he was letting me know not to expect rides from him when I leave my keys a half mile down the road and he happened to stop by while I was fruitlessly searching my purse.
You Think Too Much
Maybe it’s true what people say about how overt things. I may very well be reading too much into this expression. But I believe you learn a lot about a person from small gestures that are easily overlooked. People show how they feel in unguarded speech and actions. If I am “this chick” I should not expect too much because I do not mean too much. Before I came up with this post with the different paragraphs inspired by two one syllable words I was not thinking about what he said. Instead in a flash of intuition I knew my status. When I know something in an instant that intuition has never failed me
I am now at an age that is not old, don’t get me wrong, but it’s an age that brings unanticipated experiences. People who are much younger than me are Professionals who have had time in their careers. I used to let the student doctors learn on me. Now the young people are the specialists. They look like children. The specialist I saw yesterday talked like a valley girl. She is too young to know the term valley girl. She came and said:
It’s like, super awesome to meet you. For real.Specialist who looked too young to be a doctor.
You know how I felt? I felt like a failure. You know with my time on the street reapplied properly I could have been a judge by now. Instead I am contemplating law school and I know it is a victory to even contemplate that step. People want to inspire the youth and that’s appropriate. Now I want to be an inspiration as the oldest person in the room. Well I guess I would be ok with just feeling like an inspiration. When I was a little kid there was a show on called “That’s Incredible,” with guests that did things like fold himself up and get into a small glass box. That was cool. However I hated the spin off, “Those Incredible Kids,” with all the child prodigy-genius-7 language-speaking-at-age-5 kids. Hated them. The lady who adopted me would go on the attack by pointing out my deficiencies compared to those kids. It’s bad enough to know you don’t measure up but don’t you wish more people pretended not to know it or see it. No one said anything to me in the young doctor’s office. Just my own voice, measuring myself by the yardstick of youthful achievement. My inner voice anxiously murmured “I hope I get successful at something soon so I can get in touch with people from my past without having to lie about my career.
I spoke too soon when I wrote they don’t kill black people in Hawaii. In a disturbing trend, Hawaii joined other states this week when the police killed an unarmed African man. They said he “charged” at the officers, “seriously injuring” one officer. They tased him but it was “ineffective.” They shot him 3 times when he started to “charge” another officer. For reasons we do not know he had stopped at a neighbor’s house. He had taken off his shoes, which is the custom here. Why did the neighbor call the police to report him as a burglar when he took of his shoes the way people do once invited in. The placement of the shoes, which are probably slippers, is extremely important. People kick off their slippers outside the door when the door is opened or they take them off inside on e they cross the threshold. You never walk inside with dirty slippers. He was invited in. The 29 year old widow said he did not know those neighbors but in his native South Africa a person can go to any neighbor’s house any time of the day or night and expect to be invited in. That’s how the Zulu people are with each other. He was a prince in Zulu culture and he had competed in South African “American Idol.” He never wanted to come to the United States but thus white wife was born and raised in Hawaii. She had been on a Christian mission in South Africa, net him there and brought him here where he was shot to death while unarmed. The widow, with two toddlers said his family had expected her to keep him safe. I presume she meant from racism. She thought things were Om in Hawaii. As my previous controversial post said in Hawaii they might hate us but do not kill us. Women here have more to fear from rampant domestic violence than we black people do. That statement got me banned from Reddit’s Hawaii community. Maybe BC evidently I was wrong.
When do they show me the money?
My philosophy on government is they will take anything they want from a person including life. If free money is passed out, it will not make a difference if I don’t participate in a system that will probably lead to wild inflation (like stimulus checks). Rarely does the philosophy “if you can’t beat ’em join ’em” result in money in one’s pocket. Would I take money though I have never been a slave? You bet. You can’t fight city hall!
After the powers that be are through thinking about whether or not they should think about making amends to black people: When do I see a check?
It might seem counter intuitive to say logic cannot heal irrationality but all life hacks are counterintuitive. That’s why people need someone to point them out. Here is an example
I Have Never Fit In
I never knew how to make friends and I never knew what I did not know. I am sure there is something off-putting about the way I do not get what is expected. The anonymous me, the person known only for her posts is routinely scolded for posts people disliked. I get sanctioned by sites for the first offense. What was offensive. I could not tell. Therefore I could not fix it. Next thing you know I am banned. That’s online rejection. I have experienced ghosting , which is cell phone rejection. Again, I never anticipated the rejection nor did I know the reasons why. These impersonal rejections are so much more personal than the rejection of my classmates since kindergarten. When people see you, and know things about you can explain away their rejection, or worse, the failure to notice me at all. Racism, sexism, classism, not being Jewish–none of that was my fault. I take comfort in being blameless BC there’s only a little comfort in isolation. (The one good thing is your n I longer waiting to be cast out and you’re no longer perpetuating the belief.) Technology removes the image and strips the person down to their ideas. Don’t you feel your thoughts are more who you are than your human form? The real me just lives in this body. To be rejected for your honest self, that’s a new kind of hurt I am not prepared to handle.
Avoiding Black and White Thinking
It is tempting to talk about everyone and no one, but we can never accurately make statements using those words, nice as it would be to simplify complex issues by labelling “all” people. Of course everyone does nit dislike my honesty. Not only do my readers appreciate me l(ike you who is blessing me with your time), but I don’t wish to take back anything I posted. My intentions were always what I wanted them to be and therefore at the heart of it, I accept myself no matter what technologically available people think. I never accepted myself when I was a pariah in person. In having a difficult time tying this post up with a conclusion.
Here in the states we have:
1. White police officers killing while resistors.
2. Black police officers killing black resisters.
3. Black police officers killing white resisters.
4. White police officers killing black apparent resisters.
The only one that get’s BLM’s attention is #4.
I think many police departments are infested with racially biased white males who are simply white supremacist’s and believe it is their duty and obligation to take severe action against black people because they can’t be trusted. This is a shame and must be addressed.
I appreciate the comment and I agree. I support posting unpopular but necessary views. The post in question got me permanently banned from the r/Hawaii Reddit community. I do not know why. I pointed out that racism is very much present in Hawaii but it is not fatal like it can be in the continental U.S. Domestic violence against women is more of a problem here, in terms of threatening safety. People hated those words..? Yes, I will post unpopular opinions even If I disagree as long as no one means to be offensive.