Addiction and Prostitution in Hawaii

You will know which sex commentator is male and which is female

Similar sexual situations, different world views

I listen to people when they talk. You might think that statement is rather obvious but you would be wrong to assume that of course, people listen when other people talk. In fact it is rare to find one person who truly listens to others when they speak. It is quite easy to decide to do something most people do not do and differentiate yourself. It takes no special skill to listen. You merely have to listen with you’re whole ear, as I like to say. Do not try to catch other background sounds but devote yourself to that person’s words. Most of the listening comes after the conversation is over. You write down what you heard and reflect, pondering endlessly about what you heard, what the speaker said that you have heard elsewhere, what clues did he give that he was lying…When you ask yourself questions about what you heard that is where your understanding deepens.

Here is an example

I heard someone say something and upon reflection I remembered that a different person had commented on a similar situation. The situations were similar but not the conclusions. One person was a man and the other a woman. I am certain you will guess which person made the comments.

The situation

Two people were, independently, in a situation they found quite unusual. They were being intimate with someone who was not into it. One person said:

I thought I had gained weight and this proves it. I am not used to someone reacting to me with so little interest. It just shows me that something is wrong with me.

Speaker #1

That was one point if view. Here is another.

That person must be a latent homosexual. I am not used to someone reacting to me with so little interest. It just shows me that something is wrong with that person.

Speaker #2

I am sure you know which speaker is male (#2) and which is female (#1). I made the realization when I was writing about street sex workers and their unwillingness to show emotion during their work. Any man who commented on her lack of enthusiasm always attributed it to some inadequacy of hers. Any female worker who noticed that the man was not into her always blamed herself. It did not matter that she really did not want to have sex. The women always wanted to be desired.

How did we become a society that blames most problems on women? You would think that source of agreement would bring a form of of peace but it does not seem to bring the genders closer!

unlikely relationships

From Trick to Friend, loneliness motivates me to make the change

Attraction not Promotion

AA does not advertise. Meetings don’t recruit members. People look for meetings. I have always maintained that philosophy with clients. I shouldn’t say always. I experimented with reaching out to people who had posted about me on a discussion site. I was instantly branded a weirdo and people told each other they had blocked me

I never reached out to strangers again. But as for the people I have known for years, I do contact them first. When something good or new or exciting happens you want to tell someone and I have no friends or family. I have a couple of people I call. How pitiful is it that the only people I can turn to as friends could never admit to knowing me. It is sad. But having no one at all is worse. I have learned when it comes to relationships I need to be grateful for what I get.

Addiction and Prostitution in Hawaii

Sex workers know not to expect commitment but still…

Regular Customers

Repeat customers. People who come back again and again. I have no formal business training but I imagine they are the life blood of many businesses. This is certainly the case in sex work. It is better to have people you know with whom you have developed trust than to meet strangers who could be any kind of crazy. If you have regulars you can feel closer to normal, and I have heard people kind of in denial, who said, “I have friends who help me out. They are just friends. I would never do that. What you do.” Maybe my life would be easier if I did not insist upon being rigorously honest with myself. I knew what they did, what I did, was considered prostitution. But after awhile was it really? Over the years, yes, these relationships can last for years, interactions are not strictly transactional. Ok, there are no sexual favors without payment. However, women call their regulars, who have become friends, for help. I have seen men who started off as basic tricks show up at prison to visit. I have seen them bring diapers for a baby that is not their baby but belongs to the provider’s boyfriend. The boyfriend was never around when these drop offs happened. He was either away for the moment doing whatever or away for awhile doing time. One rule that holds firm is that the only people who meet the client/friend are other working girls who might be present when he drops off some item. He does not meet other men in her life and he does not introduce her to the people in his official life. But the working girls see everything.

One of the upsides of being someone who has seen it all is that people feel a combination of feelings–safe, bc you understand, superior, bc who are you to judge them? In my humble opinion, professional people spend a considerable amount of time making sure they appear to be what people think they are. Their identities are wrapped up in other people’s opinion. I think a lot of white collar embezzlement and thefts from businesses happens bc people are trying to maintain a”lifestyle” which is visible to all. That lifestyle does not include knowing people like us, from the back streets of downtown Honolulu. Little does the public know that these professional men, wearing their dress aloha shirts and shoes (not slippers like the street guts downtown) are “regulars.” They have clandestine relationships with women they met when they were cruising Kukui Street looking for a woman to pay for sex. Well, to amend that, they were not just looking but had found one or more women they favored.

You know not to get attached but what we know and what we do…

Every woman on the street had one or more regulars. It was pretty common for these guys to get pulled in to the scene and only reluctantly go to work. A guy could easily be a regular for more than one woman. There were a handful of guys who had dated several women for years. They did not always want sex. These guys were into the gossip. They wanted to know the news in the women’s lives. The women want to keep their regulars and not just from a financial standpoint. Women get attached. They do not expect him to leave his wife or only date her but they start to expect to see him every week, or month, whatever the usual interval. They know the should not count on money from him but it is hard not to. Some basic math shows you how valuable it is to receive money from which the government has not taken its entitlement. You figure out how much you would have to make at a regular job just to end up with $500 in your hand at the end of the month. You would have to make $750 from which the government would take its third. If you could have three or four regulars who pay you as little as a hundred whenever they see you each week, you would be making more money than any job you could get in Honolulu’s job pool.

But the deeper Truth is you do something most people do not do but you have emotions and concerns typical of everyone. You want to be able to remain indifferent about his absence or presence but that is impossible. When the person does not contact you on the timeline you have come to expect, you worry. How in the world would you find out if anything had happened to him. You are not listed as one of his emergency contacts. Even if you know where he works after years of conversation, it is not like you can call there. Who would you claim to be? One thing about the men who call themselves “hobbyists” is that they can keep their secrets. Absolutely no one in their public life will ever hear them say anything that would raise a smidgen of suspicion. It is rather extraordinary that such a large part of their lives can be kept secret. However, I have seen that men can make the most out of tacking an hour onto the workday schedule they give their wives. Certainly you cannot check with his wife.

You know better than to check with him. He already has obligations he must fulfill and you are a break from everything he has to do. If he starts to feel like he has to see you, you have worked against what he is looking for by seeing you. No strings attached is kind of a myth . You worry about each other and want to see each other but when he needs to be free of ties that bind you have to let him.

Is everything a double standard with men and women? So it seems. In an upcoming post I will talk about how he wants to be the only man. He would never, absolutely never, accept his wife having a man on the side. And he would rather believe he is the only man in his hooker’s life. That’s what you present to him, that he is your one and only while you never call to ask where he is.


Addiction and Prostitution in Hawaii

Capital Punishment for Everyday Women? A popular show indicates it happens often

Forensic Files

One of my interests is true crime stories, either watching or reading. One of my favorites is Forensic Files, a show that uses interviews with victims and their families, law enforcement, and scientists to tell stories of crime by explaining what appeared to happen, the clues that emerged, and how science was applied to understand what the clues meant in order to solve the case. For example they explain how a suspect left DNA at the scene and the DNA was evaluated and linked to one person. There is no use of eye witness testimony or confessions to solve cases, though these might get mentioned. In other words, no one tells the audience why something happened unless evidence revealed something like the sudden existence of life insurance that would benefit the victim’s husband.

Speculation by the show reveals something disturbing

These people are experts in murder. They have seen so many murders their speculations are based on real history. Since there is no one to tell us the motive for the cases they show they make one up a motive that fits based upon everything they know to be true. That is why it troubles me that every time they do not know why a man killed a woman the narrator says “she probably rejected his sexual advances.” This is not a speculation they use often. I am talking about every single time they do not know a man’s motive. That tells me that a significant number of men have killed women for denying them sex. Once I realized it, I cannot believe I missed something so obvious. Just think about the men who do not kill the women but punish them or believe she should be punished for saying *no.” I bet you have heard guys complain about taking a woman out, spending money on her and getting mad there is no reciprocity from her because she refused him. That is how men who would say they do not support prostitution show me they are ok with exchanging something of value for sex though people might disagree with me. Imagine how many men do not retaliate over a refusal but they understand men who do. All of the men who embrace each of these positions must comprise an awfully large percentage of the men out there. Wow. How dangerous is it to tell a guy “no,” ?

I have heard men laugh at the idea that they would ever say “no means no”

Even the slogan *no means no* tells me a lot. It tells me women can repeat themselves ad nauseam and men do not naturally tune in. Women’s words are disregarded automatically if the words translate to no sex. You never hear men insisting their “no” matters. Men expect to be heard without having to fight for it. When I think about the danger men pose to women I wonder how we get together all.

There are messages about appropriate gender roles in society but you have to evaluate words to know what you are really hearing

Caroleena, examining what Forensic Files tells us about how often mean condemn women to death for denying them sex.

Addiction and Prostitution in Hawaii

Honolulu street sex workers have life partners and partners in crime

Surprised sex workers have boyfriends? You should not be surprised, especially if she is on the street. Let me be perfectly clear so I do not get criticized for playing into stereotypes and over generalizing. Not all sex workers are addicts. There are women, and men, who find the advantages of sex work over, say, food service or retail clothing, both of which offer long, hard regular hours and low pay without conferring much social status. If a woman (or man) does not mind hiding her job she can make her own, very short hours, and enjoy the freedom results from having more money and time.. It does not take an addiction to encourage this choice. But for people on the street, they almost always have tales of addiction or mental illness or both. When you do what you must to get drugs you know others do the same. People know these sex workers have zero interest in the people they use to get what they need. Therefore men who are often addicts know these guys usually are not a threat to their positions w/ his sig. other. The smart women do not tell the guys who pick them up they do drugs. Once a date knows that for sure, her value diminishes, plus he knows she will likely take as little as $20 for a “car date” on the side of a secluded road. Boyfriends are not jealous but eager for the women to get dates and return with money for them both. The boyfriend knows in order for his girlfriend to be herself she has to get rid of the date as fast as possible so she, well, they, can get high. The relationships are more complex than simple predator prey victimizations, however, as two damaged people become codependent. It is nice to have someone to be out there with but I had a friend who encouraged different thinking. My friend who had been a medic in Vietnam said I could do bad all by myself. What did I need a man for if all he could do was find cardboard for us to sleep on during the few hours between 11p.m. and 5 a.m. the Honolulu Police Department allows the homeless to lie down on the streets if downtown Honolulu. I see now he wanted me to come to his place. He has been gone since 2014 and this is a nice memory. But I digress..

Partners in crime

Often the two will work together to steal from unsuspecting outsiders. You can tell there is a team effort when the couple makes a big show of fighting all the time. Outsiders would not suspect one is distracting while the other is stealing their stuff BC all they do is fight! Do not believe one partner who says it is the other one. At the very least theft was condoned. More likely, both were in on the plan.

Addiction and Prostitution in Hawaii

Loneliness is what changes sex worker-client interaction from oppression to relationship

I unsuccessfully try to remain cold

I am an orphan. No family. Without people to help me learn social skills while I was growing up, I had no lessons in getting along with others. Unfortunately: I was not gifted in the area of social skills. I would have benefited from a “how to” manual. I had no manual. I had no friends. The state of affairs remained the same well into adulthood when I found a way to obtain social interaction. My motives for being a sex worker were complex. I needed the money. I needed a place of refuge from isolation. Amazingly there were people who saw me for years. They were the only people to initiate contact with me. Even more incredibly, there were a few who cared. About me! Bailed me out of jail. Bought me a plane ticket when my wallet was stolen on a solo (what else?) vacation off-island and I had only purchased a one way ticket. Funded my rent when I was short. Paid for the exterminator so there would be no way bugs could set up shop in my apartment. One guy dropped everything and sped from Kamala (a suburb) to downtown Honolulu when I accidentally did nor bring enough money to cover a cab ride and the driver had called the police. That was an important moment because I had to correctly determine who could afford to rescue me and who had transportation fast enough to to beat the police to the scene. This person was able and willing. Yet it is a complicated relationship BC we could never be seen together in public. It is not accurate to say that every action us exploitation. Would you call this person a friend?

I can never keep my heart out if interactions. I come across as sarcastic and cold but I care. I wish I had this relationship as the primary person in a man’s life. But consider this, without sex work I would have no one at all BC how would I lure people in past my difficult personality? All is not what our prejudices think is correct.

Xhookr Life Hacker

“Fun is Not Always a Team Sport,” said the selfish man I loved

  New post on Brainiac Honolulu Hooker   Hooker Hack #5 by X-Streetwalker Turned Sex TalkerFun is not always a team sport.”      One reason people seek prostitutes is that they want to have a time that is all about them, to the exclusion of everyone else, including provider. No worries about anyone’s unmet needs, no performance anxiety over the thought of failing to please, no expectation that they ask questions and best of all, no expectation they listen. The provider does not care as long as she is paid and for some people at least some of the time, the indifferent arrangement is just what the doctor ordered. All that is required is coloring within the lines (complying with the provider rules) . Within said boundaries they can do whatever they want to do and don’t have to do it particularly well by anyone’s standard but their own. What a lovely vacation from intimacy responsibilities! Sometimes there’s fun in numbers but at other times a guy wants to be alone and your role is to help him enjoy active alone time X-Streetwalker Turned Sex Talker | December 25, 2018 at 7:39 am | Tags: Escort secrets, intimacy&relationships | Categories: Escort Life Hacks, Questions to escorts | URL: Comment    See all comments    Like   Unsubscribe to no longer receive posts from Brainiac Honolulu Hooker .
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Those were the words of a woman, me, Caroleena, who was trying to make sense of the death of the person I loved, and who loved me, kind of, but who was mostly gay so he never really committed–to me. He wanted me when he wanted me. He never lied to me. He just wanted to see me when he wanted to, not when he didn’t. You might think this is normal, but what is normal is seeing a person you are in an indefinable relationship with at times when you do not want to see the other person but you do it anyway. He did not do things “anyway.” He did things when he enjoyed them, for his pleasure, not for anyone else’s. It was extraordinarily honest. Selfish. Hurtful. More than any other person, male or female, he loved himself, he preferred his own happiness to anyone else’s. This preference for selfishness was something that he struggled with along with his intermittent desire for the same gender. He talked about that struggle, the struggle to be more concerned about another person so as to maintain a relationship, with me, not in an honest way about why he was conflicted but about some of the memorable times he had and why those times did not include thoughts of other people. Why did he tell those stories? I told him I was interested in knowing what he was like all the way through, which was not as true as the reality that I wanted to make myself more accepting than any other person he could ever meet so that he would stay with me because no one else would give him the freedom to be himself–guilt free. The even deeper truth than that? I was so happy to hear from him because he reaccepted me into his life after a period of days that I would have listened to him talk about anything as long as he was talking to me. And that was how I ended up hearing about why he did not really love other people the way they wanted him to. In the course of those experiences he often said, “Fun is not always a team sport.” For him, fun was never a team sport. I do not know why I loved him so much, but I did.


Prostitutes List Tricks as Their Emergency Contacts

Relationships are Complex

I had preconceived notions about people engaged in off track behavior when I first entered the world of drug users. These ideas were shattered to hell by realities I could never have guessed. The process of replacing wrong, long held and immutable stereotypes with new information that differs from person to person, situation to situation. It is ready to dehumanize people we think are beneath us and part of dehumanizing people is removing their individuality. Hen e we see prostitutes as one monolithic type, their clients, or tricks, as another monolith. Inpictured hookers as indifferent people looking for the quick buck without needing or wanting to know the gut’s name. Same with tricks though they weren’t looking for the quick buck but a word that rhymes with buck. Every now and again it is absolutely true that long term contact is nothing more than intermittent and impersonal interaction. That’s not the whole story of what these men and women can mean to each other. Some regular customers can see the same woman or women for years, forming relationships so deep that the trick becomes the emergency contact or vice versa. When one if them gets arrested it us commonplace for them to use their one phone call from cell block to reach the other half of the sex worker relationship. One “hobbyist” had been “dating” women in downtown Honolulu for 30 years until the present. He mentioned to one of his girls that he might have a friend who could watch her cat when she went on vacation. “She is like you. She calls me when she gets in trouble.” The reference to “trouble was about a time the first girl accidentally forgot her money for the cab when she took the cat to the vet. The cab driver threatened to call the cops and the win an had to decide on the person she knew that would be able to cover the ever mounting fare AND who would arrive on the scene before the Honolulu police department mosied to the site of the dispute. Who else had enough money, a reliable enough vehicle and the motivation to come right now to rescue her from a situation she could have averted by taking careful inventory of her bag? The guy flew in his truck from the suburbs of Kamala to the outskirts of Waikiki. Our hero was indicating that there was another woman who had it like that with him and on the strength of past favors she might be willing to help out by catsitting for the first woman. There’s remarkably little jealousy between women when neither is trying to take ownership if the guy. When our hero found out the cat lover was driving around without a license (but in a legal car) he warned her that he might not be so willing to bail her out if she got caught. The cat lover was mildly surprised BC she had never asked him if he would bail her out should the not so unlikely event of her arrest take place. How flattering! But after thinking about it, he was the emergency contact who would both have the money and the willingness to use it for bail. Keep in mind that the first 10% of any bail over $1000 is kept by bail bondsman. Bail that is under $1000 must be paid in full but it is all returned when the defendant goes to court. It is kind of a big favor. The working girl was quite surprised it would be offered in advance. That’s the complexity of hooker and trick relationships. For some of these women the long term regulars care more about the women than anyone the women had ever known. It is nit just drugs that tie women to prostitution. The need for companionship that is easy the way things are between people who have been together a long time–that is extremely hard to give up with no replacement in sight.

advice How To

Cornered like a rat-the defensive move of hard core liars

Have you ever caught someone in a lie and believed you were at a turning point?

At last! Weeks, months, even years if the other person telling you that you are crazy will now have to come to an end. They said it was all in your head but you have proof! Incontrovertible evidence. Inescapable logic. You will confront them with the facts that they cannot deny. You will have the satisfaction of being Proven right. Ok, you are not above sinking low. But more importantly, your relationship will take a turn for the better as you take the lead with compassion. You plan to gently produce your evidence and positively radiate non-judgementalism. The two of you will really talk. You cannot wait for their arrival bc after all, what else can they say?

It will not work out the way you hope

Die hard liars do not change. They have no interest in changing themselves even if they thought they had a problem–and they do not ever believe they have a problem. When you confront a liar with an inescapable truth, they will find a different exit. They will not continue to lie. They will leave. To your amazement they will get up and go. If they physically stay in your vicinity they will not allow you to speak by shouting you down or turning up the volume of the TV. They might make a show of ignoring you, but probably not. That approach is not aggressive enough. A liar will never admit the truth and they will never give you your due. They will attack lime a cornered rat.

When a liar remembers being confronted with the truth, the story they tell themselves is how unreasonable you were. Again.

Caroleena, after a day dealing with a lying high status professional.

P.S. when I looked for pictures of cornered rats the first page if search results were all about Trump. Lots of cartoon rats with pours of blond hair online these days. It’s May 04, 2021. I want to situate this post in history

Asperger's Social Ineptitude

Cyber Intimacy–New Term For Facelessly presenting your true deep self

My Life Would Annihilate You

Caroleena explaining to people who enjoy acceptance the strength required to handle being an outcast.

I Have Never Fit In

I never knew how to make friends and I never knew what I did not know. I am sure there is something off-putting about the way I do not get what is expected. The anonymous me, the person known only for her posts is routinely scolded for posts people disliked. I get sanctioned by sites for the first offense. What was offensive. I could not tell. Therefore I could not fix it. Next thing you know I am banned. That’s online rejection. I have experienced ghosting , which is cell phone rejection. Again, I never anticipated the rejection nor did I know the reasons why. These impersonal rejections are so much more personal than the rejection of my classmates since kindergarten. When people see you, and know things about you can explain away their rejection, or worse, the failure to notice me at all. Racism, sexism, classism, not being Jewish–none of that was my fault. I take comfort in being blameless BC there’s only a little comfort in isolation. (The one good thing is your n I longer waiting to be cast out and you’re no longer perpetuating the belief.) Technology removes the image and strips the person down to their ideas. Don’t you feel your thoughts are more who you are than your human form? The real me just lives in this body. To be rejected for your honest self, that’s a new kind of hurt I am not prepared to handle.

Avoiding Black and White Thinking

It is tempting to talk about everyone and no one, but we can never accurately make statements using those words, nice as it would be to simplify complex issues by labelling “all” people. Of course everyone does nit dislike my honesty. Not only do my readers appreciate me l(ike you who is blessing me with your time), but I don’t wish to take back anything I posted. My intentions were always what I wanted them to be and therefore at the heart of it, I accept myself no matter what technologically available people think. I never accepted myself when I was a pariah in person. In having a difficult time tying this post up with a conclusion.

When people see us our image is the sum total of their perceptions. When we are faceless typing beings we choose how to present ourselves thus creating a new intimacy. I wish I knew better how to win friends in person and influence people in cyberspace.


YouTube video

She Owes Sex in Honolulu!

Audio to accompany previous posts:


Home Page: Honolulu Street Life: an exciting, witty, inside view – Street life reveals true motives bc it is raw human interaction minus etiquette Follow the link for an answer to the mystery of relationships

Categories #LinkstoMyBlog Addiction and Prostitution Alienation Comfort Zone coping skills Fear of Rejection Honolulu Insecurity Recovery Rejection Social Anxiety Street life

The Fear of Rejection Is a Motivating Factor for both sex worker and client. (Inspiration Post: Fear of Rejection: 3 Simple Tips to Overcome)


Trustworthy Men Cheat With Hookers

What is Morality

Every presidential election the United States, through the media, looks at what is called “character.” How nice is this person to the people he is supposed to love, how honorable is he about his personal commitments? To what degree can the public trust him? Maybe the answer to the character question can be found by trying to figure out the status of his marriage.

Politicians Who Got Caught

Some say his personal relationships do not effect potential job performance but who knows? What we do know is that a man caught cheating on his wife was dead in the water politically and he did not have to wait until election fay to find this out. In the 1980’s a guy named Gary Hart ran for president until the publication of personal pictures. The world saw pictures of him on a pleasure boat (no pun intended) with his much younger mistress, named Donna Rice, sitting in his lap with her arm around his neck. I don’t know about other countries but in America adults almost never sit in another’s lap, and if they do it’s unquestionably because there’s an ongoing, happy, sexual relationship between the two.

Social Media Gives Everyone a Voice To Address the World

At that time the concept of social media did not exist. The regular people had no way to get messages and images to the public. Individuals had to have their information picked up by a media giant (what’s the opposite of social media–official media?) The media giant spread it around the world if they decided the information was “news worthy.” The first news outlet to present the story to the world (called breaking the story) gained fame and fortune and the other networks had the unenviable position of following along. Breaking an important story was life changing for the individual journalists and whoever they worked for because they change the course of history. Ruining lives was so profitable there was always someone out there willing to present the sordid details of betrayal and heartbreak for one person at the hands of the person who was supposed to protect the person from that outcome. Decades later I still remember the name Donna Rice. My you get readers can substitute the name Monica Lewinsky, a name so famous the spell checker on my phone automatically supplies the name if I type Monica L. Would Clinton have been re-elected if this info had come out before the second term. Probably not.

What if He Had a Hooker?

Peoples lives have been destroyed based upon the assumption that if you are “bad” in one area of your life you will be “bad” in all other ways. A man who cheats on his wife shouldn’t be president. And if he cheats with hookers, well, there is simply no question that this person is untrustworthy. Right? There is ample evidence that s “hobbyist” (that’s what the guys call themselves on the usasexguide site). I know providers who became friends with their married tricks. These guys were not leaving their wives but in other ways they were friends to the hookers, and they reliably provided support. These men were trustworthy. They did what they said they were going to do. Here are some real lice examples. They brought diapers for the working girl’s baby. They visited one or more of the girls who were in prison and put money “on their books” or in their prison accounts so the women could buy hygiene items and snacks. I knew one guy who brought a provider fresh flowers because she loved them. Another trick showed up with cat food and checked on the cat when the provider had to work on another island and needed someone to mind the cat and the apartment for three days. On one notable occasion a good friend of two of the providers was dying at Aloha Nursing and Rehab, and in order to see him before the last series of strokes finished him off, they would have to get from downtown Honolulu to Kailua. That meant a 3 hour journey on the bus or a 20 minute drive. One of the girls had a regular who took them both “over the hill” by driving over the mountainous Pali Highway. He waited for them in the parking lot after the quick twenty minute drive. The woman who did not know the guy was grateful they got to see their good friend. “I Do not know if he recognized us, but whoever he thought we were, he was really glad to see us.” He smiled before he died. It was the kindness of a trick that made that happen.

For women on the margins of society, who are looked down upon by everyone who so much as suspects her past–or present– the support that’s usually provided by family or friends is taken care if by men people would assume were not trustworthy. They kept their word. These examples are probably no big deal to ordinary people who experience kindness as a part of life. Providers are women who are used to being treated with disdain all the time. No one has to be nice to them but these guys are nice. Sometimes. It’s not like he can acknowledge her in public or that he would even want to. The author is not an overly hopeful optimist who has unreasonable expectations about how all people are basically good. However, the author wants you to know that people aren’t so easy to understand and judge. What’s character? Who knows.


A Hooker’s Client Explains Why She Should Not Text Him–It’s not the wife

Don’t Text Me!

That’s what he said to the working girl.  She was offended.  She never texted him.  She answered his texts but she never initiated first contact.  She had her pride.  Yes, when the business of prostitution moved online, there was a new way to get in touch with potential clients that never existed before.  Before widespread use of the internet a woman worked the street and she had to wait for a guy to stop his car and gesture with the tilt of his head for her to get in.  Or, she worked for an escort service that would be listed in the Yellow Pages under “Escort.”  Guys called the service and the manager passed his number on to the provider.  She called him immediately because she understood that he was waiting for her call right then.  In short, he had to express his interest in her in a clear and immediate way.  There was no way to reach out to him. What would she do if she had his number anyway?  Call him at home?

But then along came cell phones that were not shared by the entire family.  Every guy she had ever checked with used his phone for some form of sex.  They watched porn.  They looked at nude still pictures.  They joined sites as members who were entitled to communicate with other members.  These sites could be dating apps.  The provider did not bother with dating apps because while the guys on those sites were looking for sex, they were looking for free sex.  It amazed her that guys could get women to have sex with them for free, and by free she meant these guys offered these women who were total strangers absolutely nothing–no conversation, no fun date, no dinner, no movies, no flower, no promise to call the next day.  Hey, not all sex took money, but sex was never free, certainly it cost something.  Right?  Guess not.  Apparently there were women looking for men they did not know to have sex with them without any hope of a relationship and without asking for money.  Now that was bizarre, as far as this provider was concerned.  No one did anything for free so these women must be getting something our of these no strings attached encounters and since she did not know any of these women it was impossible to find out what they were getting out of sex with strangers. So, dating apps were out because those guys got really mad when they were asked about money.  She had found that out after trying four different unconsummated hook ups. Yes, really mad. After the fourth guy had threatened her with, in local Hawaii vernacular “a pounding” for wasting his time and making him drive in Friday evening traffic for nothing, she decided to look for men elsewhere.

Dating Apps and Provider Sites Are Different

No, this provider discovered a new way to meet men who understood that nothing was free, no matter what the hippies had said so long ago about “free love.”  There was a site called  If guys joined they could post comments about providers, and participate in often heated discussions from other guys with similar interests.  The site called them “mongers” or “hobbyists.”  There were different threads for prominent cities around the country, and each city was subdivided by region and further subdivided by topic.  In Honolulu some of the many topics included “Asian Providers age 40+” or “Streetwalker Reports” or “Escort Reviews.”  Reading the words of men who considered themselves alone without any women around, even if that was not true, was fascinating.  Of course it was possible to advertise, and she did that, but she had thought there was another creative way to get in touch with new hobbyists.  When the provider was on the usa site and she read something from a guy that interested her, or if she read something that made her think the guy using this screen name might like her, she would send that screen name a private message.  She knew it was possible that she already knew the guy and simply did not know it was a known associate under that screen name.  Other than that minor risk, the provider congratulated herself on her initiative and creativity in coming up with a new way to meet guys.  She was wrong. She got in touch with people alright, but in doing so she actually made sure these were guys she was most definitely not going to meet. As she continued to read through the site, this time keeping an eye our for comments about how her reaching out had gone over, she was dismayed to discover that guys thought her unsolicited contact was desperate and bizarre.  They did not welcome a woman coming out of nowhere. They actually blocked her so she could not send messages.  Other guys on the site she had not contacted agreed through their comments that this weird woman was best left alone.  Wow, that was a bit of a blow to the pride! Every time the provider had taken an independent step by attempting to interact with people by not following what everyone else was doing, things always ended this way.  Sure, she was a provider, but she had very little relationship experience because she did not know how to attract of maintain anyone’s interest in her as a person.  Temporary interest in her body, now that, she could manage.

This long story about why the provider was quite sure she had not and would not ever text this long term regular is an explanation about why the provider felt offended when her regular told her not to text.  Had she ever text him? No!  She had learned her lesson and the last thing she wanted to do was lose a steady regular by appearing to be unbalanced or unreasonably demanding. The guy went on the tell her there was no problem and he wanted to be sure to keep it that way.

It’s Not Because of the Wife

“I am not worried about my wife seeing the texts.  My wife is from Japan.  I guess in Japan once the wife has a child, everything becomes about the child and she is not really interested in sex with the husband anymore.  That is how it is with my wife, anyway.  She would never check my phone.  But my daughter is American and she goes through my phone all the time,” said the client, feeling the need to explain himself. Of course he might have felt the need to explain himself when the provider got mad at him.

“Not only does she pick up my phone and read my messages whenever she wants, she reads them out loud. If she doesn’t know someone she asks me about that person.  She would notice if she saw a number she didn’t recognize. She is so smart that even if I saved your number under a familiar name she might notice that the texts from you are different than what she is used to seeing.  I don’t want her thinking anything.”

“How old is your daughter?” the provider asked.

“She is 9,” said the client, as if that explained everything.

He lets a 9 year old dictate terms to him?  Seemed strange to her, but she knew she was no expert in relationships of any sort. Nine years old…old enough to read well and navigate the technology and still young enough to be interested in what dad is doing and not yet in the grip of the normal adolescent stage of development that demands the separation of teens from their parents in order for them to become independent people.  In a few years the daughter will probably be far more interested in the messages on her phone, and she will probably take after her daddy and conceal her activities. But for now, yes, a 9 year old could be problematic for a guy who wants to sneak around with new people while not appearing to change anything about his actions and communications.  Although the provider did puzzle over how a grown man would not establish a boundary with his daughter, if only for the sake of demonstrating that this is private space and communication, even if nothing sneaky is going on.

Well, the provider mused, a man like this might have issues with boundaries.  He might be otherwise mentally preoccupied.  After all he is sneaking around to do something that his wife might very well want him to do if only to take the pressure off of her. The wife might know already and feel happily relieved of her obligations.  Not that she could say that.  She probably has to put up the appearance of someone who would do what her husband wants if only he asked, but since he didn’t ask, there was no need for her to do anything sexually speaking, and no need to feel bad about it.

Prostitution Minimizes Unspoken Rules 

The provider sighed to herself.  One of the advantages about trading sex for money was that there were no games.  No unspoken expectations, no hidden hints and complicated nuances like there were in ordinary human interactions. This provider found ordinary human interactions bewildering because she never read the subtext correctly.  No, she never knew there was a subtext until people got mad at her.  She only found out there was an unspoken rule she had violated if she was lucky enough to be able to explain the situation to someone who understood that when it came to human interactions she did not know what to do other than to make plain rules for herself to follow after learning lessons the hard way–like how she had learned not to reach out to people on a personal level if you hoped they’d find you attractive enough to solicit for sex.

When she thought about it, she was just like her client.  Texting had to be done a certain way.  And just like the client, the restrictions had nothing to do with the fact that he had a wife, and everything to do with the reality that the only quasi-social relationships the provider was able to maintain were with people who could not let anyone know they spoke to her.



Wives can use porn as a teaching tool

Married women can get inspiration from the porn their husbands enjoy



Dead Woman Walking

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From The Ivy League to Honolulu’s Streets: Stories+Pix of The Red Light Life 


Men Who Take Pleasure In A Dead Woman Walking


By Caroleena, the author with a point of view like no other

Saturday, January 16, 2021, 17:42 hours

Honolulu. Hawaii


“Dead man walking!” is a phrase I learned in several movies. If the movies were accurate these are the words prison guards call out when escorting a condemned inmate, especially, but not limited to, the criminal’s last walk to the site of his execution. Colloquially, the expression is used to describe people who are not dead yet but are marking time until they die because after they are struck by enough of the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune, they are dead inside. Like the convicted criminal, they know what nothingness lies ahead and what isolation they must slog through to arrive…no where.Do they deserve their existence? Who knows, who cares–hint, hint: the answer is the same for both questions. One other question arises when you learn about these people. Does someone “Up There” dislike them?

Some Are Aroused, Amused

Not every sex workers is a broken person. Some are shrewd business women. Some are thrill seekers. Some are addicts. There are those who are broken enough to be dead women walking. People can tell. Men– clients–they know these women, know their stories or they can guess at their backgrounds with a high accuracy rate. There are clients who find these women fascinating in that can’t- look- away fatal car wreck. These men enjoy rotting with these women, very much like a cat with a mouse. Is the cat keeping the mouse alive to practice its skills or to torture it? Cats are probably not as cruel as these men.

The Questions


  • Why did you become a wh•••e?

  • Do you feel free being all alone? 

  • Who will claim your body when you die? 

  • Do you care about being buried in an anonymous grave in Potter’s Field?


When They Cannot Perform

When a client disappoints himself sexually, it is not unusual for him to pick up a line of questioning like the one above . For the woman who just wants the money she is merely waiting him out and has no judgement about his performance in bed other than to notice how much it hard her out of her mental cocoon. But he imagines she’s judging his perceived failure as he judges himself and he longs to up the degradation ante. In truth, he enters the session with the unspoken (to himself) plan to find a reason to get angry with her so he can launch his fiery darts of venomous words. He looks forward to the encounter, without articulating to himself his real motive. I believe.

My Opinions

My reasoning is speculative because no matter who I asked or how I asked it, no man affirmed the answer to the question, “are you emotionally sadistic towards sex workers?” I hardly need to add that “dates” like these are bleak affairs for the broken woman his victimizer radar detected. Not a good way to spend a Saturday night.

communication porn

A Sex Worker’s Client Speaks Anonymously

If Your Man is Addicted, or Really Into, Porn, Try Tactics on This List

X-Hooker Life Hack #52: Make videos of yourself. Surprisingly, even with the actual woman beside him, a man will be glued to a video of that same woman.

There must be something addictive about the screen that draws men. A woman wi have to readjust her expectations about interaction but isn’t that always the case with relationships–constant adjustments?


Not all providers are as open minded as the writer of this blog. I have been the recipient of some strange looks with a few of my requests. A guy would really like a woman recreating his favorite videos. But I would have to share my faves. I can only imagine what a graphic representations reaction might be. My goal includes not alienating the provider as the other portions of the goal would be impacted. Providers might be alienated ic they saw more of me. I find it difficult at times gaining insight as to who would be more receptive considering the limited time and communications a provider client relationship has. I wonder if that hooker life hack is a woman’s sneaky way of getting a man to give up more of himself. Women want to know everything. It is annoying at times.


No, I have never been with a woman. For real!

People are astounded that I have no girl on girl experiences to share—from my life

When I was growing up, and I guess even now, heterosexual identity was the automatic default. Everyone is assumed to be straight until they “come out,” a major life event no matter how friends and family receive the news. But when people find out you used to be a sex worker they just assume you have done it all, or you would. Add to that assumption another another assumption—that women’s prison is like a porn movie minus the feather pillow fights in nighties.—and no longer am I assumed to be straight unless I say otherwise. people think my experiences have been out of bounds.

The Truth

The women I know would agree with me when I say we were always trying to get out of there as fast as possible to get the next high. We did that work because it was readily available, required no start up money, no experience or training was necessary, and most importantly, on the street you could go from broke to having a tax free hundred dollar bill in 30 minutes. And let’s face it, those of us in the grip of addiction could not take much more time than that away from the dope unless looking for it took a really long time. We were not sex fiends. We hadn’t necessarily been molested as kids (I speak for myself). Street sex work was the path to the dope that worked best for us. Take away the need for dope and you take away the desperate motivation to do things we did not want to do. Sorry if I ruin male fantasies but when we were together there were no orgies. It was always about getting high. And we certainly did not do volunteer work in jobs we disliked. Recreational sex for free? Unheard of, among these working girls who were like anyone who hated their jobs. In the 70’s there was a song, “Take this job and shove it.” That song perfectly captured the sentiment of women whose highest aspiration at that time in life was free dope.

Women who liked men still wanted to be around men but with one requirement

What is common among addiction driven street sex workers is an actual aversion to sex. Interestingly the aversion does not propel women into lesbianism if they weren’t predisposed to be lesbians. Women still enjoyed being around men, they just came to dislike men in their sexual states. Therefore many women had a way of forming relationships with men who were not inclined to touch. These working girls formed non sexual partnerships with men who can’t have sex or prefer other men. After all, It’s nice to come home and not have to work. Again , no same sex feather pillow fights with lots of pretty women in nighties. Just a bunch of women who (often) want to be left alone already.

Escort Answers

See Link: A Man Tells Women That Women Ask to be Mistreated by Doing THIS

Ladies, there is a path that does not lead to happily ever after–and the dead end path begins with the words “I am not ready for a commitment,” and you walk down the bumpy toad by overriding his objections to commuting to you. The name of that dead end road is “I know I can change him” Lane.

Sisters, if you are interacting with a man and he does not make a move on you and you want him to, the relationship expert in the above link says forget him. If a man does not initiate a COMMITTED romantic relationship, he does not want that from you. Do not think you can win him over by propositioning him. Do not make the first move on him bc by doing so you are freely offering yourself. Remember ladies: you are the prize. Prizes are won, not offered

Ladies you are volunteering to be mistreated when you hear him say he does not want a commitment but you do not listen. He will cheat. He will lie. And he won’t feel bad bc he told you what time it was. Do not, I repeat, do not, try to change the terms of the relationship as time goes on. A man knows what he wants and if he says it is not you, believe him. These words sound harsh but they are nothing compared to the words guys use with each other about the women from whom they don’t want commitments.


Threesomes: How can you keep him AND invite a woman into your bed?

If the temp in the bedroom is a sex worker she is more likely to leave the couple without trying to permanently join them because she has no pre-existing attachment. If the male half of the couple does not know her or see her, he won’t be able to find her after it’s all supposed to be over. Never doubt that he will want to find her without his better half.

Mandee, a 40 year veteran of sex work

Street sex work had been a great way to see the island

There was true diversity among the men seeking street sex

I was new to Hawaii but I discovered, as many others with addictions found, that even a paradise like the island of Oahu, did not distract me from the ever present obsession of drugs. I had found the spot downtown where Honolulu men picked up people who would exchange money for sex. These men were from all over the island. I was taken to wealthy gated communities. I saw many deserted workplaces after hours if the clients were trusted employees who had keys. Once I went to the airport with someone who owned a small plane and rented a hangar. I could never have seen as much of the island on the standard routes followed by tour busses. Speaking of tour busses, I spent some time on busses owned by their drivers, when they had no passengers of course. Every day, was an adventure because I never knew where I would end up, who I’d meet and those adventures would yield long term relationships with people I saw repeatedly, for years. The only long term relationships I had were with people I had met through my work.

People addicted to drugs can also become very attached to the way they obtained the drugs. For me, I was attached to the newness and the adventure, in a place too small and physically for people to get away with murder so I was safe in a way I would not have been anywhere else in the United States .

Caroleena, discussing one good thing about prostitution.