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The Shocking Truth About The Danger of Getting What You’ve Always Wanted

You should be happy, the way you always imagined. But you do not feel the way you imagine is normal. The Quora link (above) explains the process partially behind the phenomenon of going from elite to the street, from Harvard to Handcuffs. The explanation for Caroleena’s inexplicable story.

Success is an event but also a journey from striving to arriving. This rite of passage is fraught with danger for the uninitiated but you will use these words to prepare for a successful trip that does not go off course into self destruction.

The road not taken is mostly deserted for a reason. Tread it by choice based on these words of wisdom and not bc you stumble blindly upon it and walk without thinking

How Does Being Hated Feel?

Do you claim membership in a group that society judges as “bad”? And “everybody” knows you are not one of the good ones? In my humble opinion, groups that are held in contempt include, but are not limited to: sex workers, convicted felons, people with mental illness or addictions. Have you ever been told that you or people like you, should commit suicide? Or, that your death would do the world a favor, as in “you’d save the taxpayers a lot of money if you killed yourself instead of going in and out of prison for years.” It is hard for some people to imagine anyone saying such a thing to them. They know only, for the most part, respect. They do not know what it’s like to choose between covering your ears to keep from hearing hateful words that will linger in your head for years, or listen to the words for valuable information, in case your enemy makes a threat. You cannot imagine a life that did not include people hating you. The fact that people who will never know you or meet you, hate you, has become a part of your identity. You know who you are by the people who hate you. Their voices are more numerous than those who love you. Louder, too. Every day you must decide if you’re going to believe what those voices say about you.

Being hated all your life makes you feel like you know who you are because your long term companion, hatred, tells you.

Caroleena’s answer to “how does it feel to be hated?”

This post’s link, for easy sharing:


Modern grief —Compulsive Internet Searches After the Death of a Loved One

Stages of Grief

According to the work of a scholar who studied loss there are five stages of grief that take us from immobilized devastation to, ultimately acceptance. The theory focuses on our internal states, like denial, or bargaining. I propose adding a modern action to the grief process: Compulsive Internet Searching

Yes, Internet Searching➡️Grief Process

After I found my friend (I don’t know what to call the relationship) dead in my kitchen, I developed a habit. I searched for his name online. I tried different search engines, no middle name, with an address, without an address, phone number, email addresses. I looked for every scrap of info I could find. I even joined one of those background checking sites for $25. I learned some new things, minor stuff like in the past he might have wanted to act. But eventually there was nothing new to add to his bio so I was simply reading, re-reading the same facts. Weeks, months of this until I gradually stopped. I never mentioned it.

Recently I picked up a book. One of the characters had not spoken to her sister in 18 years and she did the same compulsive internet searching, including the review of unchanging information. I thought, “I bet this is a thing.”

I’ve Been Asked To Give Wisdom

The irony of anyone looking to me for insight is obvious, although I have been through some things that could provide info. Therefore, from the depth of my experience with my own grief, a fiction novel, and a powerful hunch, I say if you find yourself stuck on OCD internet searches, that’s part of the process. The habit will naturally taper off. I speculate that we need to exert some kind of control when we are most powerless and the searching allows us to do something. It is ok to go through your process.

What Helped Me

about obsession? Let the phone keep track of your screen time. How much of your day are you searching for his name in the year 2002, when he lived in Kansas? Are you searching for her name and her rabbit’s name to see if there are Facebook posts you haven’t seen? I have been there: “Caroleena, ,Sniffie, 🐇Topeka.” I might have searched these terms a whole lot. I understand if you’re doing something similar. Gone overboard? Seek counseling and give details about your specific practices to get informed advice.

Escort Answers

Prostitution’s stigma hurts, and I’m not 100% positivity, but I live to blog again. Can you relate?

When I think about yesterday’s blog about how lonely it can be in sobriety, I had to consider that no one has really paid a lot of attention to the loss involved in getting clean. There’s loss involved in making any change. It is stressful when things work out right. We think we have no right to “complain” about how difficult it can be to succeed and get off the streets or reach some other longed for milestone. But we are not complaining as much as we are expressing the truth. Yes our old life was fraught with difficulties to say the least. But there are things we miss, and we feel ashamed to miss them because we are told they were bad. For example, I miss the way cars would pull over for me and give me that fleeting feeling of being chosen in a life full of rejection. There’s nowhere I can say that given the stigma surrounding being a sex worker. But also, there’s so much emphasis on being relentlessly positive I feel there’s no room to be honest. I am not talking about dwelling on self pity but just talking about the feeling of an experience, knowing it will change but it is my reality now., this moment. So for all of you who have moments of pain, loss, sadness, a lot of bloggers won’t say this: me too! Lol!

Truth is a form of positivity, even when the truth is sadness. It’s how we relate.

Caroleena, the expertescort