An x-streetwalker should be wiser. They say you can’t con a con. Turns out you can con this one.

No recent posts? Why not? I haven’t posted bc i delayed replacing my stolen phone. Someone who called himself my friend took it. I figured as much yet I fruitlessly searched my small apartment. I didn’t want to think that I had lost the phone and apparently lost any semblance of security on my phone bc the voicemail was accessed. It was preferable to believe the phone was hidden beneath some clutter as ND I suddenly couldn’t access my account online bc I had forgotten the password. NOT bc domeonshad chsnged that password using skills I lack. Finslly, after tearing yhe place apart, ii Iiihad to admit IIhad been outdmarted, for one thing, and had my lonliness and hope that lonliness can be fixed, used against me.

Hugging someone while plucking his phone out of his backpocket is s manuever I used to practice. There was something else I did to guys, during which, I reached behind them to pick their pockets bc they were distracted. My karma caught up with me.

I open the door to uninvited guests. No, lets say it, intruders. I want totthink I sm contributing to dociety by helping people who need a shower. I used to have this need, but I never showed up empty handed like the people at my door with only a towel in hand. They don’t see me as a helper or s friend but as a target. I’m merely opening myself up to be victimized which will no doubt reinforce the sociopathic delight in getting over on someone clueless. I should’ve had a clue. After all, I used to be so low class I stole from people who let me into their homes. No biggie. They could afford it. When I have people over to my place I need to assemble my phone, keys, money, wallet and secure them in a fanny pack on my waist. I must wear the zipper side against my stomach in case I fall asleep and don’t feel stealthy hands. Then, after I attach my belongings to my person inside my own home, I need to stop lying to myself.

I don’t invite friends. People in need of a shower hitchhike, or “tailgate,” by following residents into my building. They show up unannounced, at times I’m usually out. Jalousie windows are removable in two minutes. The truth is, “friends” climb in. So do the neighbors. They divide the spoils. What spoils do I have to offer? It’s a modest life, my existence, but waaaay better than nothing. I know nothing so I consider myself qualified to make this judgment. The intruders, take friends and neighbors, take food–human & cat, hygiene items, batteries, spare, change, and the info from my prepaid cards. That’s why I had to challenge unauthorized charges for games made to my PayPal account through the linked card– at a time when I had the card. That’s why my hostile, overtly racist next door neighbor watches me from the 10th floor railing ’til I’m off the property. That’s why my neighbor four doors down has a smirk whenever I catch her in my clothes. Today, she looked ridiculous wearing one of my sundresses awkwardly teamed with my jeans & shirt. I know thieves, not friends. Maybe I will continue to let them in so I don’t get to weird from having only a cat. But at least I will tell myself the truth.


What is the difference between mahus in Honolulu and transgender women in the mainland United States? *Again, my unsupported opinion with lots of generalizations

When I was on the street I stayed in Downtown Honolulu, on Kukui Street. Men knew that was the place to go to find women and mahus who did sex work for cheaper rates than Waikiki women. Mahus aren’t simply men dressed as women. (I will find out if the term mahu has been replaced. I mean no offense.) They self identify as women and everyone else uses “she” and “her” when referring to them.


Transvestites on the mainland, from what I understand, crossdress secret part of their lives. They are usually heterosexual and the crossdressing is a secret and separate part of their lives. On the mainland, public transvestites are exclusively sex workers in some capacity. They often dress in very sexually provocative ways, which makes sense to me bc heterosexual men would like women who put their sexuality out there for all to view. Yes, I know, a big generalization. Transgender people want to become the other gender, in fact they believe their brain is actually wired to be a gender their body doesn’t manifest. They don’t necessarily want to be in the sex trade and don’t push their sexuality on the public. They just want to be like everyone else in their chosen gender.


In my humble opinion, mahus totally want to stand out. They are very aggressively hypersexual, almost charicatures of women. This aggression strikes me as very masculine. It would not be unusual to see one on Kukui Street wearing a bikini with a blond wig, a fake feather boa around her neck and a parasol (a mini umbrella) in hand. Publicly, over the top. At any time of day or night. They hang out downtown in small groups when they’re not working. Like every other working girl, they put like 30 feet of distance between themselves and the next female so cars can pull over for the specifically desired girl. They may or may not be pursuing sex reassignment surgery and they date men, either as tricks but also in real relationships. I’ve never heard a man who’s girlfriend was a mahu call himself gay or call the significant other anything other than “my girlfriend.” That’s not to say all mahus are sex workers. I have seen bus drivers, cashier’s, bank tellers. But from what I have seen, a mahu isn’t a man trying to pass as a woman. Mahus are in their own category. And it’s a public life choice, not a secret.


Now that I think of it, I don’t see a lot of white mahus. They’re predominantly Samoan but they can be any race. There’s a story, maybe urban legend, that in Samoan families, if the last born is a boy he is raised as a girl, dressed as a girl and assigned traditionally female housekeeping tasks. Someone once said that when Hawaiians went to war against each other, before whites came, warriors killed all the males in a conquered village but not mahus. I have no idea if this is true but I do know it’s far more accepted in Hawaii, even in high schools and middle schools where mainland kids suffer if classmates think they are gay.


It’s not taboo to be a mahu but it is taboo for a straight guy to admit interest in mahus. From what I observed on Downtown Honolulu streets, there are many straight men with secret desires they want to secretly indulge. These men come downtown and say:

I like dick but I’m not gay.

I know what was said because men often said it to me, a woman through and through. Interestingly, my commitment to physical fitness put me right in the middle of men seeking men.


The Details of Sex Work: How do providers set up appointments with clients?


*NOTE: This post is the combination of interviews with three different Honolulu providers told in the voice of one person. Any resemblance to actual people or events is unintentional. The story is based on actual events or is a total lie. FYI


Eve had been a provider in Honolulu since the early 2000’s. She started working the streets to feed a drug habit. When she got off drugs in 2003 she found she could demand more money, because she was punctual, reliable and not in a rush to get out of there to get high. In those days, using the internet was not a way of life. People still looked for services and providers by using the phone book. Eve contacted some ads under Escorts in the yellow pages and started taking referrals from the owner of the escort service featured in the Yellow Page ads. She made $300 an hour but she owed half upfront to the service so her take home was $150, minus $40 for the driver, so $110 an hour. Very frustrating to part with more than 50% of the money once she held the bills in her hands and smelled that money smell. But it’s not like she paid taxes! A long term client she had first met during her days as a Kukui Street hooker told her about the new world of online advertising. She could post ads, offering her time, or looking for film or print opportunities. All legal. Never did she offer sex or hint that she could be persuaded. She would be paid for her time and what she chose to do with that time was up to her.  Sex was not forbidden but she was not obligated. This is the same line she ran to guys who picked her up on the street. Experienced guys knew that it was the verbal agreement to exchange something of perceived value for sex that was illegal, and not the exchange of money. Old timers didn’t ask questions like “what are we going to do?” or “what is on the menu” because that’s what cops said to bait women into saying something incriminating so they make arrests. On the street she wanted to get into a car that pulled over for her and just make small talk until they got to a spot she suggested if he didn’t have a place or a preference. When guys answered her online ads she wanted to limit the topic of emails/calls/texts to appointment setting. If they asked questions she would have to cut their line because she could not risk getting arrested. And the $300 was all hers when she ran her own gig online. That’s a brief overview of the process of meeting clients. Let’s get more specific.

The picture shows a site —this site–about providers and is not actually a dating site, but you get the idea that people use their phones to go online and contact providers.

When advertising online, it is vital to mix sexiness with propriety while maintaining anonymity if you want to get clients and stay out of jail.

Readers might say, “Don’t be coy with us! Tell the truth, if you really value your readers and want to keep them? When the provider makes contact with the potential customer how is the arrangement arranged when the act of arranging can get a person arrested? It is illegal to trade sex for money. The next logical question: Is the statement “I offer my time” code for “You know you are really going to get sex. It’s just forbidden for me to say that, so don’t put me in an awkward position by asking me to give details. Just show up at the appointed time, silently place your envelope in a conspicuous location, and trust the process.

“All Men Are Gay”

That’s what one of my associates said. “All men are gay,” Mandee would reiterate when telling stories of her past. She was an adriot storyteller, so it was always fun to listen. I like the word associate, because it is more accurate than the word friend. In Mandee’s case I liked her but she didn’t reciprocate the affection. She didn’t mind my company so when I came around she’d talk and I listened to learn stuff. Even without pre-existing barriers to friendship, there appears to be a distance between women, especially providers. It is very rare to find working girls who are friends with each other rather than rivals. I look at the sites that encourage discussion among men about different providers, and they are very popular with men. Men can help each other get laid. But it seems that women cannot assist each other in a common cause. I wonder if it because it is because it is true that all men are gay.

Mandee believes the bond between men is based on a shared secret that they all know but never say, not even to each other. Mandee said every man she knew had had sex with other men, and they reveal that fact in private to working girls no one would believe even if they tried to tell. Mandee explained the process. It starts when they are young boys, like pre-teenagers. and they don’t have access to women so they play with each other. It’s never talked about outside of the locker room (or wherever) but it certainly does happen. When they grow up they get with other men, who might be dressed as women, and therefore they don’t really count it as homosexual. Or they have encounters with men who are definitely dressed as men and they both consider themselves heterosexual. Since they both call themselves “straight” the sexual contact doesn’t “count.” As for sex with mahus (pronounced MA hoo), my former associate’s belief is that men embrace other men dressed like women as a type of rejection of genetic females, a way to say, “there’s nothing you do and nothing you have that we can’t improve upon.” Yes, there is the issue of reproduction, but if you consider how much sex a person has, it is relatively rare that people really want pregnancy. Therefore, the true need for heterosexuality is mostly irrelevant.

I did some research on the subject of the hidden world of men having sex with men even though all of them self identify as straight. I have to say that it is much more common than I ever imagined. If I hadn’t fallen in love with a man who was bisexual I never would have considered male homosexuality. Like Mandee he did not reciprocate my affection for him, but for a different reason, lol. I started exploring this hidden world because I was looking for a loophole, a way into his heart. I didn’t find one but I will share my adventures with you over time.

I went for an HIV test here in Honolulu. The person giving the test was what they call a mahu. I hope that term mahu is not derogatory, and if I learn that it is, then I will substitute the proper word instead of mahu, just so you know. Well, as we wait for the results of the finger prick test to come back the person asked me how many men have you had sex with that you believe have had sex with other people. I thought about it and I responded “I cannot say that everyone does everything. But based upon my research I have to say most of the men I’ve had sex with other men.” She looked at me with total surprise. And I say “she” because here in Hawaii if a person self-identifies as a mahu who everyone else follows suit. Compared to mainland United States, defining oneself according to one’s own preference is practically accepted. She looked at me with amazement and replied “you are a wise woman.”

More on this popular subject coming soon.

Caroleena Renee, January 20, 2019 10:20 p m. Hawaii time

Are You a Boy Or a Girl?¿?¿

Tales of a genius ex-streetwalker have skyrocketed in international popularity.  Therefore, I am re-posting previous posts to the front page. I am always appalled at the low quality of early writings. I made many improvements. Merry Christmas 2018.


“Are you a boy or a girl?” The first time a man pulled over to the curb and asked me this question in Downtown Honolulu, I was more than a little offended. Was he trying to say I was ugly? I angrily asserted that I was a woman, just maybe a little tired from “runnin’ ‘em hard” or “chronic-ing”  local slang for choosing drugs over sleep for several consecutive days. I answered the question honestly. Yes, I was a female, no I had never been a male at any point in my life. The standard anatomical female body was, to my enormous surprise, declined time after time. I’m talking at least 100 times since I started in the companion

Was I hiding something?

When people asked if I was a boy or a girl I was surprised by how often I had the wrong answer.  Other women said they were often asked the same gender vlarification qurstion. I was advised not to take offense. As a person who was easily offended I had a difficult time following this advice. How could a female impersonator beat me in the rankings of most attractive hooker on Kuhio Street? Hey, it was not the typical beauty contest title, but IIhad awarded myself the top spot and did not care for rejection. “Haven’t you ever heard a guy] say”hat looks too good to be a female? The prettiest mahus are prettier than women. They try harder and they take better care of themselves than women. It’s a compliment.”

Years later,  I fell in love with Ken, at first aaclient who became a friend who became my love (unreciprocated). Ken passed away in 2017. He was my best friend and loved me as much as he could.  He was partly gay. He taught me a lot about the flexible nature of sexual preference. I wanted to know him better so  I interviewed many men about their involvement with mahus and other guys. I want to tell the world what I learned so no one has to reach the end of his life feeling abnormal. Ken did not deserve the conflict between what he felt and what he “should” feel. Here is what I learned that I want to you dear Readers, to take to heart.


My Ken lived his whole life never knowing that his desires were common. These male same sex encounters are not “counted” as homosexuality for many reasons I will explore in our time together. One of these reasons is that, an act is not a gay act if the other guy looks like a woman. I now understand that the men were not asking me simply because they thought I was a man, although I am sure some did. The blunt truth was that scores of men hoped I was a man. One guy described his best case scenario: beautiful face, trim body, and male genetalia. I did not fit the bill. “You’re do pretty, you would be perfect if you had a c**k,” someone once commented with real regret.

Stay tuned for what I did in an attempt to profitably fill this common male desire. And get more money for dope, and latet in my career, life expenses I did not have on the street.

Male? Female? People in search of sex workers often prefer a combined gender. That explains why for some, simply choosing s biological female was not the best option.

Are Men Who Pay For Sex Sad Sacks or Sickos?

Before I got involved with prostitution I had preconceived ideas about the type of men who paid for sex. I possessed no actual facts and so complete was my ignorance that I did not know I knew nothing. Secure in my rightness, I thought there were only two types of people who hired sex workers. The “losers” who were utterly lacking in appeal for any number if reasons and needed to provide financial incentives to obtain companionship. The losers were used and abused by women who only wanted money, but mistreatment was better than isolation. No money, no honey. When I saw media coverage of a 90 year old man who drew up a new will that cut out his kids and left everything to his favorite sex worker, I thought him pitiful and deluded.

What type of men played with fire.?

The second category of my imaginary client population was the “sicko.” These depraved sexual sadists hired sex workers to victimize them. They took advantage of the perceived police indifference to the lives of hookers to do as much damage to as many disadvantaged people as possible until finally society couldn’t turn a blind eye to the discarded bodies of murder victims. He considered himself a hero for ridding society of these problems. One client told me this joke: Question: What do you call a black woman who has an abortion? Answer: A crime fighter. When a story about some guy cutting off a prostitute’s head and throwing her mutilated remains in a Waikiki dumpster made news I thought that behavior was to be expected from any man who paid for sex. Something was wrong with these guys, right?

Sadists & Suckers

My desire for drugs, crack cocaine in the early years on the street overcame my fear. Apprehensively, I jumped into cars with strange men. but I got out of the same cars thoughtfully. These guys were nothing like I imagined! Facts can sure screw with a world view. Dear Readers, Introducing:


Wow! Took me over a year of hardcore self involvement to even think to write about someone other than myself, but I have finally arrived. Look for posts on the topic of client motivation. We welcome input from any guy who’d like to share his motives in the comments section.

What type of men played with fire.?

A Provider Publicly Shared her HIV status and I thought “Safe Sex Sure Has Changed”

Today, Saturday, October 6, 2018, I was reading a popular adult website that features commentaty by John Q. Hobbyist, when I came across the information that a well known provider of adult entertainment services posted her complete and real name along with evidence of a negative HIV test result on a different site. I was like, wow, that is bold.


Of course we all know that there is absolutely no way to verify the identity of the poster.  Anyone can claim any identity and I believe the biggest advance the Internet can make is somehow verifying identity. Anyway, assuming the woman in question is the actual poster I thought that was very brave of her. Over the past two weeks I have dealt with state vocational authorities and they knew about a conviction that is over a decade old. Just knowing this made even my supporters palpably contemptuous. They had to vote about whether or not to allow me to participate in the acceptable world of work and the eventual decision in my favor was not unanimous. Even one of the people who supported me gave me the sage advice to “avoid doing anything you can get arrested for.” Either I am the village idiot and/or so hopelessly corrupt I must be reminded how to conduct myself. I imagine this provider does not deal with too many people in the straight laced world because people happily cast the first stone at hookers.  Another thing that interested me was the vigorous discussion about which providers insist on a condom and which ones don’t. It was noted that the “clean” provider might be a good choice for those who preferred “bare.” I was a child when AIDS first entered the public discourse. In New York I had a first hand outsider’s view of the epidemic. Emaciated white men who died weeks after diagnosis. Scorned dark skinned drug addicts who barely rated a mention. AIDS was universally regarded as something that afflicts the undesireable “others” and people shrugged it off with a shake of the head. Then we were introduced to the “innocent” victims who had had blood transfusions and did not deserve to be classified as bad. As time went on we discovered that homosexual activity does not occur in some far away closet but that people do this, and that, and go back to this again. AIDS wasn’t staying away from the good people. It was everyone’s problem. The idea that maybe we could not easily categorize people into good and bad groups was floated but I know people judge mercilessly. Now the huge hysteria that eased into real fear has softened into mild concern–If that.  AIDS is not that common in Hawaii, not like in New York or California. Never would I have imagined that a provider would have to insist on a condom but after many interviews, it is my (unverifiable) understanding that most guys don’t like condoms and will not use condoms. Any provider who has an inflexible policy and demands 100% condom use will not be able to make a living.  Simple as that. Providers do not insist on condoms. Condoms are optional and almost ever guy opts out. People need to make a living so providers say to the guys who ask that only the special guys can “go bare” but in reality people do what they have to do. I am not saying providers are happy about the reality but that is the reality.  If we can’t tell The truth on this site where can we tell it?

The most common concession to health is when, after the fact; guys get all worried and ask “you’re clean, right?” The irony was so obvious to me that I used to joke that this question was like closing the barn door after the horse got out. No one thought I was funny so I just started vehemently saying “of course!” A negative HIV test today cannot tell if a person got infected in the previous six months. I also stopped pointing out that fact around the time I stopped making the barn door joke.

We were taught that to be safe all sex acts must have a barrier of latex between contact points. I never imagined backing off this standard but I did and seemingly with no ill effects. Now people aren’t scared because of the pervasive belief that HIV is almost impossible to catch unless you’re in wild all male orgies during which you share each other’s needles. And maybe not even then.

Today’s advocates know the reality and teach about “safer” sex because “safe” is an illusion. One organization that works with providers says “condoms are not the only way to be safer. Lube is your friend. You are much less likely to get microscopic tears in those delicate membranes. Intact membranes keep out microscopic bad guys.”  These groups distribute lubricant freely. A worker, a mahu (man dressed like and identified as a woman) once asked me how many men had I been with who I believe had been with other men? I said, “I recently learned that as long as no one knows, lots of men are not particular about orifices. Especially if there are no women around. I think most men would never call themselves gay but most men have secretly been with other men” She looked at me with wonder. “You are a wise woman,” she said and I remember that well because no one ever called me wise before or since!

Back in my day, yes I can now use that phrase, no one would publicly admit to needing an HIV test though everyone should regularly get tested. Am I a hater trying to ruin people’s livelihoods.? No, because I do not think anyone will start insisting on condoms just because it is said people aren’t using them. And for all the guys who think “she only goes bare with me”, well I bet they do their share of lying about their whereabouts or whatever in order to engage in this hobby. It is no news flash that people lie. I hope this writing satisfies the spiritual requirement that what is done in the dark must come to the light. I hope we do not have a recurrence of the disaster we once faced. I admit, when it comes to health I want to be one of the good ones.