Women have to assume that every man she does not know might do her harm.
The previous post about the precautions a woman takes when meeting men from the internet generated a lot of discussion, including the male point of view which I admit, I seldom consider. Here is “WHAT HE SAYS” about a woman’s need to take potentially life saving precautions when he is just thinking of fun:
I like [your post]. It’s kind of tough being the guy at times. I feel having the flexibility to make changes [to pre-approved plans] to make her feel comfortable is important. Sad, there are assholes out there that make an already emotional situation become a dark place rather than fun.
That also goes for meeting massages and fantasy but you kind of have to hold back, too much. Because as a man and a quote “protector,” stereotypes of just wanting one thing is still there. There were times where I wanted to make it romantic and alone time but you have to put your fantasy and ideas on the back burner until they [women] feel safe. You just have to know to be flexible and her pace. Trying to possibly meet that fantasy and try to be in control but yet submissive to once again make them feel comfortable True. Bottom line if you don’t ask you don’t know. If women in your life don’t explain then you won’t know.
I listen to people when they talk. You might think that statement is rather obvious but you would be wrong to assume that of course, people listen when other people talk. In fact it is rare to find one person who truly listens to others when they speak. It is quite easy to decide to do something most people do not do and differentiate yourself. It takes no special skill to listen. You merely have to listen with you’re whole ear, as I like to say. Do not try to catch other background sounds but devote yourself to that person’s words. Most of the listening comes after the conversation is over. You write down what you heard and reflect, pondering endlessly about what you heard, what the speaker said that you have heard elsewhere, what clues did he give that he was lying…When you ask yourself questions about what you heard that is where your understanding deepens.
Here is an example
I heard someone say something and upon reflection I remembered that a different person had commented on a similar situation. The situations were similar but not the conclusions. One person was a man and the other a woman. I am certain you will guess which person made the comments.
Two people were, independently, in a situation they found quite unusual. They were being intimate with someone who was not into it. One person said:
I thought I had gained weight and this proves it. I am not used to someone reacting to me with so little interest. It just shows me that something is wrong with me.
That was one point if view. Here is another.
That person must be a latent homosexual. I am not used to someone reacting to me with so little interest. It just shows me that something is wrong with that person.
I am sure you know which speaker is male (#2) and which is female (#1). I made the realization when I was writing about street sex workers and their unwillingness to show emotion during their work. Any man who commented on her lack of enthusiasm always attributed it to some inadequacy of hers. Any female worker who noticed that the man was not into her always blamed herself. It did not matter that she really did not want to have sex. The women always wanted to be desired.
How did we become a society that blames most problems on women? You would think that source of agreement would bring a form of of peace but it does not seem to bring the genders closer!
One of my interests is true crime stories, either watching or reading. One of my favorites is Forensic Files, a show that uses interviews with victims and their families, law enforcement, and scientists to tell stories of crime by explaining what appeared to happen, the clues that emerged, and how science was applied to understand what the clues meant in order to solve the case. For example they explain how a suspect left DNA at the scene and the DNA was evaluated and linked to one person. There is no use of eye witness testimony or confessions to solve cases, though these might get mentioned. In other words, no one tells the audience why something happened unless evidence revealed something like the sudden existence of life insurance that would benefit the victim’s husband.
Speculation by the show reveals something disturbing
These people are experts in murder. They have seen so many murders their speculations are based on real history. Since there is no one to tell us the motive for the cases they show they make one up a motive that fits based upon everything they know to be true. That is why it troubles me that every time they do not know why a man killed a woman the narrator says “she probably rejected his sexual advances.” This is not a speculation they use often. I am talking about every single time they do not know a man’s motive. That tells me that a significant number of men have killed women for denying them sex. Once I realized it, I cannot believe I missed something so obvious. Just think about the men who do not kill the women but punish them or believe she should be punished for saying *no.” I bet you have heard guys complain about taking a woman out, spending money on her and getting mad there is no reciprocity from her because she refused him. That is how men who would say they do not support prostitution show me they are ok with exchanging something of value for sex though people might disagree with me. Imagine how many men do not retaliate over a refusal but they understand men who do. All of the men who embrace each of these positions must comprise an awfully large percentage of the men out there. Wow. How dangerous is it to tell a guy “no,” ?
I have heard men laugh at the idea that they would ever say “no means no”
Even the slogan *no means no* tells me a lot. It tells me women can repeat themselves adnauseam and men do not naturally tune in. Women’s words are disregarded automatically if the words translate to no sex. You never hear men insisting their “no” matters. Men expect to be heard without having to fight for it. When I think about the danger men pose to women I wonder how we get together all.
There are messages about appropriate gender roles in society but you have to evaluate words to know what you are really hearing
Caroleena, examining what Forensic Files tells us about how often mean condemn women to death for denying them sex.
New post on Brainiac Honolulu HookerHooker Hack #5 by X-Streetwalker Turned Sex Talker “Fun is not always a team sport.” One reason people seek prostitutes is that they want to have a time that is all about them, to the exclusion of everyone else, including provider. No worries about anyone’s unmet needs, no performance anxiety over the thought of failing to please, no expectation that they ask questions and best of all, no expectation they listen. The provider does not care as long as she is paid and for some people at least some of the time, the indifferent arrangement is just what the doctor ordered. All that is required is coloring within the lines (complying with the provider rules) . Within said boundaries they can do whatever they want to do and don’t have to do it particularly well by anyone’s standard but their own. What a lovely vacation from intimacy responsibilities! Sometimes there’s fun in numbers but at other times a guy wants to be alone and your role is to help him enjoy active alone time X-Streetwalker Turned Sex Talker | December 25, 2018 at 7:39 am | Tags: Escort secrets, intimacy&relationships | Categories: Escort Life Hacks, Questions to escorts | URL: https://wp.me/p8wemN-7PCommentSee all commentsLikeUnsubscribe to no longer receive posts from Brainiac Honolulu Hooker . Change your email settings at Manage Subscriptions. Trouble clicking? Copy and paste this URL into your browser: https://expertescort2018.com/2018/12/25/hooker-hacks/
Those were the words of a woman, me, Caroleena, who was trying to make sense of the death of the person I loved, and who loved me, kind of, but who was mostly gay so he never really committed–to me. He wanted me when he wanted me. He never lied to me. He just wanted to see me when he wanted to, not when he didn’t. You might think this is normal, but what is normal is seeing a person you are in an indefinable relationship with at times when you do not want to see the other person but you do it anyway. He did not do things “anyway.” He did things when he enjoyed them, for his pleasure, not for anyone else’s. It was extraordinarily honest. Selfish. Hurtful. More than any other person, male or female, he loved himself, he preferred his own happiness to anyone else’s. This preference for selfishness was something that he struggled with along with his intermittent desire for the same gender. He talked about that struggle, the struggle to be more concerned about another person so as to maintain a relationship, with me, not in an honest way about why he was conflicted but about some of the memorable times he had and why those times did not include thoughts of other people. Why did he tell those stories? I told him I was interested in knowing what he was like all the way through, which was not as true as the reality that I wanted to make myself more accepting than any other person he could ever meet so that he would stay with me because no one else would give him the freedom to be himself–guilt free. The even deeper truth than that? I was so happy to hear from him because he reaccepted me into his life after a period of days that I would have listened to him talk about anything as long as he was talking to me. And that was how I ended up hearing about why he did not really love other people the way they wanted him to. In the course of those experiences he often said, “Fun is not always a team sport.” For him, fun was never a team sport. I do not know why I loved him so much, but I did.
Ideal traits of a fantasy woman: attractive to look at, always immediately available, out of sight when he is busy elsewhere, no life outside of pleasing him. Hiring someone gets a guy this dream come true for a minute.
She is sad, in need. Maybe she looks to him for help, maybe he notices without a word from her
He acts as her friend. He shows concern, gives small tokens of affection. She is hardened from the street but dares to hope that maybe she has a friend in him
Out of the blue, or so it seems to her, she has been running a tab with him. He has a list of every little kindness he gave her. He gave, but those were not gifts. EA he gesture had a price. Now she owes him money. But he would lime a…how shall it be said?…A physical currency, yes, that is how he would lime payment. She can settle up with her body.
Now she is hurt and alone. She is not opposed to deals, trades. That’s street life after all. However, for her, transactions are mutually agreed to, in the beginning, out in the open. Not one sided and secret. She us hurt by his accusation that she is selfish and worse, conniving. He says she knew all along there was a bill that would be due. Still, she took the occasional soda with no real intention if giving him her body out of gratitude for his thoughtfulness. Did anyone else care about her? Obviously not or she would not
…she would not be out there, sleeping by Pali Safeway off of Kukui Street in downtown Honolulu. Yes, he mentioned the lack of support knowing she is ashamed of her status.
I have a friend who is still in the street. She does not stay with me probably BC that’s just too much of me. But she hangs out with me when I am downtown. Last week she showed me a text from a guy who she thought was her friend. It turned out that any bit of kindness he showed her was entered into his records. It was clear he had given each kind action a sexual equivalent. Based upon his calculations he had done so much for her she should happily throw herself at him and let him have his way with her while she did his bidding. Of course he was quite vulgar in the wording of his expectations. I am putting an intellectual spin on his foul mouthed diatribe. And what were these acts of kindness? Asking her if she wanted a soda. Checking on her at the homeless camp near Safeway by the Pali Highway. Nothing like giving her a place to stay or taking her to the doctor. Nothing that would make a true difference in the life of a homeless, addicted woman. Nevertheless she had believed she had a friend. So all those times he checked on her by the homeless encampment…All those times he he brought her a can of soda…those were just manipulations in a long term plan? He cared nothing for her? I feel bad now that at the time she shared the text with me I was focussed on what scum I thought he was rather than her hurt feelings. I will try to make that up to her.
Some People Are Ungenerous
There are people who keep a running lists of everything they have ever done for a person. People who think of themselves as generous see no contradiction between their self image and their belief that people owe them for their good natures. I hate that. The people who adopted me were like that, the lady, really. She was always complaining that I was not grateful for food, clothing, doctor visits. My view was that I never asked to go there and that is the deal they signed up for. I had no say in the deal. I would never have consented. I got out of that house the first chance I got. I left with a lifelong aversion to sudden demands of gratitude for what was “freely” given. My friend situation was not unlike the one I had been adopted into. She did not know she had entered into a contract. I know she can be selfish but addicts typically are selfish about dope. I am sure she did not want to share dope. Who does? I concede the point that she might have been a taker, although I have no direct knowledge of this opinion, but owing sex is not something I buy into. Little did she know he had tabulated a sex…ledger. Disappointing but not surprising. He did what a lot of guys have done in my experience. Not only do they equate certain sex acts with, say, beverage offers, they laughingly try to make us jealous. They mention all the women who would happily do what they want. Please go find those women eager to disrobe and throw themselves, legs akimbo, at your feet. Save us the hassle!
Anyone who works at a job would be quite annoyed if a so-called friend tabulated favors and came up with the number of free hours we owe giving them the benefit of our professional expertise. Working girls hate to hear they have sex debts and they would just as soon the guys go elsewhere. Keep in mind he is not offering her anything but the chance to enter into sexual slavery until he is satisfied he has been compensated. It would be different if the guy had been upfront and approached with money and asked if she would. Hey, people on the street know how money is earned. But to feign friendship in order to turn affection into guilt and then demand sex, that he won’t pay for BC of her sex debt…that is just sneaky. Pervy. And far too common.. Maybe men and women cannot be friends. Maybe when a man is friends with a woman he thinks he is the one taking a loss. Is it possible that a man feels insulted when a woman calls him a friend? Maybe. I will ask around. I do know that people who fake affection and later reveal their true motives come off as traitors. We try not to have feelings, and we certainly do not want any feelings that we cannot quash to be hurt, but for people who strive for indifference, we women on the street are especially sensitive to rejection.
The first type of guy who does not listen is the guy who has no idea that he does not listen to anyone, especially women. That does not mean he would be interested in changing his ways if you tried to call his attention to his behavior. In all likelihood he would not even hear you when you tried to tell him about himself. It may sound like I am exaggerating when I say this guy does not hear at all but I really am not. Have you ever stopped talking, just to see what would happen to his reactions? Then you realize that he keeps on talking without missing a beat no matter how much or how little you contribute. Once I fully realize that nothing I say penetrates, I stop trying to talk and simply say, yes, you are right. He is not really asking for input. If I disagree he will ignore me. If I say he is right he will say, “I know!” For me this kind of guy is a poor prospect for a companion. Not that he is looking for companionship from me anyway. I know what he wants but what is most important I know not to waste my time on a lost cause. One of the things I value most in a person is if that person can show me a new way of thinking about something and that new method almost always comes from exchanging ideas. Seldom do I say to the self absorbed guy with no insight, “You made me think!”
The Second Type is Self Aware and Sinister
The second type of non-listening guy is well aware that he does not care what others, especially women, have to say. This guy prides himself on the way he tricks women into thinking he is listening and cares. “I give them five yeses and then a no,” said a long term associate with pride. It might be useful for women to know that not only are they not listening but they take pride and pleasure in ignoring you. I foolishly thought I was exempt from this lack of interest until I noticed this long term associate say, “no,” emphatically, right after he gave me a “yes,” in a doubtful tone. None of the tones he used with me matched what I had been saying. “Are you doing five yeses and a no with me?” I asked, totally indignant and he just kind of shrugged like, what do you expect?
Ladies, there is a path that does not lead to happily ever after–and the dead end path begins with the words “I am not ready for a commitment,” and you walk down the bumpy toad by overriding his objections to commuting to you. The name of that dead end road is “I know I can change him” Lane.
Ladies you are volunteering to be mistreated when you hear him say he does not want a commitment but you do not listen. He will cheat. He will lie. And he won’t feel bad bc he told you what time it was. Do not, I repeat, do not, try to change the terms of the relationship as time goes on. A man knows what he wants and if he says it is not you, believe him. These words sound harsh but they are nothing compared to the words guys use with each other about the women from whom they don’t want commitments.
Before I got involved with prostitution I had preconceived ideas about the type of men who paid for sex. I possessed no actual facts and so complete was my ignorance that I did not know I knew nothing. Secure in my rightness, I thought there were only two types of people who hired sex workers. The “losers” who were utterly lacking in appeal for any number if reasons and needed to provide financial incentives to obtain companionship. The losers were used and abused by women who only wanted money, but mistreatment was better than isolation. No money, no honey. When I saw media coverage of a 90 year old man who drew up a new will that cut out his kids and left everything to his favorite sex worker, I thought him pitiful and deluded.
The second category of my imaginary client population was the “sicko.” These depraved sexual sadists hired sex workers to victimize them. They took advantage of the perceived police indifference to the lives of hookers to do as much damage to as many disadvantaged people as possible until finally society couldn’t turn a blind eye to the discarded bodies of murder victims. He considered himself a hero for ridding society of these problems. One client told me this joke: Question: What do you call a black woman who has an abortion? Answer: A crime fighter. When a story about some guy cutting off a prostitute’s head and throwing her mutilated remains in a Waikiki dumpster made news I thought that behavior was to be expected from any man who paid for sex. Something was wrong with these guys, right?
My desire for drugs, crack cocaine in the early years on the street overcame my fear. Apprehensively, I jumped into cars with strange men. but I got out of the same cars thoughtfully. These guys were nothing like I imagined! Facts can sure screw with a world view. Dear Readers, Introducing:
NOT SICKOS OR SAD SACKS-OBSERVATIONS ABOUT MEN WHO HIRED STREETWALKERS.
Wow! Took me over a year of hardcore self involvement to even think to write about someone other than myself, but I have finally arrived. Look for posts on the topic of client motivation. We welcome input from any guy who’d like to share his motives in the comments section.
I would think, from my woman’s point of view, that if someone was not thrilled about having sex with me, that I wouldn’t want to do it. The very definition of “damning with faint praise” would be a weak “I guess so.” But guys don’t seem to mind if she is not thrilled at the prospect. Is that not off putting to a guy? I guess not. Is it good enough for him that he gets what he wants?
Remember how I cautioned women to avoud yelling and lengthy diatribes? Here are alternatives to traditional arguing. I call it The Porn Partnership. If you can’t beat ’em you really will have to join ’em. Is he going to stop watching? I have yet to meet a man who wants to give up pornography. Not even the guy told me:
She’s totally hot. She’s right there. I want to do her, but I can’t get off of the video
Former client explaining how watching porn made him feel conflicted
Strategies for forming a porn partnership. For the woman who loves a man who loves porn
Watch with him and watch the way he watches. Comment on what he remarks about, find videos in his favorite porn genre. Generally emulate him.
Take it seriously. My friend told me I had ruined many movies for him by pointing out the absurdity of the storyline, the poor lighting, or how a position was obviously fake given the angles of the bodies. Don’t be a critic unless he enjoys critiques. Suspend disbelief.
Initiate. Find porn that you like and introduce something new to the situation.
Reenact the plots. Get creative. Don the heels and other costumes. Reenact the scenes without the video. Or do the scenes side by side with the video. See who can finish first.
Make your own porn. Note: make masks a part of the storyline. (Neverbeidentifiable in a video unless you’re cool with the world seeing it. Devices get hacked. People get angry and post things they shouldn’t. Anything can happen, no matter how much secure privacy you believe you have.)
Two women with one guy has always been two women servicing the guy. Makes sense if he is paying. Rarely, it’s been too guys. I’ve asked around about this to supplement my experience. If the guys are paying it’s still about servicing them. According to my former friend, all men are gay or will engage in gay sex but absolutely keep that activity hidden from women. Never in a threesome with just one woman do the guys appear to interact with each other, although you might find out later they were secretly watching each other. The woman has to service them and that’s when make rivalry emerged. Inevitably one guy is irritated bc he thinks he was underserved.
Threesomes with two guys always have this topic
You guessed it–penis size. This preoccupation is male. Another form of competition. The smaller guy always says something about his superior skill or the fact (truly) that women often do not like large guys.
I haven’t gotten any complaints from women
Real life example of defensive statement by the guy with the smaller penis in a two guy one woman threesome.
Women trying to control men’s desire for new women by keeping his activities under her watch. Or, if there’s watching, the guys are watching each other while pretending not to, or they’re competing for her attention.
An enthusiastic 3some participate and long time faithful blog fan corrected an assumption I was unaware I had made. You see, I thought threesomes only worked if everyone was engaged with everyone else, simultaneously. It never crossed my mind that taking turns is a perfectly legit strategy to utilize for a satisfying experience.
I guess I identify taking turns with having to wait against my will . My truest self wants what she wants right away, without delay
Taking turns does not have toesn idly or impatiently sitting around. That’s my own bias against having to share my time. I stead, taking turns means being alternately engaged. After all, who is going to hold the camera? Better to have a photographer who is a part of the action because it’s uncomfortable to have an outsider on the scene, an outsider whose curiosity and judgement can have a stultifying effect on the participants.
Threesomes are supposed to be fun. That’s how porn and XXX portray group sex. But I have never been a fan of threesomes, even when I did them regularly with “the threesome couple.” I find threesomes trick because I feel awkward and uncomfortable, which is normal for me in any group setting!. It seems like someone is always waiting for his or her turn. The person who is waiting tries not to look that way but it’s clear that threesomes are about taking turns, unless you’re well coordinated enough for two people to smoothly and simultaneously handle different parts of one person.
I think the issue is anatomical. We are only able to face one person at a time and that’s where true intimacy can be found–looking into each other’s eyes. Maybe that’s why people don’t kiss when they’re having sex with strangers, because out of everything you can do with another person, there’s nothing more intimate than being up close and personal, face to face. There’s really no way to do this effectively in a threesome