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Addiction and Prostitution in Hawaii

You will know which sex commentator is male and which is female

Similar sexual situations, different world views

I listen to people when they talk. You might think that statement is rather obvious but you would be wrong to assume that of course, people listen when other people talk. In fact it is rare to find one person who truly listens to others when they speak. It is quite easy to decide to do something most people do not do and differentiate yourself. It takes no special skill to listen. You merely have to listen with you’re whole ear, as I like to say. Do not try to catch other background sounds but devote yourself to that person’s words. Most of the listening comes after the conversation is over. You write down what you heard and reflect, pondering endlessly about what you heard, what the speaker said that you have heard elsewhere, what clues did he give that he was lying…When you ask yourself questions about what you heard that is where your understanding deepens.

Here is an example

I heard someone say something and upon reflection I remembered that a different person had commented on a similar situation. The situations were similar but not the conclusions. One person was a man and the other a woman. I am certain you will guess which person made the comments.

The situation

Two people were, independently, in a situation they found quite unusual. They were being intimate with someone who was not into it. One person said:

I thought I had gained weight and this proves it. I am not used to someone reacting to me with so little interest. It just shows me that something is wrong with me.

Speaker #1

That was one point if view. Here is another.

That person must be a latent homosexual. I am not used to someone reacting to me with so little interest. It just shows me that something is wrong with that person.

Speaker #2

I am sure you know which speaker is male (#2) and which is female (#1). I made the realization when I was writing about street sex workers and their unwillingness to show emotion during their work. Any man who commented on her lack of enthusiasm always attributed it to some inadequacy of hers. Any female worker who noticed that the man was not into her always blamed herself. It did not matter that she really did not want to have sex. The women always wanted to be desired.

How did we become a society that blames most problems on women? You would think that source of agreement would bring a form of of peace but it does not seem to bring the genders closer!

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clients Double Standards Escort Life Hacks Lifestyle relationships Selfishness

Working girls fit into Male fantasy of model woman

Married men who rendezvous with girlfriends, hookers, and friends-with- benefits often want the women on their list to be faithful to them. These polygamous men do not contemplate the double standard in a serious way, other than to acknowledge their feelings are illogical, but what’re you gonna do? One working girl expressed to her long term regular client that she wants to find a husband, improbable though it may be. The guy, a married client, told her he wanted a relationship for her bc she deserved it. But he admitted he wanted her to remain single due to his attachment to her. No, this was not the beginning of a speech about how he wanted to start a life with her. Come to think of it, it was more of a speech about how he did not want her to start a life of her own. It is important to note he wanted to keep her to himself all the time but his interactions would only be part time and under cover. When he did not want her, bc he was with one of his other women, he put her on the shelf, available to be taken down at his convenience.

The best course of action for a working girl is to never talk to a client about her other clients. If he says he wants to know it is BC he is framing her time with others as something in which he can take pleasure. Never, ever does a guy want to think of her as with anyone else unless he can see that guy as inferior compared to him and less important to her.

Caroleena, elaborating on the desire of “hobbyists” to be the only guy in their hooker’s life.

Ideal traits of a fantasy woman: attractive to look at, always immediately available, out of sight when he is busy elsewhere, no life outside of pleasing him. Hiring someone gets a guy this dream come true for a minute.

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YouTube video

She Owes Sex in Honolulu!

Audio to accompany previous posts:

https://atomic-temporary-125892413.wpcomstaging.com/2021/04/12/do-men-fake-kindness-to-guilt-women-into-sex/

https://atomic-temporary-125892413.wpcomstaging.com/2021/04/12/do-men-act-with-kindness-for-the-sole-purpose-of-demanding-sex-later/

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Addiction and Prostitution in Hawaii

Experienced Hookers Know There’s a Promise They Will Never Have to Keep

How Men Experience Sex Outside of a Relationship

It is important to understand how guys behave when it comes to sex.  It is doubtful that all men are the same.  But it is certainly true that providers in Honolulu find that the men who choose to be with them all share certain characteristics.  This study of men is not scientific because these are not randomly selected men, but men who self-select.  The men providers get to know are men who want to go to providers and actually make that happen.  It is important to understand that the generalizations readers will view in this post are not meant to stereotype every member of a gender.  Instead of considering these words as facts or knowledge, it is better to think of them as anecdotes a reader might possibly be able to apply to improve his life in some way.

No Statistical Validity

Now, that we have that disclaimer out of the way (in short, don’t take what this blog says as gospel truth!), we can get down to what Honolulu providers have learned about the men they see.  In this blog we are discussing providers who have a place to work and who are not picking up men on the street as streetwalkers.  Streetwalkers in Honolulu usually do “car dates” but it is not unusual for guys who are single, or single in the moment to take them home for a minute to do the date there.  In any case, these women do not have much say as far as the duration of the interaction.

The work site changes for providers who have somehow arranged a place where they can entertain in privacy, with a key to lock the door.  All of these qualities are separate and missing one of these factors can change the provider from independent to less so.  But for the truly independent woman, one would think they would be recognized as powerful by the men who are coming to them, into their space.  Not so.  Men, like women, want to be in control.  They probably differ from women in that they are more likely to get their way. A man wants to call the shots when he enters the provider’s space, as if the name on the lease was his. Invariably, he wants the woman to promise that he can stay as long as he wants.  No man has ever asked for her input as to how long he is welcome.  Nor has a man ever offered more money.  Never.   All for me, nothing for you.  That’s the guiding principle for all guys except for the ones who are truly pressed for time.

The Escort Agencies of Bygone Days

This presumption is pretty offensive.  At best it is thoughtless, at worst it signals the presence of an abuser who has only just begun to power trip.  A provider who recognized the insult could get angry.  Perhaps she’d get argumentative. The inexperienced woman will site her policy, one that she knows he already knows–usually he has an hour.  Escort agencies, the ones that used to be in the phone book in the late 1990’s, demanded that the guy pay $300 up front and the provider had to call when she received the money. If the provider had to stay one minute into the next hour, the escort service was like the phone company.  The service charged the guy for an hour even if he only used 61 minutes. At the start of the 61st minute the service expected a call from the woman to say she had received the next $300.  The more generous escort services took only a third of the money and let her keep her tips, but this kind of generosity was rare.  It was standard for the service to keep half the fee and half the tip, and the provider never knew if the client was working for the service as a spy to see if she was indeed turning over half her tip.  She took a big chance if she did not give up the tip.

However, there were advantages to being part of something.  The appearance of having someone at the other end of the phone provided an illusion of safety, as if she had someone to call if there was trouble (yeah, right, as if the escort service cared at all and would rush to become entangled in a bad situation). In truth the back up on the other end of the line did not care for the provider any more than the client.  Guys did not know what might happen if they did not comply.  What they knew was they had a willing woman right in front of them, reinforcing their own willingness to go with the program. Clients knew they had to pay for time or there was no additional time.

The internet meant that women could post their own ads.  They did not have to come up with the exorbitant fees of having a half page or a full page ad in the yellow pages.  Providers were independent.  They kept all their money.  The difficult part of this was that without back up, and with plenty of competition from other providers, men felt free to offer less money. They did not tip because the tip was usually given because they, correctly, thought the woman was giving up plenty of money to the service and the tip was for her.  Another disadvantage to a woman being on her own as a provider was that guys typically demanded that she agree that the man controlled the duration of the session.

A seasoned provider will always agree to let the guy stay as long as he wants.  Yes, of course, absolutely, glad to have you, no rush at all. Very important words to say.  They are easy words to say too, once the provider learned that when men were done, they would flee the scene as if they had just received word that their car was on fire in the parking lot. No matter how much time the guy demanded, no matter how free he had claimed his day was, when he was done, he was out of there as fast as he could get dressed and out the door.  Some guys didn’t even take the elevator that brought them up if they saw the fire stairwell before they came to the elevator.  They’d be down the stairs in a shot, preferring to keep moving ever outwards without having to stand and wait for an elevator.  Not every guy demanded more time, only most of them.  But every one, without exception, couldn’t wait to get the hell out of there–according to every provider who commented.

“The most time consuming part of the session is the amount of time it takes the guy to go from his parked car to the provider’s exact spot. The rendezvous can be over faster than that journey. Nothing beats the speed of a guy leaving the provider as he embarks on a mad dash to the parking lot.”


A provider with 15 years of experience.

 

A Lesson From a Screen Classic

After watching sitcoms that deal with this subject, like Two and a Half Men, there are many jokes about men’s tendency to flee after sex.  Not just with hookers, but with anyone.  Remember the movie When Harry Met Sally, the one where Meg Ryan does the fake orgasm scene?  That scene arose out of a conversation during which her character, Sally, berates Billy Crystal’s character, Harry, for lying to women at the start of a date in order to have a ready excuse to escape after sex.  Harry’s response was he was ok with lying to women who were about to become one night stands but thought they were on the road to becoming a girlfriend, because the women seemed to enjoy the experience.  He was bragging about his skills. Sally proposed the idea that they could have faked orgasm and she demonstrated how easy it was to fake an orgasm by demonstrating in the diner over ice-cream, when Harry doubted  any woman could have faked him out. If popular culture is any indication, men do this post sex flight thing all the time.  Is this flight related to fight or flight?  No one knows.  What is known is that a woman can feel secure in a man’s commitment to her if he sticks around after sex.  If he spends the night she knows he is serious about her.

Conclusion–This Promise Not Kept is a Win-Win

Do guys really think they want to stay in the land of sexual gratification forever, only to find that once they are sated the real world demands their attention? Or, do they want the woman to bow to their will just to get her to do the bowing, knowing full well they have 14 minutes and no longer if they are going to get back to the office on time after their lunch break is over?  Both scenarios are possible, or maybe neither is true. Who knows, and who cares?  In any event, the provider has a great situation.  She can guarantee excellent service that she does not have to lift a finger, or any other body part, to deliver said service. When the client thinks of her he can remember her acquiescing, bending to his will. It will be a nice memory for him. He will enjoy reliving the ego stroking.  His return to this provider is more likely than if she had insisted on defining her terms, and then, when things turned our the way she predicted she would have to resist the urge to say “I told you so.” People like to say it but no one likes to hear it. The only part of the situation that might not work well for the woman is the requirement that she swallow her pride and reinforce male narcissism.

She must be used to that.

 

Street Life Hack #14: The lesson:  when things are falling into place there is no need to verbalize it.

Note:  a street life hack is new wisdom applicable to everyday life extracted from the other side of the tracks.

#streetlifehack

#promises

#services

#Relationships

#Narcissism

#Street Life

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A Hooker’s Client Explains Why She Should Not Text Him–It’s not the wife

Don’t Text Me!

That’s what he said to the working girl.  She was offended.  She never texted him.  She answered his texts but she never initiated first contact.  She had her pride.  Yes, when the business of prostitution moved online, there was a new way to get in touch with potential clients that never existed before.  Before widespread use of the internet a woman worked the street and she had to wait for a guy to stop his car and gesture with the tilt of his head for her to get in.  Or, she worked for an escort service that would be listed in the Yellow Pages under “Escort.”  Guys called the service and the manager passed his number on to the provider.  She called him immediately because she understood that he was waiting for her call right then.  In short, he had to express his interest in her in a clear and immediate way.  There was no way to reach out to him. What would she do if she had his number anyway?  Call him at home?

But then along came cell phones that were not shared by the entire family.  Every guy she had ever checked with used his phone for some form of sex.  They watched porn.  They looked at nude still pictures.  They joined sites as members who were entitled to communicate with other members.  These sites could be dating apps.  The provider did not bother with dating apps because while the guys on those sites were looking for sex, they were looking for free sex.  It amazed her that guys could get women to have sex with them for free, and by free she meant these guys offered these women who were total strangers absolutely nothing–no conversation, no fun date, no dinner, no movies, no flower, no promise to call the next day.  Hey, not all sex took money, but sex was never free, certainly it cost something.  Right?  Guess not.  Apparently there were women looking for men they did not know to have sex with them without any hope of a relationship and without asking for money.  Now that was bizarre, as far as this provider was concerned.  No one did anything for free so these women must be getting something our of these no strings attached encounters and since she did not know any of these women it was impossible to find out what they were getting out of sex with strangers. So, dating apps were out because those guys got really mad when they were asked about money.  She had found that out after trying four different unconsummated hook ups. Yes, really mad. After the fourth guy had threatened her with, in local Hawaii vernacular “a pounding” for wasting his time and making him drive in Friday evening traffic for nothing, she decided to look for men elsewhere.

Dating Apps and Provider Sites Are Different

No, this provider discovered a new way to meet men who understood that nothing was free, no matter what the hippies had said so long ago about “free love.”  There was a site called usasexguide.nl.  If guys joined they could post comments about providers, and participate in often heated discussions from other guys with similar interests.  The site called them “mongers” or “hobbyists.”  There were different threads for prominent cities around the country, and each city was subdivided by region and further subdivided by topic.  In Honolulu some of the many topics included “Asian Providers age 40+” or “Streetwalker Reports” or “Escort Reviews.”  Reading the words of men who considered themselves alone without any women around, even if that was not true, was fascinating.  Of course it was possible to advertise, and she did that, but she had thought there was another creative way to get in touch with new hobbyists.  When the provider was on the usa site and she read something from a guy that interested her, or if she read something that made her think the guy using this screen name might like her, she would send that screen name a private message.  She knew it was possible that she already knew the guy and simply did not know it was a known associate under that screen name.  Other than that minor risk, the provider congratulated herself on her initiative and creativity in coming up with a new way to meet guys.  She was wrong. She got in touch with people alright, but in doing so she actually made sure these were guys she was most definitely not going to meet. As she continued to read through the site, this time keeping an eye our for comments about how her reaching out had gone over, she was dismayed to discover that guys thought her unsolicited contact was desperate and bizarre.  They did not welcome a woman coming out of nowhere. They actually blocked her so she could not send messages.  Other guys on the site she had not contacted agreed through their comments that this weird woman was best left alone.  Wow, that was a bit of a blow to the pride! Every time the provider had taken an independent step by attempting to interact with people by not following what everyone else was doing, things always ended this way.  Sure, she was a provider, but she had very little relationship experience because she did not know how to attract of maintain anyone’s interest in her as a person.  Temporary interest in her body, now that, she could manage.

This long story about why the provider was quite sure she had not and would not ever text this long term regular is an explanation about why the provider felt offended when her regular told her not to text.  Had she ever text him? No!  She had learned her lesson and the last thing she wanted to do was lose a steady regular by appearing to be unbalanced or unreasonably demanding. The guy went on the tell her there was no problem and he wanted to be sure to keep it that way.

It’s Not Because of the Wife

“I am not worried about my wife seeing the texts.  My wife is from Japan.  I guess in Japan once the wife has a child, everything becomes about the child and she is not really interested in sex with the husband anymore.  That is how it is with my wife, anyway.  She would never check my phone.  But my daughter is American and she goes through my phone all the time,” said the client, feeling the need to explain himself. Of course he might have felt the need to explain himself when the provider got mad at him.

“Not only does she pick up my phone and read my messages whenever she wants, she reads them out loud. If she doesn’t know someone she asks me about that person.  She would notice if she saw a number she didn’t recognize. She is so smart that even if I saved your number under a familiar name she might notice that the texts from you are different than what she is used to seeing.  I don’t want her thinking anything.”

“How old is your daughter?” the provider asked.

“She is 9,” said the client, as if that explained everything.

He lets a 9 year old dictate terms to him?  Seemed strange to her, but she knew she was no expert in relationships of any sort. Nine years old…old enough to read well and navigate the technology and still young enough to be interested in what dad is doing and not yet in the grip of the normal adolescent stage of development that demands the separation of teens from their parents in order for them to become independent people.  In a few years the daughter will probably be far more interested in the messages on her phone, and she will probably take after her daddy and conceal her activities. But for now, yes, a 9 year old could be problematic for a guy who wants to sneak around with new people while not appearing to change anything about his actions and communications.  Although the provider did puzzle over how a grown man would not establish a boundary with his daughter, if only for the sake of demonstrating that this is private space and communication, even if nothing sneaky is going on.

Well, the provider mused, a man like this might have issues with boundaries.  He might be otherwise mentally preoccupied.  After all he is sneaking around to do something that his wife might very well want him to do if only to take the pressure off of her. The wife might know already and feel happily relieved of her obligations.  Not that she could say that.  She probably has to put up the appearance of someone who would do what her husband wants if only he asked, but since he didn’t ask, there was no need for her to do anything sexually speaking, and no need to feel bad about it.

Prostitution Minimizes Unspoken Rules 

The provider sighed to herself.  One of the advantages about trading sex for money was that there were no games.  No unspoken expectations, no hidden hints and complicated nuances like there were in ordinary human interactions. This provider found ordinary human interactions bewildering because she never read the subtext correctly.  No, she never knew there was a subtext until people got mad at her.  She only found out there was an unspoken rule she had violated if she was lucky enough to be able to explain the situation to someone who understood that when it came to human interactions she did not know what to do other than to make plain rules for herself to follow after learning lessons the hard way–like how she had learned not to reach out to people on a personal level if you hoped they’d find you attractive enough to solicit for sex.

When she thought about it, she was just like her client.  Texting had to be done a certain way.  And just like the client, the restrictions had nothing to do with the fact that he had a wife, and everything to do with the reality that the only quasi-social relationships the provider was able to maintain were with people who could not let anyone know they spoke to her.

 

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#expertescort2018.com

Dead Woman Walking

  1. KoHttp://atomic-temporary-125892413.wpcomstaging.com

From The Ivy League to Honolulu’s Streets: Stories+Pix of The Red Light Life 

 

Men Who Take Pleasure In A Dead Woman Walking

___

By Caroleena, the author with a point of view like no other

Saturday, January 16, 2021, 17:42 hours

Honolulu. Hawaii

INTRODUCTION

“Dead man walking!” is a phrase I learned in several movies. If the movies were accurate these are the words prison guards call out when escorting a condemned inmate, especially, but not limited to, the criminal’s last walk to the site of his execution. Colloquially, the expression is used to describe people who are not dead yet but are marking time until they die because after they are struck by enough of the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune, they are dead inside. Like the convicted criminal, they know what nothingness lies ahead and what isolation they must slog through to arrive…no where.Do they deserve their existence? Who knows, who cares–hint, hint: the answer is the same for both questions. One other question arises when you learn about these people. Does someone “Up There” dislike them?

Some Are Aroused, Amused

Not every sex workers is a broken person. Some are shrewd business women. Some are thrill seekers. Some are addicts. There are those who are broken enough to be dead women walking. People can tell. Men– clients–they know these women, know their stories or they can guess at their backgrounds with a high accuracy rate. There are clients who find these women fascinating in that can’t- look- away fatal car wreck. These men enjoy rotting with these women, very much like a cat with a mouse. Is the cat keeping the mouse alive to practice its skills or to torture it? Cats are probably not as cruel as these men.

The Questions

 

  • Why did you become a wh•••e?


  • Do you feel free being all alone? 

  • Who will claim your body when you die? 

  • Do you care about being buried in an anonymous grave in Potter’s Field?

 

When They Cannot Perform

When a client disappoints himself sexually, it is not unusual for him to pick up a line of questioning like the one above . For the woman who just wants the money she is merely waiting him out and has no judgement about his performance in bed other than to notice how much it hard her out of her mental cocoon. But he imagines she’s judging his perceived failure as he judges himself and he longs to up the degradation ante. In truth, he enters the session with the unspoken (to himself) plan to find a reason to get angry with her so he can launch his fiery darts of venomous words. He looks forward to the encounter, without articulating to himself his real motive. I believe.

My Opinions

My reasoning is speculative because no matter who I asked or how I asked it, no man affirmed the answer to the question, “are you emotionally sadistic towards sex workers?” I hardly need to add that “dates” like these are bleak affairs for the broken woman his victimizer radar detected. Not a good way to spend a Saturday night.

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Sex Workers Know to Respond to Contact but Never Initiate

One rule of communication for sex workers is respond but never initiate contact. First of all, contacting people who you have seen before can look kind of desperate. There are times when you might actually be desperate because your income depends upon contact with others. Unfortunately, desperation does not broadcast sexiness. Naturally, if you contact someone at a bad time someone might find out what the guy’s up to. That’s the obvious reason behind the prohibition but the first reason will scare off even eligible bachelors!

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THAT’S NOT COMFORTING!

That’s not comforting! There are too many things that people say that are supposed to calm me but don’t work at all. (Unless my sense of humor takes over and I find them hilarious). Here’s an example:

“It’s all in your head!” This statement is evidently meant to convey that my fear is a simple misunderstanding that can be blown away like blowing out candles on a birthday cake. If only…Everything is in my head, my delusions along with your really real reality. There’s no difference in the experience whether I’m imagining a person is intimidating but she is really nice OR she is truly a Bitch. Maybe I could fall back on the soothing notion that I cannot trust my perceptions and my mind cannot successfully navigate through the world. It’s all in my head. Gee, thanks! I feel better already. Lol–not.

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#expertescort2018.com Misogyny Research

Certain Men Don’t Hit Women

When I worked in the sex industry I spent a lot more time than I ever would have imagined talking to clients. Come to think of it, in terms of minutes, if one were to count, I spent more time talking to clients than doing anything else. Surprised me, that was for sure. If there were no time constraints, it would not have been unusual for me to hang out for an hour or two. One reason for conversations that exposed me to attitudes from a geographically diverse group of guys was my true interest in seizing the opportunity to get to know people from all over the country. Hawaii was a tourist Mecca, before the pandemic, with 30,000 (!) people flying in daily. Whenever I found myself comfortably conversant with a client in his hotel room, I’d inquire about his thought patterns. (This practice also fed my delusion that I was doing anthropological research, not hooking. Lol.). Without exception, no matter where the man was from, when I asked a man why he respected women, if he had voiced this practice, I heard versions of the same influence:

My dad always said never put your hands on a woman. I always think of my mother, sister, aunt, or some other female relative, and I would not want anyone to hurt her.

The underlying reason men who don’t hit women remain nonviolent.

Father’s genuine good example + Favorable view of female relative = A Man Who Does Not Hit Women

Dad’s actions+ Opinion of Mom= Formula for Determining How a man treats women

Note: men always noted explicit lessons. In other words, dad spoke on the issue of misogyny in addition to leading by example. By the way, parental lessons are also influential in determining racist attitudes, according to my non-scientific research.

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Escort Life Hacks How To Solutions

Xhookr Life Hack #20: All men look, with sex on their minds, all the time

Always, always remember his looking is NO BIG DEAL. When you get that principle you’ll be so free inside your mind.

Surprise him into submission with absolutely unexpected behavior

Caroleena
  • Handle his annoying habit he cannot help by turning anger off like a switch
  • When you notice him looking, try agreeing that , yes, she is hot.
  • If you have rebuked, criticized, nagged, cried over this issue he stopped paying attention long ago
  • Surprising him will get you 100% of his focus
  • When you pull it off you will feel your power to move him and you can have fun with it. He has been moving you all this time. Turn the tables. Goodnaturedly.
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#LinkstoMyBlog Escort Answers Gender Stereotypes

See My Fellow Blogger Phicklephilly’s Post in this Link: A Man Tells Women That Women Ask to be Mistreated by Doing THIS

See Link: A Man Tells Women That Women Ask to be Mistreated by Doing THIS

https://harvardxhookrinhi.wordpress.com/2020/06/29/see-link-a-man-tells-women-that-women-ask-to-be-mistreated-by-doing-this/
— Read on expertescort2018.com/2020/06/29/see-link-a-man-tells-women-that-women-ask-to-be-mistreated-by-doing-this/

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“Rapist” is This a Title You as a Well Meaning Guy Deserve? Maybe…

My words matter, every time I speak, the first time I speak. No one changes my statements with their actions; only I can retract my words.

In American culture it is acceptable to write women off as emotional and illogical. Men who would never, ever admit to racism, cheerfully acknowledge they believe women are inferior–maybe not to all men, but for sure, they are more intelligent than the majority of females. Therefore it is not such a bad thing to ignore a woman’s words and there’s nothing wrong with persuading women to change what they say.

No means no is a popular phrase but it’s not specific enough. I have a revision for “No means no.” I propose something like “One statement of “no” means “no until I say otherwise.” Or “It only takes one utterance of no to mean no.” Ok, we can punch up the writing. The point is, men will say no once and that’s the end of the discussion on any subject. But men don’t take women’s words seriously. If a woman says no, to sex, that’s just temporary. He will keep putting his hand over there, or he will continue to attempt to nudge legs apart with his knee, or…or…he will just keep doing what he wants to and if resistance flags, if the volume of protests goes down, he feels encouraged. Weaker refusal is interpreted as yes, or getting there. Men, think about it honestly. Has she ever seemed to object strenuously but then stopped fighting and you thought “oh, I guess she’s ok with this after all.” You’re no rapist! Are you sure? Men can you imagine being weaker than a full half of the world’s population? Imagine one of those much stronger persons has you in a position that makes you question which way to go to keep yourself safe so you give up trying out of fear of being hurt worse. I’ve never been raped but I have been pressured and it INFURIATED me. Consensual never begins with no. What if she is teasing? Err on the side of caution. Do without.

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Escort Answers

The Enemy of My Enemy is a Better Friend to Me Than The Friend of a Friend

People are unnecessarily negative about negativity, at times. We have to be shiny happy people who write posts that trumpet “Happy, happy, joy, joy.” There’s a lot of pressure to be positive in the usual ways people understand positivity. But in truth, negativity itself can be a good thing. For example, when people hate the same person, that shared enmity is a stronger group bonding agent than shared goodwill. We can unite against a common enemy, and it almost doesn’t matter with whom we join forces. Hence, we, the United States, had an alliance with Stalin against Hitler during World War II. Many say that as far as atrocious dictators, Stalin could give Hitler a run for his money–two very bad dudes. Knock Hitler out of the picture and we had the Cold War. Is there anyone reading this post who saw Rocky IV who didn’t root for Rocky to beat the Russian? I thought not. Totally predictable, yet enjoyable, and I know I wasn’t the only one who felt like chanting U! S! A! during the movie.

How To Apply the Unifying Power of a Shared Enemy

Is your relationship suffering from feelings of separation? Find someone or something to hate. If you don’t have a common enemy, invent one. Don’t listen to the people who say you can’t effectively be “anti” any cause. For example you can’t be anti abortion you have to be pro life. It’s not about the cause, but the effects of fighting for the cause.

Caution

People often “triangulate” (a therapy word) without realizing it because the behavior is automatic. Parents against the kid. Alliances shift and it’s one parent and the kid against the other parent. I’ve seen alliances shift, form, break up, reconstitute, all within a single conversation, unbeknownst to the people locked in the family dynamic. If you’re going to use this “enemy of my enemy is my friend” tactic to build a bond be aware of who/what is left out in the cold. Don’t burn any bridges. Yes, I’m advocating manipulation. Manipulation is merely attempting to move people the way you want. We do it all the time. I’m saying be a mindful and strategic manipulator

That’s relationship advice you won’t get in your standard self help article. I’m nothing if not unconventional. That’s why you read this blog–for points of view you never would have imagined!

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Bare Breasts+Beauty+Idea= How To Handle A Fool

Never Argue With a Fool

Never argue with a fool– because the on lookers cannot tell the difference

An argumentative fool sharing with me what he learned about how others judge you by the people with whom you associate.

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How to Make Talking to an Addict You Love Worth Your While by Doing These Five Things

You can mske talking to the beloved addict in your life worthwhile instead of a pure source of pain. She won’t listen to reason, she doesn’t seem to care about your feelings. What you need to know is that she does hear you and she does care about your feelings. She will remember that you love her even when she’s caught in a mental obsession that won’t leave her in peace.

1. Determine acceptable Conversation Topics

Let her know the conditions you will accept for her to contact you. For example, she can’t call for money but she can call to let you know she’s ok.

No matter what, do not deviate from your terms. NO. MATTER. WHAT. If she knows you’ll cave with enough pestering she will indeed pester you relentlessly, and she really won’t hear your kind words as she puts her all into manipulating you. Btw, don’t give her money for food or buy her groceries. Even these can be bartered. You can eat with her to make sure she eats but she can’t walk away with anything intact and trade-able.

2. Be Honest About your feelings of shame but love her enough not to shun her

Always reassure her that although it’s impossible not to feel shame in a society that shames addicts and their families, you will rise above that fear and you will never reject her. Reassure her you will be seen with her in public, although she may avoid you so as not to be a source of shame for you because seeing you suffer just compounds how bad she feels. Seeing you suffer does not quiet the relentless obsession that simply won’t stop.

3. Don’t ask why. She doesn’t know why. No one knows why, not even the best scientists.

Don’t ask why she doesn’t quit if she feels so bad for you. You already know disaster is no deterrent. Look what she’s done to herself. Asking why is a waste of time and will lead to tears, yelling, and the hopeless repitition of of the same words that have been said to no avail.

4. Don’t ask questions you don’t want answers to.

If it will upset you to know how she gets her money, don’t ask. In fact, if she doesn’t volunteer specifics about her life, don’t ask. She will probably lie to you if she’s not proud of herself, and she wont be proud of herself. If you decide you can handle the truth without scolding her, then listen without offering an opinion. Stay away from adjectives. She’s doing what she needs to do to get drugs. She does not think she’s on the path to success. She is not confused. Therefore her behavior won’t respond to logic.

5. Remember, she really does hear you.

What you most need to remember about talking to the addict you love is the love she has for you is still inside of her. The words you say go to the heart that’s buried under the addiction. She hears you, although she seems not to. She hears you and what you ssy matters to her in spite of all evidence to the contrary. She remembers your conversations. And when she needs to use the memories of your words spoken in love, she will unlock that part of herself where her love for you lives and flourishes. It may be a long time from now, maybe years, and maybe you’ll never have the chance to see the impact, but have faith that you are making an unseen difference.

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X-Hooker Life HACKS: New Sex Lessons from an Old Profession, #46

Schadenfreude: German word for pleasure derived from someone else’s misfortune. It is a common human condition, but a bad trait in a friend.

X-hooker Life Hack #46: Ladies, once you say no to a man’s sexual advances, the evening is over

When a guy asks for sex, and you say no, you think that is the end of that because you have set a boundary assertively. Relationship experts speak highly of the power of assertiveness. Right. Ladies, you are wrong, if you expect your word of denial to be respected by a horny male. Don’t even waste your time arguing your point. As long as you are in his company he will hound you relentlessly. Relentlessly. Hear me, now. Relentlessly, irritatingly, and finally, infuriatingly. Nagging, begging, manipulating. If you had been inclined to have sex with him, he ruins it. He sinks his own ship with words, or he’ll say “alright” and pout. Unwittingly he will begin to treat you like a child treats his mother by throwing a tantrum or sulking, an amusing irony if you ask me.

Ladies, If you have no plan to have sex with a man and you stand by your word, you are going to have to get away from him. Leave. If you do not, he takes your continuous presence as “Not yet” instead of “No.” And what’s more, he thinks you know it. He has no idea that you believe he should take anything you say seriously, especially if what you are saying is “no” to sex with him. That’s why he gets mad–he is sure you are intentionally teasing him, not asserting your status as an independent decision maker. I know you will feel like leaving is so drastic, I mean, aren’t you both adults? Be drastic, or be miserable, or give it up. Those are your choices once he propositions you.

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Sex Question–Find out the answer to one question you didn’t know you didn’t know how to answer