Success is an event but also a journey from striving to arriving. This rite of passage is fraught with danger for the uninitiated but you will use these words to prepare for a successful trip that does not go off course into self destruction.
I have the truth and the really real truth
I think about what I am trying to do with this blog, this writing project. Since 2017, I have shared my story in an admittedly disjointed way that one reader likened to “stream of consciousness.” My story–what is that? If I am asked to give an elevator pitch describing my story, how would I define myself? Of course I could not tell the absolute truth since I would be talking to someone so I would automatically create the most positive image of myself and when that is done you know you cannot be cringingly honest. Can you? Could I? Could I share the vulnerability that makes me who I am and think you will want to read it? My superficial, appealing (I hope) elevator pitch of my story, this blog you are reading, would be: “People have told me I should write a book that is different from the tourist brochures of Honolulu’s Waikiki tourist track. Downtown Honolulu is a few short miles but a world away from the wealth of Waikiki. It is one of the centers of street life powered by drug addiction and maintained by street prostitution, theft from stores, and drug dealing. As a Harvard grad I started off in Hawaii as a researcher studying a subculture. But I surprised myself when something I knew nothing about called “addiction,” carried me into the streets where I lived a life that was at one time unimaginable. I did things, saw things, and got to know people I never would have met in my former existence.
My Vulnerable Truth in an honest elevator pitch about my story
I write to harvest the wisdom from my experience because I am still seeking success as defined by society to validate me. After a childhood enduring racism, foster care, and no friends, I thought Harvard would prove my worth to everyone, including me. But the problems I thought a high status accomplishment would solve were still with me. After graduation I was still alone, without family, invited for Christmas dinner by a kind person who included lonely people for the holidays. I felt betrayed that success had not healed my heart or changed my isolated reality. I was offered drugs in a Manhattan bar. I said yes to I knew not what, other than drug use was a rejection of the conventional values that did not heal me. A move to Hawaii resulted in me taking my problems from New York to paradise. Then came full time addiction, joblessness, homelessness, prison. I had become everything I used to separate myself from with scorn, everything that was like my family of origin. I found freedom from judging people bc I understood how a person can fail and still be human. Yet the knowledge that the world still judges me motivates me to use what I have in search of success. All I have is fascinating stories of taboo street life, hidden sexual realities, and secrets people share with hookers bc who could we tell? I hope these stories will reach a broad enough audience to generate income and justify my life choices so I won’t be ashamed to be in touch with people from high school. Success still pending.
I can be more vulnerable and in time, as we get to know each other I will give more of me. Since 2017 I have shared events but not myself. Change is coming.Caroleena, https://experescort2018.com
I wanted to hide my identity, back then
The thing about Harvard is it prizes perfection. It is the reward for making the fewest mistakes the first time around. It is not a place that rewards second chances, recovery, getting back on track. Only those with flawless records get in. I remember seeing the question about criminal history and thinking the application must ask that as a formality. Surely no one in my world ever had problems with the law. Unthinkable÷=÷!€
Second Chances Are More Inspiring
It is great to qualify for an elite placement. Congrats to those
Those people who never messed up so badly that there is a permanent record of their mistakes are both skilled and lucky. I used to look down on people who made mistakes. I thought I was better because I had gotten into Harvard. In truth it is not that inspiring to hear of someone who had it so good that they never messed up and they were rewarded for their Good Fortune. I am not saying that I did not work hard because I did. But I think there was an equal measure of good luck also. And good luck is not inspiring to other people. What is inspiring is people who learned to control first their mindset and next their circumstances. These people make me feel like it is true that no matter how far down the scale you have gone you will see how your experience benefits others. My low level life has meaning when I write about it because there is so much I had to obtain to make this blog possible. Housing, safety so my phone is not always stolen by other street people, stability to be able to concentrate on using technology, spare time when I am not hustling for my next hit of dope, clarity of mind to string words together in a sentence. Any one of these achievements is hard won when a person has been on the. street. I am encouraged enough to believe I can do more. My success at Harvard can be summed up as my absolute
determination to make the moist of an amazing opportunity. That is not the well if strength I draw from. Follow my lead and look to how I created a second chance in order to do this blog.
#1 #1 #1
As kids we are taught that being first was the best possible outcome. We were never taught that helping others was just as or even more important. Don’t believe me? What’s the name of the person who graduated first in his high school class? Valedictorian. What’s the name of the kid who helped people in the graduating class? We have no honorary title for the kind, the helpful. I wanted to be the best. To obtain honors, do meaningful work. But I gave up when I found out success did not cure lonliness and I had no people in my life to help me. I would never have talked to a hooker, certainly never thought I would become one. Funny thing, I get more companionship, secretly of course, out of hooking than I ever did out of success. Did I make the wrong choice? Of course. But given my difficulty relating to people what else could I have done that I would not have to hide?
HOW TO SURPASS THE LAW OF ATTRACTION TO GET WHAT YOU WANT
If you want goodness, do this:
If you can see it, you can be itThe summary of the Law of Attraction
If you want Divine greatness, heed these words–
[God] is able to do exceedingly abundantly more than we ask or think by the mighty power that works within us. (Emphasis Supplied)Ephesians 3:20
Visualize your dreams, then ook right on past the images. Cannot a toddler envision grad school? Can he visualize that success, the way Law of Attraction proponents advise? Of course not. Yet his incomprehensibly magnificent future is not limited or even influenced by his sub-divine imagination. He’s not limited back in his youth, and he is not limited now. No matter how well developed we believe our minds to be, we are like babies next to God’s thoughts, which are, as you know, higher than our thoughts.
We are Infant Dreamers. Always remember your vision is your starting point, so go crazy with your hopes. To be an active Christian, there’s believing in Jesus, which is beyond the scope of this post. And there’s the action of emulating the grace of God in obedience to the teachings. I’m talking about extending mercy and forgiveness to people who don’t deserve mercy, would never reciprocate mercy, and would use your forgiveness as an opening to really hurt you. That’s what we are called to do. Is it logical, in human terms? No. But, if you believe that Jesus was right, then that’s how you live a life of obedience resulting in unimaginable greatness. There’s more to it, but that’s a jumping off point for taking your dreams to the next level.
Sounds impossible? If it was easy it wouldn’t have been in the Bible!