Addiction and Prostitution in Hawaii COVID in Honolulu

I have needlessly carried my vaccination card all week in Honolulu

Vaccination passport policy announced

Today is Friday September 24, 2021. This is the second week of the big policy initiative that requires Hawaii residents, at least in Oahu, to show proof of vaccination or a very recent negative COVID test. As you know if you are a faithful reader (welcome if you are a newcomer to our site!) I chose vaccination not bc I am convinced it is safe but bc someone had to try it so we can find out if vaccination works. If I wait to see if others have bad reactions it would be the same, I believe, as saying I want other people to take the risks and I will wait to read the benefits after all the kinks are smoothed out. I did not like what that thinking said about my character and trite as it may be I wanted to be the change I want to see in the world. Besides, I spent years on the streets of Honolulu, not really contributing to society but feeling like I had the moral high ground over other addicts who stole from people. After all, I reasoned, people give me their money and do not want it back. Society should have more addicts like me. That was my thinking twenty years ago. Today I want to make more of a direct contribution.

I invested in a plastic card holder and a lanyard to keep my vaccination card around my neck for easy access when I was asked to present to vaccination card. I fully expected to be carded everywhere I went, like a young adult trying to get into a bar. Imagine my surprise when…

I was never asked to show proof of vaccination

Not once. I went for a minor matter to one of the magnet hospital’s emergency rooms. They did not want to see the card or make a record of it. I went to the law library in Hawaii’s Federal District Court. No one asked, again, not one of the armed security guards wanted to look when I offered the card. Supermarkets had no one at the door the way I expected. Same with Walmart. I had a friend tell me a restaurant would not allow him to eat outside bc he is not vaccinated. I never went to a restaurant, unless you count McDonald’s at Fort Street Mall where no one was posted up like I had anticipated.

What do I know about adequate public health measures?

I have a layperson’s understanding of what we are supposed to do during this crisis. COVID case numbers are declining, meaning, I think, fewer people are officially designated as newly infected every day. The numbers are still much higher than when Hawaii was locked down so are we basing policy on science and data? I don’t know. Just trying to do my part. Things are improving in Honolulu, I am told, though I still have not had illness as a part of my life or anyone I know, thankfully. I don’t think I deserve any credit but just know au have done my part! Only thing is, no one seems to care. Makes me wonder what measures are truly in place, policy notwithstanding. Why are things really getting better?

Biased journalism Critical thinking Fake News

Anti Vax Conspiracy Theorists Can’t Answer One Question

You Must Know I Am a Cynic

I have seen enough to know, specifically, some ways the “system” works against the poor, for example. I witnessed the clearly biased reporting of the media that hated Trump. I am by nature a doubter. But the conclusions I reach are based on things I know, like I know that the FDA we count on to keep our meds safe also made decisions that are killing us. Trans fats. High fructose corn syrup. The obesity epidemic. I know that I would not put all my faith in the FDA for a real reason.

The essence of critical thinking is understanding what you know and how you know it. People say the news is fake. I know why I have my doubts. When I ask people how they know the mainstream news is fake they cannot articulate a reason.

Caroleena, applying the same doubting spirit to the claims of doubters.

The unanswered question: how do you know the alternative news is accurate but mainstream news is fake?

No one has a factual basis for believing one source over another. People go with what feels right. But not what they know. Not facts. It worries me because I do not want our society to go from the obsession with political correctness to censoring “inappropriate” words, to grasping at superstition that appeals to our feelings. There’s a bad trend shaping here.

What do you KNOW and HOW do you know it.


Money Laundering Post Covid

Today when I think if laundering money that is dirty I think of the germiness of bills. When you deal with people who get their money by hook or by crook the actual bills are literally dirty. I once heard a drugdealer berate a man for coming to her with 80 one dollar bills. He got the money by panhandling in the street. You know those guys holding signs saying things like “will work for food”? That was his “hustle.” If a person is out there for 8 hours it is possible to make two to three hundred a day. Not just dollar bills but tens and twenties. In this particular case he happened to have a wad if ones with three five dollar bills mixed in. She was furious. How was she going to stash this large amount in her underwear

The response: you should not have to hide money in your underwear in your own place. The retort: you were the one who taught me people staying here will steal. The solution: Clean the bills with hand sanitizer or even soap and water. Money is not paper and can get wet. There you have it–money laundering.


My Reluctance to get CoronaVirus Vaccine Showed me an unlovely side of myself

I was not sure I wanted to do it myself. I was operating on the principle best summed up with the words: better you than me. I had to make a change to embrace a living amends because of my debt to society. Really, the debt is more to myself because society has quite gotten over expecting anything from people situated like me.

Other people could get the vaccine, and I could see what happens, I thought. That would be fine. After all, you just never know. Right…you never know. And since I do not know if it is safe and the only way for us as a society to find out if it is safe is for people to get vaccinated. Someone has to do it. Many someone’s. And I was ok with other people taking the risks for me, and I would swoop in and reap the benefits once I got the results.

Was I really that selfish? I was. This selfishness was news to me. I thought of myself as a person on the forefront of advocating for people’s well being within my personal circle and extended circle. And yet… My first instinct was to preserve myself at the expense of other people. I was really disappointed in myself, as much as I was surprised. This is the elementary lesson that maybe others have learned much earlier but I am just getting around to mastering: If I want to be a good person as I define “good” I have to make an effort to think differently and do what I ordinarily would not do. I have to do the things that, to put it colloquially, suck. I am not talking about other people’s opinion of me, because no one really knows and if it came down to it, a person can say whatever she wants to in the unlikely event that someone asks something so personal as did you or did you not have that medical procedure. No one had asked me, and there was always the fall back position of lying once I found out which way they were leaning. I had no worries about other people’s opinions. After all, people are pretty much caught up in judging me for my past anyway and generally consider me ineligible for the label “good.” Yes, I have to say I have just about gotten over looking for approval from others because I have faced the fact that it is pretty much not going to happen, the “it” being approval from other people who know me. Unless…unless I meet special, nonjudgmental people who like me anyway and the only person who did not judge me and liked me anyway and not just for my body is dead and has been since 2017. That kind of lightening has never struck twice for me. I am not trying to win friends and influence people. I want to live with myself. And I cannot be at peace with who I am if I am happy to let other people do for me what I could and should do for myself and others.

I want to be proud of myself but I could not be proud of myself if I let other people take the risk for me. I wanted a life that made a difference and I do not know yet if my life will matter the way I wanted it to matter. And what did I want? My goal is to have a life that makes the people that come in contact with the results of my work or my presence better off because I existed. That is a broad standard that allows for much apparent failure but does so in such a way that failure does not mean I did not matter. People could even look at me as a lesson in what not to do. I will take that. However, I cannot hide from the fact that my mentality has not been focused on giving to others over the years. I will even go so far as to admit that I enjoyed much of my time doing what people do not respect, and what in actuality, renders me so unimportant that I am practically invisible to most people. Being the kind of selfish that is the hallmark of addiction generally means you do not make a difference and the world might be better off without you. Harsh but true.

The selfishness that is the hallmark of addiction renders the addicted person so devoid of status that she is almost invisible to society and people are ok with not seeing her. There is no making a difference in the world when you are all caught up in yourself.

Caroleena, contemplating why she eventually got the vaccine after seeing herself in the glaring light of introspection

And now– I have the chance to do something for the community and I was not rushing to seize the moment? That was shameful. And that shame motivated me in a way that makes shame kind of a good thing. I went ahead and got both shots. Pfizer. Sore arm for a few days. Some fatigue. Will there be long term effects? I guess we will find out. And it might as well be me who does the discovering. Wouldn’t you agree?

There is an appropriate and productive way to apply shame for a good outcome. Yet another statement that I recognize is harsh, but true. Hey, truth is harsh, sometimes. That’s why it is best for me to say the harsh things about myself because it might be alienating to shine the light of truth on others. You know that I speak only for myself and even then, I am not guaranteeing that the events I speak of are literal. There could be creative license in anything I write. You do know that yes? Just an aside.


A mask can be upside down?

I had no idea a mask can be upside down. I might be the last person to discover this fact, making this post about being uninformed. But I have discovered that I am not a totally unique person and if there’s something I do not know there’s at least one other equally clueless person. I am now willing to confess my ignorance about anything without reserve. It’s nice not having to look all-knowing because that’s a charade that is doomed to failure. This blog has a mission of showing how surprisingly relatable we are to each other, whether we are the elite or on the street.

Anyway, I had a doctor’s appointment and the doctor told me my mask was upside down. He showed me that there’s a wire at the top of the mask that can be molded to the nose for a snugger fit. The bottom of the mask can be fitted under the chin. Yes, there are ways to tell simply by looking but there are times you just grab and go, and you don’t notice once the mask is on. Now, with this info, you can check your mask while you’re wearing it to feel for that thin, flexible wire and adjust it to mold it to your nose.

You’re welcome!






Why would a blog about the red light side of Hawaii life deal with COVID? That’s a question easily answered. Anything that impacts or is thought to impact those who are or were part of the underclass are embraced here in this blog. For them–us–this blog rolls out the red carpet for everyone rejected everywhere else.

The United States has about 5% of the world’s population. Interestingly, 20% of the world’s incarcerated population resides here in America. The United States accounts for 20% of the COVID-19 deaths. Is there a relationship between the two? Why is there so much badness going on here? I am worried

Categories #LinkstoMyBlog

Look at this Tweet as a reminder to do at least a little for our health

We can at least keep gatherings down to five people or less can’t we. People are going to slack off. Maybe it’s too much to cry “Vigilance!”Maybe we need to embrace “Good enough!” Or people might stop trying to maintain health standards altogether.

People, at times, are not so good about the greater good.

Categories #LinkstoMyBlog Twitter Link

Career’s a challenge when your alma maters are Harvard and Prison, esp for ex-sex workers. See Linked Tweet

Tweet thread by an executive getting ex-offenders hired:

How can I get hired out of prison?

When I was doing prison time for possessing a pill (true story) I read a book about how an inmate can reconceptualize her crimes to show off the characteristics of a person who committed certain acts. A thief is goal oriented. A murderer is a self starter. I found it amusing and more than a bit deceptive, but it was not wrong. Add to that book my knowledge that at a top drug treatment program here in Hawaii called Habilitation, the leadership has their mugshots up on a wall to use them as proof of change. It’s all in how you look at it. As Shakespeare said, there’s nothing either good or bad but thinking makes it so.

The linked Tweet is about a violent offender, but ex sex workers have it harder

In Hawaii, an employer can disqualify a person from a job if the offense is related to the position. I have found that there is nothing as stigmatized as prostitution. Little did I know that people interpret that offense as predatory in nature and do not take into account that it was a means to get money for drugs. Instead I was viewed as a would-be husband stealer. Men who were alone in a room with me were roundly scolded for being near someone like me. It is only with the passage of time that the petty misdemeanor no longer appears on standard background checks.


Anyone in a weaker position will be hit harder by difficulties than others. The sapling cannot outcompete the oak tree in withstanding wind rain, drought, etc…I always wondered why by every measure black people come out worse. More susceptible to this, less likely to achieve that…Then I figured it out. Inmates, who are a truly racially diverse population among incarcerated women in Hawaii, are the same way. A job shortage hits hard. In my view, our #1 industry in Hawaii is tourism, #2 is military, and #3 has to be government. We have no tourism and felons are locked out of the military and government jobs. Lots of people were saved by the pandemic Assistance and eviction moratorium. This election will be crucial. Benefits run out December 26, 2020. Then , who knows?

I Don’t Mind Being an Ex-offender Bc I know I Can Use It

Being an ex-offender is having membership in the only group that will include me when they speak of “people like us.” I just wish I could parlay my background into financial success! How can I get to the place where my mug shot can profit me?

Copied Link

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Analytical Thinking Raising Awareness

Honolulu got complacent about COVID-19. From flat line to spike

August 17, 2020

The Graph Says it All

This picture seems to say 1000 words about what happens when we do not demand success for an extended period of time. The disturbing increase in cases is almost entirely on Oahu, the main island where you’ll find the state’s capital, Honolulu. Neighbor islands like the former #1 tourist destination in the world—Maui, have had fewer than 10 new cases in the past month. Honolulu did not wait for the success of May 2020 to repeat itself before reopening the economy. It is only quasi-normal, without tourism. The numbers of new cases are plotted on graphs that utilize lines as a way of visually representing ongoing changes. Gradually Increasing cases cause the line to slope upward, gradually decreasing numbers result in a downward slope, resembling a curve. No change is a flat line. Drastic change is a line that looks like a spike going up or down. When scientists said states needed to “flatten the curve” their words seemed to indicate they believed numbers of new cases could be brought down little by little until we reach a flat line representing no new cases. Honolulu’s results appear to show a sudden status change instead of a gradual process. We skipped the curve and went to a spike, like the switch was flipped to “on.” It’s not just that the numbers have increased but the percentage of positive test results has increased. On Sunday the news reported that one day last week (I forget the date) the Department of Health administered 3,033 tests and over 9% of people tested positive instead of less than 2% last month. However, small numbers are not always reliable measures—of anything. If two people take an exam and one scores an A and the other fails, we don’t know anything about the test or the students with this 50% result. If the number (N) is 1000 students and 50% fail, we have evidence of a problem with the test or students. But we cannot take results on face value. We have to look analytically at who makes up the data. Who is included in (N)? In the school example, are researchers randomly selecting students from the whole school? Or are they picking only the students in special ed or gifted and talented (whatever PC term they use these days)? Maybe it’s normal for 50% of remedial students to fail because they have pre-existing issues prior to taking the exam. The pre-existing issues could have contributed to their test failure. Similarly, in Honolulu people are not randomly tested. If a person has to visit the Emergency Room or is otherwise admitted to the hospital, the person is tested. Last week there was testing at the men’s homeless shelter, where drug addiction and mental illness is normal, and 16 people came up positive. That was big news for the media. But let’s think this through. FYI The only people institutionalized are people with sudden or “acute,” illnesses or injuries, and people with long term, or “chronic,” health problems. These people are more likely to contract any virus, than people not institutionalized. Plus, they are confined with other similarly situated, contagious, people. Within the tested group We see internal characteristics and external environmental factors not necessarily shared by the general public. We have about 1 million residents and hardly any of us can get tested. I have tried contacting Department of Health and I was pleasantly surprised by how quickly they answered my voicemail, until I realized they thought I was actively sick, and when they realized I was not actively sick they terminated the call. I am not sick so I was ineligible for testing? Testing! The people who claim to know stuff say we need to test but we aren’t. Does the triple digit daily increase in cases and the climbing infection rate tell us anything about what’s going on for a million people if we are testing only a few thousand a day? Maybe if more people were tested we would know we actually have a decreasing positive rate, or some other hypothetical result. I think we can say that things appear to be getting worse for the people who already have it rough, the people who are locked up, locked down, locked in, locked out. What’s really going on in Honolulu, a place where few people know someone who knows someone who got sick. Life still looks and feels the same. There’s not enough data to answer questions we need answered.


I am not a medical professional and everything I write is my layperson’s opinion based upon dubiously reliable media reports. I say this in case someone stumbles upon this article and makes the common mistake of believing the use of a graph indicates an author’s expertise.

The link explains the blacks don’t trust clinical trials for the COVID-19 vaccine. I say, you can say that again!

The United States 🇺🇸 has a long history of experimenting on blacks and inmates. Come to think of it, I believe it was the CIA who slipped LSD to unsuspecting American scientists working on national defense to see if it revved up their creativity. It is said that one of them lost his mind and went out of a window. Don’t believe me? Google it, with an emphasis on the words Tuskegee, Alcatraz, CIA, LSD. I believe this president would not discourage using “undesirables” for experimental purposes

And yet, there is another long unfortunate history: the exclusion of minorities and women from clinical trials and case studies. I have read that scientists did not like using women for studies of female directed medications studies because of the difficulty of factoring the impact, if any, of the menstrual cycle! Remember the famous psych study on the authority and compliance/rebellion in which people were ordered to give an unseen person an increasing dose of electricity even though they heard the person begging for mercy, and then they heard nothing at all. Well, when participants were told the voices were pre-recorded, the people listening to the revelation were all white males.

We need scientific info about this vaccine💉, people who look like me. But I would be afraid the experimenter 🔬🚿would take one look at me and give me who knows what 💊.I know I am paranoid but I know too much about our history of involuntary sterilization ➖Oh, that’s right! I forgot to add the topic of eugenics to my list of reasons I would hesitate to submit to government experiments. I have trust issues.

Here is a link that can get your study started. Nazi scientists traded their knowledge for a pass from the United States. Not only did they live here, unpunished, one of them was instrumental in the moon landing. Each of the examples of unethical clinical trials and experiments represents a wealth of documentation. Pick a name and you’ll find many books.

To be blunt, if so called “marginalized ” people (rejects, misfits, criminals) can contribute to science, even if it hurts the people, maybe they should be glad to finally be of service to society. In my youth I would have thought so, never imagining I would make the list due to my past!