Shared Wisdom from Street Life

Gabby Pettito linked article and how to test guys from the internet before meeting them

How do you know if a guy from the internet is dangerous

Warning signs of potentially dangerous internet friends/abusers exist. You can never know for sure what a person may do, especially when people hide the truth, even from themselves. However, people do not always hide themselves as well as they think. The pressure of feigning niceness can cause slips, like psychological leakage that manifests itself in angry actions towards women. These actions are not always blatant. They might look like bad manners. They are more than deviation from the code of politeness. If you perform the test I describe and get these results, call the whole thing off.

The 3 Part Test for a guy you’re about to meet

Meeting people online is how people get together today. There is no shame in it. Not like the early days of social media when it was believed only the desperate or con artists reached out to people remotely. But how can a lone woman tell if she is meeting friend or foe? Lover or loser? Soul mate or Psycho? There are some subtle tests that produce revealing answers:
1. CHANGE PLANS WITH LITTLE NOTICE. No, don’t be rude or unreasonable. But see what happens if he has to change course a bit and it is 100% your doing. Text him and ask him for an extra 19 minutes. Or ask him to meet on the nest block.As petty as it may seem, there are guys who won’t want to do something simply bc it is a woman telling them. The plan to meet can be seen as a joint effort, not her decision. But s change she dictates? Unthinkable to some men. I have seen men react to news of a 10 minute delay with obscenities, rage. One texted, “No b****” tells me what to do.” A rather extreme reaction, wouldn’t you say? Those guys who think it is reasonable to text a woman they’ve never meet with swear words or name calling are out. Another reason for changing plans is to be unpredictable, just a little. In case it is a set up, it is advisable to not emerge exactly when expected.
2. ARRIVE AT RENDEZVOUS POINT BEFORE HIM. Does he show up with other people, then take a position by himself, as if he is alone. Bad sign. 3. GIVE HIM AN INSTRUCTION. Difficult guys react badly to a “b****” telling them what to do and this is another way to uncover latent hostility. I was surprised at how many guys would not accept parking instructions. In addition to profanity and name calling, repeated Tweets are bad news like 17 in 10 minutes. People say this sounds paranoid

What looks like paranoia on an ordinary day, looks ridiculously trusting after something bad happens. “You mean, those were the only precautions she took when meeting strangers from the internet?” That what they would say if tragedy struck. Much of my good luck is the lack of crime in Hawaii. Moreover, someone who knows the assailant and/or the victim is likely to spot the meeting. Well, maybe not likely. But it would not be uncommon to encounter an acquaintance anywhere on the island. When you’re in a place where lots of people know your name, committing major violent crime would be like trying to assault someone in “Cheers,” (the tv bar “where everybody knows your name.”). Things are ineffably more dangerous in a place that is easy to exit and criminals can be anywhere on a vast continent within an hour. People are bolder when escape is easier and anonymity is practically guaranteed. These precautions might not be enough in the continental United States.


Violence and Threats Did Not Come My Way for One Reason

When I was “out there” I was in the apartment of one if the guys who traded access to his space for drugs. No matter what you gave him or paid him he made relentless demands for sex. If a woman wanted to come in and she had no drugs or money then, yes, sex demands were fair. But to pressure her without ceasing after she had paid…that was just wrong. It was not only me that this guy treated unfairly. I was able to compare experiences with other women and they had the same story to tell. Why go over there? Sometimes you needed indoorsy things you could not provide for yourself like a shower, or sleeping with only one guy going through your belongings rather than every passer by. Standards were pretty low when you were caught up in the dope..

One day I went up to his place and found another woman there. I was glad that there was someone else to bear the brunt of his demands. When he ran to the store we were able to talk and that’s when I found out our stories were not identical.

“Does what’s-his-name ever hit you? Or, like, make threats?” she asked me.

I was honestly taken aback. How much interpersonal violence goes on in Hawaii. “No,” I answered honestly. “Does what’s his name threaten you?” I asked.

“Once when he was getting into bed he kind of kicked me in the head. He said it was an accident but there are times he leans in really close like he is going to hit me.”

“I think that doesn’t happen to me bc people are convinced I could be dangerous. I’m not sure why. Maybe bc I am not that friendly. Whatever it is it works for me”

Just then what’s his name returned and I asked him if people thought I had the potential to be dangerous.

“You? There’s no telling what you’ll do. I wouldn’t mess with you.”

I have never been able to get along with people. I never knew there was an up side to unpopularity. I never found out what was so off putting about me, but whatever it was it kept guys from hitting me so I guess I am grateful for the loneliness.




Is a hooker’s trick sad or sick. Probably neither




Neither! You can click on the link or cut and paste into your browser to obtain Caroleena’s 2018 take on this question. Sad or sick? Possibly. More likely horney and/or lonely. Fairly often the men and providers become friends who spend time together outside of anything transactional. Sometimes they become part of each other’s public lives–others see them together but she’s not introduced by her job title. Believe it or not, in Honolulu it’s very common to make friends by meeting up with someone first encountered online. Of course, murder is practically unheard of here beyond once a year. Same with gun violence. Strangers are not the real threat. If anyone raises his hand against a woman it’ll probably be her significant other. Now that I think about it, here, where domestic violence is normal and not all that hidden, a woman is safer around a man who does not feel he can claim her as his own, thus giving him de facto hitting privileges. Wow. My thoughts took me to new ideas. Forgive me if you feel I have gone astray.


In Hawaii go to rehab, volunteer for welfare

Just bc they take food stamps doesn’t make them cheapDrug Treatment Centers

You’ve hear the expression, just bc you can buy it at Walmart doesn’t make it cheap. Same goes for rehab, or treatment, as they call it here. Addiction very often involves taking a metaphorical flame thrower to your finances, so many addicts have nothing. On day 1 of sobriety, It’s common to be as broke as you were as a high school grad, just starting out in the working world. And even if you weren’t destiTunes, it’s likely the family has money and not the person with the addiction. The very first thing to get squared away is getting the addict on welfare with the accompanying insurance through Medicaid. That’s where the big money is. The state will pay for six months in patient treatment and that’s how programs determine your length of stay. But programs don’t stop there. They also take each persons financial benefits (if you’re in drug treatment your disability is covered by welfare bc the money didn’t go to the addict. Finally, the addict signs over all of the food stamps to the program, which Is Loophole in the law because food stamps are supposed to be for the sole use of the beneficiary. Very few people in Hawaii, with its high cost of living and low salaries in very few industries could afford to pay for treatment out of pocket.

I never thought I would be on welfare

The first time I went to treatment I asked if I should maintain my cleaning service, as in maybe I could have the lady come to clean my room at the program. I remember the administrator looking at me with a mixture of surprise, pity, and irritation. “You’re going to be on welfare. You won’t be able to afford a cleaning service.” I had no idea welfare was a requirement.

The drug treatment system perpetuates poverty in Hawaii

Hawaii, like the mainland United States, has a serious drug problem except the main dug of choice, as they tell us to sat, is crystal meth. Ice, is what they call it here. It’s very popular among the locals, or people who call Hawaii home because they were born in Hawaii have been here a long time. Local is also another way to say brown skinned, Polynesian, although no one is really one ethnicity but a mix. Anyway, many of the people doing ice are local. They have just about the worst public schools in the country. Many people start doing ice at a young age and already impoverished, and undereducated, through no fault of their own. Eventually many users get caught because once you lose your place you’re out in public where you can be seen using. Or they break the law to support their habit. I am not saying addicts are not responsible for breaking the law, I am just saying what happens in the life cycle of the addict. People go to treatment most often after getting a “nudge from the judge.” Go to treatment or go to jail.

Drug Treatment gets people more enmeshed in drugs and poverty

There in treatment, they stagnate financially, maintaining that $0 balance. No paying job, the little money they get all goes to the program, every dime, along with the insurance money.All of the programs put the residents to work maintaining the program, in the kitchen or light janitorial work. Unpaid. If they are successful they end up being hired by the program. Low paid. Programs get around the minimum wage requirement by giving “stipends” not paying salary. The recovering addict, if he does everything right, still qualifies for welfare. One two and a half year program that works its residents within its for two out of two and a half years, graduates success stories who have saved all of $300 after 24 months of labor. This program raked in tens of thousands from the insurance, welfare, food stamps, and unpaid labor. None of this money ever went into a trust for residents, for post graduate expenses.

Graduates of drug treatment have little choice but to stay within the ranks of the poor since poor is what they are. The recommended course immediately upon graduation by moving into “clean and sober houses.”

Putting the “high” in high risk

When you add grinding poverty with the knowledge that there’s a sure way to make lots of money quickly you get a recipe for relapse. I always wonder if people can demonstrate systemic inequities. This brief look at how treatment programs in Hawaii shows how people are made to apply for welfare (that’s where the hefty insurance money is), and that application from a treatment center is automated approved. This automatic approval is a government subsidy in addition to any other funding from health and human services. Treatment keeps them on welfare while the residents work for the program. We see a system set up to profit treatment centers if there is a steady stream of addicted people mandated to go into programs. These drug treatment programs have no proven efficacy beyond a few individuals who tell their stories. Any medical treatment with a relapse rate over 90% would not be embraced. So what’s the answer Caroleena? I have a few ideas to help people financially transition to a regular life.

Categories Misogyny Research

Certain Men Don’t Hit Women

When I worked in the sex industry I spent a lot more time than I ever would have imagined talking to clients. Come to think of it, in terms of minutes, if one were to count, I spent more time talking to clients than doing anything else. Surprised me, that was for sure. If there were no time constraints, it would not have been unusual for me to hang out for an hour or two. One reason for conversations that exposed me to attitudes from a geographically diverse group of guys was my true interest in seizing the opportunity to get to know people from all over the country. Hawaii was a tourist Mecca, before the pandemic, with 30,000 (!) people flying in daily. Whenever I found myself comfortably conversant with a client in his hotel room, I’d inquire about his thought patterns. (This practice also fed my delusion that I was doing anthropological research, not hooking. Lol.). Without exception, no matter where the man was from, when I asked a man why he respected women, if he had voiced this practice, I heard versions of the same influence:

My dad always said never put your hands on a woman. I always think of my mother, sister, aunt, or some other female relative, and I would not want anyone to hurt her.

The underlying reason men who don’t hit women remain nonviolent.

Father’s genuine good example + Favorable view of female relative = A Man Who Does Not Hit Women

Dad’s actions+ Opinion of Mom= Formula for Determining How a man treats women

Note: men always noted explicit lessons. In other words, dad spoke on the issue of misogyny in addition to leading by example. By the way, parental lessons are also influential in determining racist attitudes, according to my non-scientific research.