How Men Experience Sex Outside of a Relationship
It is important to understand how guys behave when it comes to sex. It is doubtful that all men are the same. But it is certainly true that providers in Honolulu find that the men who choose to be with them all share certain characteristics. This study of men is not scientific because these are not randomly selected men, but men who self-select. The men providers get to know are men who want to go to providers and actually make that happen. It is important to understand that the generalizations readers will view in this post are not meant to stereotype every member of a gender. Instead of considering these words as facts or knowledge, it is better to think of them as anecdotes a reader might possibly be able to apply to improve his life in some way.
No Statistical Validity
Now, that we have that disclaimer out of the way (in short, don’t take what this blog says as gospel truth!), we can get down to what Honolulu providers have learned about the men they see. In this blog we are discussing providers who have a place to work and who are not picking up men on the street as streetwalkers. Streetwalkers in Honolulu usually do “car dates” but it is not unusual for guys who are single, or single in the moment to take them home for a minute to do the date there. In any case, these women do not have much say as far as the duration of the interaction.
The work site changes for providers who have somehow arranged a place where they can entertain in privacy, with a key to lock the door. All of these qualities are separate and missing one of these factors can change the provider from independent to less so. But for the truly independent woman, one would think they would be recognized as powerful by the men who are coming to them, into their space. Not so. Men, like women, want to be in control. They probably differ from women in that they are more likely to get their way. A man wants to call the shots when he enters the provider’s space, as if the name on the lease was his. Invariably, he wants the woman to promise that he can stay as long as he wants. No man has ever asked for her input as to how long he is welcome. Nor has a man ever offered more money. Never. All for me, nothing for you. That’s the guiding principle for all guys except for the ones who are truly pressed for time.
The Escort Agencies of Bygone Days
This presumption is pretty offensive. At best it is thoughtless, at worst it signals the presence of an abuser who has only just begun to power trip. A provider who recognized the insult could get angry. Perhaps she’d get argumentative. The inexperienced woman will site her policy, one that she knows he already knows–usually he has an hour. Escort agencies, the ones that used to be in the phone book in the late 1990’s, demanded that the guy pay $300 up front and the provider had to call when she received the money. If the provider had to stay one minute into the next hour, the escort service was like the phone company. The service charged the guy for an hour even if he only used 61 minutes. At the start of the 61st minute the service expected a call from the woman to say she had received the next $300. The more generous escort services took only a third of the money and let her keep her tips, but this kind of generosity was rare. It was standard for the service to keep half the fee and half the tip, and the provider never knew if the client was working for the service as a spy to see if she was indeed turning over half her tip. She took a big chance if she did not give up the tip.
However, there were advantages to being part of something. The appearance of having someone at the other end of the phone provided an illusion of safety, as if she had someone to call if there was trouble (yeah, right, as if the escort service cared at all and would rush to become entangled in a bad situation). In truth the back up on the other end of the line did not care for the provider any more than the client. Guys did not know what might happen if they did not comply. What they knew was they had a willing woman right in front of them, reinforcing their own willingness to go with the program. Clients knew they had to pay for time or there was no additional time.
The internet meant that women could post their own ads. They did not have to come up with the exorbitant fees of having a half page or a full page ad in the yellow pages. Providers were independent. They kept all their money. The difficult part of this was that without back up, and with plenty of competition from other providers, men felt free to offer less money. They did not tip because the tip was usually given because they, correctly, thought the woman was giving up plenty of money to the service and the tip was for her. Another disadvantage to a woman being on her own as a provider was that guys typically demanded that she agree that the man controlled the duration of the session.
A seasoned provider will always agree to let the guy stay as long as he wants. Yes, of course, absolutely, glad to have you, no rush at all. Very important words to say. They are easy words to say too, once the provider learned that when men were done, they would flee the scene as if they had just received word that their car was on fire in the parking lot. No matter how much time the guy demanded, no matter how free he had claimed his day was, when he was done, he was out of there as fast as he could get dressed and out the door. Some guys didn’t even take the elevator that brought them up if they saw the fire stairwell before they came to the elevator. They’d be down the stairs in a shot, preferring to keep moving ever outwards without having to stand and wait for an elevator. Not every guy demanded more time, only most of them. But every one, without exception, couldn’t wait to get the hell out of there–according to every provider who commented.
“The most time consuming part of the session is the amount of time it takes the guy to go from his parked car to the provider’s exact spot. The rendezvous can be over faster than that journey. Nothing beats the speed of a guy leaving the provider as he embarks on a mad dash to the parking lot.”
A provider with 15 years of experience.
A Lesson From a Screen Classic
After watching sitcoms that deal with this subject, like Two and a Half Men, there are many jokes about men’s tendency to flee after sex. Not just with hookers, but with anyone. Remember the movie When Harry Met Sally, the one where Meg Ryan does the fake orgasm scene? That scene arose out of a conversation during which her character, Sally, berates Billy Crystal’s character, Harry, for lying to women at the start of a date in order to have a ready excuse to escape after sex. Harry’s response was he was ok with lying to women who were about to become one night stands but thought they were on the road to becoming a girlfriend, because the women seemed to enjoy the experience. He was bragging about his skills. Sally proposed the idea that they could have faked orgasm and she demonstrated how easy it was to fake an orgasm by demonstrating in the diner over ice-cream, when Harry doubted any woman could have faked him out. If popular culture is any indication, men do this post sex flight thing all the time. Is this flight related to fight or flight? No one knows. What is known is that a woman can feel secure in a man’s commitment to her if he sticks around after sex. If he spends the night she knows he is serious about her.
Conclusion–This Promise Not Kept is a Win-Win
Do guys really think they want to stay in the land of sexual gratification forever, only to find that once they are sated the real world demands their attention? Or, do they want the woman to bow to their will just to get her to do the bowing, knowing full well they have 14 minutes and no longer if they are going to get back to the office on time after their lunch break is over? Both scenarios are possible, or maybe neither is true. Who knows, and who cares? In any event, the provider has a great situation. She can guarantee excellent service that she does not have to lift a finger, or any other body part, to deliver said service. When the client thinks of her he can remember her acquiescing, bending to his will. It will be a nice memory for him. He will enjoy reliving the ego stroking. His return to this provider is more likely than if she had insisted on defining her terms, and then, when things turned our the way she predicted she would have to resist the urge to say “I told you so.” People like to say it but no one likes to hear it. The only part of the situation that might not work well for the woman is the requirement that she swallow her pride and reinforce male narcissism.
She must be used to that.
Street Life Hack #14: The lesson: when things are falling into place there is no need to verbalize it.
Note: a street life hack is new wisdom applicable to everyday life extracted from the other side of the tracks.