Women have to assume that every man she does not know might do her harm.
The previous post about the precautions a woman takes when meeting men from the internet generated a lot of discussion, including the male point of view which I admit, I seldom consider. Here is “WHAT HE SAYS” about a woman’s need to take potentially life saving precautions when he is just thinking of fun:
I like [your post]. It’s kind of tough being the guy at times. I feel having the flexibility to make changes [to pre-approved plans] to make her feel comfortable is important. Sad, there are assholes out there that make an already emotional situation become a dark place rather than fun.
That also goes for meeting massages and fantasy but you kind of have to hold back, too much. Because as a man and a quote “protector,” stereotypes of just wanting one thing is still there. There were times where I wanted to make it romantic and alone time but you have to put your fantasy and ideas on the back burner until they [women] feel safe. You just have to know to be flexible and her pace. Trying to possibly meet that fantasy and try to be in control but yet submissive to once again make them feel comfortable True. Bottom line if you don’t ask you don’t know. If women in your life don’t explain then you won’t know.
I had no idea a mask can be upside down. I might be the last person to discover this fact, making this post about being uninformed. But I have discovered that I am not a totally unique person and if there’s something I do not know there’s at least one other equally clueless person. I am now willing to confess my ignorance about anything without reserve. It’s nice not having to look all-knowing because that’s a charade that is doomed to failure. This blog has a mission of showing how surprisingly relatable we are to each other, whether we are the elite or on the street.
Anyway, I had a doctor’s appointment and the doctor told me my mask was upside down. He showed me that there’s a wire at the top of the mask that can be molded to the nose for a snugger fit. The bottom of the mask can be fitted under the chin. Yes, there are ways to tell simply by looking but there are times you just grab and go, and you don’t notice once the mask is on. Now, with this info, you can check your mask while you’re wearing it to feel for that thin, flexible wire and adjust it to mold it to your nose.
Neither! You can click on the link or cut and paste into your browser to obtain Caroleena’s 2018 take on this question. Sad or sick? Possibly. More likely horney and/or lonely. Fairly often the men and providers become friends who spend time together outside of anything transactional. Sometimes they become part of each other’s public lives–others see them together but she’s not introduced by her job title. Believe it or not, in Honolulu it’s very common to make friends by meeting up with someone first encountered online. Of course, murder is practically unheard of here beyond once a year. Same with gun violence. Strangers are not the real threat. If anyone raises his hand against a woman it’ll probably be her significant other. Now that I think about it, here, where domestic violence is normal and not all that hidden, a woman is safer around a man who does not feel he can claim her as his own, thus giving him de facto hitting privileges. Wow. My thoughts took me to new ideas. Forgive me if you feel I have gone astray.
A Strange Reaction to a threat puts “victim” in control
I care about you my beloved reader. I want to share safety strategies that have worked for me. I want to put my pain to good use as a benefit to YOU.. Here’s an example of a lesson I have learned. Approach does NOT determine response. Approach might influence response, if respondent allows herself to be influenced, but the real truth is, we own ourselves. We choose our responses, even if the choice is so quick and automatic we do not realize we are making a choice. Someone cannot “do” anything to you. Victimizers, predators, con artists, these people want to control their targets by pushing for a certain response. Two important points: 1. If someone gets you to respond , that person owns your mind and, 2. Victimizers take pleasure in producing a response
If you show someone you are vulnerable, you become a fixed target for abuse. It would be as difficult to stop abusing you as it would be to quit drugs. Your pain is an abuser’s cocaine.
A childhood in foster care with people who were not on my side taught me that if people discover something hurts you, scared you, they will keep going for that response the way a rat in a lab experiment will keep pushing the cocaine button until the rat collapses. It feels good, they’ll keep at it until they literally cannot do it anymore. Similarly, if someone wants to hurt you and you show fear, they won’t stop doing whatever hurts you. Your pain is their pleasure. When you are confronted with someone who wants to scare you remember, you own yourself. No matter how convincingly menacing they are with, for example, gun in hand, you can absolutely control yourself and, at the sight of the gun, smile and say something like, “Finally! Let’s get this party started!”
Dear Reader, Do You Feel Surprise?
If this strategy shocks you, the reader, it will be that much more shocking to the predator. You have one opportunity to surprise someone and throw the person off script. They do not know what to do in the next moment because threatening a woman by placing a knife to her throat (for example) has always had a predictable outcome. But this?
No Pleasure is a No Go
At this point the attacker is bewildered and they did not get the rush of pleasure that provides the adrenaline to physically continue an attack. They did not get the endorphins that activate the inner addict inside of us all (endorphin means the morphine within). If you don’t show fear you might find that indeed, the willing cannot be raped. Respond with, “where have you been all my life?” and the intense strangeness of the situation can keep you safe.
Do I make guarantees?
I make no guarantees. I only share what has worked for me. More than once. By the way, a bored reaction can be equally off putting. “You’re going to do what to me? Whateve’s…hand me my book so I can read while you’re busy doing that.”
Xhookr Life Hack #19: Never show fear if someone wants toscare you, don’t show pain if someone tries to hurt you. Take the fun out of abusing you, or else they are likely to carry on. Agree with the person, offer happy excitement, or show boredom. You own your reactions. You can do it!
We can at least keep gatherings down to five people or less can’t we. People are going to slack off. Maybe it’s too much to cry “Vigilance!”Maybe we need to embrace “Good enough!” Or people might stop trying to maintain health standards altogether.
People, at times, are not so good about the greater good.
Jack the Ripper and the 19th Century’s Sex Workers in London
Jack the Ripper was the “nickname” journalists in 19th century London gave to a serial killer who preyed on prostitutes. At that time prostitution was not illegal in London and there were scores of women selling sexual services. There were women who charged high prices, who were comfortably situated in housing and they therefore had a place to invite clients. Women without financial backing worked the streets. They had to find a hidden spot in public to perform sexual services. These women could not offer comfort so they had to charge less. The same is true in downtown Honolulu, especially in the early 2000’s before the community took pains to remove the streetwalkers. The difference between a streetwalker and a call girl is expressed in the names. The lower status women walk the streets, the call girls can receive callers in person or are summoned by receiving phone calls.
How does a woman reach the point of being without help and resources? Addiction. In London 100% of the streetwalkers in the area targeted by Jack the Ripper were addicted to alcohol. Today, there are streetwalkers on those same avenues and 100% of these sex workers are heroin addicts. Let me be sure to clarify my remarks by stating that not all sex workers are addicted. Yes, there are women who engage in sex work but in general, they consider it something they do on the way to doing what they really want to do. People scoff at the notion that people could just dabble in sex work but they do. And, sex workers do not always work out of desperation. Sometimes they save money and invest in stocks. Or, they get plasticsurgery. Can you really say a woman is being taken advantage of if she is saving for a tummy tuck.?
There are exigency circumstances that are not directly related to addiction, such as a woman being unable to find regular employment because of her record. I have even heard of women who left downtown Honolulu but return to work the street a few times a month to stay current with the goings on and to be a familiar face to guys who drive around often but do not always pick up a worker.
I received the criticism that I am misrepresenting sex workers as down and out and that’s not always true. There can be no denying that there is addiction driven prostitution that both genders adopt only bc they use drugs. They would never have considered prostitution anything more than something you read about in a blog. That was before drugs. But after people become addicted there are very few ways to make money that take as little time as 15 minutes, after which a person can dash off to score dope. They spend all the money on drugs then hit the street again. The practice of spending every penny on dope is what makes it impossible to keep a place or replace a stolen phone. It is this addiction driven prostitution that I primarily expose.
Another misrepresentation I do not want to commit is downplaying the danger of sex work, especially on the mainland where hundreds, maybe thousands, of sex workers are killed along interstate highways, and not to stereotype long distance truckers, it’s believed that predators discover the possibilities for truck drivers to snatch a woman no one will miss from one jurisdiction and dump her body in another jurisdiction where police do not know she went missing elsewhere. The lack of communication between law enforcement in different areas is a big weakness in policing in the United States and every full time predator knows this It would be impossible to get away with these actions on any of the Hawaiian islands. People will find out someone’s missing and people will know about the predators. If we have anonymous murders in Hawaii, I have never heard about them. However, the former chief of police and his wife, the head prosecuting attorney have both gone to federal prison this year(seriously) so we cannot exactly trust our authorities to tell the truth.
2. Cut Panthose for snugness for layer closest to mouth
3. Materials: flannel, terry cloth (bath robe material), lab coat material–like the material used for scrubs. Walmart carries all of this.
4. Scotch Guard the outer layer to repel moisture
Main points in public education for prevention of virus transmission, as of today, July 31, 2020 are:
1. Stay out of groups of more than 10 people
2. Wear masks in public (I a as m not sure if they mean always or only when you’re within 6 feet of another person).
3. Avoid being cooped up indoors with other people. Seek well ventilated areas, breezy outdoor areas are best.
4. MY OBSERVATION: people use a tissue to press elevator buttons, other objects touched by may people. They promptly forget the tissue is theoretically contaminated, and ball it up in their hand for use at the next area of “touch concern.” Use an itty bitty piece of tissue and dispose of it after one use. Without littering!
A police sting is when the Honolulu Police Department decides to devote several hours to arresting people doing a certain thing by going undercover and posing as a co-conspirator. The target does the transaction with the undercover and once the verbal agreement is made the other cops show up, these guys in a few niforms and black ski masks. Talk about a traumatic scene! Hawaii is so small the Undercovers in ski masks and uniforms are probably recognizable. I have been in 4 Prostitution stings, during which I dealt with an undercover cop posing as a potential date. The undercover pulled over for me, I got in, and the undercover tried to get me to agree to a specific sex act for a specific amount of money. Two of the stings I got away, two I was arrested. This was in the early 2000”s almost two decades ago. But when it comes to prostitution there’s no statute of limitations on the stigma. I believe prostitution is by far the best he most stigmatized of non-violent crimes, and people will cut people slack for beating someone up before giving a hooker a break. I will show you a video clip of the spot I was standing when I was picked up all four times. Why did I go back to the spot? Bc that’s the known area and literally hundreds of times I got away with it, as did all the women spaced 50 meter intervals the length of Kukui Street. People say prostitution contributes to the illegal drug economy. I say, yes, I contributed to the illegal drug economy. They say it makes the area unsafe. Here in Hawaii there was virtually no gun violence. There’s no dangerous area here like on the mainland. Maybe that’s why I’m still around. It’s always possible that I should have been afraid but didn’t know any better. Even though I got off the street when the kids walked to and from school, and we just wore regular clothes not stereotypical hooker garb, I brought nothing positive to the neighborhood. Unless… I deserve props for taking money people happily gave me and not stealing , but I did steal a bit from tricks that got rough if they took me to their places, which they often did if they were single. I called it a tax and I still don’t feel bad, but I stole if the guy seemed to have plenty, so I didn’t have a heart of gold. I just wasn’t as bad as most drug addicted streetwalkers with a $20 minimum. High praise, indeed. Yes, I understand why HPD came after me and I don’t blame them bc I believe that transaction should be done privately out of the public’s eye.
Details on the four undercover police stings and two Arrests will follow. Here’s the YouTube video link to the site of my Arrests at this he heart of street sex economy: https://youtu.be/RQwwQB1QKzc
That’s the message a man gets when he sees a woman in revealing clothes. A variation on what a man hears with his groin is often:
“This body could be for you”
Another statement his groin makes to the man’s brain is:
“This body is up for grabs.”
The next step is to take action. He sees something he likes and the next step is where men and women diverge. That’s when the trouble begins. He sees what he likes and he takes action to try to obtain the use of the body for his pleasure. He does not end his assessment with a view and a thought, a man does something about a woman in skimpy clothes and he believes that her style of dress indicates that she wants him to make a move. I for one, had no idea I was making an offer I was in no way prepared to back up.
I remember being a young girl, like say 13, and enjoying the thrill of receiving obvious male attention for the first time that I ever noticed. Looks. Comments. Crude remarks I pretended not to like. He thinks I’m cute, I believed, and I was right. I did not know that for the man, the interaction wasn’t necessarily over for him when it was over for me. Yes he thought I was cute, but having established that fact, he was past considering my appearance and on to the next logical male decision:
A man sees bare skin and he automatically wants to have it. For at least a slice of a second, the reptilian brain rules
That’s what a man hears and that is what he tries to do to the utmost.
Thirteen year old girls often feel adults are being ridiculous when they scold the girls for wearing skimpy clothing. That is because young girls do not understand what adults know. No grown up ever explains that the sight of a breast causes the man to, perhaps, picture the girl on her knees for an uncomfortably painful period of time, servicing him in a way she did not know people truly practiced. No one tells her the bald truth of the message they are unwittingly putting out there for all to see.
I never fully understood why women were accused of “asking for it” based upon how they were dressed if they became rape victims. Then I figured it out. Women accused of “asking for it” were in fact being scolded for breaking a promise they freely made. Once a woman says yes or is perceived to have said yes, it is almost impossible for her to withdraw that consent without repercussions. The least of these repercussions is criticism from society. But the repercussions could be as serious as having their change of heart disregarded and worse still, physical punishment for “teasing. ”
Ironically, many women never explain to an adolescent the inferred promise of bare skin and the danger that all too often follows. Yet, these women angrily expect other females to know what they didn’t even know at that age. Older women are sometimes certain adolescent girls are offering their bodies when really all the girl wants is attention and a new titillating sort of acclaim. I have known grown women blaming daughters for their husband’s, her step father’s, sexual advances. All too often women side with their husbands against their daughters in a step father triangulation, as if it’s three people on equal footing. More on this sad fact later.
If a group of men is drinking and you are the only female in an enclosed area, it is best to exit the scene. Alcohol and machismo can be a dangerous combo that produces sexual violence behind closed doors.