I thought I could make my street experience useful by allowing people who are still out there a place to be. Wait! I wrote this intro before. Yet I am about to tell you how my place was searched top to bottom by someone I let in as I lay in bed, sick. Why do I admit them? Years if not making reasonable friends has left me friendless and lonely. I need company, so I say: ok, come in. Am I creating my reality by doing things that produce lonliness, or am I recognizing a truth that cannot be changed. The truth is I am interesting to others who want to use me, but I don’t inspire affection. They told me aside and move on to the next. I don’t care right now. I want company and I only know ne’er-do-wells, so that’s the group I can access. I just need to stay useful. Wow! I just found the keys I stashed. Great! I can protect myself from the criminals. I think I will see if my former threesome buddy is driving bc I need a ride into town. TTYL!
I recently read that loneliness is the new smoking. We will suffer the ill effects of isolation physically as well as emotionally. So, it is not just me that has a hard time making friends? I confess I feel relieved at the thought that my unpopularity is not due to any character defect but is an indicator of a society wide problem. (It is nice not to have to take responsibility for personality issues!) I have made a promise that I will reveal cringingly honest details about hooker life applicable to the world. And, I will say what people dare not admit. For example, I was surprised at how many guys were lonely in addition to horny. They wanted conversation, companionship. But what surprised me more was how lonely I was when I wasn’t working. Sometimes my only social interaction was with the men who paid for my time. How’s that for an embarrassing admission? Without prostitution in my life to reassure me that I was worthy I felt like the loser 7th grader who didn’t get invited to any of my Jewish classmates’ bar mitzvahs when the other Catholic kids got invited (my section of Long Island in the 1980’s was pretty much either Catholic or Jewish). Well over twenty years later and I was still looking for friends in all the wrong places. If I wasn’t a whore would anyone want me for any reason for even a limited time?