Sharing the wisdom of arrest experience

My First arrest shows the elitism of “the system” in action

Question: How does one prepare for arrest, shackles, public humiliation?

I am honored that my input is sought on any subject. It is a shame that I have no answer to justify someone’s belief that I know something that could benefit them. Nevertheless I said:

You cannot prepare, specifically, for something you do not know is barrelling towards you on the road of fate, about to slam into you. We are all on collision courses with the unimagined and unimaginable. The first time I was arrested it was bc my ex husband said I had slapped him before I left the house on foot. We had argued but it was not physical (on my part.) However, my ex knew he could have me manhandled by proxy. I was in my early twenties and he was 25 years my senior. As I left he shouted that he was the man, I was “just” a woman, and the police would arrest me on his say so. I heard the pride in his voice that he represented society’s winners and this victory was his weapon should he choose to weild it. Officially, publicly he was an egalitarian liberal. But if he needed to reach into his back pocket for the weapon of superiority he was always ready to club me. I did not believe I would be shackled at his request, as if the police did his bidding. Mature, white male vs young black female. Husband vs wife. I was confident when the police car pulled up behind me that I would resume my walk in a few minutes after a brief colloquy. Within minutes after he called to report a slap he did not have to prove, I was not walking but riding–cuffed and perched on the hard plastic that serves as the back seat of Honolulu’s police cars in the 1990’s. I never imagined that my self importance was not recognized by the authorities. They did not know by looking at me that I was a recent Harvard grad. They saw what my color, age, and gender meant to them and it was not a pretty picture. I was not a pretty picture. Today, I know what people think they see when looking at me. I am no longer surprised by the contempt of law enforcement. It does not shock me when police arrive on the scene and lose their urgent manner when they see I was the person who called. .The cuffs, the shackles are there for me if I say the wrong thing. It is simple for them to arrest me, release me 12 hours later with a gruff, “get out of here,” and nothing shows on my record. I cannot prove this happens. I still feel helpless rage and I loathe myself for not making them see me, exactly as I did during my first arrest. But I am never surprised. Is that preparation?

Bias, Disrespect

Hate texts from a used car salesman? It is true!

My Great Ideas…

I have been so sick of being stranded. I decided to make good use of the pandemic unemployment money and buy a modest used car. I hooked up with someone on Facebook Marketplace, which has been a big help in the past. Turns out he was a salesman at a Honolulu Ford dealership. I kind of thought he was a private seller. Ok, my mistake. I told him I had $x. Not a penny more. I thought I heard him say under his breath, ” I can get you something for that but it’s not going to run.” I must have heard wrong, I told myself. He made a show if acting like he was in intense negotiations with the manager but finally, just for me, he got that price. I just needed the last $500 for taxes. Could I call someone? He should have sold me the car right then without taking a chance on bringing in s person who could influence me to change my mind. I called someone who will lend me money at a bit of a profit for himself. When he arrived he said “no way!”  He taught me the term “underpowered,” as in this P.O.S. car goes 0-60 in 60 seconds, pedal to the metal.  As my friend wa driving me out of the car lot, I felt bad about the salesman who was waiting for me. I texted the salesman to explain my friend had veto authority and he disapproved. My friend told me don’t bother bc I didn’t owe the salesman an explanation.  I wanted to be polite, especially since I am working on manners. Of course I knew the salesman was trying to screw me on price but that’s to be expected. I had a positive feeling about the guy. I would discover my feelings were not reciprocated.

24 Hours Later I received A Text I Saved W/ a Screenshot

When you look at the following texts you will see salesman Mario is first, Caroleena us second in the green bubble.

Can you believe a salesman would not just burn Bridges with as potential but take a flamethrower to that bridge.
People will swear they are not racist but those same people know the police can be held over a black person’s head as a threst bc police seem to move faster if they hear the “troublemaker” is black.

Do you think Dealership Cared?

I tried to report this abusive salesman but did Honolulu Ford on North King Street next to Carrington High School care? No one would take my call nor did anyone call me back. Turns out my reviews are very popular and I am posting Mario’s words. I am glad he gave me consent to use his texts. I will tell you faithful readers of the response to my review.

A Sales Tactic

I did a training to learn how to sell cars. Two relev points are: everything they say is pre planned and precisely scripted two, they want to keep you engaged by getting you in, keeping you there, getting you back. When I looked the messages over I see it is an attempt to insult me and get me to show a bank statement. He wants me ty o as how him my money so can have the satisfaction of being right. You’ll see that message in his half literate writing (you already know am a snob). If I show him my money I will prove I am worth the time and I am engaged even after I left. A sale is still possible! In sales, it is accepted that once a potential buyer departs, forget them, they are gone. Honolulu Ford has a different take on how to treat the person who leaves without a vehicle. This mean method is probably sanctioned by management which is why they did not call me back about my complaint of an abusive salesman. They are probably the ones who gave him the script! One thing is for sure, they do not value me. You use different tactics on different people. This guy looked at me and thought: affiliated with the homeless. I guess in a way he was right. But he was wrong to think I wanted his approval.

People say race isn’t a factor but…

I am routinely treated with this disrespect. There are men, white men and Asian men, I have met who never, not once, had anyone talk to them the way I am addressed in those texts. Not. Once. This treatment is something that always catches me by surprise, yet does not surprise me. I guess I know the hostility is there, but I never predict the form or source of the hatred.

How do I endure? I must remember to keep in mind how awesomely strong I am rather than the depth of the hatred I face.

People have asked me why I am so mean. The real question is, after all I go through, why am I even this nice?

Caroleena, on resilience in the face of lifelong hatred bc of this, that, or the other.


Controversy Warning: Unity Among Men Not Women, others with minority status

Beauty+Breasts+Idea=Blog Intro that sparks interest

“Bro’s Before Ho’s” means guys ought to be loyal to each other, prioritize other guys, over women. Women are reduced to “Ho’s” and men are elevated to brother status. I would go as far as to say that men’s superior status and unity, especially white men, is reinforced when the chance to join white men is the ultimate accomplishment. Men truly back each other up, while women don’t even seem to like each other. (More on the subject of male unity and female disharmony to come). In our society, women and minorities are praised for getting away from their own kind. Don’t believe me? Haven’t you heard praise for the first female in a male dominated profession, or the first black in a white dominated profession? There’s no praise for the first male nurse, for example. Basketball fans will remember Larry Byrd, of the Boston Celtics. He wasn’t honored for being successfully assimilated into a largely black sport but he was encouraged to maintain a separation from the black players by being called “The Great White Hope.” In a skit performed by comedian Dave Chapelle, Chapelle says you know a black guy is successful when everyone and everything in his life is white.” You don’t see white people living in all black areas unless things have gone wrong for them. I think those of us who are members of groups without unity whose members are always trying to be among white men should take our cue from the Chinese immigrants who stuck together and supported each other in countless “Chinatowns” throughout America. How about the Jewish people who have a strong history of nonassimilation and still maintain traditions thousands of years old. The Chinese and Jews have economic success that we women and blacks do not emulate because we don’t work together, stick together. We are so eager to show how different we are from people who look like us. We “aren’t like those bitches” or we are “one of the good ones.” I wish to be in a group!