Categories
Addiction and Prostitution in Hawaii

How do we rehabilitate when no one can define “habilitate?

There is so much pain in prison and in Hawaii we are not talking hardened female inmates

https://www.quora.com/Does-prison-rehabilitate-criminals-or-harden-criminals-based-on-sentence-length/answer/Lessons-From-Harvard-to-Handcuffs-in-Hawaii?ch=10&share=7b0f1258&srid=1LASI

Categories
#expertescort2018.com

Myth: Thieves always do THIS. This Harvard grad from Honolulu’s streets has wisdom YOU need

People think they can spot a thief

I have heard people say that because someone is worried about theft that person must be a thief. It is believed that orientation toward safety indicates theft is on a person’s mind. Ergo, they steal.

Why would you be worried about people stealing from you unless you are a thief?

The Improper conclusion people reach when they notice someone’s anti-theft precautions.

People who worry about theft have had experience with it, either directly or by proxy, by which I mean they watch from the sidelines as the “boosters” shoplift then sell their items to the gamblers who play cards in large, ethnically homogenous, outdoor groups. But knowing about theft does not a thief make. People become concerned about theft in three other ways:

  • They are generally well informed.
  • They have been victims of theft.
  • They have been falsely accused.

I know about being falsely accused There are too many stores here in Honolulu where people the professional thieves call “floor walkers,” follow me around. It is creepy and infuriating to watch people watching me for no discernible reason. I guess they are racial profiling. I do not steal. But it is my understanding that people believe that if you look like me, you will steal. That is how theft comes to my attention when I would not have thought about it otherwise. I get so frustrated with that helpless feeling that comes with the knowledge that people have the wrong idea and there is nothing, absolutely nothing, I can do about it. I will be honest, people judge me as someone from the streets and I feel like yelling, “I went to Harvard!” But then what would I follow that with–I could have been successful! I might still be successful! I am not a thief. I was a hooker. People gave me money. I never had to take it, and they never wanted it back.” All true. But the truth does not prove another truth. How is that for frustrating? Breaking the law in a particularly unacceptable way does nothing for my credibility. But if you think about it, I have a point when I say I never stole. Don’t I?

Why is it so unhelpful to assert that I was not a thief but a sex worker?

Please do not jump to conclusions. Assumptions can be hurtful. Traumatic, truth be told. More importantly for the person seeking to apply knowledge, assumptions leave you vulnerable to the real risks. I am not a threat, to your stuff or anything else.

Categories
#expertescort2018.com

Can a person cheat on a partner s/he loves? Of course!

My response deals with the men I knew or knew about

https://www.quora.com/Can-someone-who-cheats-still-love-the-person-they-cheated-on/answer/Chris-Freyler?ch=10&share=61b2edfc&srid=1LASI

Lessons from Harvard to Handcuffs is yours truly, Caroleena, lending her sought after wisdom to Quora. The link above will take you to topics straight out of Hawaii Street Life
Categories
#expertescort2018.com Analytical Thinking anthropology

You do not know what you will say before you say it, one amazing truth

https://harvardxhookrinhi.wordpress.com/2021/06/08/my-street-life-experiences-gave-me-wisdom-you-did-not-know-you-wanted-or-needed-but-you-do/

Regular wisdom for everyday people comes from an unlikely source–a brilliant woman on Honolulu’s addicted downtown streets who has convinced herself she is in the area doing research. Check the link to find out what you never knew you wanted to know! From someone you never imagined had any wisdom for you. Follow the link and when you feel surprised know that your preconceived notions are being confronted!

Categories
Addiction Embarrassing secrets How To Mental Illness

“Casting Down Imaginations” means we are in charge of thoughts

A troubled thought life can lead people to homelessness. I am not saying people who end up homeless are bad. It can be difficult to talk about problems people experience because Americans are quick to decide if your situation is not good then you are no good. I am going to introduce the revolutionary concept that you can make mistakes without being a mistake. Usually people are participants in their own misery without realizing what they are doing.

It may be difficult but we can choose our thoughts

I am aware that the way I thought got me in trouble but I did not always know that my thoughts were at the root of my difficulties. First of all I believed thoughts happened to me. I did not know I could choose my thoughts . Sometimes the same thought would race through my mind and I would find myself repeating “I don’t care anymore. I just don’t care.” At other times my thoughts were slower like I was on a merry go round instead of a frantic hamster wheel. Either way, through racing thoughts or slow reflection, I always returned, mentally, to the same place: I don’t care. Addicts are good at hitting the F- it switch. Late for work? So what? I quit. Need that money for rent? Whatever. I will think of something later. Sell all my food stamps by giving the EBT card to the dealer who will give me 50 cents on the dollar and I will have no food money for the month? Fine. I can always eat at the River. (River of Life Missionary in the most heavily drug infested area in downtown Honolulu, provides a continental breakfast and a hot lunch and dinner to the hundreds who show up for meals five days a week. Do they do good work? Do they make it easier for addicts to use drugs? Yes and yes. But we will talk about that place in other posts.) For now I will direct your attention to the thoughts of immediate gratification at the expense of tomorrow’s well being. The f- it attitude is what makes the sacrifice possible. The attitude is powered by the thought “I don’t care.”

It is difficult to think differently than you always have. I have recently learned that repetitive thoughts form physical pathways in the brain which is why it is so easy to slip into your familiar mindset–there is a physical home for your thoughts in your brain. It us like the brain cannot tell which thoughts serve you poorly and which thoughts profit you. Your brain is just making it easier for you to access the info you often use. You have to tell yourself something different. At first you will feel like you are lying to yourself. That’s BC for one thing the familiar thoughts have the well worn mental spot. And for another thing your addiction lies to you. Some say addiction is soul sickness others say it is a mental illness. I don’t know. But I am quite certain there is something in the addict’s head that was not there before drugs. This alien entity lies to you and you believe it. You think you won’t care about your next meal. You will. You think it will be Ok if you spend the rent money on dope. It won’t. You really do not like sleeping on the sidewalk or having to hustle a bed from a lecherous guy every time you need to sleep. You don’t want that life. But deceitful thoughts took you there.

An example of how I changed my thoughts to change an aspect of my life

On e I became an adult I never lived anywhere for more than a year or so. I spent a long time homeless but you wouldn’t see me stretched out on the street. I used different men. My addiction told me I was different from the REAL homeless people. I was no different. I do not know exactly how I came to know my mind was under the influence of a liar. The Christians I studied with said the devil was literally whispering in my ear. The devil, addiction, my subconscious were all different names for the same deceitful influence. Once I understood I was lying to myself I could do what the Bible advises, which is to cast down imaginations. Get those thoughts away from me! This is what I promised myself:

No matter what you think or how you feel in the future, this is the truth. Remember how you feel right now and do not deviate.

Caroleena’s new self talk

When I finally got a place of my own I would often feel nearly overcome with a desire to walk away and never go back. I would have an urge to get to the mainland and get on a bus or train and travel. I could figure out money later. But no. I remembered I did not want to say I don’t care about being homeless BC I do. I kept my promise to myself to wrench myself out of the comfortable notion of running away. Today I have lived in the same place for over seven years. No big deal for those who have not struggled with a betraying mind but a huge deal for me.

I used to believe success was outcompeting others to win an award or scholarship or position. But success is individual high achievement and for me stability is high achievement.

How have I managed to be stable when I could not be stable before? I was at the top of my game at Harvard–young, intelligent, beautiful and successful, yet I was emotionally disturbed. I won this battle by casting down imaginations.

Caroleena on winning the battle to maintain stable housing

If I can be stable believe me, anyone can do it!

Categories
How to handle con artists

Video: street life hack–the liars motto revealed!

Street Life Hack: 1 thing to know about con artists.

Hopefully this video will work. In 2 minutes Caroleena gives you at least 5 nuggets of wisdom about con artists:

  • We want to believe the person is telling us the truth
  • The con artist knows we want to believe them
  • Never trust appearances when evaluating a person’s reliability
  • A person who intends to rob you always appears to be someone who intends to give you something
  • You can keep believe in the good of all people and stop lending money. Hard lessons need not leave you jaded. But you don’t have to let yourself be used to prove you are not bitter!

After I post this I will do the accompanying podcast to give you all audio content! You are on this journey with me my beloved readers.

Categories
AboutExpertEscort Life Hacks Lifestyle

Street life hack #42: Con artists appear trustworthy

The best time to look honest is when you are lying.

Caroleena, with wisdom from the street

I am always amazed when someone expresses surprise at being conned because the person “did not seem like the type.” Of course they did not appear to be the type. You don’t get anywhere looking like the type who cannot be trusted. You very specifically should not base your decisions about who to trust based upon appearances. Remember that when someone is trying to convince you to part with something of value. They will always look honest.

Street Life Hack: Wisdom from the street for regular people to use in everyday life.

Reason why you should read street life hacks

Categories
#expertescort2018.com

Do you have more faith in Amazon than Gid?

Have faith! In everything I did to seek healing for myself I learned quite a bit about spirituality and a whole lot of questions. How exactly do I accomplish the spiritual tasks set before me? We hear that all the time. But we are seldom told how to have faith. I hear something I have to pass on to you in the form of faith instructions. We have more faith in deliveries from Amazon than you do in God, in yourself? When you order something from Amazon don’t you believe you’re going to get it? You stop shopping for the item. You make room for it. You haven’t gotten it yet but in your heart you have it. And so too, with prayer. You treat your prayers as though the answer is in the mail. You pray for your goals and you believe they will happen. Meanwhile you keep doing the work of making room for that literal or figurative trophy. If you don’t get the package, you do not give up on the system entirely with a bow to never order anything again. You go about making the delivery happen by correcting the problem. Never does your belief in the possibility of getting the delivery waiver. If you know how to expect a package in the mail you know the steps to take to have faith.

Remember, prayers are like Amazon deliveries. They will happen though not always how we expect. We may have to fix some glitches. Nevertheless the system works and you will get your order, therefore act accordingly.

 

Categories
#expertescort2018.com advice Autobiographical blogs Behavior inspiration

Revitalize Inside! This link sums up the encouragement I want this blog to give: “No One Is Useless In The World”⤵

I wanted to hide my identity, back then

The thing about Harvard is it prizes perfection. It is the reward for making the fewest mistakes the first time around. It is not a place that rewards second chances, recovery, getting back on track. Only those with flawless records get in. I remember seeing the question about criminal history and thinking the application must ask that as a formality. Surely no one in my world ever had problems with the law. Unthinkable÷=÷!€

Second Chances Are More Inspiring

It is great to qualify for an elite placement.  Congrats to those

Those people who never messed up so badly that there is a permanent record of their mistakes are both skilled and lucky. I used to look down on people who made mistakes. I thought I was better because I had gotten into Harvard. In truth it is not that inspiring to hear of someone who had it so good that they never messed up and they were rewarded for their Good Fortune. I am not saying that I did not work hard because I did. But I think there was an equal measure of good luck also. And good luck is not inspiring to other people. What is inspiring is people who learned to control first their mindset and next their circumstances.  These people make me feel like it is true that no matter how far down the scale you have gone you will see how your experience benefits others. My low level life has meaning when I write about it because there is so much I had to obtain to make this blog possible. Housing, safety so my phone is not always stolen by other street people, stability to be able to concentrate on using technology, spare time when I am not hustling for my next hit of dope, clarity of mind to string words together in a sentence. Any one of these achievements is hard won when a person has been on the. street. I am encouraged enough to believe I can do more. My success at Harvard can be summed up as my absolute

determination to make the moist of an amazing opportunity. That is not the well if strength I draw from. Follow my lead and look to how I created a second chance in order to do this blog.

Categories
advice

Home Page: Honolulu Street Life: an exciting, witty, inside view – Street life reveals true motives bc it is raw human interaction minus etiquette

https://harvardxhookrinhi.wordpress.com/

https://harvardxhookrinhi.wordpress.com/2021/04/04/guys-heres-one-reason-she-gets-angry-for-no-reason/ Follow the link for an answer to the mystery of relationships

Categories
Addiction and Prostitution Denial downtown Honolulu Life Hacks Lifestyle Live Video

Video: Streetwise Life Hack #22: Life is a Good News Bad News Story

Life us a good news/bad news story. The good news: you can get used to anything. The bad news? You guessed it. You can get used to anything. A central theme in stories of addiction is how a person grudgingly reduces the number of things they never intend to do. “Absolutely never” becomes “well, maybe.”

ADDICTION DRIVEN PROSTITUTION HAS A PREDICTABLE COURSE

Addiction is comprised of ia predictable sequence of events. You feel terrible about the standard you have disregard, but, there was nothing to be done about the exigent circumstances. “Whatever it takes” to get more dope is no longer an unimaginable hypothetical but part of your world. It’s nit like you are going to do this forever. Only temporary , you tell yourself. This thing you have to do is not who you are, just something you did. On a limited basis. You refuse to redefine yourself based on a temporary deviation from your norm . For example, You’re not a prostitute. You did engage in prostitution out of necessity but you did not mean it. You’re not like one if those people on street corners. Ok, you admit that an observer would not know the difference between you and the prostitutes near you. But you viewed to never forget who you really were.

IT GETS EASIER

You maintain your self image as “not like the rest of them,” but this understanding does not repeat in your mind like a mantra that you needed to continuously recite to help you do the deed. Before too long you find that you have gotten used to the once unimaginable. Mantras are not necessary. You expect men to see you and want you and do something in order to spend a bit of time with you. You never think about the specifics of the deed. Aside from those unmentionable unpleasant specifics, you start enjoying yourself! The easy, tax free money. The adventure of never knowing where you’re going to be from one hour to the next. Seeing the whole island of Oahu when dates take you back to their place. Your 100% success rate when it came to getting a date. When you walked to Kukui Street in downtown Honolulu you only waited minutes or even seconds, for a car to pull over. You even get used to blocking out what you’re doing while you’re doing it by what you call “going away inside my head.”

LIFE IS A GOOD NEWS BAD NEWS STORY

The unthinkable has been reframed. Now you call it Tuesday. Or Wednesday. Whatever day. Every day. And through it all, you still believe you’re nit like the rest of them. Without repression and denial no one would be able to get an addiction off the ground!

Categories
#expertescort2018.com #LinkstoMyBlog Addiction and Prostitution Alienation Comfort Zone coping skills Fear of Rejection Honolulu Insecurity Recovery Rejection Social Anxiety Street life

The Fear of Rejection Is a Motivating Factor for both sex worker and client. (Inspiration Post: Fear of Rejection: 3 Simple Tips to Overcome)

https://harvardxhookrinhi.wordpress.com/2021/03/25/prostitution-can-be-a-subconscious-solution-to-social-anxiety/

Categories
Blame and Accusations Bullies Discrimination Independent thinking Judging Others Lifestyle outcast Paradigm Shift Prostitution

Hatred for sex workers is accepted by polite society

When a working girl tries to re-enter or enter the regular workforce she is likely to face open hostility and mockery if her peers know or even suspect her past as a sex worker. For many women this public shaming is too much to bear and even if they want a different life, society puts barriers in their way. The barriers are socially acceptable because after all, “what does she expect?”

A Cruel and Unrepentant community leader

A great example is the woman who got out of jail and enrolled in a vocational training program. The case worker told her to be honest with the education staff about her past in order to anticipate her chances of receiving a state license in her chosen field–after completing a successful course of study. The Department of Commerce and Consumer Affairs told her that in her case she was not automatically excluded from licensure. Some professions exclude anyone with a criminal record but in her case there was hope. The professional board would have to vote yes or no to her license after she finished the coursework, obtained the practical hours and passed the state licensing exam. This woman began her studies BC she had faith in the maybe. On day 2, the head of the department, who also held the top spot in the state’s vocational board, came into the classroom and with no prefacing remarks announced to the class that certain people were unwelcome in the field. Murderers. Rapists. Prostitutes. The students agreed, though they were puzzled about why the instructor would have to proclaim the obvious. Murderers, rapists, prostitutes are not the same if you believe that the private acts of consenting adults that no one will discover is none if the governments business. What was worse for the former working girl than being likened to someone like Jeffrey Dahmer, was the understanding that this message was for her and the opposition emerged at the beginning if school. Thus instructor would become angrier, she would share info about the student with her peers to create a hostile environment. This woman probably would have said she believed in second chances but in actual practice she would rather let someone else provide the second chances while disassociating herself from the criminals, the losers, the outcasts. This prominent community leader never apologized, but sometimes people have to make a show if remorse.

Outcasts are often subject to public bullying. The bullying  forms an image of the person as no good. And “everyone” knows it! It is easy to guess what the group is thinking if people are saying the same thing about the same person, and there are no competing viewpoints. Now and then a person in authority will demand that the victim receive an apology from the bully. The aforementioned bully never had to apologize but it does happen. A public insult should be soothed by an equally public apology. People who have to apologize, for whatever reason, sometimes try to save face by using the pretext that apologies are private business, privately offered in a hushed tone. People with a history of being rejected can be manipulated by the inherent human desire to belong. The private gesture is a mere manipulation that’s meant to convey a special  exclusive communication with a new friend. The outcast craves belonging. The harsh truth is the person who must apologize has not changed their mind and does not want to lose face in front of anyone. And they want their original insult be “on the record,” so to speak. They do not want to sabotage their efforts to sabotage a non-person with the group. Even an insincere apology puts words in her mouth and in the air she would rather not express lest they show a different way to look at the pariah. Always insist on a public apology even if you know it’s not genuine, to put a different perspective about you into the public discourse. Maybe people will think about the automatic assumption that there are those who do not count and it’s ok to let them know it. Do not forget that someone in your position might come after you so try to do what you can to change paradigms for the next woman.

Categories
#LinkstoMyBlog Addiction Comfort Zone Judging Others Motivations for Behavior Other popular bloggers

There is a comfort zone of not only happiness, but also sorrow.the possibility of something worse going on keeps up from getting out of our current situation.many times both our thoughts and work have merit, preparation is also complete, just the courage needed to move forward,we can not gather there itself.but it is also true that we can not always remain where we are.

https://wp.me/p9QpYp-bw

Categories
Addiction and Prostitution in Hawaii

Experienced Hookers Know There’s a Promise They Will Never Have to Keep

How Men Experience Sex Outside of a Relationship

It is important to understand how guys behave when it comes to sex.  It is doubtful that all men are the same.  But it is certainly true that providers in Honolulu find that the men who choose to be with them all share certain characteristics.  This study of men is not scientific because these are not randomly selected men, but men who self-select.  The men providers get to know are men who want to go to providers and actually make that happen.  It is important to understand that the generalizations readers will view in this post are not meant to stereotype every member of a gender.  Instead of considering these words as facts or knowledge, it is better to think of them as anecdotes a reader might possibly be able to apply to improve his life in some way.

No Statistical Validity

Now, that we have that disclaimer out of the way (in short, don’t take what this blog says as gospel truth!), we can get down to what Honolulu providers have learned about the men they see.  In this blog we are discussing providers who have a place to work and who are not picking up men on the street as streetwalkers.  Streetwalkers in Honolulu usually do “car dates” but it is not unusual for guys who are single, or single in the moment to take them home for a minute to do the date there.  In any case, these women do not have much say as far as the duration of the interaction.

The work site changes for providers who have somehow arranged a place where they can entertain in privacy, with a key to lock the door.  All of these qualities are separate and missing one of these factors can change the provider from independent to less so.  But for the truly independent woman, one would think they would be recognized as powerful by the men who are coming to them, into their space.  Not so.  Men, like women, want to be in control.  They probably differ from women in that they are more likely to get their way. A man wants to call the shots when he enters the provider’s space, as if the name on the lease was his. Invariably, he wants the woman to promise that he can stay as long as he wants.  No man has ever asked for her input as to how long he is welcome.  Nor has a man ever offered more money.  Never.   All for me, nothing for you.  That’s the guiding principle for all guys except for the ones who are truly pressed for time.

The Escort Agencies of Bygone Days

This presumption is pretty offensive.  At best it is thoughtless, at worst it signals the presence of an abuser who has only just begun to power trip.  A provider who recognized the insult could get angry.  Perhaps she’d get argumentative. The inexperienced woman will site her policy, one that she knows he already knows–usually he has an hour.  Escort agencies, the ones that used to be in the phone book in the late 1990’s, demanded that the guy pay $300 up front and the provider had to call when she received the money. If the provider had to stay one minute into the next hour, the escort service was like the phone company.  The service charged the guy for an hour even if he only used 61 minutes. At the start of the 61st minute the service expected a call from the woman to say she had received the next $300.  The more generous escort services took only a third of the money and let her keep her tips, but this kind of generosity was rare.  It was standard for the service to keep half the fee and half the tip, and the provider never knew if the client was working for the service as a spy to see if she was indeed turning over half her tip.  She took a big chance if she did not give up the tip.

However, there were advantages to being part of something.  The appearance of having someone at the other end of the phone provided an illusion of safety, as if she had someone to call if there was trouble (yeah, right, as if the escort service cared at all and would rush to become entangled in a bad situation). In truth the back up on the other end of the line did not care for the provider any more than the client.  Guys did not know what might happen if they did not comply.  What they knew was they had a willing woman right in front of them, reinforcing their own willingness to go with the program. Clients knew they had to pay for time or there was no additional time.

The internet meant that women could post their own ads.  They did not have to come up with the exorbitant fees of having a half page or a full page ad in the yellow pages.  Providers were independent.  They kept all their money.  The difficult part of this was that without back up, and with plenty of competition from other providers, men felt free to offer less money. They did not tip because the tip was usually given because they, correctly, thought the woman was giving up plenty of money to the service and the tip was for her.  Another disadvantage to a woman being on her own as a provider was that guys typically demanded that she agree that the man controlled the duration of the session.

A seasoned provider will always agree to let the guy stay as long as he wants.  Yes, of course, absolutely, glad to have you, no rush at all. Very important words to say.  They are easy words to say too, once the provider learned that when men were done, they would flee the scene as if they had just received word that their car was on fire in the parking lot. No matter how much time the guy demanded, no matter how free he had claimed his day was, when he was done, he was out of there as fast as he could get dressed and out the door.  Some guys didn’t even take the elevator that brought them up if they saw the fire stairwell before they came to the elevator.  They’d be down the stairs in a shot, preferring to keep moving ever outwards without having to stand and wait for an elevator.  Not every guy demanded more time, only most of them.  But every one, without exception, couldn’t wait to get the hell out of there–according to every provider who commented.

“The most time consuming part of the session is the amount of time it takes the guy to go from his parked car to the provider’s exact spot. The rendezvous can be over faster than that journey. Nothing beats the speed of a guy leaving the provider as he embarks on a mad dash to the parking lot.”


A provider with 15 years of experience.

 

A Lesson From a Screen Classic

After watching sitcoms that deal with this subject, like Two and a Half Men, there are many jokes about men’s tendency to flee after sex.  Not just with hookers, but with anyone.  Remember the movie When Harry Met Sally, the one where Meg Ryan does the fake orgasm scene?  That scene arose out of a conversation during which her character, Sally, berates Billy Crystal’s character, Harry, for lying to women at the start of a date in order to have a ready excuse to escape after sex.  Harry’s response was he was ok with lying to women who were about to become one night stands but thought they were on the road to becoming a girlfriend, because the women seemed to enjoy the experience.  He was bragging about his skills. Sally proposed the idea that they could have faked orgasm and she demonstrated how easy it was to fake an orgasm by demonstrating in the diner over ice-cream, when Harry doubted  any woman could have faked him out. If popular culture is any indication, men do this post sex flight thing all the time.  Is this flight related to fight or flight?  No one knows.  What is known is that a woman can feel secure in a man’s commitment to her if he sticks around after sex.  If he spends the night she knows he is serious about her.

Conclusion–This Promise Not Kept is a Win-Win

Do guys really think they want to stay in the land of sexual gratification forever, only to find that once they are sated the real world demands their attention? Or, do they want the woman to bow to their will just to get her to do the bowing, knowing full well they have 14 minutes and no longer if they are going to get back to the office on time after their lunch break is over?  Both scenarios are possible, or maybe neither is true. Who knows, and who cares?  In any event, the provider has a great situation.  She can guarantee excellent service that she does not have to lift a finger, or any other body part, to deliver said service. When the client thinks of her he can remember her acquiescing, bending to his will. It will be a nice memory for him. He will enjoy reliving the ego stroking.  His return to this provider is more likely than if she had insisted on defining her terms, and then, when things turned our the way she predicted she would have to resist the urge to say “I told you so.” People like to say it but no one likes to hear it. The only part of the situation that might not work well for the woman is the requirement that she swallow her pride and reinforce male narcissism.

She must be used to that.

 

Street Life Hack #14: The lesson:  when things are falling into place there is no need to verbalize it.

Note:  a street life hack is new wisdom applicable to everyday life extracted from the other side of the tracks.

#streetlifehack

#promises

#services

#Relationships

#Narcissism

#Street Life

Categories
#expertescort2018.com

Inside an Addict’s Head

 

 

Everything Red Light Hawaii

[http:expertescort2018.com | by Caroleena,

An inside look at addiction and recovery

This blog began as a discussion of addiction as it manifests itself in Honolulu, Hawaii, United States. Addiction is a process that puts a name to the changes in the brain that make people think they must have something in order to live in spite of catastrophic consequences that end when the thing needed for life ends up being the thing that ends life. Addiction, no matter the object of the obsession, causes certain personality traits such as 1. denial, 2. self-centered entitlement, 3. Risk taking, 4. Shifting standards so that once unacceptable behavior is embraced, 5. Inability to empathize and 6.unwillingness and inability to change mentality due to the mistaken belief in the perfection of one’s mindset regardless of all evidence to the contrary. These thinking errors become habitual just as obtaining and ingesting the object of the addiction becomes a habit which is why people can have “addict behavior” while practicing abstinence. Recovery is giving up the obsession AND the thoughts and behaviors created anor reinforced by addiction. The thoughts and behaviors are summed up in more casual language like this: addicts think only if themselves and elevate their desires to the level of necessity. Addicts are their own gods and they matter to themselves but they do not show caring for others. Addicts believe they are right and quite often think they are superior to others. They believe they should have everything and people should give it to them, or at least not be upset when they steal. The problems they experience are attributed to other people or circumstances and they resist the notion that their problems are of their own making. “I’m right, everyone else is wrong.” Or “all for me and none for anyone else.” Or, “everyone is picking on me, I don’t do anything wrong.” Or “I’m the smartest person out of everyone I know and possibly in the whole world.” Or “I will do anything to get what I want. Finally , “It’s not my fault.” Addicts operate under one or all of these guiding principles with individual variability of course. This mentality is at odds with other people which is why addicts become outsiders rejected by a society that has rules they cannot or will not obey. I understand addict thinking and therefore can predict behavior.

Anyone with questions about addiction, especially as it applies to someone they love can contact me and I, Caroleena, as a person who has been down that road and who has seen many addicts, can provide advice. One goal of this evolving blog is to make it a how-to deal with your beloved addict.

 

Thanks for sharing this part of your life with me,

Caroleena

 

Categories
#expertescort2018.com

It Really IS impossible to Rape The Willing—Strategically Thwarting Attackers

Version 2 of sexual violence life hack

A Way To Stay Safe—W/ Disclaimer

I was doing research about bears because somehow the issue of a bear attack entered my mind. I knew that for one type of bear, play dead, for another type, climb a tree. Do NOT get the two strategies mixed up. I looked up grizzly bears and brown bears and interestingly, the emphasis of all the bear attack articles is above all, avoid, avoid, avoid. Having to figure out the type of bear, and figure out what to do is an undesirable state of affairs.

Rape Came To Mind

I have heard that 30% of women are raped by less than 5% of men. I think those numbers are waaay too small, but I do see the message: women are raped by men who are almost always serial rapists. In conversations with women I learned that rape is not a one time event. Women have to deal with more than one rapist or would be rapist in their lives. Hence, many of us, maybe most of us, will have to figure out how to handle an attacker and we may have to strategize like this more than once. When it comes to bear attacks there’s a way to avoid them but occasionally things go awry. It would be great if we could avoid dangerous men as easily but they might be heads of the household where we grow up. In any case, bears and rapists are similar because sometimes, not always, we can out think them. I have found one way that foils a certain type of attacker.

The Man Who Wants to Scare

When an attacker wants to scare a woman it’s because he enjoys the fear. He actually needs the woman’s terrified reaction in order to proceed. When an attacker says anything the best thing to do is to enthusiastically agree. Be over the top. Shock him with a reaction he is not anticipating. If he announces his plan to do something try saying something like: “Finally! That’s wonderful! What are you waiting for.” You want to add to the situation, which has now turned bizarre by doing unexpected things like ripping off your top, or reaching to take of his clothes. I have even clapped my hands with enthusiasm. You have nothing to lose. No matter how threatening , whatever weapon he has, etc…do not let him control your reactions. No one can control how you react. You own you.

Boredom Works Too

If you’re suddenly faced with a knife wielding assailant you’ve got to snap into self protection. Casually look at him and say, “whatever.” If you have a book nearby pick it up as if you’re returning to your reading and say, “I’m just going to read so I have some entertainment.

#rape, #strategy, #selfdefense, #femaleempowerment

Categories
#expertescort2018.com

Sexual Violence Life Hack: Cheer on a Would-Be Rapist – Harvard To Homeless in Hawaii

Sexual Violence Life Hack: Cheer on a Would-Be Rapist – Harvard To Homeless in Hawaii
— Read on expertescort2018.com/2020/10/30/shock-your-rapist-into-yielding-control-to-you/

Categories
#expertescort2018.com #LinkstoMyBlog

Look at this Tweet as a reminder to do at least a little for our health

We can at least keep gatherings down to five people or less can’t we. People are going to slack off. Maybe it’s too much to cry “Vigilance!”Maybe we need to embrace “Good enough!” Or people might stop trying to maintain health standards altogether.

People, at times, are not so good about the greater good.

Categories
#expertescort2018.com Xhookr Life Hacks

NXIVM: How To Avoid Joining a Cult in 2 Simple Ways, W/YouTube link


www.youtube.com/watch

NXIVM–Keith Raniere, described by Wikipedia as “an American convicted felon,” leads a Cult that Brands Women. Recruiters don’t lead with hot pokers. They promise potential recruits their best selves, happiest lives, the usual boilerplate. Be it all, have it all, do it all. The promise is, unsurprisingly, not fulfilled. Members end up being sex slaves, having nothing, and doing recovery based activities meant to put the experience out of their minds.

From the outside looking in, the deception seems so clear but when nice people approach you, and show you love you’ve always wanted, it is all too easy to fall into the trap of believing your dream come true will last.

Enjoy the love and caring while it’s a auto you. There’s no need to miss out on goodness. While you’re at it do these two things:

Two Ways to Avoid Cults–X Hooke LifeHacks #6-7

1️⃣ Leaders of cults want sex and money. Do not give them your body. Do not give them access to other people’s bodies. Do not give them your money. Do not give them other people’s money. Do NOT give sex or money to really nice people who appear to make good on the offer to include you in their joyful world

2️⃣ the kind, loving people who want you to have it all, need to hear from you that you will not give up any sex or money. Not now, not ever, not for any reason. Other than that, you’re down with the program. Tell them, loudly and often, no sex, no money, no matter what. No matter how nice everyone seems, no matter how included you finally feel, no matter what voices are telling you to give in to get a greater reward, do not give sex or money. No exceptions.

Cult avoidance is a three part process. As a Harvard elite on Hawaii’s streets, I met many people who targeted me for, you guessed it, sex and money. They do not stick around once they get what they want. Nor do they stay with you if you refuse their advances. Better to have scammers leave while you’re still intact, body and soul.

1️⃣➕2️⃣ =3️⃣

  1. 1️⃣ Tell frauds you will not donate
  2. 2️⃣ No sex ➕No 💲
  3. Result: anyone with impure intentions will disappear
Categories
#expertescort2018.com

19 Face Mask Mistakes| Eat This Not That

Follow this expert advice to avoid making the most common mistakes when wearing face masks.
— Read on www.eatthis.com/face-mask-covid-mistakes/

Giving you the relevant information from an experienced and honest point of view

Categories
#expertescort2018.com

Is self condemnation the key 🔑 to progess


I disagree with the idea that you should be ashamed of where you’ve been. Certainly, it might be true that you’d be reasonable to cringe when remembering your recent stress. I am familiar with being embarrassed about where I have been. No one judges me more harshly than I do. However I want to try being kinder to myself by not condemning the old me. After all the past me is not really gone but continued. Why tell myself “you were such an idiot Caroleena!” I could use the reminiscence to praise my progress.